Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2)

by A. S. Roberts

  Picking up my glass of water, I sipped at the cool contents and leant my Capri pants encased bum against the sink behind me and tried hard to stifle a yawn.

  Even from the side of the vast property where the kitchen was situated, I could hear the low hum of the chatter going on all over the building. The noise sounded encouraging and I knew, without reading the reviews that would be written in tomorrow’s papers and this month’s magazines, the guests had been won over. I wanted to take a good look around and had tried to summon up the courage several times during the day to do so. But, I’d wandered earlier today and had seen Raff, and that one look was enough to send this supposedly brave thirty-two-year-old, independent businesswoman scampering back into her hidey hole.

  I had entered the ballroom four hours previously, as per Winter’s instructions to check everything was going according to schedule, and found him standing there with his parents and an uncomfortable looking Flint. Never had I seen Raff in a suit, not even at those award things they often televised live from the U.S. The awards that I only watched to remind myself that I felt nothing for him, then punished myself by turning them off while he was still on the stage, when my throat tightened, tears painfully pricked the back of my eyes and my heart began to ache with a deep sense of longing.

  The man that had stood in front of my eyes earlier was spectacular. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever hated or loved him more.

  Loved? I heard a low groan leave my mouth, as it had the countless other times I had gone over seeing him today, and listened to that word reverberating in my head. Hate and love were very close bedfellows, weren’t they?

  I must be tired and confused.

  As I had looked at him and his family, I had slowly become aware that my feet had frozen to the spot and the head waitress who had been chewing my ear off asking constant questions fell silent to me, as every sense I had, honed onto him and him alone. The charcoal grey of his expensive three-piece fitted him to perfection, showing off his broad shoulders, muscular toned torso and long defined legs, all the way down to his tan coloured, leather brogues. To top it all, it made the silver grey of his eyes appear like mercury filled pools.

  He was simply mesmerising. For the first time I’d ever witnessed, he looked every bit part of the upper-class family he belonged to.

  At least that’s what the untrained eye would see, but I had once been so much more than that. I had swallowed deeply and stood mute, watching him flicking his index finger with his thumb on his right hand as it supposedly hung relaxed against his side, and swirling the small amount of amber coloured liquid in an expensive crystal-cut tumbler, which he was holding with the fingertips of his left hand. A smile might have been on his face, but he was agitated. We had been apart for years, but those two mannerisms showed me in a matter of seconds exactly how he felt.

  I had stood frozen, unable to hear a word that was being spoken, until I heard his mum’s voice call over to me.

  ‘Good morning, Lauren.’

  Those three words made the room once again come to life. Colour once again bled into my peripheral view, which had turned black and white as I had concentrated hard on scrutinising him. The small party had opened up their circle and turned around to face me. Two wide smiles had appeared immediately in greeting, followed by a stern nod from Colonel Davenport.

  Raff however, had taken his time. I had watched as he slowly tilted his head towards where I stood. He’d then pulled his eyes away from watching the swirling whiskey in his glass and found me, immediately penetrating my pretence of working. Small laughter lines had appeared beside his eyes as he smiled knowingly. His gaze in turn darted all over me, silently acknowledging that he knew I’d been admiring him. Heat swept over my skin where his eyes travelled and then milliseconds later when they came to rest on the skin of my shoulders, left bare in a cream Bardot top, my body ignited. His eyes on my bare flesh might as well have been the calloused skin on his fingers caressing me. My body was instantly set alight, even from twenty feet away. My breathing changed and a blush hit my face that I knew even his father with his poor eyesight would be able to see. Somehow, my body had sensed the panic building inside me and miraculously began to move as I offered them a small wave in greeting. I steered the head waitress by the elbow along with me as we left the ballroom. As we departed the room, finally the breath I had been holding in released and I focussed everything I had on the waitress walking beside me, until she had at last had all her questions answered.

  One of the chefs still working in the kitchen laughed at something on the radio and brought me once again out of my recollection.

  I need a diversion.

  I knew what I could do.

  The old kitchen in The Manor had a fantastic L-shaped walk-in pantry. The architect who had refurbished the building had done so sympathetically and anything that could be of any use had been left and integrated into the new design. This had left many feature fireplaces, three secret passages, ceiling roses and my favourite, because cooking was my true love, a north-facing pantry.

  I walked in, making sure the old panelled door didn’t close fully behind me. Closing my eyes, I let the cool room embrace me and chill the feverish skin I had been carrying around since our moment in the ballroom. Walking around the corner away from the door, I took my phone from my trouser pocket and scrolled down to find Toby’s number. A few minutes talking with him was exactly what I needed. As his phone rang, I pushed myself up on my toes and edged myself backwards to sit onto the marble surface that ran around the entirety of the large room.

  ‘Hello, Lauren,’ he answered. ‘Are you okay?’

  I held in a sigh of exasperation. I knew it wasn’t his way, but truthfully, I was desperate to hear a change in his tone when he knew it was me on the other end of the phone. I wanted to hear his voice deepen with lust and longing. I needed to hear his footsteps on the floor and the voices of those around him begin to drift further into the background as he walked away from them. I wanted him to want to be with me in some small space of our own, even if we were only on the phone.

  You’re in your thirties for Christ’s sake, grow-up.

  ‘I’m fine, a bit tired, but good.’ I could hear other voices talking around him and tried desperately to remember his itinerary that he had printed out for me.

  ‘I bet the tearooms have been busy today. It should be a very profitable week for you.’

  Please don’t talk business.

  I rolled my lips over my teeth and wordlessly looked around the empty space I was in. I hadn’t lied to him, but I’d also not been truthful either. He didn’t need to know I wasn’t where he thought I was, he was working away until just before Christmas and I’d gone with “what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.”

  ‘It should… How’s the business trip?’ I decided as much as I didn’t want to, to change the subject.

  ‘It’s going well, we may be able to fold it up early and Lucy is keeping up with my demands.’ He carried on talking about his media marketing business and the meetings they were attending. I zoned out and offered the occasional listening noise in return.

  I bet. I felt my eyes roll up towards my forehead.

  I could see Toby’s PA in my mind’s eye right now. I bet she was enjoying her upgraded role as his plus one for the trip. She was an attractive twenty-seven-year-old, with no other ties on her time other than to be at my boyfriend’s beck and call. I’m sure a lot of women would have been jealous of their time together, but I had decided a while ago that I was obviously too mature for those feelings as it didn’t bother me at all. Business was business after all.

  Winter and Amy had opened their eyes wide when I’d told them how he was going away without me and taking her. Them probing as to whether I was happy with that and telling me exactly how pissed off they’d be if it was their partner, had me asking myself questions that I didn’t want to know the answers to. What they didn’t understand was I’d done the young love, the first love, the intense love thing b
efore and I’d been crushed when Raff had left me. I was looking for a companionable sort of love now, one that included a mature respect for each other, even if it meant compromising on a lack of passion. Winter had told me I was in my thirties and not my seventies and I needed to snap out of it, she had only climbed down off her soap box once Amy had shot her a look. I knew they meant well, but they needed to understand that this was right for me.

  I glanced around the empty pantry as he carried on talking and tried in vain to relax into his voice. Toby knew that I’d once been involved with Raff, our previous relationships were one of the things we had shared with each other a few months ago. I could see it had been hard news for him to take in. I mean, what normal working guy wouldn’t feel threatened when they found out that their newish girlfriend had lost her virginity to a guy who had twice been voted World’s Sexiest Man? I’d lost other boyfriends before, to the same male insecurities. Toby had been unhappy when he had realised that Raff was once again turning up in the village when he visited The Manor to check on the renovations. It seemed that Raff also made Toby feel insecure, when there was no need. But I knew it affected him, I’d watched his whole demeanour change any time Raff’s name was mentioned. Only a couple of inches taller than me, any talk of Raff made Toby try to stand a little taller and to hold in a breath to try to flatten his stomach. He was a decent looking man in his late thirties, but corporate life had already taken its toll. Rich food and too much alcohol meant he carried a little extra weight around his middle and with his sandy coloured hair beginning to thin on top, I could see he felt inadequate.

  I had weighed everything up and decided he didn’t need to know exactly where I was working this weekend.

  ‘So, what’s been the best seller then this week, Lauren?’

  Oh God, really? Couldn’t he for once ask what colour underwear I was wearing? Or tell me how much he wanted me and describe all the wonderfully delicious things he was going to do to me, and would do, once he got home?

  I sat up a little straighter at his question as I jumped to attention. A sudden noise from the kitchen had me peering around the metal racking to see if anyone had come to find me.

  ‘Oh well you know, the usual,’ I replied, feeling suddenly flustered at the fact I hadn’t a clue.

  ‘I bet those individual samples of different countries’ Christmas cakes are doing well?’

  ‘Yes!’ I answered almost a little too enthusiastically, grasping hold of his idea and running with it. ‘Almost every afternoon tea has requested at least a couple of them today, they were a fantastic idea of yours, Toby.’

  And there it was, now I was blatantly lying to him.

  ‘I knew they’d sell. I have so many more ideas for your little business, Lauren. I just wish you’d allow me to contribute more.’

  I felt the hackles rise on my back and started to slow breathe as my anxieties of never being quite good enough began to rise up inside me.

  ‘You know how much I appreciate that, but I’ve explained before. I welcome your input, but it’s my baby and I want The Fairy Garden’s achievements and failures to be down to me.’ Absentmindedly, I started to flick irritating specks of nothing off my black trousers. This conversation was one we’d had many times before, and it exasperated me beyond belief that he wanted to have it again. When he added in “little business” I was ready to bite his balls off with annoyance.

  I’d rung him wanting to feel close to him. I’d wanted the conversation with him to erase whatever the sensations were that my body was feeling being here and around Raff. I wanted him to fill in the vast chasm that had opened itself inside me. Instead it was pissing me off and making me annoyed with him. I turned my head to the side when I heard another clicking sound coming from the kitchen end of the pantry.

  ‘Sorry, Toby. I’m being called by Debbie. The tearoom is swamped and she needs my help.’

  And that’s how one lie became two.

  ‘That’s fine, Lauren. Speak soon.’

  Another click sounded, but this one was in my ear as Toby cut off our call.

  A shiver came over me as I realised he hadn’t even waited to hear me say goodbye. There had been no expressions of love or sentiment, no “I’ll call you tomorrow” or “I miss you.” Sadness washed over me as I contemplated that our relationship seemed to be more of a meeting of minds, rather than the all-consuming passion I knew deep down I wanted.

  I jumped down off the marble ledge and pushed my phone into my back pocket. I sighed with the knowledge that I hadn’t achieved what I’d set out to at all. I wandered around the corner of the L-shaped pantry, walking on the black grouting and following the pattern of the black slate flooring.

  The sound of movement in the empty space made me look up suddenly.

  My eyes found Raff sitting on another part of the marble work top. I stopped moving and crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at him in question. All at once I realised that he had probably heard most of my conversation with Toby. A flush of embarrassment and anger lit up my cheeks.

  For a few seconds, we looked at each other. He looked dishevelled. The hair that had been nearly immaculate when I had seen him this morning was messy, where he’d been running his hands through the longer top strands, and the dark stubble on his face was already thicker. His once smart charcoal three-piece suit had lost its jacket and his waistcoat was unbuttoned and hanging loosely. His white shirtsleeves had been rolled up until they were tight around his forearms and the shirt had been pulled out of the waistband of his trousers.

  I considered his eyes briefly and finding a flicker of amusement held deep within them, I narrowed my own at him and then looked down. I followed his movement as he leant forward, placing his bare forearms to rest on the top of the suit fabric that stretched magnificently over his thighs. I watched mesmerised as his hands clasped together in front of him and the veins on his arms became visible as his muscles flexed. I was aware that my heart rate had quickened at finding us on our own in the same room and inside my head I was already screaming at myself for my ridiculous response.

  I almost visibly nodded as I decided there and then that I had nothing at all to say to him and turned towards the door shaking my head.

  ‘You can’t keep running away from me, Lauren.’

  I ignored the voice behind me, filling the cavernous space with his deep bass tones and reached out for the brass door handle in front of me. My fingertips contacted with the freezing cold metal and I turned it quickly to release the catch that was holding me confined with the person that was both my worst nightmare and constantly reoccurring favourite dream. The handle turned, but the catch remained solid. So, I tried again, making sure I turned the handle to the left, as far as it would go. Still nothing. I resorted to rattling the thing to see if that would free it. I was confused for a few seconds and I could almost feel him smirking behind me.

  I don’t believe it. He wouldn’t have, would he?

  ‘The door’s stuck.’ I said the words out loud, but knew he was already aware of our situation.

  My anxiety began to unfurl inside me at the unexpected situation. I leant my forehead against the cool wood of the door, licked my suddenly dry lips, closed my eyes tight and drew in a deep, calming breath as I fought to keep a lid on my panic.

  Not here, not now, not in front of him.

  ‘Yeah, the catch is old and sometimes needs releasing with a screwdriver. The builders were supposed to sort it out. But… well they haven’t and I wanted to talk to you.’

  I spun around, as anger flooded my system. In my rage, my anxiety surprisingly faded away. I focussed straight on him, something that up to now I’d avoided like the plague. He was still leaning forward on his forearms

  ‘What the actual fuck? You’ve deliberately shut us in here?’ My hands found either side of my hips and I glared at the arrogant bastard. ‘I can’t believe you would do something so stupid! It’s your hotel’s opening day, there are things I need to get on with. There are peopl
e you need to mix with and speak to. And all because YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME?’ I knew I was grasping at straws, anything not to have the conversation he seemed so desperate to have. I’d had the conversation many times in my head. I’d even shouted it out loud a few times when I’d been drunk, but in real life? No bloody way was I having it.

  Witnessing my anger or possibly the fact I was shouting at him, seemed to create a spark inside Raff. His brogues hit the floor with an unexpected click as he jumped down in one fast movement and strode the few steps towards me. Stopping himself a few inches short of our whole bodies being in contact with each other’s, he swept his hair away from his eyes and twisted his head to look down at me.

  ‘Do you not know me at all? I don’t give a fuck what I’m supposed to be doing, this here is what needs to be done.’ He moved one finger backwards and forwards between us both. ‘You and me, this whole sorry fucking situation needs to end.’ Irritation bristled off him as I stared into the angry, mercurial swirl of his grey eyes.

  ‘I couldn’t have put it better myself.’ I thrust my arms straight down by my sides and reached behind me to find the closed door, needing to feel the steadying effect of the solid wooden object beneath my fingers. Then I lifted my chin and stared defiantly at him. ‘So, is this what spoilt, rich brats do when they’re not getting their own way?’