She played so rarely these days that it seemed like a one-time opportunity to hear her on stage. Actually, this would be the perfect opportunity to take Claire on a sophisticated date—maybe instead of the theater. If she liked music, and this was one of the few facts I had gotten from her so far, it would be a natural way to go.
While the others were discussing details, I had drifted off into my world of fantasy where I was winning the girl’s heart.
A bark from the front door reminded me I’d had plans.
“Should I take him?” Ben offered, examining my absent gaze.
“It’s fine,” I snapped back into reality. “I was going out anyway.”
“Are you coming home for dinner?” Dad called after me.
“Sure!” I was already getting Antonio’s leash—just in case—when I answered. It would have some advantages to live on campus as most other students did. Nobody would care if I returned for dinner. Then again, living with my family came with its perks. One of them was that I got to keep Antonio. I couldn’t imagine leaving him behind for a couple of years.
As we made our way into the city, the need to speed up overcame me. Maybe it had something to do with the beginning drizzle. The emotions of people ducking under roofs or rushing from one destination to the other on the streets didn’t bother me as much today. It was like a constant background noise, a new awareness of my environment, nothing that would concern me as much as it had a few weeks ago. It was easier to categorize what people were feeling and separate them from my own state of mind and heart.
Antonio ran willingly as I broke into a jog, happy to be able to stretch his legs. We turned into a side street which led to a place I hadn’t intended to go. Claire’s car was sitting in the parking lot of the cemetery like a beacon luring me to go inside.
“Wait here,” I told Antonio as I placed him next to the wrought iron gate. He sat in the rain-protected area of a small tree, his eyes mildly accusing me for leaving him behind in this weather.
“I’ll be back in a minute. I just want to visit Gran’s grave for a sec.”
As I stood before the gate, a familiar voice caught my attention.
“Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. How are you? I had a history test this week. And imagine—I got a B. I can’t believe it myself, but it seems working with Greg really helps.”
Coincidence or fate, Claire had chosen the exact same time to visit a grave. How close was she? I couldn’t see her from where I was standing.
“It’s a pity I can’t tell you in person anymore. I miss you so much.” It seemed she was mourning her parents and talking to them. Was this what was causing the dark cloud she was carrying with her? She lost her mother and father? “There is so much I’d like to share… Sophie’s a good sister but she can’t replace you. Maybe I…”
I couldn’t stay where I was, knowing Claire was hurting. The gate squealed violently as I opened it with a push too strong for what I had intended. I hurried over the gravel, eyes searching the area, but intuitively I knew I would find her in the center of the graveyard, right by the angel statue.
She had already spotted me in the graying light as I joined her under the cover provided by the willow.
“Hi.”
Her eyes were wide and surprise was the main emotion surrounding her for now.
“Hi.”
I glanced up at the clouds and a wet hair stuck to my forehead. “Bad weather, hm?”
Her facial expression made me wonder if my question had been a bad one, even if it had been rhetoric, but her emotions let me guess she was focusing on something very hard. Maybe the curl which had gotten stuck there above my left eyebrow?
“What are you doing here when it’s all cold and wet like this?” I asked to reassure her I hadn’t overheard her one-sided conversation. She didn’t need to know about my suddenly heightened senses…yet. Naturally, I would have rather she knew everything. But that was out of the question—for now.
“Visiting my angel.” She was feeling self-conscious. “And you?”
I considered for a moment.
“I was out with Antonio and saw your car.”
The stone angel…something about it was drawing me there, probably the same as it kept drawing Claire.
“And Antonio—” she began.
“Is sitting at the gate,” I finished her sentence before she could make it a question. It was a good feeling, being able to anticipate what she had been wanting to say.
“How old is he?”
“I’m not completely sure, but he must be around four years. He was only a puppy when I rescued him.”
“You rescued him?” Her eyes popped a little as she probably placed me in a super-hero cape in her mind. Part of me wanted to laugh at her expression, but I had learned better than to make her feel uncomfortable with my own private amusement. The sadness of what I had to share made it easy to forget the brief impulse.
“Yes. I found him locked up in a small box in a half-dried riverbed. It was raining heavily and the water was rising very fast. The box was halfway under water when I pulled it out. Antonio was close to starving then, and he was freezing. I decided to take him home and keep him if he survived. He really was lucky—a few hours later and he would have drowned.”
I couldn’t stand the idea and tried to tune out my thoughts with the sound of the rain falling into the leafy canopy above us.
“Shall we get back to the car? The rain is getting heavier again. I can drive you home if you like,” Claire saved me with her offer, immediately bringing me to a better place with the prospect of sitting next to her in a dry spot for a couple of minutes. I nodded. “Thanks.”
Antonio wagged his tail as he saw Claire and jumped into the back of her car with almost no need to convince him. When I sat in the car, doors closed, and Claire started the engine, a moment of joy washed through the air, but this time it was impossible to tell if it was hers or mine. Maybe we were both feeling the same way this time?
It was only when I needed to direct her toward the Gallager estate that I felt the joy fading. Claire still didn’t know what the Gallager name was connected to—money. Lots of money. It was too early to expose her to this type of wealth without feeling like I, as a person, would disappear beside the status my family had.
“I’ll get out here.” I pointed at the gate to the grounds which was enclosing the house, hoping she wouldn’t make the connection, but she had already spotted the building behind the trees and was shaking her head. Not impressed as I had feared, or positively surprised. It was a neutral emotion I perceived from her. Had I misjudged her? She had said yes to a second date before she realized I was loaded.
“Thanks again.” I jumped out of the car, no handshake, no kiss on the cheek—I was still being cautious—and let Antonio out of the back. “See you on Friday!” I called as we hurried up the driveway, Antonio jogging ahead and me, this time reluctant to run, because it would carry me away from Claire faster.
“You look like a wet dog,” Ben laughed as I stepped inside the house. “You too.” He nodded at Antonio.
9
Confessions
The first thought that morning was that Claire would be the crowning finale of this day. I didn’t think about Maureen’s threats anymore. They seemed to have dissolved into the meaningless words they had been. That also meant I didn’t need to follow Claire around as much anymore. I had given up the habit completely now that I no longer had an excuse. Sporty bothered me a bit, though. It was his party I was going to and not Claire’s. It didn’t matter how many times I tried to convince myself it was a real date, it actually wasn’t. And it was easier to just stay in the delusion that we would have a real third date. Was I beginning to doubt that the vision was right? No, I wasn’t. From my perspective, Claire was what I wanted. At least the vision of her, the emotional pattern. The real-life Claire was still avoiding having a real conversation with me. I needed patience and we would get there. If she got to know me better, if I opened up more, she might
tell me more, too.
It was as if we were tiptoeing around each other, both of us unsure how to approach this—whatever it was between us. This didn’t necessarily bring out our best sides. Would she like the old Adam, the rational Adam, better? I would learn in time.
Unable to stay calmly at home, I took Antonio for his morning stroll, but today I decided to go to a park, not the grounds surrounding the estate. There were a few early morning joggers circling on the gravel but there weren’t many other people. As I took Antonio off his leash in the dog-zone, he sprinted to play with a poodle in the far corner.
“Carrie!” a female voice called as the dogs were racing on the lawn. “Time to leave!”
A young woman, maybe my age was standing at the other end, watching the two dogs. There was something about her that made me think of Jenna. It was a warm, motherly sensation. My eyes searched the area around her to see if she might have called a kid, not the dog, but she was alone. My gaze flickered to her stomach. It was flat and her figure, from what I could tell from a distance, was athletic. Was she pregnant? The motherly emotion peaked as she laid her hand on her belly subconsciously, and I was certain. I stared in amazement for a minute. So this was what young mothers felt like when they were thinking of their unborn babies…The amazement didn’t cease for a long while after we’d left the park.
We dropped by the supermarket on the way home and I left Antonio at the entrance with the promise I would bring him a treat. He barked softly and curled up on the ground, blinking at me with puppy eyes.
The place was crowded today. It seemed like everyone had the idea to go shopping at the exact same time as I had. As I browsed the aisles, eager to find dog food, a young man passed by with a slow and elegant pace. I wouldn’t have even noticed him, had it not been for his old-fashioned clothes. His brown frock coat and pants seemed as out of place as the heavy silver necklace he was wearing. As he passed, he smiled at me and turned the corner into the veggie section. A full force blow of the violent aura which was coating him hit me, something I hadn’t even noticed before, that’s how focused I’d been on his strange appearance. Needing a second to recover, I stopped and closed my eyes. Had I misread him? He had unmistakably been smiling. The man was gone when I reopened my eyes. I didn’t see him on my way out after I’d found Antonio’s treat and he wasn’t in the parking lot, either.
The dog lifted his head as he noticed me.
“There you go,” I gave him a goodie and patted his head. Today was a special day. He should feel that, too.
As we headed back, the window of the jewelry store caught my eye and I stuck my nose inside, curious if I could find something for Claire. Maybe it was way too early to think about presents, but I knew I wanted her to have something from me which would be with her and remind her of me every day.
The young lady behind the counter peered at me over a catalog, checking my appearance and categorizing me as a non-customer by my faded jeans and hoodie. Her judging glare was almost enough to send me back on my way, but then something by the wall caught my attention. I walked over, ignoring the woman, to examine my finding. It was a thin, silver bracelet with a small purple stone woven into several layers of shiny silver chains. Fragile and elegant. Perfect for Claire.
“Can I help you, Sir?” the saleswoman appeared beside me, watching me closely.
“I’d like to buy this,” I pointed at the bracelet, not asking for the price, and pulled my credit card from my pocket.
The lady reached up with one dark hand to unlock the case and freed Claire’s bracelet from the gray velvet surface. Then she walked me to the counter and held out her hand for my card.
“Adam Gallager,” her eyes widened and put on totally different facets as she read my name.
The Gallager family was known wherever money counted. Not because we were obnoxious about it, but because word traveled and jewelry stores, art galleries, and charity foundations all came across the name sooner or later.
“That’s me,” I shrugged and took the black velvet-coated box she handed me. I suppressed rolling my eyes at her sudden attentive politeness. This was exactly why I’d rather people didn’t know who I was, and why I dressed the way I did.
I didn’t look back as she thanked me for the fourth time and asked me to kindly refer her store to friends and family. I was glad to be out of there and satisfied with my little purchase. Whenever there would be a special occasion coming up in her life, I would be prepared. A smile spread on my face at the thought of what that could be. Graduation, birthday, Jenna’s concert…
Geoffrey opened the door for us when we returned to the estate and nodded at me. “Welcome home, Master Adam,” he welcomed me.
“Thanks, Geoffrey.” I took the newspaper from the sideboard in the hope of finding some distraction in the pages and headed up to my room while Antonio trotted to the kitchen with Geoffrey, obviously still hungry from our extended trip.
Before I could even attempt to read one article, my mind was back to Claire, the party, her invitation, her emotions, and how she seemed to not want to be seen, trying to protect herself. Ironic, that I would fall in love with her, I who felt her, who knew her…and yet, I didn’t….
The hours flew by with me circling those thoughts and going to the public library right after lunch, just to be somewhere where we had been together before. I browsed through the shelves, a blond boy observing me from the counter. Friday wasn’t Claire’s library day. There were no anatomy books in this library. There were some self-help and psychology books, and a big section on religion and spirituality.
“Looking for something specific?” The boy had snuck up on me while I had been skimming the titles.
“Thanks, I am looking for…” there was a book on the bottom shelf that caught my eye because its title didn’t tell anything about its content. “…this.” I fished it out of the shelf and held it up. “Would it be okay if I read this here? I just want to look up a couple of things.”
The boy nodded and disappeared back toward the counter where he put his nose into something that looked like a collection of Charles Dickens stories. For a moment I wondered if my eyes were behaving similarly to my ears and my ability to sense people’s emotions, then I was distracted by a shadow behind the shelf. It was just a brief second and I immediately wondered if I had imagined the human shape. When I looked around the aisles between the shelves, they were all empty.
A5. The title made me curious. I held up the book and opened it out of curiosity since there was no author name visible on the cover. There was a crest on the first page and an inscription in Latin: Sapientia et Virtus. Wisdom and Virtue. Having studied Latin for my Med-studies, it was easy to translate this.
Intrigued by the beautiful first page, I browsed through the pages until I stumbled across a paragraph that reminded me of those documentaries on TV that made you wonder if anyone actually believed them.
Some manuscripts have emendations to read sons of God as angels in Genesis 6. Codex Vaticanus contains angels originally. In Codex Alexandrinus sons of God has been erased and replaced by angels. In contemporary Christianity, among the churches which teach that the sons of God were fallen angels today are Jehovah’s Witnesses. Among the churches which teach that the sons of God were men are the Roman Catholic Church and many Churches of Christ. Other legends suggest that the sons of God are fallen angels who had children with daughters of men and produced the Nephilim, a race of giants which are said to have walked the earth.
Nephilim. Giants. Sons of God. I laughed to myself as my rational half kicked in, flipped the book shut with a thud, and stowed it back where it had been.
“That was quick,” the blond boy commented as I left the library a minute later.
“Didn’t find what I was looking for,” I answered. “Thanks anyway.”
Had I said I had given up the habit of spying on her completely? It wasn’t entirely true. In fact, I was at the party location long before Claire and her friends even showed up, observi
ng the people coming and going. Sporty came before them, too. He had a grin on his face which reminded me a bit of what I had seen on my own lips before I’d hopped out of the car.
Claire and a friend were bringing cake—she could bake?—and greeted two other people I hadn’t seen before. Classmates, most likely.
I slipped into the club behind them, not drawing their attention to me immediately. I was going to keep my distance and see how I might fit into the picture. Patience. The loud music and dim lights helped with my attempt to lay low until it was time to make my entrance. As Claire hugged Sporty and kissed him on the cheek when it was her turn to congratulate him, I felt the urge to go over there and tear them apart. It was a childish impulse, but the way his entire being seemed to explode with delight at her touch was enough to make me feel jealous in a way that could rip me to pieces. I maintained my position at the bar, trying to calm down while Claire moved on to having a conversation with a friend. There was a worried expression, a nod, a head shake. I turned to order a drink and made it two when I glanced over my shoulder and found Claire’s hands were empty. It would be a great way to say hello. Offer her a beverage, adding value to my showing up, besides my actual company. She would probably be the only one excited about my being there.
When I turned with full hands, Claire was already there, stopping last second and stumbling into the man next to her. I wanted to drop the glasses and help her find her balance, but she was already back on her feet.
“Hi!” I had to almost scream to be heard over the music.
Claire waved in return, obviously not trusting her voice would carry through the noise. She looked incredible. The contrast of deep blue and her pale skin, the hair falling over her shoulders reflecting in the dim, purplish light. Her aura was the opposite of calm and the longer I kept staring like a buffoon, the more turbulence I perceived—and not the bad kind. There was a positive type of excitement and I could swear I felt something like affection from her direction. It gave me some peace of mind that she was happy to see me. It was more obvious by the second that she was.
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