by J P Sayle
Those two words held a world of meaning that made me want to reach for him. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I brought my attention back to the problem of turning around and finding a place to park.
When the waitress led us to the last remaining booth by the window, I waited for Jamie to get settled and tried to work out how to approach what I wanted to talk about.
“Why are you frowning at me? I’m not the one who burnt our breakfast.” Jamie’s brows arched and his face wore a sour expression as he sniffed at his arm.
“Come on, you don’t smell that bad. We managed to get the smoke out. And you shut your bedroom door.” I leant across the table and took hold of his arm and brought my nose to his sleeve to sniff just as the waitress returned. A blush rose up my face.
“You guys need another minute to sniff each other, or are you ready to order?”
I checked her name badge and returned her grin, “Yes Coline, I’ve finished sniffing him and we’re ready to order.” Her raucous laughter broke the tension between Jamie and me.
He took hold of my hand and held it on the table in full view of everyone.
“Yes, the big boy who likes to sniff me wants the pancakes, and I’ll have the same, but can I have a side order of bacon?” He gave me a cheeky grin before he carried on with what we wanted to drink.
I looked down as warmth flooded my chest at the simple gesture. His soft palm gently rubbed against my work-roughened hand and pointed out the difference between our lives.
Refusing to sigh or get bogged down in our differences, I held on to his hand and listened while he chatted for a minute with Coline.
When Coline walked away to place our order, I sat quietly trying to figure my shit out.
“You’ve gone awful quiet over there. I’m not mad about the apartment… or that you rang work to say I’d be out for a few days.” His fingers gently squeezed mine, a look of concern marring his brow.
“I know Bluebell… I… have a lot on my mind is all.” I shrugged and cursed under my breath for being a coward.
I somehow found myself back in the truck not having mentioned my feelings or what I wanted from Jamie.
We got back to Jamie’s and thankfully the smell was nowhere near as bad as it had been. I headed for the couch and plonked myself down. I tapped my foot as I watched Jamie check out the kitchen before finally shutting the kitchen window.
He tidied the kitchen and then offered me a drink. It was all very civil, but there was a tightness around his mouth that made me wonder if my own tension was spilling over onto him. Or was I just imagining it? My breakfast churned around in my gut.
The usual casual behaviour we adopted when we were together had disappeared with the smoke. How could I break the tension? Be honest.
Like its that easy.
I continued to argue with myself when Jamie left the room. I sagged against the couch and stared at the empty hallway. Man up.
When Jamie didn’t return, I got up and grabbed my kindle and sat back down. I heard music drift down the hall and sighed. Jamie was playing his, ‘I need to feel better’ music.
Sitting back, I decided to let him be for now and switched my kindle on in the hopes I could immerse myself in something other than my own thoughts and figure out how I could get us back on the right track.
Jamie
I SUCKED IN A BREATH and turned to the mirror. My face glowed with the shimmery make-up I’d applied to my cheeks. The eyeliner and eyeshadow made my eyes pop. The blue was so vivid, it made me think of Steve McQueen. I’d always envied his eyes, you could get lost in their depths.
With a happy sigh, I checked out the rest of my face. The make-up was maybe a little more subtle than I would usually do for such a big night out, but I was still conscious that this was the first time Todd would be with me.
My legs wobbled in my high-heeled boots and for a moment I reached out to hold onto the mirrored wardrobe door.
Were we really doing this? The last four days had been beyond awkward. Todd was avoiding any meaningful conversation, and it had caused my stomach to knot crazily with fear that he was going to change his mind about tonight.
There was obviously something bothering him, but no matter how many times I’d tried to broach the subject, he’d shut me down. It hurt more than I could say, and so I’d taken to hiding out in my bedroom while he lay on my couch reading.
We hadn’t left the apartment for more than an hour to replenish the food we’d eaten. I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to pretend that nothing had changed between us. The fake date suggestion was turning into my biggest nightmare. My one best friend was now what?
No longer liking where my thoughts were taking me, I shook my head and ignored the sheen of tears doing their best to mess up my make-up. Sniffing, I let go of the wardrobe and stood tall.
Inspecting myself from head to toe, I was more than happy with how my outfit looked. The soft pastel, flowing chiffon top floated about my small frame and landed about my skinny hips. The purple suede pants were made to measure and hugged my lean legs. The silver lace-up boots had a three-inch spiked heel and would make my feet hate me later, but they gave me the extra height I wanted. And a confidence boost that I needed to get me out the door.
With a smile I wasn’t feeling plastered to my face, I grabbed the suede jacket to match my pants and walked out of the bedroom. As I strolled into the lounge, my lungs forgot their purpose. Todd stood looking out of the darkened window. His brooding face added to the picture he made. The navy suit we’d managed to find fitted him to perfection. The jacket hugged his broad chest as if made just for him. The pants made his legs seem even longer than they were, making me envious, and his polished shoes shone in the lamplight.
I wasn’t sure if I’d made a noise, but his gaze moved to me and his nostrils flared as his eyes roamed over me with a hungry expression I’d never seen him wear before.
“You look… beautiful.”
The simplicity of the statement did funny things to my heart. It fluttered madly against my ribcage. Unable to stand still, I did a little twirl and my top flirted with my body as it lifted and floated around me. The scent of my perfume wafted around me as I came to a standstill. “You think I’ll do?”
Todd growled, his hands fisted at his sides, his gaze intensifying stopped me from saying more.
“You’re perfect. I’m privileged that you want to be seen with me.”
Not sure what he meant by that, I searched his face looking for the answer. When I came up empty, I shrugged. “I think with you dressed like that I’m going to have to fight off all the gay men at the party. Hell, maybe even some of the straight ones.” I chuckled at the look of alarm widening his eyes. “Come on, we don’t want to be late.”
“Yeah, right.” He grabbed his keys off the table and walked towards me.
There was such a lack of enthusiasm in his voice that I stopped him by gripping his arm when he went to go past me. “If you really don’t want to come, it’s all right, I’ll understand. I can go on my own.” It was the last thing I wanted, but I needed for Todd to know he could stay here if he wanted to. That I wasn’t going to force him to stick to the promise he’d made to come with me as my fake boyfriend.
“Fuck that. I’m coming. Do I look daft?”
My brow lifted up, “What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded, as my pulse rate tripled.
“Look at you. You’re every guy’s dream date. Why would I not want to go out and show you off? I’m a lucky bastard that you picked me to go with you as your date, even if it’s only pretend.” The last part was muttered with such belligerence, it made me want to do a happy dance.
Did he want this to be a real date?
I didn’t get a chance to think beyond that when my chin was gripped and my head tilted up.
“When we get home, you and I are going to have a talk about all this fake stuff and what has changed between us,” he practically growled at me before laying the g
entlest kiss on my lips. With a sigh, he pulled back and gave me a searching stare. Whatever he found on my face got a smile to light his before he let go of my chin. “Later Bluebell.”
I wasn’t sure what that meant, but my quivering legs couldn’t take any more with the taste and heat of his mouth still lingering on mine. I took a step back and inhaled, hoping to get a grip on myself. Once I was happy I wasn’t going to fall flat on my face, I swung around, hips swaying as provocatively as I could manage and walked out the door.
I made it to the truck and all the way to the fancy hotel the bank had hired for the night, before I let myself think about what might happen later. The reality of what Todd meant left me breathless and shaking with nerves. What if he didn’t want more with me? What if I was just imagining that he was looking at me differently?
The draft of cold air filling the cab pulled me from my unanswered questions.
“Are you going to sit there all night, or are we going to go and join the party?” Todd’s hand reached for mine and helped me out of the truck.
“I suppose now that we’re here, it would seem silly not to go and join in,” I joked back, my nerves filtering through.
The reassuring squeeze to my hand, and the arm that slipped around my waist eased the tension balling in my stomach. I had tried not to think about facing Brent over the past few days, but now the moment had arrived, I wasn’t sure how to approach it. Ignore the bastard or kick him in the nuts? It was a close call. The problem was, that over the last few days, I’d struggled with the idea of returning to work. I needed the money to pay my bills, so not having a job wasn’t an option. Jobs as PA’s were hard to come by. I should know… mine was the only one I’d seen advertised before and since in any of the local advertisements. I’d done a search for jobs in the local area, anything that I could do that wouldn’t require me to move states, and there was nothing.
“Stop worrying your lip like that, you’ll eat all that lovely lip gloss off,” Todd whispered in my ear, his hot breath causing a shiver to ripple down my spine.
“I’m nervous.”
“I know, Bluebell, but I’m right here and I won’t let the fucker upset you or lay a finger on you.”
His arm tightened around my waist and I tucked my head under his chin, sighing. “You can’t protect me forever,” I said with regret.
We stopped just outside the entrance to the hotel and Todd glowered down at me. “When have I ever promised you something and not followed through?”
I gave him a smile of apology, “Never… but this is different. You’ll be going home in five days and leaving me.” A sob got stuck in my throat and I worked hard to swallow it.
Again my chin was held, only this time there was a determined light in Todd’s eyes. “We will talk about this later. I want you to go in there”—his head nodded towards the doorway—“and show them you are made of stern stuff. We are going to have a good time and I’ll even dance with you.”
I could see the panic light up his face when he suggested the dancing, but he never took it back. “I’m going to hold you to that,” I said on a watery giggle. “Okay, I’m better now you’ve kicked my butt.” And funnily enough, I was. This man could make me be brave in ways I couldn’t explain. I wanted to be everything his loving gaze said I could be. Standing a little straighter, I winked at him. “Come on, let’s go party.”
We walked through the door, only to be greeted by the management team, including Brent. His eyes roamed greedily over me and made me feel sick to my stomach. The bug Todd had lied about was about to become a reality if he carried on staring at me like he was going to devour me whole.
I clung on to Todd as he went to walk us past the large group of men. The sound of my name made him stop. I shifted my gaze to the senior executive of the bank, Mr. Bainbridge. “Good evening Mr. Bainbridge, it’s so lovely to see you.” I took the hand he offered me and shook it, before I turned my attention to the group. “Good evening gentlemen, it’s so great that you could all manage to attend the party.”
I kept my gaze from straying to Brent as I continued to cling to Todd like he was my lifeline.
The several glances I received went from alarmed to unconcerned when they registered my outfit. I’m sure they’d got used to seeing me in make-up. Depending on the day, and my mood, my make-up could go from bold to hardly noticeable. The clothes, on the other hand, were different. I occasionally wore a tiny heel to work, but my clothes were in keeping with working in a stuffy bank setting. That said, I did occasionally wear a more feminine top in the summer months when it was baking hot.
“You look rather… dashing tonight, Jamie,” Mr. Bainbridge said, his eyes crinkling with humour when one of his colleagues coughed.
“Why thank you.” I let go of Todd, took off my jacket and gave a little twirl, wanting to give the stuffy ass who was looking at me like I had grown two heads a show. “I love to make a statement, don’t I Pookie Bear?” I fluttered my eyelashes at Todd. The look of retribution made my ass clench.
“Yes Bluebell, you do,” he ground out through clenched teeth, his face turning a lovely shade of fire engine red.
“I’m not sure it’s appropriate attire when there will be clients at this party,” Brent interjected. There was enough of a nasty edge to his tone that Mr. Bainbridge’s brows rose.
“There is nothing wrong with his attire, Brent. It is totally fitting for a party. Jaime looks lovely this evening. I’m sure the clientele will think so too,” Mr. Bainbridge said, with a bite to his tone that implied that if people didn’t then they’d have him to deal with.
I wasn’t sure if Mr. Bainbridge realised how cheering me on like that could be interpreted. It even made me wonder if he might not be as straight as I’d always thought. I was distracted by Brent, who was scowling at me.
“That’s very kind of you Mr. Bainbridge, and you’re so right, I do look lovely.” I winked at him and flicked my nose up at Brent. The arm holding me tightened and Todd’s mouth brushed my cheek. “He’s stunning, no matter what he’s wearing.”
No, don’t cry.
Blinking away the tears gathering at the sweet words, I carefully swiped at the rough tear that managed to escape before it rolled down my face. “Stop that”—I nudged Todd with my shoulder—“before you make me smudge my make-up.”
“Now that would never do,” Brent ground out. His face scrunched up, adding to the ugly sneer on his mouth.
Before I got the chance to respond, one of the bank’s clients bumped into Brent from behind, her drink spilling all over his suit jacket sleeve. I caught the gleam in her eyes before she apologised profusely.
Had she done that on purpose? I sensed she had as I tried to recall her name. I recognised her, but couldn’t place her name. When Brent stalked off, she gave me a wink before engaging in conversation with a group of men she appeared to be with.
“If you’ll excuse us, gentlemen, I need to get my boyfriend a drink before we hit the dance floor.” I guided Todd away and whispered, “Did that lady do that on purpose?”
He lowered his head after looking around at the large crowd. “I think so.”
Saying nothing more, we headed into the full ballroom and went to the bar. My gaze swept the room. The Thanksgiving decorations were beautiful and not too over the top. The room sparkled with fairy lights in pretty pinks and purples. I might have coordinated my outfit with the colour scheme.
Music that thankfully wasn’t too loud, allowing us to talk without shouting, played in the background. I took the cocktail that Todd ordered for me. The frothy pink drink smelled divine and tasted like sweets.
“You trying to get me drunk?” I asked after taking a big sip, the potent cocktail hitting my bloodstream and giving me a real nice buzz.
Todd whispered in my ear, “Of course, then when we get home I can have my wicked way with you.”
I groaned and closed my eyes, willing away the imagery his words caused. Gripping the glass tightly, my eyes flew open when his
mouth never left my ear, but instead nibbled on my lobe. He sucked the fleshy part into his mouth and nipped at it playfully.
With my heart in my throat, I couldn’t speak. Our eyes locked as he lifted his head, releasing my now tender ear. The promise in his eyes took my breath away. “Later,” he mouthed, standing tall and turning his attention nonchalantly to the crowd as if he hadn’t just rocked my world.
Oh crap, whatever did he mean?
Hot naked sweaty time, that’s what he meant. Or it better be.
Yes, it had better be that because my now aching dick thought it was time to party, and it wasn’t interested in the type of party we were at. I took another big gulp of my drink, hoping that it would distract me enough to keep my cock from drilling a hole in my new pants to get to what it wanted: Todd.
I wasn’t seeing things, was I? Because sometimes I got messages mixed up and that would really suck. He’d sucked on my ear, his eyes were suggesting more than playing Monopoly.
On that happy thought, I let myself believe that Todd did indeed want to get me naked. But what about after that? What happened when he left on Thursday to go back to his home?
“Stop over-thinking things Bluebell, it will all work out.”
As Todd read my mind, I gave a nod, though I wasn’t as confident as him. There was no way I could cope with a long-distance relationship.
Who said he even wants a relationship with you?
Fake boyfriends, not real, remember.
He only wants sex, like all the other men who’ve shown an interest. Did any of them last longer than two or three dates?
Tears welled up in my eyes and I turned to glance at the full dance floor. I didn’t need the negative voice pointing out what a failure I was at relationships. I knew damn well I was too much for any man. And as much as I wanted Todd to be different, it was never going to be. His past dating history showed that.
A tug at my hand pulled me from my misery. I glanced at the guy stood on my left. I found my mood instantly lifting at seeing Gabriel’s smiling face. He worked at head office and visited our branch to help with internal audits. He was always the life and soul of any gathering. He loved to gossip and was the only person I really liked from work.