‘I pray to God so.’ Kathleen looked towards the homestead. ‘Now, let’s head back to the house. I’ve got the steaks out for you to put on the barbeque. I’ve asked Arthur to join us. He’s missed you while you’ve been gone. James thought it might lighten the mood with an outsider there.’
‘He’s still living in the manager’s house?’
‘Oh yes. He keeps it beautifully. And the garden’s a showpiece. He often gives us vegetables. In fact we’re eating some of his sweet corn tonight.’
‘Yum, that sounds great.’
Together they walked back to the homestead. For the first time in a very long time Kathleen thought the family might get over the dreadful bombshell Jessica had dropped. The main cloud on the horizon now was Ronan going off to Vietnam. And she also worried for Clara. If only they knew where she was.
* * *
It was two months later when the family came to pick Lillie up from her flat to head out to Holsworthy Barracks for a farewell picnic before Ronan went off to Shoalwater Bay in far north Queensland. His battalion was to carry out a training exercise there before leaving for Vietnam.
The atmosphere in the car had been subdued on the way out to Holsworthy, but picked up once Ronan got in and Marcus and Freddie began to pepper him with questions about Army life. They’d decided on a spot on the Georges River for their picnic, and when they arrived at the swimming hole, Dingo, Marcus and Freddie rushed down to the water and bounded in. Lillie and Ma set out the food on a rug under a Casuarina tree. Ma had made sandwiches and Ronan’s favourite chocolate cake as well as plenty of Anzac biscuits he could take back to the barracks with him. Although the food all looked delicious, Lillie was too upset with the thought of it being the last time she would see Ronan before he left to eat much. After she and her mother cleared up, Dad and her brothers played cricket in the sand.
At one point Marcus caused a bit of a stir by saying: ‘I don’t reckon Australia should be in Vietnam. It’s not right.’
‘Thanks, mate,’ Ronan said. ‘Good to see I’ve got your backing.’
‘Well,’ Marcus said, ‘I understand you wanting to go. But I don’t see why Australia’s there in the first place. Only because America’s there. You know what I mean: all the way with LBJ —’
‘Everyone’s entitled to their opinion,’ James said. ‘Ronan’s made a decision and we should back him.’
Marcus nodded. ‘Yes, I know, but …’ He saw Lillie glare at him, and decided not to take it any further. Although she didn’t agree with the Vietnam War either, Lillie felt this was not the time to be saying so.
‘Who’s LBJ?’ Freddie asked.
‘President Johnson of America,’ Ronan said. ‘He’s asked Australia to contribute to the forces in Vietnam.’
‘And he shouldn’t have done that,’ Marcus said, throwing a stone into the river angrily.
‘Marcus!’ Kathleen exclaimed. ‘Drop it. Okay?’
Lillie wondered if this wasn’t an argument going on all over Australia. Vietnam was causing almost as much division and conflict within families as the Irish Civil War had done. But at least in Australia they weren’t killing each other, even if at times they felt like it.
Finally the moment Lillie had been dreading arrived. There was a sombre mood as they packed up and prepared to take Ronan back to the barracks. Lillie sat between her parents in the front seat, her brothers were in the back with Dingo at their feet. As they drove Lillie tried to keep up a jolly banter, pointing out things they drove past. Ronan was also trying his hardest to lift everyone’s mood.
‘Hey, young Fred,’ he chuckled. ‘Look at that crane over there. Looks like it could move a mountain, eh.’
When they arrived at the barracks and they all got out to say a final goodbye, Lillie thought Ma’s heart would break. Dad’s and her own, too. Freddie was inconsolable.
Lillie went over to Ronan and gave him a monstrous hug. ‘Good luck. And take care.’
Too upset to say anything more, she turned away and got back in the car. Out of the window she watched her parents say their final goodbyes.
When Ma got back in the car she turned around to Lillie in the back seat and gave her a small smile. ‘We’ve all got to be brave. That’s what Ronan would want.’
Now that Ronan was actually off to fight in those awful jungles crawling with Viet Cong, Lillie was terrified for him. Even so she wiped her eyes and tried to pull herself together.
‘It’s not fair,’ Freddie sobbed into Dingo’s fur, who sat on the floor with his head on Freddie’s lap. ‘It’s not fair at all.’
Although Dad was stoic, it was obvious he was struggling to keep his composure as he walked to the car.
I know I shouldn’t blame you, Clara, Lillie thought with a stab of anger, but if only you’d married Charles Fitzpatrick and hadn’t come to Australia none of this would be happening. She tried to stop the tears running down her cheeks, but hard as she tried she couldn’t. It was too much. She opened the door of the car and flew out to Ronan.
‘Please, please look after yourself,’ she said, looking up at him. ‘And write whenever you can.’
‘I’ll be fine, li’l sis,’ he said, smiling bravely at her. ‘And of course I’ll write.’
She then gave him another huge hug and a kiss and fled back into the car. As they drove off she saw him standing and waving after them. Lillie had never been so distressed in all her life. Not even when Ronan had taken off like that from Eureka Park. She wasn’t given much to prayer, but now she prayed like she had never prayed before. Please, please, God, look after him. Please. She took Freddie’s hand and squeezed it so hard she knew he was hurting.
But Freddie said nothing. He just let his own tears flow down his blotched cheeks onto Dingo’s fur.
PART FIVE
Dublin, Kenmare River, Eureka Park
1968 to 1970
CHAPTER
45
Lillie had mixed emotions as she glimpsed the emerald fields below and her Aer Lingus flight came in towards Dublin airport. On one hand she was so excited that, at nineteen, here she was back in Ireland after five years, and the thought of seeing Grandma again made her feel her heart would split into a million pieces and scatter happily onto the patchwork fields below. On the other hand, Ronan, who’d promised to come home to Ireland before he was twenty-one, wasn’t with her. He was ensconced at the Australian Task Force Base in Nui Dat in Vietnam and he would celebrate his twenty-second birthday there, without the family. Lillie had received a couple of letters from him; however, it was hard to make out what he was really feeling, although he did say that it was incredibly hot. He couldn’t tell her what sort of missions he was going on, but she had hoped he’d tell her more. Neither of them mentioned Clara. As far as Lillie knew Ronan hadn’t heard from her since that first letter.
Lillie gazed out from the back of the taxi as it negotiated the ring road past St Stephen’s Green on the way to Grandma’s hotel. Everything seemed a little smaller than when she was a fourteen year old. Other than that, Dublin was as she remembered it. Screaming traffic, people everywhere, and the familiar green buses pulling into the kerbs. The rain pelted down in buckets, making the River Liffey and the stone buildings look grey and drab. She was so pleased to be back in Ireland she forgave them for that.
When she arrived at the hotel, she found Grandma waiting anxiously in the front parlour. When the family left for Australia, Grandma’s immaculately styled hair had been grey; now it was white. Her skin had developed a papery texture, and the veins on her hands stood out like tangled vines. But her caring eyes were the same, even if they were now circled with deep lines.
‘Oh, Lillie,’ she exclaimed, putting down her knitting and holding out her arms. ‘My darling, darling Lillie. Look at you. You’ve got so grown up. And even prettier. Do come here and give your old grandma a kiss.’ There were tears in her eyes. ‘My, how I’ve missed you!’
As Lillie leant down to give her a kiss, Alice stroked her hair a
nd touched her lips to her forehead.
‘I’ve missed you so much as well, Grandma.’ Lillie straightened and her grandmother beckoned for her to sit next to her.
‘You must be exhausted. And hungry. I’ll order some sandwiches for you with my afternoon tea. And your luggage? Where is that?’
‘The porter took it up to my room. Thank you so much for organising a room here.’ She looked around at the warm and cosy drawing room with a fire burning in the grate. ‘It all looks lovely.’
‘Yes, I’m very happy here.’ She rang a bell and soon a waitress appeared and took an order for sandwiches and another cup for Lillie’s tea.
‘Now, tell me all about the family,’ Grandma said, when she had gone. ‘Your mama, your father, Ronan and the little ones.’ She paused. ‘Do you think Ronan’s all right in Vietnam?’
‘I think so. He looks dashing in his uniform. Here,’ she said, pulling out the photo she carried everywhere: the one of Ronan under the willow tree with the rest of the family.
Alice gazed at the photograph. ‘He does look handsome in his uniform, doesn’t he? So did his father. Dermot, I mean.’
Lillie nodded. ‘He looked very dashing in the photo at Rathgarven.’
‘He did indeed. It was taken not long before he died. Before that fateful flight over Vietnam. I never thought that photograph did him justice. Being black and white, you can’t see his colouring.’ She sighed. ‘Now to think Ronan’s in Vietnam too.’ She let her eyes rest on Lillie’s face again. ‘But enough of all that. I can’t believe you’re here, darling.’
‘Neither can I, Grandma.’
‘Now tell me. Have you heard from Clara? I thought she’d have written to me when she found out about her father.’
‘Ronan had one letter that I know of. To say she was in London. I’m sure when she settles down she’ll get in touch with us.’
‘No doubt you’re right, darling.’ Alice paused and fiddled with her knitting needles. ‘As you say, it’s best to leave it up to her.’
The waitress brought in a silver tea tray, and Lillie poured Grandma a cup of tea and handed her a curried egg sandwich on a small plate. She poured a cup of tea for herself and took a sandwich. Although lunch had been served on the plane, she was quite hungry.
When she finished eating she sat back and smiled. ‘Oh, Grandma … I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long.’
‘And so have I, darling.’
They sipped their tea and the years fell away.
‘Lady Margaret Fitzpatrick has asked us both down to Drominderry House for a visit,’ Alice said, smoothing her tweed skirt.
‘Goodness, has she?’ Lillie paused. ‘Do you think they’ve heard from Clara? Ronan said she might marry Charles after all. I know she hasn’t or we would’ve heard. But do you think she’s been in contact with them?’
‘Margaret said they haven’t heard a word from her. I didn’t tell her whose daughter Clara turned out to be. It’s really up to Clara to tell people if she wants to do so.’
‘Yes, that’s how Ma and Dad feel. Though we did wonder if Jessica would’ve told anyone.’
‘Not that I’m aware of. And let’s hope that’s how it remains until Clara’s happy with disclosing it.’ She paused. ‘Although dear Margaret’s got Charles and Hugh at Drominderry House, she insisted she’d like my company. I do hate staying with people for long periods, but she sounded so adamant we stay a few weeks I could hardly refuse. Besides, Bette, my companion, has broken her leg and is staying in a convalescent place for a few more weeks. So it’s a good opportunity. Margaret was thrilled when I told her you were here. She said we could have the small flat on the side of the house. No one’s using it. I think it might cheer her up after what happened with Charles and Clara.’
Lillie wondered how she’d get on staying in the same house as Charles Fitzpatrick after what had gone on with Clara and Ronan. Even if Charles didn’t know, it would be awkward to say the least. It could also be awkward with his mother. Even Hugh.
‘Are you sure Lady Fitzpatrick and Charles want me to stay?’ she asked. ‘I mean …’
‘Margaret was adamant you come. And if you remember Margaret, she’s not one to take no for an answer. Don’t you want to see Hugh? Not to mention Maisie? And Paddy? They’d be horrified if you didn’t come.’
Put like that, Lillie couldn’t say no. Besides, she was excited to be seeing Maisie and Paddy again. Although she couldn’t remember meeting Charles Fitzpatrick before, she was curious to see what he was like. And she would be able to see how Hugh was looking after Merlin. Plus Drominderry House was on her beloved Ken-mare River.
* * *
Under a bright blue sky, perfect summer weather for the long drive to Killarney, Lillie folded up Grandma’s wheelchair and placed it in the boot of the small Fiat she’d hired. Grandmother and granddaughter chatted companionably as the little car sped along, and they took a break for lunch in Limerick on the way.
‘It’s so wonderful to be back,’ Lillie said as they wound their way down the familiar road past Lough Leane and Moll’s Gap. ‘I missed these mountains so much.’ She glanced across to the high peaks of Macgillycuddy’s Reeks where black and white sheep grazed among the rocks on the slopes. ‘And,’ she laughed, ‘I remember Freddie could never say Macgillycuddy’s Reeks.’
‘It is a funny sounding name,’ her grandmother said. ‘But the Macgillycuddys were a branch of the O’Sullivans in the olden days.’
‘Really!’
‘Irish history goes back a long, long way. So different to the European settlement of Australia.’
Lillie smiled. ‘The difference between here and there is amazing, Grandma. You’d find it fascinating. The paddocks seem to go on forever. And rather than hedgerows there’s barbed-wire fences. And they call waterholes dams. We have quite a few at Eureka and then of course there’s the river. It’s beautiful.’
‘It does look lovely. I adored the photos of Ronan’s twenty-first down there.’
What would her family be doing now? Lillie looked at her watch. Sleeping.
‘Do you want to go first to see if we can spy anything of Rathgarven, Grandma? I know the gates will probably be closed. But we might be able to see something.’
‘No,’ Alice said. ‘The memories would be too painful. Maybe Margaret will know how Donoghue’s looking after the dear place. I don’t think I could bear to ever go back while he’s there.’
Lillie nodded. ‘I think I feel the same.’ As she drove she saw a donkey trying to snaffle something juicy among the foxgloves over the fence, wagging his tail in frustration because he couldn’t get to it. ‘All the same, I wouldn’t mind having a peek one day. To refresh my happy memories.’
‘Ah, that’s what happy memories are all about. Keep them as that. Don’t go destroying them.’
Grandma’s probably right, Lillie thought. I should remember Rathgarven as it was when I was fourteen years old. Not now with another family’s stamp on it.
As they got closer to Drominderry House they passed a number of the larger estates hidden behind ivy-covered stone walls, although Drominderry House’s wall was the longest and highest. Huge iron gates stood between ornate stone pillars at the entrance.
They drove through and Lillie gasped when they came to the end of the tree-lined avenue. She had forgotten what a magnificent building it was. Built of splendid brownstone, its four turreted towers made it look more of a castle than a house. Extensive gardens surrounded it, with box hedges and green lawns dotted with bushes of azaleas, camellias, rhododendrons and fuchsias; down near the river stood huge shiny palms.
‘It takes a better advantage of the Gulf Stream from Mexico than Rathgarven,’ her grandmother said. ‘Hence all those palms and exotic plants.’
Whereas Rathgarven was burnt down during the Civil War of the 1920s, Lillie remembered Grandma telling her Drominderry House had survived. She could understand why Clara’s mother had wanted her to be mistress of such a glorious stately hom
e. And Jessica would have been in her element.
‘It’s an incredible building, isn’t it?’ she said to her grandmother.
‘The original home was built in the seventeenth century during a time known as the Plantations, when lands were confiscated from their Irish owners and granted to settlers from England.’
‘Truly!’
‘Yes. It’s stayed in the Fitzpatrick family ever since.’
Lillie didn’t envy Charles inheriting the enormous responsibility of an estate like this. Little wonder he wanted a wife to share it with. Heavens, Clara, she mused, perhaps you should’ve pretended you loved the man and gone ahead with that lavish wedding at Christchurch Cathedral in order to get your hands on this. And then, she thought sadly, Ronan might be with me now, rather than fighting in that awful war in Vietnam.
‘Oh look,’ Alice exclaimed. ‘I do believe that’s Paddy by that wooden gate over there.’
And sure enough it was Paddy. Despite the warmth, he wore his familiar tweed cap and Wellington boots. He held a pair of garden clippers in one hand, a shovel in the other.
Lillie stopped the car and leapt out to embrace him.
‘Paddy! How wonderful to see you.’
Like her dad, he was now a bit stooped. And when he removed his cap, she could see that his hair had thinned to just a couple of strands across the top of his head.
‘Sure now,’ he said with a beam from ear to ear. ‘It does an old man’s eyes good to be seeing a girl such as you.’ He stood back. ‘My, oh my! What a fine lass you’ve grown into!’
‘Don’t know about that, Paddy.’
‘And they tell me young Ronan’s gone and joined the Army?’
‘Yes, he’s in Vietnam.’
‘Ah, is he now? And how about young Marcus? And that terror of a lad, Freddie? How would they be doing?’
‘They’re fine, Paddy. Still the nuisance younger brothers and fighting all the time. I’ve got some photos in the car. Come, Grandma’s there.’
Alice was delighted to see Paddy, and rolled down the window and held out her hand.
The Homestead on the River Page 38