Figures of the One Must Go

by Victor Living

  Was I wrong in our last minutes? There is no perception yet. We were excited to talk. Yes, we had incredible moments. But, such an end causes bitter confusion. No, I will never break my prying curiousity to speak with him again. I’m always ready to socialize and be honest while I intone to such a touchy companion.

  3. Leave Earlier

  When one day you consider grieving the notions:

  HARROWING TRIBUTE

  THE PENALTY for the LIFE

  DEATH’S DEMAND

  LEAVING EARLIER

  you will find out how these doleful substances connect you with a rounded world.

  Floorer.

  It applies only in the crucial moments when you’re losing the most beloved people. Many internal strings were cracked and became slight, but this involves a sharp cut of all your fibril nerves. Henceforth, for a while, you fumble numb to sound, color and any happenings near you. And hardest is that you don’t understand such anguish in your mind. When your grandparents are gone, it depends on age; it doesn’t traumatize you deeply. But, until you’ve felt the total pain of loss, you think of your grandparents as angels, gone straight to heaven. But, when your mother or father dies, you will endure the heaviest physical thump on your body. Your heart tears apart with honed abruptness. And you find yourself in screaming disagreement with the universe. Your memory grins but hasn’t become an enemy. It only puts you in a condition where you don’t feel a pulse, have no guts to think about simple things. And it resonances like matters of yesterday lost their sense. Even if you are a hot believer in God, for the first time in your life you will show zealous protest of this death. If you believe in nothing, aside from anybody, you undergo alienation of tremendous dissent. And you feel dejected due to one foremost question: Why? All your best memories of being with your parents fall out. And you feel that the suffering is holding you in iron hands.

  Even if you have a brother and sister, and your age is only forty, to undergo becoming an orphan is tough. Perhaps for someone, it means nothing, but for you—with your restlessness to feel forlorn—it is just unbearable. You don’t know where it came from, but when you came close to your father in the coffin, all your thinking and breathing plays nonstop the sounds of Mozart’s beloved melody of “Lacrimosa.” Oh, God! Why would someone send you such a test? Yes, you remember how daddy adored classic composers and told you exciting stories about the life of Paganini, Shostakovich, and Verdi and especially his favorite, Mozart. But what’s going to happen now? It bothers your character in an unusual way, and you feel like you’re trapped and can’t escape. And, after you’ve walked outside to get a breath of fresh air and returned to your father’s coffin in the large living room, it plays in your head louder than before, giving you a drunken perception of your surroundings. Yes, you already asked yourself, maybe this happened because all uptakes shuddered. Yes.

  You can’t withstand any music, sun outdoors, and bright light.

  You can’t as before bear the beats of minutes and hours.

  Your ideas are impinged by intransigent inquiry.

  Your mind embraces only stillness as you understand that now you have to allow the duty-to-try-moments as the

  HARROWING TRIBUTE to your heart.

  The materialistic part of a funeral will be done for you by somebody kindhearted to your family. Life earlier already showed you how people suffer while carrying on those mournful procedures. But today, you experience that time stops in its simplicity. Thus, people will take care of pity organizational tasks in order to quickly commit the priceless body to the ground. However, it impresses you, as being the closest to the body. While you are nowhere now, you can’t overcome those whys. Why? Why is it that the dearest to the heart, who were happy yesterday, are now fallen and speechless in the light of candles? From this point on, are you strong enough to rethink:

  Does the my father, laying in his last “coffin-house” attest to the price of life? Yes?

  Or is it a prize. no matter how poor or profuse?

  Would you confirm it is also a crush for castle-builders?

  But for you, losing a precious person upholds that you will also be in charge of your wrongs/goods - as the

  PENALTY for the LIFE—concern about you.

  Now, I’d like to connect many of those ideas with a touching story. It’s about how my idea of life felt like it was crashing down. They were my downtrodden last days with Mother and Father. I was on a trip and very far from home. I stayed pinned to the center of a huge room. My world’s perception was a queerness of stupefied pain. My hands trembled and couldn’t hold the phone. After receiving information about my mother dying, I realized it was impossible to get to the sacred place beside her even in two days. Yes, I couldn’t reach my friendly city, where I was born, to say farewell to the best mom in the world. I needed at least three days. My sister and brother decided not to keep Mother until I arrived due to the extreme heat. That agonized me. During my last visit (one year before), Mom had notably asked me to come and carry her on the last road. But today, I couldn’t do it because of the trivial shortage of time. Am I being punished for something? Is this my destiny? No, it was just a lack of time. But what happened next shivered me. A disturbing picture appeared in my eyes constantly. In the vision, I’m late for the funeral. I see myself rushing to the cemetery, but found no people and only fresh dug grave, furred with feral circlets of flowers with signs and fresh bouquets… Again and again, I tried to stop, to unplug myself from such a depiction as it would surely lead me to insanity. A philosophic sentence, “Time heals all wounds,” is the truth but not helpful in this darkest wave of my existence.

  When my dad was close to dying, I prepared myself to travel to him at once from any location on the planet. One sagacious man suggested, “Being ready is nice, but never plan such things. That’s called sin. We are in the hands of Lord.” So, when my sister told me Father was in a coma following abdomen surgery, I was on my way within an hour. I never figured out why, but again, I didn’t reach Dad at a time while he was alive. After long hours of getting to the same house I grew up in, I saw his presence only in the shiny oak coffin. Let’s hope that someone reading these desperate lines understands me, not only as a human being but as a brother too. Do you know how unbearable it is to watch your dear dad in such a position that confirms a verity of his smiling? Oh, medics can attest that perhaps after surgery, as he suffered awful pain, he finally felt relief on his last breath. It turned the muscles of his face into a wisp of a smile. Is that possible? Who knows? But understand it, when emotions explode, the brain is just unfeasible. Whatever someone might say about my father, I’ll always remember him as a brave man who met death with a smile.

  I know it only showed his temperament as an exceptional and brave man. As a former soldier (an instructor for military dogfights), he worked as a miner for My Number One in our little city. Over the years, he also led a group of rescue workers for this mine.

  “Never argue with Dad,” Mother insisted. “During any shift at work, I am praying to see him back and healthy. And I ask the Lord a thousand times harder when he must answer an emergency call and go to deliver coworkers.” In such words, we cut any arguing with Dad. I recall that Father was proud of his achievements: fifty-five saved lives. He called this job the second front. He felt elated to have worked at one place faithfully for thirty-three years.

  I don’t take for granted any reminiscence of Dad’s influence over my life. I’ve credited him for giving me relevant examples of how to win easier and not become terrified. When I planned to go to serve in the military and was ready to leave, my dad gave me well-timed pieces of advice.

  “Son, the army is an interminable moving organism. Keep the phrase ‘You are on the way’ as a crucial role of management in any situation. It looks like you have control of your surroundings, amid people and machinery-weaponry for permanence. You can survive whatever circumstances, only if you are cautious. But don’t be a coward and don’t show your friends any of your fe
ars. In their twenties, boys guess that life is an exciting journey and look for adventure. Testosterone overwhelms young bodies. Admit that the ‘brain of fellows’ is nonstop, with shared parts in fisticuffs as a devil among tailors. Try to escape any gunfight and craft your self-defense system. Do I mean safety? Yes. The reason is, young goats gathered in one place will push you to communicate with everybody. Keep being polite with everyone. Select whom you are talking to. Forget about bullying in middle school or high school—here everything is tougher. The main bets here are honest opinions of you. Mention that, any of your sub-steps form levels of respect to you. Refuse to make pacts with makers of empty promises. I hope, in a few months of personal experience, you will at least verify: if a man isn’t accountable for his word, nothing stays behind him. Stamp it in the long memory. Also, track in your mind whether a man shows ethical principles. If not, he hasn’t good intentions. Ignore him, but not in plain view. Just find boys favorable to you. Someone who disrespects you looks for chances to bother you twenty-four-seven. And let’s accept that males don’t always accept it as truth. However, I was going through these challenges. It reminds me of when I was nineteen, as you are now. I had this talk with your grandfather.”

  “What was the problem?” I asked him once.

  “Sometimes, I met a fellow who conducted himself well but irritated me very much. And when I couldn’t bear it anymore, I wished only to knock him right in the nose! I know he did nothing bad, but my hands itched to strike him in the center of his chin. Why is that? Anyone will wonder, but your grandpa said, ‘Nothing in particular. You hold temporary physiological incompatibility with that guy. It needs to fill each other’s face like cocks, and you can become friends.’ Isn’t that a cynical explanation?

  “You should keep eyes on how such behavior is accepted by hard soldiers’ company. So, note it and act with a reason. Come nearer to your sympathetic fellow and offer to stay together only for defense. Then, support him in any setup. But, the best is to gather friends to defend each other. It’s critical. Never let somebody defeat you in front of your buddies. When you feel you are not winning, jump on the rival as if it is your last mortal battle. You must remember your one primary task, to bring disgrace to the enemy. Do you know what real masculine cruelty is? Why fathers feel embarrassed to teach boys about it? When a grown-up son comes home with a broken tooth or a jaw, a father is only angry at himself. That’s why you never show weakness in public. Sorry, but brotherhood develops only in these ways.”

  Over the years, I received many pieces of advice from my father. But when you saw him soundless with closed eyes and a smile, I could appreciate one more lesson: greet your death with a grin. That’s why any thinking of pricing Dad’s death is an idiotic idea. Everything became valued. He brought into my world the prize of building a relationship with people.

  When somebody judges his cost for life’s deeds, another one estimates an amount for making goodbye a lower cost. Someone else will marvel at the sudden deceased in high-priced insurance for the family. Oh, people. And only now are you ready to pay any rate, as only you need a miracle: Daddy rise and say, “No. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll stay with you.”

  Such motives couldn’t send you any signal as to their potential to happen. You can only rethink it as a philosophical stone. Can knowledge of death’s power stop people from mourning such a precious soul? I hope any gentle soul would answer no, and nobody combines a solution. Also, we don’t like to think ahead to be ready for death and its demand. It sounds like abundant pressure. However, I’d like to invite you to answer about things connected with death: Have you ever not surrendered but saved a life? Yes?

  Will you resist the last awareness of an imminent end?

  Have you learned yet that against death you can’t expose any counterclaim but only an excellent state of mind? Because not being afraid

  of DEATH’S DEMAND is the power of humankind.

  No one can explain the value of death. Oh, many of us guess, if there’s a need to stop long-term suffering from a terrible disease, that we we can “invite death to help.” But that issue brings only loud controversy. We have not yet firm solutions. Death always looks much farther away than it is. And we understand only misery to outwit death. Oh, you can object, “Stop for a moment. Perpetuity is for God! For us, it’s only a chance to create a pathway to him.” So perchance, better guess that it can be replied to only with providence. But, our answer is hope for our immortality. Isn’t our continuance our children walking with new ideas? And today, strength or your kindness is gathered in the number of people you touch. During life, many had happy contact with you. And now, they show respect to their good memories.

  Yes, because you created wellness to others, you will not leave though people must bid you farewell. You’re continuing to live in the hearts of people with whom your life roads crisscrossed. Once people presume you as a contributor of bountiful actions, you aren’t extinct.

  Today, your name gets more than admiration. The sign of present people tells about respectful farewell after your honest deeds. You call for forgiveness in their hearts because people know how to honor the heritage of your good neighboring as a reliable friend and companion and feel sorrow about you

  LEAVING EARLIER.

  That is in common if your close relationships perish; only you can take part in the arrangement of obsequies to answer:

  Whatever happens in our lives, why do you have to gather your nerves for the final, genial

  HARROWING TRIBUTE?

  Why, in days when you’ve lost your dearest soul, does the endless thinking torture you as a

  PENALTY for the LIFE?

  Would you like to disagree with loss and handle your last praise to the precious people as a protest

  to DEATH'S DEMAND?

  Is that right? Don’t judge a dead, dishonest person and wear a mask of deep sorrow about

  LEAVING EARLIER.

  4. Alignment of the Circles

  Would you like to compromise this coherent column:

  ACTS OF COEXISTENCE

  ALIGNMENT OF CIRCLES

  SOUL’S ZERO GRAVITY

  EXTRA THINKING

  And rethink in the self-rating contest: Who we are?

  Inevitability.

  The scholars hypothesized that the first tribes of aborigines survived to save their breed. Did the strongest alphas guide them? Sure. Even such leaders fought only to bear the bell. And only after more time had passed, did they receive the sensitivity of fair dealing. Yes. Except, all their setup opined for notable relationships. So, after suchlike clannishness formed sets, more civilized development broke for many epochs. And you will not be surprised at all if someone says that, until today, clans like royal families have run their countries. But again, let’s rethink the physical endurance of a human being.

  After scientific findings of a prolonged test, severe’s law, it made people diverge to the proven or unproven theories about evolution. Admit, when awareness about themselves as Homo sapiens in organized communities arrived, it was an eye-popping clue that they did not dwell alone. Why did the neighbors attack so often and with such cruelty? No one knew. Let’s guess when the idea to worship a divine being contrived the people, the soul inside them could comprehend, and it worried about saving its own spirit. Isn’t, after such instant consequence, living under God founded? Yes. Then, the smartest heads of the races advised new rules for equity. But it brought more difficulties with harder inquires. Was it hard for different families to stay in one place? Yes, but it also explained that, from defense of their own perimeters, battles over territories began. Doesn’t such opinion confirm that subsistence of one formed nation against another became harsh? Yes. But that outgrew a lot farther. As it started from the problem of living together in one place, it distorted an explicit goal of gaining slaves. Our problematic history makes it difficult not to agree. As you study, keep questioning yourself until farseeing ideas affirm, “The real progress is variances without quarrel!�
�� But when we undergo insensitive truth, nobody knows what will change the millennium’s tendencies. Perhaps, not a particular person must come as an excellent provider to enlighten us about the correct relationship of one person to another and provide a respectful, peaceful presence with other people. Well, next you are able to think about this as a direct arousing surge of metaphors, comparisons, and epithets to create a picture in your mind of concurrency between one man with another by acts of goodwill. So, please gather up all your spirit and read these lines aloud:

  A courteous communication is crisis-free-development.

  It builds bonds for a belief of being in progress.

  It speeds up exchange affluence from one to another because only a greeting neighbor can conquer mistrust and get closer to humanistic

  ACTS of COEXISTENCE as the road to prosperity.

  But today, we prolong our incomprehension for that. Artificial border restrictions never appear as funny or ridiculous. It always looks strong-minded and shows the reality of opposite sides. Isn’t that the essence of separating depressive lines? And today, still the tiniest pieces of land are close to self-determination as misread. Either of us has full right to ask, ‘why?’ The reason is, the closest and biggest states have a permanent infection to integrate one more land to whomever the soil belongs. Can we name it land globalism? The imperial-colonial annexation of neighboring territory is still the world’s most clarified announcement of independence. Ironically, it is labeled in the newest time. The justified common borders, at best, have an explicit interpretation and sense of misgiving. Could it be indecent to recommend a check on how many hectares have stolen from countries and separation lines? I expect billions will overload the imagination of any scrupulous person. There will be millions of kilometers of barbed wire and heavy tons of equipment for surveillance. Besides, a vast number of young fellows dressed in uniform for border patrol, as humanized dogs to keep severe vigilance for infiltrators.