The v Girl

by Mya Robarts

  “Relax. Deep slow breaths,” he commands while gently kissing my face, sensually sliding his hands all over my legs.

  I breathe in and out, relaxing my body. Has it been seconds? Minutes?

  Then a pinching sensation.

  “Ow, ow, ow!” My body involuntary retreats a little.

  “Relax,” he says through clenched teeth. He seems to be fighting to control his sexual urges.

  As he kisses my mouth and then my nipples, I inhale and exhale deep breaths. He pushes the thick first inch of himself against my tight virgin walls, spreading me open. Every time I exhale he inches in a little bit more. I whimper at the foreign sensation, opening my eyes wide.

  I don’t want to say aloud that I don’t want him to go any deeper, but he reads in my body that I’ve reached my limit. Aleksey stops moving and concentrates instead in pleasuring the rest of my body while he’s half buried inside me.

  We’ve kissed before but never to this level of eroticism, passion, and closeness. His hands have never felt so hot on my skin as they do now. He’s leaving marks all over my upper body, making my body writhe in pleasure. I was already wet, but now I’m dripping. And even if it didn’t feel physically possible, he’s growing inside me with each kiss, with each touch.

  Adoring me. Stretching me.

  He inches slowly, pausing constantly to give my body time to accommodate him. I take a sharp breath, my eyes clamped shut. My nails dig into his back as Aleksey begins to enter further into me, the pain ripping through my body as it spreads to engulf his erection. A set of half-contented, half-pained whimpers escape from me each time he moves.

  Aleksey speaks into my neck, his heated breath tingling my skin. “Don't tense," he orders in his hoarse, deep voice that makes me melt in desire. "Relax, Lila." He soothes the pain with a lingering kiss and I open my eyes, feeling myself relaxing. I take a look at the mirror. I love the sight of him taking away my virginity, his beautiful eyes closed against the side of my neck, my body lying vulnerable under him. As desire spreads through me, I feel myself opening for him, and the pain turns into a not unpleasant discomfort.

  When he’s finally deep inside, Aleksey lifts his head and glances up and down at me, sliding his hands through my hair and looking into my eyes. His pupils dilate. There’s a mix of triumph and tenderness in his eyes.

  “You look gorgeous sprawled underneath me.” His breathing is ragged. “Breathless … that look of awe and tenderness on your beautiful face.” His voice is raspy and his eyes seem to be memorizing my face. “Your beautiful green eyes wide open, full of fire while I’m buried deep inside you.”

  We stay like that for a long time looking at each other eyes. In spite of the discomfort, I have never felt so close to him like now and I feel my love for him grow. Similar feelings seem to burn inside him. The way he’s looking at me now blends adoration, love, and lust all in one. I wouldn’t change this moment for anything.

  Aleksey hasn’t ever looked more gorgeous than now, when it’s obvious that he is fighting his need to start moving in order to make this a less painful experience for me.

  He leans in to kiss me as his hands roam sensually over my body before returning to my knees to open me even wider. As his kiss gains more intensity, my excitement builds and builds and my body wiggles in pleasure. And he hasn’t even started to move yet! Can I have another orgasm just from this?

  When he feels I’m ready, Aleksey pulls back slowly, making us both relish the agonizing, exquisite friction. He thrusts forward again and I scream my lungs out. The pain is back and I can’t decide if this is more pleasure or more pain. All I know is that I don’t want him to stop.

  A feral growl rises deep from his throat as he eases back one more time. He groans and slowly thrusts again. And again. Each time he catches a slow, sensual rhythm. Each time is less uncomfortable and more delicious.

  “Oh, Lila. You feel … hmm,” he says through gritted teeth. It seems as if he’s using every ounce of his self-control to not speed up.

  I look at him in awe and then take a look at the mirror. My breasts are jiggling up and down in response to his thrusts. The sight of his taut, muscular butt tightening and flexing as he moves in and out of me makes the pressure in my core build up. His hands leave my knees to grasp my head and kiss me.

  It’s all too much. The exquisiteness. The feeling of fullness, the searing heat of our bodies connecting as if matching pieces of a puzzle. The notion that even though he’s taking it slow with me, he’s still rough enough to make me feel like he’s claiming me as his.

  The exquisite sensations keep building up. In a desperate attempt to hold on to something, my nails dig into his bulky biceps. I’m soaring to a high place, and I’m about to fall. My overheated body tightens and then releases in waves of unadulterated, sheer pleasure. The feeling is so intense that I arch my back before collapsing on the mattress. He kisses me deeply, muffling my whimpers. Then his head rests right next to mine. His lips murmur against the skin of my neck how good I’m making him feel. How amazing I am.

  Beads of sweat cover his ruggedly handsome face. His ragged breaths on my neck tell me that he won’t last long.

  I want to give pleasure to this man I love so much. Kegel exercises. His size, my tightness. I start to clench. To caress, to press.

  He groans in pleasure and surprise. “Lila!”

  The walls are closing on him now in a firmer manner. I feel him shuddering. He finds his release, calling my name, emptying himself inside me. His sounds of pleasure are music to my ears.

  The fire has long extinguished; the moon shines through the translucent ceiling, casting a strange glow on our glistening skins. Aleksey stays inside me for a while, breathing harshly against the side my neck. I feel his smile against my skin.

  “Even in sex you’re defiant. I love that, Lila. I love you.”

  I gasp and he falls asleep, still inside me. He doesn’t seem to have realized what he just said. I never imagined I’d hear those words like this, with an older military man buried inside me. Both of us naked in our post-coital bliss. I don’t think is exactly romantic. But because it’s my Aleksey, it is … perfect.

  When he finally pulls out, it hurts. Both physically and emotionally. I miss the heated connection between our bodies already. He kisses me again and pulls me against his chest.

  The whole experience was incredible and like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Every touch, every sound, I felt his love spilling all over my body, mind, and soul. Even after he leaves, I’ll always remember him as the guy who made this moment so special. And I feel so grateful for this. At this very moment, I adore him and I know I would do anything for him.

  We’ve so far had shared bits of human touch. But there’s a connection in the sexual touch that we couldn’t have gotten in any other way. There are feelings that are better expressed through sexuality.

  I look at the moon above me, smiling. The ocean song lulls me to sleep.

  * * *

  The warmth of a beam of sunlight on my naked back wakes me up. I try to get up but strong arms cage me in, keeping me prisoner.

  “Are you going to run away, sweet girl?” he mumbles, still sleepy. “Now that you took what you wanted?”

  I giggle. “I could ask the same. You dishonored me. I’ve surrendered and traditionally, it’s your turn to bolt and never appear again. Is this the last I’ll see of you, Prince Aleksey?”

  “Don’t delude yourself. I have wanted you since the day I met you,” he whispers, smelling my hair. “You make the most delicious sex noises Whimpers, and at times, little mewls. You drive me crazy. I won’t ever have enough of you.”

  I snuggle against his chest contently and take a look at the magnificent sight of the ocean on a sunny day.

  His fingers travel up and down my spine lazily. “How do you feel?”

  My cheeks burn. “It’ll sound corny.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “Reborn and grateful.”

  �
�Reborn?”

  “As if my life has just started now.” I take a look at the sea and sigh. “Everything looks new now. Don’t laugh but … the sky seems to have brighter colors and the sunlight seems to have a different shine. I feel as though I understand what life is about for the first time.” I sigh loudly. “It’s an illusion, of course. I’m not any wiser and the sun is just the same. It’s just that you make me feel happy and grateful that I’m alive.”

  He grins with a boyish charm. Who is this smiling guy and where’s my serious, brooding Aleksey? “Then I must be corny, too. Because I feel exactly like you.”

  I wiggle uncomfortably. It’s time to ask what I’ve been dreading all along. “How long until you leave?”

  “A week.”

  I cringe and my chest hurts. I wasn’t expecting it’d be so soon.

  “There are doubts on my neutrality, and I’ve been assigned to the management of New Norfolk Military Academy.”

  New Norfolk Island, just on the other side of the country and presently regulated by UNNO. It’ll remain a neutral territory until the war ends and Patriots and Nationalists have reached an agreement on how to divide territories. That’s exactly where my family is heading for Olmo’s treatment. Perhaps my family will see Aleksey from time to time? It’ll be a relief to know he’s still part of my life even if it’s from afar. It’s horrible to be the one who’ll stay. I wish I could go with all of them.

  He loves me. So it’s only natural that talking about our future, irrevocable goodbye brings back his usual scowl. But when he speaks I realize his mind is somewhere else.

  “I might as well quit. I’m not neutral anymore. I hate recruitment as much as you do and we UNNO officers aren’t supposed to interfere with the sovereignty of Americans. But I hate what Nat and Patriot troops do.”

  “They didn’t rape your mother, too, did they?”

  His face hardens and I regret my lack of tactfulness. “Not while I was with her. Lila, you think recruitment is the worst that could happen to you, but there’s another form of rape that people rarely talk about.” I look at him questioningly. “Forced marriage. That’s what happened to my mother.”

  I stare at him in shock. Noticing my expression he cradles me in his arms. “My mother was a German illegal immigrant. My father, a wealthy American merchant with a military past who sold guns to the army. As punishment for staying in the country illegally, my father recruited her as a vassal at a time when the country wasn’t divided yet and recruitment wasn’t legal.”

  As he tells me his story, I notice his accent fades. At times it disappears. Who would have thought that he was half-American?

  “He was obsessed with her and took her as wife. I think his obsession was his way of demonstrating his love. He’d had a rough, violent life and didn’t know how to express his passion without hurting her.”

  “But it was a cruel, twisted way for her. I’m …” He sighs before finding the right words. “… a child of rape.” When he says this, my heart shrinks. “She wasn’t submissive and never returned his love, so my father, hurt and determined to get over her, traded her with another master, not knowing she was pregnant. When I was born, she escaped to Germany, taking me with her.”

  I open my mouth about to ask a question, but then I think better about it. It’s the first time he has opened up to me. I won’t interrupt him.

  “My father had other wives and had fathered other children, so it took a while before he realized she was gone.” He shakes his head sadly. “But when he found out about me he crossed continents to bring me back. He killed my stepfather Otto Fürst and—”

  “Oh, no!”

  Aleksey shakes his head. “I wouldn’t feel sorry for Otto. He was another advocate of marital rape. He hit my mother and me. When I turned nine, I was taller and stronger than Otto. I defended my mother and beat the hell out of Otto. He made a deal with me. He would leave my mother alone if I endured his beatings.” His fist clenches. “I accepted. Little did I know that the weasel had made a similar treaty with my mother. Otto kept hitting us both in secret, and we kept accepting it because we thought we were protecting the other.”

  I kiss his chest. These memories hurt him and I wish I could make him feel better about this.

  “When my father appeared in my life, I saw him as a savior in a way. He manipulated me to think my mother would be better without me. I left my mother. She was pregnant at the time and my father kept sending her money. But as soon as my brother was born, she disappeared. If she’s alive, I’m sure she’s hiding from him.”

  Later we go for a walk on a rocky beach. As he promised, I’m walking differently, mostly because I’m deliciously sore. His long hair plays with the wind and I can’t help it. I ogle him. He looks so human and attractive now that he’s talking about his past.

  “My father loved the military life and soon I learned to love it, too. At twelve, I was already a cadet. My father wanted me to become a general for the Patriot armies. But I knew of the cruelty of Patriots in Nationalist cities and vice versa. I decided to stay out of the conflict and join the German training camp for the Accord Units.”

  I noticed certain emotion when he talks about his father. “Do you love him?”

  “We fight like hell but—” He stops and looks thoughtful for a moment. “Mmm, this is the first time I’ve admitted this.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugs. “He may have been cruel to others, but he was kind to all of his children. He would leave anything and run to my side if I needed him.” His gaze over me becomes intense and he grazes my cheek with his fingers. “Sometimes you can’t help loving someone when you shouldn’t.”

  His blue eyes scan the horizon. “But I’m not about to justify marital rape just because I love my father. I’ll never forgive him and yet … it’s complicated. Love is a complex feeling that can’t be tamed using the whip of what is right and what is not.” I sigh. That’s so true. Especially for both of us. “Despite his cruelty to my mother, I can’t hate him”

  I hop to prevent a wave from touching my boots. “Yes, sometimes you can’t bring yourself to hate someone.” I used to fear that he was going to rape me and there were many moments in which I hated him. It’s incredible the way my feelings have changed since I met him a few weeks ago.

  He puts his hand around one my hips, interrupting my musings. “You’re sore, aren’t you?” I blush. “I told you. You won’t walk like you used to again.”

  He pulls me into his strong arms. The waves are soaking our boots, but I don’t care anymore. “I’m reborn, too. I’ve had sex so many times, but I never made love. It was a first for me, Lila, and I can’t believe how much I was missing.”

  “I was so intoxicated with you last night, Lila. I’m not even sure I wasn’t dreaming. Did I tell you that I love you?” I look up at him smiling and nod. “You love me don’t you, Lila?”

  “Yes, I love you.” And just as I say it I feel an oppression leave my body, allowing me to breathe freely. Excitedly, he lifts me above his head. His elation is evident. “Whoa! Put me down. We can’t be together, so let’s not get overenthusiastic.”

  He sets me on my feet and leans in to kiss me. “Why wouldn’t be together?”

  I look at him in disbelief. He knows why. “You can’t fraternize with the enemy or both of us will be executed.”

  “Lila, you’re the reason I fought my way to get back to Starville. I came for you to take you away and start a new life with you.”

  I shake my head. He must be joking. “You can’t.”

  “Aside from the obvious, the fact that you have led a very difficult life, why don’t you allow yourself to have hope?”

  “I prefer to expect the worse. I’m always prepared for bad things so they don’t catch me by surprise. If you were to stay with me, you’d get pissed off at me frequently because I’m not an easy person to love.”

  “Neither I am. But I don’t understand. Loving you is the most effortless thing I’ve ever done. I f
ought against the feeling so many times and lost ...” His eyes look at me with infinite tenderness. “Why do you think you aren’t an easy person to love?”

  “I’m a natural born pessimist, and as much as I try to become stronger and to act maturely, I—” I sigh loudly. “I’m a woman, Aleksey. I’m not the simplistic creature the world expects me to be. I’m flawed. I’m multidimensional. I make mistakes all the time and I’ll make even more as life challenges me. And I don’t want to be afraid to make mistakes. Firstly, because I’ll learn from them. But more importantly, they’re what make me human. You would have to be incredibly patient if you were to be with me.”

  Gently he lays me down on the sand and covers my body with his. “I’ll be with you for as long as you want me.”

  I look up at him and tuck one of his long, blond strands behind his ear. “No, you won’t. Everything is against us. Your commission in New Norfolk, the law, recruitment.”

  Aleksey kisses me. “You don’t have to worry about recruitment anymore.”

  I turn to look at him in confusion.

  “There’s a way. A way that wouldn’t have been possible if Tristan hadn’t been so valiant and filmed everything. Maximillian Kei has been forced to change the recruitment laws.”

  The way his hands are roaming all over my body is distracting. “Kei wouldn’t abolish recruitment.”

  Aleksey kisses the hollow of my throat. “He will. Not now, but it’ll happen. In the meantime, the new laws will be the key to your escape.”

  A moan escapes my lips. “Ah! I don’t understand.”

  He smiles wickedly against my collarbone. “Lila Velez Tcherkassky, you’ll join my Unit as an L grade recruit. L for love.”

  If, as we see nightfall, we become capable of accepting love,

  let’s celebrate an alliance with our unbroken delusions.

  Who ever knew we would say goodbye to oblivion?

  Who ever knew we would accept hope?

  General Fürst’s journal