by Harper Bliss
Sophia took the chair opposite her and offered a smile.
“I won’t be bringing Eileen to your Christmas party,” Naomi said, her throat tightening as she spoke.
“Oh, darling.” Her mother put a hand on her arm. “I knew something was up. What happened?”
“She made it very clear she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.” Naomi shook her head. “Some people are just too stubborn to be in a relationship, I guess.”
“Maybe.” Her mother tilted her head. “Probably even more so when you’re a Callahan. She must take after her mother in that way.”
“Yet Trudy has been married for a very long time.”
“That might be so but take it from me, darling, that’s not a relationship you want to emulate.”
Naomi sighed. “My biggest problem is that I can’t stop thinking about her. There’s no one like Eileen in this town.” She looked into her coffee cup, where only some wet cinnamon dust remained. “Anyway, she’ll be leaving soon, so it’s probably for the best.”
“It’s never for the best when someone hurts you. You’re clearly very fond of her.” Her mother gave Naomi’s arm a light squeeze. “Are you sure you don’t want to try and patch things up? To not have her leave town with these unresolved feelings between the two of you?”
“What does it matter if we never even speak again?” Naomi realized she was sounding as defeated as Eileen on the day she’d broken up with her.
“You can at least get some closure. Put the whole thing behind you so you can move on.” Her mother leaned over the table a little. “I don’t mean to pry, darling, but was it the age difference?”
Naomi gave a curt shake of the head. “No. At least I don’t think so.” She knew her mother probably had a point—Naomi was someone who liked to close a chapter before starting a new one. But chances of her running into Eileen in this town—she recalled the vicious tone in Eileen’s voice when she’d called Derby a one-horse town—were pretty high. She should just leave it up to destiny. Or to Eileen, who had said some pretty hurtful things. “Eileen believes she’s somehow unlovable, even more so now she’s had a stroke.”
“That’s a lot for you to take on, Naomi.”
“It’s not.” Naomi looked her mom in the eye—she didn’t need anyone to tell her what she could or couldn’t bear. “If only she wasn’t such a bloody stubborn Callahan. Because that’s what upsets me most. We were doing fine, but Trudy must have gotten to her and said some things that made Eileen dump me.”
“It shouldn’t be that way. Imagine if I had tried to talk you out of seeing Eileen—”
Naomi held up her hand. “No, it wasn’t like that, Mom. From what I understood, Trudy advised Eileen to break up with me to spare my feelings.” Naomi huffed out some air. “Since when do I need Trudy Callahan to look out for my feelings?” Naomi had rehashed Eileen’s words over and over again in her head. It didn’t make sense that Trudy Callahan would look out for Naomi more than for her own daughter. She guessed what Trudy was really so afraid of was Eileen leaving town again and not returning to Derby for another five years.
“I know Trudy’s a tough cookie, but she means well.” Her mom tapped her thumb on Naomi’s underarm. “Imagine how that must have made Eileen feel, though. Her own mother coming down on her like that.” She pursed her lips. “She has always been so hard on her children, especially on Eileen.” She paused. “Have you considered that what Eileen needs most is some time to process the things Trudy said to her? And to make her realize that Trudy’s outburst wasn’t so much about her as about Trudy herself and the impossible pressure she has always put on Eileen?”
“Time?” Naomi couldn’t believe it. She and Eileen had been running out of time since the day they’d met. Surely Eileen would prefer Naomi’s company—and help—over time to mull over her mother’s words. And shouldn’t Naomi’s words count more under the circumstances? “She’s leaving town in a few weeks.” There was that heaviness in her chest again, although Naomi couldn’t really fathom Eileen leaving so soon. She could move her arm a little bit more than when they’d first met, but she had hardly made miraculous strides in her recovery. How could Eileen possibly return to work so quickly? Her job wasn’t one that could be performed on willpower alone.
“Yeah,” was all her mother said next. Maybe there wasn’t anything left to say. “You can’t save them all, darling,” her mother said after a while.
“I wasn’t trying to save her.” Naomi’s voice sounded small and wounded. “Eileen’s not a turtle.”
“Of course not, darling.” Her mother offered a smile.
“I was falling in love with her,” Naomi said on a sigh. There. She’d said it. Not that it made the slightest bit of difference, but it felt good to admit it.
At least Naomi had a mother she could talk to—Eileen had been right about that. She couldn’t picture Eileen having a heart-to-heart with Trudy right now—on the contrary. She wondered what Eileen was doing to distract herself. As far as Naomi knew, she kept herself to herself, and apart from her physical therapy appointments, Eileen didn’t venture out much. Or maybe she was confiding in Julia. Naomi had liked her at the Callahan Christmas party.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you’re still so young,” Naomi’s mother said. “You have so much to offer another person. If they can’t see that, it’s their own fault. I also know it hurts right now, but the pain will become less and less, and you will fall in love again, Naomi. I can’t say many things for sure, but I’m certain of that.”
“You’re right.” Naomi withdrew her hand. “That’s absolutely not what I want to hear.”
“I know that very well.” Her mother smirked. “But I had to say it.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Naomi rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “It didn’t feel like this when Jane and I broke up, even though we’d been together for nearly three years. I didn’t feel this massive gaping hole inside of me.”
“Oh, darling.” Her mother rose and Naomi, still keeping her hands in front of her eyes, heard her walk toward her. She put her arm around Naomi’s shoulders. “I wish I could do something to help. Especially because Christmas is fast approaching and I’ve never met anyone in my life who’s as crazy about the whole ordeal as you.” She planted a kiss on the top of Naomi’s head. “Whether you like it or not, I’m starting Operation Get-Naomi-Into-The-Christmas-Spirit right now.” She squeezed her shoulders. “You haven’t even put up your tree. So, come on. Wipe those tears. You and I are going Christmas tree shopping right now.”
Naomi’s shoulders slumped. “That’s the last thing I feel like doing.”
“Well, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.”
“You have a pie in the oven,” Naomi protested. Even though it would only be a short drive to the garden center, she couldn’t face the business of picking out the best tree for herself. She was used to making a real spectacle out of it and Pauline, the woman who ran the garden center, always made sure to play along with Naomi’s antics. Picking out her Christmas tree was such a big part of Naomi’s festive season, and it always made her feel so warm and fuzzy inside, she couldn’t face doing it in the sulky mood she was in today.
“It’ll be ready in fifteen minutes. The time it takes for you to turn that frown upside down,” her mother said.
“How about I watch the pie and you get the tree?” Naomi asked.
Her mother rose to her full height and folded her arms across her chest, indicating she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer much longer. “Naomi Weaver. For twenty-seven years I’ve allowed you to knock me over the head with your endless Christmas enthusiasm, even when I really wasn’t in the mood for it. Today, I’m returning the favor.” The expression on her face softened. “I promise it’ll make you feel better. It’ll be so much nicer to come home to an apartment with a lovely tree in it. Remember those new decorations you got in the summer sale? You’ve been dying to hang those up since July.”
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br /> “Oh, all right then.” Naomi got up because she realized she had no other option. She had to fake it. She wasn’t going to let Eileen Callahan ruin her Christmas as well. Because Eileen might have broken her heart, but Christmas came around every year—and Naomi would be celebrating its wonders long after she’d forgotten all about Eileen.
“I’ve been expecting you.” Pauline rubbed her hands together. “In fact, I saved you a beauty. Come around the back.”
Even though Naomi wasn’t a frequent visitor to the garden center—her apartment didn’t come with any outside space and she already had all the indoor plants she had room for—Pauline always treated her like a VIP customer. Maybe because Naomi was the most enthusiastic Christmas tree shopper on the east coast.
“I put it aside because, truth be told, the best-looking trees have sold already.” Pauline guided Naomi and her mother to a warehouse behind the shop. “But I knew you’d make it eventually. Been busy, have we?”
“Yeah.” Naomi wasn’t going to pour her heart out to Pauline.
“Look at this gorgeous specimen.” Pauline pointed at a large conifer that, at first glance, looked way too big to even fit in Naomi’s car—let alone that she could find a spot for it in her apartment.
“It’s a bit bigger than what I’m used to,” Naomi said, knowing, as she inspected the tree, where it would fit. In Eileen’s living room, which desperately needed a Christmas tree like this. But she knew Eileen wouldn’t bother putting it up herself, and she had been officially dismissed from the task.
“I’m sure we can make it work,” Naomi’s mother prodded the tree. “Let’s be honest, we say it’s going to be too big every year, yet we always make it work.”
Naomi nodded. If anything, trying to fit that tree into the apartment she had shared with Jane for almost three years, and had then made some wonderful memories with Eileen in, would take her mind off all of that. And it would give the place a brand-new focal point, even if only temporarily.
“I’ll take it,” she said, and, despite herself, her heart swelled a little.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Not wanting to face sitting in her apartment alone after her physical therapy appointment, Eileen popped into the café next to the hospital. It wasn’t the typical type of establishment she frequented back in London, but none of the American chains had invaded Derby, leaving Eileen’s options limited.
Sitting at the table, nursing a gingerbread latte, Eileen’s eyes studied one of the paintings on the wall. The artist, who Eileen was willing to bet was a local, had painted a striking blue background, a black bridge spanning a chasm, and one lone red vehicle crossing the bridge. There were a few black birds flying in the same direction as the vehicle. Were they vultures? Migrating? Up to the viewer’s interpretation?
Try as she might, Eileen couldn’t stop staring at the image, feeling a connection to whoever was in the red VW bus. The sense of escape. Adventure. Crushing loneliness.
Forcing the last thought out of her mind, Eileen pulled out her leather-bound notebook and pen. One of the good things about being an adventurer was learning to adapt when you broke an arm, wrist, or finger on your dominant hand. Which Eileen had done a handful of times, forcing her to learn to write with her left. The stroke was the first time Eileen had to contend with not being able to use her right arm at all. Even when she’d fractured her wrist or arm, she still had use of her fingers.
Once again, Eileen shut down her mind. Biting on the cap of the pen, she removed it to get to work on her first op-ed piece.
“Look who it is.”
Eileen slowly tore her eyes from the paper to peer into Melissa’s soft brown eyes, orbs that seemed years younger than the rest of her. She had rounded out with age and her hair had turned a soft gray, but she still wore it pulled back in a ponytail.
“I saw you through the window and decided to pounce. Otherwise I’d never get a chance to talk to you alone.”
“You’ve always been honest. I give you that. Can I buy you a drink?” Eileen started to rise.
“I’ve got it.” She placed a hand on Eileen’s shoulder. “I’m going to the counter to order a black coffee. The transaction should only take a couple of minutes. I expect you to be here when I get back. Or there’ll be consequences.” Her fingers dug into Eileen’s shoulder.
Eileen smiled. “I’ve missed your threats. What type of consequences are we talking about?”
“The severest kind.” Melissa drilled her gaze into Eileen’s.
“I’m almost tempted to leave just to find out.” Eileen grinned.
Melissa’s grip relaxed and she laughed. “That’s one question answered. You haven’t changed one bit. Stubborn as hell. Be right back.”
Eileen shoved the Monopoly box that’d been sitting on the table when she arrived to the far side to make room for Melissa, thinking she might as well get another tongue-lashing out of the way. Oh, the joys of coming home for the holidays after such a long absence.
Leaning back into the upholstered chair, Eileen gripped the mug with her left hand, forcing the fingers on her right to wrap around the warmth. She could practically hear Mack’s words: create new pathways.
Without much fanfare, Melissa plopped into the only other armchair at the table, not sitting prim and proper. Not that she ever had. “Besides the obvious, how have you been?”
“What’s the obvious?”
Melissa blew into her mug. “I see you’ve chosen the hard way to do this. Shouldn’t have expected differently.”
Eileen bristled. “Everyone seems to have formed their opinions about me no matter what I say or do.”
“Is that why you never come home to visit friends or family? To avoid all the judgy people in your hometown? And not allow yourself to reconnect with where you came from to stay grounded?” She fixed her gaze upon Eileen.
“Maybe I stay grounded by not coming home.” Eileen sighed. “Why in the hell is everyone in Derby so touchy feely these days?”
Melissa sat up in her seat. “That’s an interesting observation. I know you aren’t talking about your family. Your mom is cold and demanding and your father is—I don’t know how to describe him—beaten down perhaps. Julia’s too busy trying to keep the family going to allow much time for anything beyond surviving.” She rapped her fingers on the table. “So, who are you referring to?”
“Besides the person I’m currently conversing with, no one,” Eileen dodged.
“Now you listen to me, Eileen Makenna Callahan, I’m not buying your act.” Melissa waggled a finger in the air, which had always been one of her favorite ways of reprimanding Eileen.
Eileen stared at the vehicle in the painting. “No one calls me that anymore. I can’t…” She was about to say she couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard her full name spoken aloud, but then Naomi’s distinct voice saying it played in her head. And, she’d loved it when Naomi said it. Not that Naomi ever would again. No, she’d only hear Naomi say her name in her imagination from here on out. According to her mom, that was for the best. Eileen should stay away or one day Naomi would be sitting where Melissa sat, giving her the third degree.
“You used to love your full name and were the only one in elementary school who’d turn in assignments with all three. You wouldn’t even answer when called upon unless a teacher said them. What’s changed?”
“Ah, that was before I learned what it really meant to be a Callahan. The expectations. Pressure...” Eileen motioned the list was endless, not even mentioning the most burdensome of all: the crushing disappointment she’d been to her mom since she had to drop out of college to have her.
Melissa examined Eileen’s face before responding. “You know, Ellie. All the pressure you feel isn’t because you’re a Callahan. It’s you who puts this pressure on yourself. It’s as if you have to live up to the mythical name, when in reality, no one else thinks that way.”
“My mom most certainly does.”
“Ah, there’s that.” Meliss
a sipped her coffee. “That was one of your favorite excuses to fall back on when pushing yourself too hard.” Melissa set her mug down and rested her forearms on the table. “It’s funny. You expect so much from yourself, but when it comes to others, you’re much kinder and forgiving. I remember many a time when you calmed me down if I did poorly in school, had a fight with my parents, or anything. You always knew exactly what to say or do to cheer me up.”
“I think you’re wearing rose-tinted glasses when remembering the past… with me.” Eileen continued to give her attention to the painting, purposefully avoiding Melissa’s knowing gaze.
Melissa sat back in her chair, letting out a whoosh of breath. “Mack tells me you’re planning on being back to work by early January.”
Eileen snapped her neck to the left to see her. “Is it legal for Mack to discuss my sessions with you?”
Melissa arched one eyebrow. “Are you going to sue my baby brother?”
“What? No… I was only asking.”
“What am I going to do with you, Ellie?” Melissa shook her head.
Eileen cocked her head to the side, as if changing the view slightly would provide her with a clue about Melissa’s question. Not finding one in Melissa’s expression, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“After all these years, you still haven’t forgiven yourself for leaving.”
Eileen shifted in her chair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You most certainly do. Recently, I had lunch with your mom and she went on and on about how you regretted your decision—”
“I never said that!”
Melissa laughed. “I know. But if she’s saying that, she’s probably insinuating things to you that just aren’t true. Like how I’ve been pining for you all the while hating you for leaving.”
“Do you? Hate me, I mean?” Eileen’s voice was barely audible.