However, after Aunt Susanna paired us for the scavenger hunt, I lost his attention. He became obsessed with learning everything about Charlie and kept dragging me along, trying to find where Charlie and Sinclair had disappeared to. When he could not find them, he grew more agitated. When Charlie and Sinclair returned to the drawing room, it was more than apparent how they spent the past two hours. While I am more than happy for my sister, I cannot stop the despair settling in my heart.
APRIL 20TH, 1822
I confessed my love for Worthington to Jacqueline, Gemma, and Abigail today. Their support humbled me. I always knew I held their love, but their advice and guidance helped to ease my heartache. The ball is in two days. It will be my last attempt to capture Worthington’s heart.
Charlie and I switched places again this evening, and I enjoyed myself immensely with Worthington throughout dinner. However, I saw the deceit for what it represented. I also realized that I deserve more. I deserve to have Worthington’s unwavering attention meant for me alone, not for who he thinks I am. When I dress for the ball’s festivities, I will do so for me.
I may not have won the love of the man I adore, but I have emerged from the shell I have hidden myself in since my parent’s death. When they died, a part of me died with them. I have lived in fear of living. However, the most important lesson I have learned this week is how to love myself. When Worthington leaves, he will take away a part of my heart he does not even realize he holds, and I will bear a most wrenching heartache. But I will survive.
After all, I am a Holbrooke.
Under Evelyn’s declaration, she drew two hearts. One whole, the other broken. She wrote under them:
Which heart will win?
APRIL 21ST, 1822
I have lost something I never held.
REESE PAUSED AGAIN in his reading, trying to remember that week. He racked his memories for any sign of why Evelyn felt like she had lost. He knew Evelyn referred to him. What happened?
APRIL 22ND, 1822 ~ During the ball
I cannot stop the tears. I thought I could handle this, but I cannot. He still sees me as nothing more than a nuisance or an invisible being. Why did I imagine I could capture his attention? He has asked Charlie for the dinner dance, in which he will escort her to dinner. I know Charlie only told him yes so he would leave her alone. Charlie fixated her attention on her search for Sinclair. Once Sinclair arrived, Charlie hurried to his side and left me all alone on the edge of the dance floor. My gaze searched for Worthington to find him laughing alongside Lucas. I saw the triumph in his eyes. He thought he won Charlie.
CHARLIE JUST LEFT WITH Lucas. Sapphire has gone into labor. I know what I am about to do is wrong. However, I am powerless to stop myself from my last attempt to win Reese. My love. As I stood before the mirror, I brushed out my hair into billowing waves around my shoulders and smoothed the material of Charlie’s dress over my hips. I promise this will be the last time.
APRIL 23RD, 1822
Every emotion a person could experience, I have gone through on this day. In the earliest of the morning hours, I floated on clouds of ecstasy, then fell into a crushing heap of defeat. I have made my bed, and now I must lie in it. The depth of my deception is now known. If I imagined once that when Reese learned the truth he will love me, I now know I played myself false. All Reese Worthington feels for me is disgust, anger, and loathing. And I deserve these emotions. I caused them. But do I regret them? No. Because if I had never deceived him, I would never have experienced what I did. I only hope that one day I can seek his forgiveness. I promise from this day forth, I will never lie to him again. He may only see me as the dull sister, but I pledge before our life together is over, he will experience the passion I am capable of.
APRIL 25TH, 1822
Today I married Lord Reese Worthington. It included a hurried carriage ride to Gretna Green and vows performed by a blacksmith. Instead of resting for the day, we made the return journey toward his home, which will now be my home. A home I know Reese will abandon me to. I only hope I can make him see me in a better light once we settle into our marriage. Our carriage ride has proved to be very enlightening. I will not let him cower me with his arrogance.
Worthington changed his mind and stopped at an inn. Now I wait for him to join me for a meal.
I hope for more.
Am I a fool in all this madness?
NO, EVELYN, ‘TIS HE who was the fool. A fool who had the most amazing woman in the world at his feet and destroyed her with his foolish rantings. Reese didn’t need to read anymore to understand the depth of Evelyn’s emotions, nor did he want to read in fear that she no longer held love for him.
He rose and laid the book as he had found it. He wanted to remain in the room and wait for Evelyn to return, but he didn’t wish to scare her away. On his way out, Reese slipped the buttons into his pocket.
Reese stared out the window in his own bedroom. He didn’t realize when the sky had darkened and how late it had grown. He only knew that his wife and brother hadn’t returned yet. Reese grew impatient. However, he refused to leave his position. He waited with bated breath for the carriage to arrive.
When Rogers arrived with dinner, Reese refused to eat, his stomach unsettled over wondering if he’d lost Evelyn’s love. When the house grew quiet and one hour after another passed by, Reese admitted defeat.
He stretched his weary body on the soft mattress and closed his eyes. It was then that a memory flashed before him. Evelyn making him more comfortable. Evelyn’s gentle caresses over his bruises. Evelyn snuggling into him, warming him. His arms wrapping around and holding her as close as he could. He remembered sighing her name.
Reese thought it had all been a dream. However, it had been real. Evelyn was real. It gave him hope that Evelyn still loved him.
Chapter Sixteen
Reese waited at the table for Evelyn to come downstairs for breakfast. He had risen early, so as not to miss her. He’d asked the cook to make Evelyn’s favorite breakfast—jam-filled pastries and tea—then he walked through the garden and cut a rose to lie next to her plate. He told Rogers to deliver the mail and newspapers to his study. He would read them later.
For now, he wished to make himself available to Evelyn. Reese sat waiting patiently. However, she never came belowstairs. He didn’t want to inquire to the servants of her whereabouts. From their coldness, they would do him no favors. The only reason the cook agreed was because Reese told her of Evelyn’s favorite foods.
When he heard footsteps coming along the hallway, Reese rose from his chair to welcome Evelyn. His hope deflated when Graham strolled into the room. Where could she be?
Graham glanced about the dining room for the breakfast buffet, but nothing was prepared. Then he noticed the table’s leaves reduced to one and sat for an intimate breakfast for two. He raised his brows at Reese. Then his eyes focused on the pastries and he reached for one.
“No,” Reese growled.
Graham paused with his hand in mid-air. “Why not?”
“Those are for Evelyn.”
Graham sighed. “Fine.”
He pulled out the chair to sit down, but Reese voiced his displeasure and stopped him before he could. “You need to visit your club for breakfast. That seat is for when Evelyn arrives.”
However, Graham ignored Reese and sat. He noticed the romantic gesture near the plate and picked up the rose. He inhaled the perfume scent and laid it across the plate. “Evelyn chose not to return home last night. She decided to visit with her family more.”
Reese’s hope slowly seeped away. He slumped into his chair, dejected. All his efforts to make breakfast pleasurable and apologize were for naught. Evelyn wasn’t even at home. Would she even return?
Reese cleared his throat. “Did her family learn of ...” He couldn’t finish asking if everyone knew of his misdeeds.
“Yes. Sinclair informed Colebourne and Gray. Charlie confided to the other ladies in the family if their cold regard toward me were anything
to go by during dinner.”
“Guilty by association?” Reese’s words dripped with sarcasm.
“At first. However, halfway through the dinner, Evelyn scolded her family for their rudeness. She explained to them how I have offered her support since the first day we met. Then their manner warmed toward me. I must say I had a most enjoyable evening.”
“Humph.”
“Her cousin Gemma is a treasure.” Graham grabbed a pastry.
Reese held up his hand. “Stop.”
“What?”
“You will stay away from Gemma Holbrooke. You do not want to involve yourself with the Duke of Colebourne’s machinations.”
“Perhaps I do.” Graham took a bite of the pastry.
“Really?” Reese arched an eyebrow in disbelief.
“No.” Graham sighed. “But she is a delightful temptation.”
“She is not for you. It does not matter anyway. The duke has already chosen a gentleman for Gemma.”
“Who?”
Reese arched a brow. “Does it matter?”
Graham shrugged, pretending indifference.
Reese rose. “I do not know, except every gentleman invited to his house party had their purpose. And that was to fall in love with one of his wards. Since Colebourne did not invite you, he will not welcome your attentions toward Lady Gemma. It would be best if you stayed clear, and absolutely no flirting. My own troubles with that family are insurmountable. I do not wish to take on yours, too.”
“Yes, I suppose.” Graham reached inside his suit coat and pulled out a missive. “Before I forget, Colebourne has summoned you to his lair.”
Reese opened the letter. Colebourne demanded his presence. He didn’t state a time, so that meant Reese was already late by the duke’s standards. He stalked out of the room. Reese only hoped he could redeem himself in the duke’s eyes. Since he knew the duke would summon him, Reese had already prepared a speech. After he met with Colebourne, he would find his wife and humble himself before her.
“Reese?”
Reese paused, turning slightly.
“I am sorry Evelyn did not see your effort. Her heartstrings would have tugged in response. Do not despair, I believe you still hold a chance.”
Reese nodded. He met Rogers in the hallway and ordered the carriage. He hurried to his study to write a note to Evelyn in case she refused to see him. His hand scrawled the romantic lines from a poem she’d marked in her book. With a smile, Reese strolled with a new sense of confidence he’d lost for a moment when he learned Evelyn hadn’t returned home.
EVELYN SMILED WISTFULLY at Gemma. Her cousin was sighing over Graham’s charming attributes. Her cousin was smitten, but Evelyn didn’t think Graham was the gentleman for Gemma. Evelyn loved him like a brother, but he wasn’t ready to commit. No more than his brother, obviously. Perhaps they both took after their father more than they realized. Evelyn needed to keep a watch on her cousin and steer her in a different direction if the flirtation between the two went too far.
Evelyn had missed these early morning breakfasts with her sisters, cousin, and friend. Abigail wasn’t related by blood, but they considered her their sister. When a boating accident killed their parents, leaving them orphans, Uncle Theo had taken them all under his wing and loved them like they were his own. Abigail’s mother had been Gemma’s mother’s maid. When she perished, Uncle Theo never thought twice and brought Abigail to live with them, too.
“Will you be sending for your luggage?” asked Jacqueline.
Evelyn raised her head, her musings clearing away. For a minute, while thinking of Graham and Gemma, she had fallen into her usual trap of obsessing over Reese. She wondered what it would feel like to have a gentleman flirt with her out of interest for her alone and not as an attempt to gain a horse. A gentleman who knew exactly who she was.
However, Evelyn didn’t want any gentleman. She only wanted Reese.
Evelyn wandered toward the window. “No.”
“No?” every lady asked at once.
“No. I shall return after I have a private word with Uncle Theo.”
“Have you grown mad?” Charlie rose.
Evelyn understood Charlie’s dismay, for she had witnessed Reese’s cruelty, not once but twice. Or did yesterday afternoon count as the third incident? Either way, it didn’t matter. Evelyn planned to return to Reese on her terms. She knew Uncle Theo would provide support. The ending was the same. She loved Reese. He had only lashed out on their arrival from pain. His other outbursts had resulted from her deceit. A man’s pride was his downfall. Evelyn wasn’t innocent in this affair. If it weren’t for her deception, her husband would trust her. However, their marriage hadn’t started off on the right foot. It had been a disaster since she admitted to her dishonesty.
“Duncan said our deceit would not end well,” Charlie plopped back down.
Evelyn turned around. “He did? How did he find out?”
“I confided in him and he told me we needed to be honest. He warned that the consequences of our actions would not be pleasant. That when you fooled a gentleman, you damaged his pride. I suppose Worthington’s ego did not take lightly to our game.”
“Not his ego, Charlie. But his feelings. You might consider Worthington an arrogant arse, but he is my arrogant arse. All he had was his pride, and we trampled it to shreds with our selfish acts. I am as much to blame for the condition of our marriage as Worthington.”
“Jacqueline, tell her it is not safe for her to return to Worthington,” Charlie begged their older sister.
Jacqueline directed a pensive stare at Evelyn. “Is Worthington violent?”
“No,” answered Evelyn.
“He may not be with his fists, but his words say otherwise,” argued Charlie.
“Is your life at risk?” asked Gemma.
Evelyn shook her head. “No.”
“Does he flaunt his mistresses in your face?” asked Abigail.
“No.” Evelyn sat back down.
“Is his family kind to you?” asked Jacqueline.
“Yes.” Evelyn smiled. “They welcomed me as one of their own.”
Charlie rose again and swept her hand out. “Tell them how furious he was when he discovered the paperwork for Cobalt was only in your name.”
“Why did you do that?” Abigail asked Charlie.
“Because.” Charlie would offer no other explanation.
“So, let me get this straight. You taunted Cobalt at Worthington, then pulled the foal away, knowing full well how important the horse would be for his circumstances. You provoked him into reacting angrily,” Jacqueline accused. “Did you not stop to think how he would react? How it would reflect on Evelyn.”
Charlie sat silently, taking in Jacqueline’s viewpoint. She folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot impatiently on the floor. Everyone focused on her, waiting for a reply. She glanced at Evelyn and realized she was partly to blame for Worthington’s cruelty, just as she had when he discovered the truth to their deception. She tried to imagine how Jasper would have acted if she deceived him in the same form. Would he have acted the same?
Charlie wanted to believe he wouldn’t have been so cruel. But then she remembered how he’d reacted with jealousy when he thought she loved another. Had she misjudged Worthington and his depth of emotions for her sister? Now that she thought about it, when they dropped off Evelyn, Charlie had witnessed a jealous man. And she knew firsthand how one could misjudge a situation and the reaction of a jealous man. Not themselves. When Charlie slapped Worthington, he never flinched. He took his punishment because he realized the errors of his way. She saw the regret in his eyes and misjudged it for something altogether different.
Charlie raised her eyes, her own regret stirring. “Our visit triggered a reminder of our trap, and the gift fueled his fury.”
Evelyn nodded. Charlie moved to Evelyn and sank to her knees. She laid her head on Evelyn’s lap and apologized over and over for Evelyn’s heartache. Evelyn assured Charlie she
held no anger toward her.
After a while, Charlie leapt to her feet and started pacing back and forth. “We must think of a plan ...”
Evelyn smiled. “No.”
“No?” asked everyone again.
“No. We have no need to. My husband shall pay court very soon.” Evelyn winked.
“How do you hold such confidence?” asked Gemma.
“When I spoke to Graham before he left, he informed me of Reese’s condition and his deep regret. At this moment, my husband will have realized I never returned home last night. His reaction remains a mystery. I hope he misses me as much as I do him. I do not wish to make him suffer. We have each suffered enough and not held trust in one another to last a lifetime. The wishes I hold in my heart, I only want Reese to fulfill. No other.”
“How may we help?” asked Charlie.
“By not doing a single thing. Life will steer the course of our reunion. If fate wishes, then our marriage will find peace. If not, then I shall have to reconsider my options. For now, I must strive to prove my love to Reese.”
Chapter Seventeen
Colebourne’s butler left Worthington waiting in the foyer like a commoner, not a respected peer. But then again, with his behavior of late, he deserved the treatment. However, he didn’t mind. It gave him a chance to find Evelyn. He searched up and down the hallway for any sign of her. He ventured near the parlor and glanced inside, only to find the room empty.
When Worthington heard a throat clear behind him, he stiffened, then turned, feigning an arrogance that he had a right to wander through Colebourne’s home.
How the Earl Fell for His Countess (Matchmaking Madness Book 2) Page 15