Spark

by Angelina J. Steffort

  “I will.” He didn’t question my request, instead, he nodded again and returned to the coffee machine.

  After the encounter with Geoffrey, the rest of the morning went well enough. I had successfully dodged all questions from Toby and instead heard a lot about how well his relationship with Karren was going. When I looked at Karren and her emotions toward him, the enthusiasm didn’t seem quite mutual.

  “Have you made any plans for summer? Maybe vacation together?” I pointed him in the direction of long-term plans and what her perspective on those would be without needing to let him know he might be deluding himself.

  He shook his head. “You?”

  “With Karren?” I tried to make a joke out of it to avoid having to think about the prospect of a long, empty summer—empty life without Claire.

  He laughed and turned into the classroom. “See you Monday.”

  My next stop was the library. Sophie hadn’t shown up there in a while, and I was grateful not to have to face her. I wouldn’t have known what to say to her. From the outside, it must look as if I was a complete idiot. What guy in his right mind would let a girl like Claire go without a reason? By now, her friends had most likely convinced her that I was a bad person. Especially Sporty, who was probably just biding his time until she was ready to move on.

  The thought stuck in my mind as I sat in the library, browsing one of the standard works on chemistry. Would she ever move on? If she was remotely as affected by our mutual bond as I was, there was no way on earth she would. For certain I wouldn’t. I’d rather die. My heart seared in ache for her and there was nothing I could do to silence it. Not even my reasoning of how it was safer for both of us if I was out of her life helped much. It took all my self-control to not just fade out of the room and teleport to her house, peek in through the windows and make sure she was alright…

  With a swimming head, I pushed myself to my feet and rushed to the men’s room. Cold water cleared my vision. Even though I had made up my mind, it was going to be a struggle. I would be fighting my feelings for Claire for the rest of my life—which was forever, if I believed the book. With a look in the mirror, I gave myself a pep-talk about being smarter than that, being strong, and then shoved my hands in my pockets and slouched out of the building, work unfinished and mood all dark.

  Maureen was waiting for me at the entrance as if she’d known I’d exit that second.

  “Hello, stranger,” she smiled, evil invisible for the moment.

  “You owe me an explanation,” I said instead of a greeting.

  “I do.”

  Where was the menacing darkness which had hovered in her aura the last time I’d seen her? Was this even the same person?

  “I am sorry, Adam,” she glanced over her shoulder as if waiting for someone to join us. “I wish there was a way we could be on the same side.”

  She started walking, glancing back over her shoulder again and I followed, dying to know what she knew.

  “In a different life, I might have been the girl of your dreams.” She stopped under the lonely tree near the administration building and shook her dark mane aside. “In a different life, we could have been perfect for each other.” She lifted her hand and touched my hair lightly. “I was too late and now I don’t have a choice.”

  As I looked up at her, her eyes were looking over my shoulder, her gaze following someone who was rushing past behind me. I didn’t turn to see who the footsteps belonged to but was focusing on the violent edge which had returned to her eyes and her emotions.

  “I will have to hurt you. Alabaster wants it this way, and he is so powerful, it is either do as he says or suffer,” she grinned sweetly and icily at the same time. “Sooner or later we all get what we deserve…” Her voice trailed away as if she was retreating into her own mind and then she glanced to the corner of the building. “You’re no exception, just lucky they haven’t figured it out yet.”

  “Figured out what?”

  “Who your mark is.” With those words, she turned around and walked away.

  This time, I reacted and rushed after her, catching up with her behind the administration building.

  “Maureen.” I touched her arm. She stopped in her tracks.

  “You know, in a different life, your touch would actually be rewarding.” She looked at me in disgust. “Now you are just an artifact of my failure.”

  I couldn’t follow the sequence of emotions she was going through. There was anger and shame. She blamed me for something and she was scared.

  “You’re one of them, right?” I demanded in a hushed voice. “You’re a demon.”

  She chuckled and flashed her teeth in a perfect smile, beautiful and ice-cold.

  “No less am I good than you are evil.” Her hand reached up to her necklace, clutching the pendant with the demonic symbol. “And no less do I enjoy being evil than you enjoy being good.”

  Her words were confusing me. There were flashes of affection peering through the dark veil. It was as if there were two hearts beating in her chest. One of them capable of feeling something similar to love, even if not in a human way, the other craving to see me suffer. As I was still trying to figure her out, she turned and slipped around the next corner. This time I let her go. What use was it to chase after her if all she would give me were more riddles?

  The next day was full of circling thoughts. She had basically admitted she enjoyed being a demon. But what had she meant with the other sentence? No less am I good than you are evil. And she had said she was going to hurt me. That sooner or later we all got what we deserved. Had she spoken about herself or me? Or about Claire? Claire—it was getting worse every day. Every second of the day, my heart was claiming my attention now. As if having seen her slip into the library had reminded my soul of what it felt like to hold her.

  There was little which made sense to a degree that it would improve my mood or my state of mind and I spent the day locked in my room, dismissing Jenna’s concern by faking a head-cold. It was before noon when I heard a car, which wasn’t one of ours, stop in the driveway, followed by footsteps and a knock on the front door. A very light knock, as if the person was reluctant to knock at all. Geoffrey rushed to the front door in his confident, yet quiet steps, to inquire about the business our uninvited guest had here.

  “Good morning, Miss Gabriel.”

  My heart stopped in pleasure and fear. What was she doing here?

  “I want to talk to Adam.” Her voice, normally so confident, was now a weak melody. It was almost a question. Was she even certain she wanted to be here? It would be better for her if she wasn’t.

  “I am sorry I have to tell you that Master Adam is indisposed, Miss Gabriel.” Geoffrey sounded as polite and professional as always. It was probably only me who could hear the slight slip in how he was speaking. It indicated he might see through my act and suspect I was in perfect health with no reason to feel sick other than to want to be left alone.

  There was a loud noise and a gasp, quick footsteps, this time inside the house, and then the one sound which made my heart break.

  “Adam!” Claire’s voice penetrated my entire being as she screamed for me.

  “Miss Gabriel, I am not supposed to let you in. I must ask you to go,” Geoffrey urged her, still polite and compassionate with regret in his voice. I knew he’d rather see Claire succeed in her quest to see me than watch me sulk another day.

  “Adam!”

  Again, I squirmed in a combination of fear and pleasure. She wanted to see me. She was determined. A part of me wanted to run to her, teleport so I wouldn’t miss a second. The other part was forcing me to stay put. I couldn’t tell which half loved her more, the one pushing me to go, or the one wanting to protect her. Either way, I was torn.

  As she was halfway up the stairs, Ben’s footsteps mixed into the sounds outside my bedroom.

  “What’s all this noise, Geoffrey?” He was joining them from the living room, voice as cold as ever when he saw Claire.

 
; “I’m sorry Sir, Miss Gabriel entered without my permission. I was just sending her away,” Geoffrey explained. He sounded a little helpless.

  “Can’t you just leave my brother alone?” Ben’s swift steps up the stairs were followed by a gasp of pain that had me on my feet. What was he doing?

  “Ouch!” Claire’s voice was full of distress. Panic almost.

  “I need to talk to him.” No response from Ben.

  “Ben,” she screamed, “you are hurting me!”

  What did he think he was doing?

  “He said he didn’t want to see you again!” Ben hissed. It was a cold and unforgiving sound I had never before heard from his lips

  “I won’t believe it until he tells me to my face!” She yelled, voice choking on hot tears. I didn’t need to see her to understand how she was feeling. She was desperate to understand the situation. Why I had forsaken her.

  “Ben…please,” Claire’s whisper was like a dagger to my heart. It unleashed all the guilt and the pain I’d been burying since I’d left her, and I couldn’t just stand there and wait for her to go away. I couldn’t bear her pain, either. Before I could make a conscious decision, my heart had won control over my body and I was at the door, slowly walking to the top of the staircase, dreading what emotions would hit me when I saw Ben and Claire.

  It was worse than what I could have imagined. He had her arm in his iron grip, pulling her back down the stairs. Despair and anger hit me full-force. Ben’s anger with Claire was more pronounced than ever.

  “Ben!” My voice rang with unexpected authority. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  He immediately let go of Claire’s arm, upset and relieved about my sudden appearance. As he stormed off, he mumbled how I should know what I was doing. It was so low that my human ears could have never deciphered his words. I kept watching Claire, who was frozen in place. It was unthinkable to leave her standing there. With footsteps so light they felt as if I was flying, I rushed down the stairs. I was ready to address the issue we had, and still not ready to tell her how lost we were. I brushed my fingers over the back of her hand as I took it into mine. It was a firework of joy to feel her skin under my fingertips. Claire stumbled under my touch, knees hitting the marble floor. She hunched there, wordless, still frozen, chin resting against her chest. Again, there was the familiar urge to wrap my arms around her and protect her from the outside world. Only it would put her in even more danger. I crouched behind her, unable to look down at her for one more second.

  “Claire,” I whispered into her ear, aching to see her face and eager to read every thought from her eyes.

  She shivered as my breath touched her skin and shame enveloped her. Why would she ever be ashamed in front of me? All the emotions, the pain, the anger, the misery were justified. I had chosen the insensitive route and cut her out of my life without explanation. If anything, she was admirable and brave. She had survived weeks without knowing. Had it been me, I would have shown up at her doorstep demanding answers a lot sooner. I suppressed a tear as I felt her aching heart and knew I wouldn’t be able to console it. The tear was for her as much as for myself.

  Unwilling to dive into self-pity, I got to my feet and closed the door. She should know I wasn’t intending to kick her out. We would talk first.

  When I returned to her slumped shape, she was still hiding her face behind a curtain of hair. She took a deep breath as if she was going to say something, but then remained motionless on the floor. I couldn't exercise patience any longer and my fingers lifted her chin so she would have no other choice than to face me. The expression in her eyes hurt more than what I could bear.

  “Claire—” I needed her to speak to me. She hadn’t come just to sit there and torture me with her misery. She must know I suffered double. For her and for myself.

  “You could have told me you’d never come back,” she managed to push out between her teeth, accusation heavy in her words. “You could have told me you didn’t want me.” Embarrassment was filling the air and I could see it in her face that she’d rather look anywhere but at me.

  How could she even think that? Let alone believe it? If she had ever heard my words properly and understood, she must know that could never be the reason why I was avoiding her. She must know how precious she was to me. She was everything.

  She blinked, eyes unfocused as my emotions gushed into my gaze and for the first time I felt as if some shimmer of it hit her right in the heart. Was this how our new connection worked?

  “Claire…it’s not like that. I would be around you every minute of my existence if I could.”

  “Why can’t you?” She pulled her lower lip behind her teeth as if keeping herself from saying more.

  “Stand up.” It was time to take this conversation elsewhere. Dad and Jenna weren’t home but Ben and Geoffrey… “Let’s talk in my room. We can’t be overheard there.” I couldn’t take the risk.

  As she followed my lead, ignoring my open hand, she swayed, and her cheeks lost the rosy color I loved so much. In a reflex, I caught her around her waist, then quickly loosened my grasp, not wanting to let myself get tempted by how easy it would be to simply forget everything , just be Adam and Claire, no supernatural involved…

  I led the way up to my room, keeping my hands to myself again. Claire sat as I gestured for her to make herself comfortable on my couch, but I didn’t join her there. Instead, I took a seat in the old wooden chair, facing her rather than being close to her side. My mind was trying to find the right words, but there seemed to be no good way to start the conversation, so I watched her shoulders rise and fall with her breath and started.

  “You know too much, Claire. You know about my abilities and you saw my wings.” It sounded ridiculous. Wasn’t it normally the exact opposite? Weren’t people kept apart by secrets rather than the truth?

  The look on her face confirmed my train of thought.

  “Why can’t we be together when I know who you are, an angel?” she whispered, laying her finger in my wound. “I miss you…”

  She averted her gaze, radiating vulnerability more than pain or frustration. She was insecure, unsure of me. And again, I almost followed my impulse to teleport to her side and console her, tell her everything was going to be okay. Except it wasn’t. And I had to tell her the minimum so she wouldn’t challenge my self-control again. Who knew if I could resist her if she showed up one more time.

  “Claire, knowing what you know makes you the target of many—” How should I say it? Demons? Evil people? Did she truly need to know everything? How could I keep her peace of mind intact? Or what little was left of it? “Knowing too much is not safe for you,” I tried one more time. “The less you’re associated with me, the better—for both of us.” It was epically unfair. A couple of months ago, I hadn’t even believed in soulmates, and now I did. She was sitting here, right in front of me, and I had to tell her we couldn’t be together.

  “Why would I be a target?” she tore me from my drifting thoughts.

  “There is more than us out there…” it seemed to be there was an entire universe of supernatural I had yet to understand.

  “You mean you’re not the only angel around? I’ve already guessed as much.”

  “Yes.” There were others, angels probably, demons…I shook my head. Not at her question but at myself and my inability to speak rationally. Hadn’t that been my strength once?

  “I remember you telling me you loved me a few weeks ago. Maybe not all of that is gone. Maybe a part of you still has feelings for me…” There was hope in her voice, and she was mocking me at the same time, probably stifling the hope so she wouldn’t be disappointed.

  How could I ever lose my feelings for her? She was part of me, woven into my substance forever.

  “Every part of me has feelings for you, Claire. Don’t you understand?” My heart was hers, her name engraved in it, my love for her defining the rhythm of its beat.

  “And what about the girl yesterday?”


  She caught me off guard. “Which girl?”

  “The black-haired beauty. I know her from Sophie’s last party …she was flirting with you there…”

  “Maureen—How did you know?” She couldn’t have possibly seen us.

  “I returned one of Sophie’s books to the campus library yesterday and walked past you—only a few feet behind your back. Who is she?”

  What an unfortunate coincidence. “My ex-girlfriend. We broke up a while ago.”

  “Oh!” She looked at me with a somewhat hurt expression. What had she expected? I was twenty-one years old. I had a history—maybe not a long one with a lot of content to share, but a history, still.

  “I broke up with her when I had the first …emotional vision of you, and I realized she didn’t match it at all. For some reason, she seemed to be entirely wrong for me. I started doubting the sincerity of her feelings for me when I first started perceiving the way people around me felt.” Honesty seemed the right path to go. I owed it to her to make her feel better.

  “I remember the day perfectly well.” My mind wandered back to the day of her party and how she had suggested which direction the evening should go. “All I could feel was pure lust and I couldn’t understand it. This lust was definitely not coming from me. I was sure it had to be hers. A very strong emotion….” I had to laugh at the absurdity of how things had turned out. Her lust, not mine, her emotions, not mine. “I do remember that it was the only thing I felt from her side. No love, devotion, nothing, not even a little.”

  “Didn’t that make you feel like …well, the strong guy? A girl who wants nothing but sex? I always thought that’s what men want. Easy relationships—just sex, no emotional involvement.”

  If only she knew how right she was—not about me, but about a large portion of the male population of Aurora. How many times had I seen couples where she was emitting love and trust and from his side there had been little more than lusting for her body. It was difficult for me to think that way now that I was able to read people’s feelings. I knew how much they expected of the other, how much of a commitment it was to get physical… You don’t do that unless you really mean it. “You’re partly right. Many of us feel that way. But not me. I couldn’t …not without loving someone. We had been together for only two months then. I wasn’t sure what I felt.”