Raff’s hands moved up my arms and over my bare shoulders, bringing my sleeping body alive once again at his touch. His hands didn’t stop moving until they had travelled up my neck and had taken hold of my face. His large hands and calloused fingers gently cupped my head as he stared at me.
‘Tell me you remember?’ he pleaded.
‘I do.’
‘I didn’t want to leave you, I wanted you to stay, but I had to let you go. Your parents made me understand that. It was only because your nan had bought travel insurance to cover you for six months that the hospital accepted you as an inpatient in the first place.’
‘Travel insurance?’ I could feel myself frown at him in question as I tried to take in what he was saying.
‘Yeah.’ I looked into his eyes and studied what I found deep within them.
‘Oh, I didn’t know.’
‘You were too ill to know what was going on, it was terrifying watching you get ill over those two to three days… fucking terrifying.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered as I saw the pain collected together in his eyes.
He shook his head. ‘No, I’m sorry. I should have reacted faster. I should have got you the help you needed quicker. You nearly died and that would have been my fault.’
Why life had been such a bitch to us back then, I couldn’t work out. But, it seemed it was making it up to us by bringing us back together. As Raff stood to his full height and pulled me into his arms, I happily leant my head on his chest and relaxed into his hold. I felt complete for the first time in many years. I had one more question and then I would let it all rest, back where it belonged in our past.
‘Tell me you forgive me for hurting you?’ he begged.
‘Now I think I understand why… Of course, I do. I understand now that you had no other choice. But you should have spoken to me and you should have explained to me why. All these years, Raff… all these long, lonely years, I thought the very worst. I thought you no longer loved me and it was a way to get me to leave… All these wasted years.’ My voice ended on a sob and he tightened his hold on me.
‘I’m so fucking sorry, Loz. Your dad said he’d explain it all, he said it was better if I left, because it would cause you more heartbreak if I stayed and tried to explain. I sort of agreed with him, because I knew you wouldn’t have accepted what I had to say.’
‘My dad?’
‘Yeah.’
‘He never really explained anything, Raff. He just said it was better for everyone this way. He said you couldn’t go home and I couldn’t stay, so there was no choice. I suppose that sort of explained it.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Yes, that’s it. But, to be honest it’s such a long time ago, it’s hard to recall everything correctly.’ Something didn’t sit quite right, I just wasn’t sure what it was.
‘Mmmm,’ he agreed, although I could see he didn’t think it all added up either.
‘I need to ask this.’ I spoke quietly and gripping his clothes, I held him to me.
‘Go on.’ As he replied, the words reverberated inside his broad chest.
‘Ashley?’
He sighed and let a breath out before he answered. ‘I swear, I didn’t have anything to do with her until months after you’d left, she played on my loneliness. I was often drunk and sometimes outta my head and she used it to her advantage.’
‘So, you’re saying it was all her fault?’ My tone turned accusing.
‘No, I’m not.’ I felt him move and knew he had looked up towards the ceiling as he began to gather his thoughts. I heard a gulp as he swallowed down his exasperation. ‘But I’d often wake up and find her where you should have been and I had no fucking clue how she got there. She wanted to be the wife of a rock star and I was her meal ticket. It’s in her blood and to give her, her due, it’s probably the one thing she’s fucking perfect at.’
I was trying hard not to tense up as we discussed his ex-wife, but I would always hate everything she stood for. He may never be able to see it, but she had done everything she could to take him from me all those years ago. I bet she’d been so happy when I’d left for home. As far as I was concerned, women didn’t go for other women’s men, it was an unwritten rule, or at least it should be. Raff started rubbing his hands gently up and down my arms as he tried to get me to relax.
I pulled myself together, looked up and offered him a small smile.
‘But, you had Flint together, so not everything in your relationship was bad, was it?’ I tried and failed successfully to pull my face together as I mentioned the child they’d created while I’d been at home reading every snippet of information I could secretly find on the “A-list couple” they had fast become. I didn’t resent Flint, really I didn’t. But I should have been his mum, not her, and it had eaten away at me for years after he’d been born.
‘I love Flint, with everything I have. He’s everything to me, watching him grow up has been amazing and I’d have loved to have more children. But my relationship with Ash, for what it was, was on its way out, just as we got our first signing… You’ll never know how hard that was.’ I felt his feet shift as he increased the pressure of his hold on me as he unknowingly tried to convince me of the words he was saying. ‘The times I picked up a pay phone and dialled your number to tell you. YOU were the one person I wanted to share the good news with, not her, not anyone but you. But I still didn’t have the money to pay for your medical care, so I couldn’t. So, I shared it with her. Then suddenly she was pregnant and you know all about my past. There was no fucking way I could turn my back on my child nor its mother.’ His eyes looked lost for a few seconds and I was convinced he was going over his own birth and what his poor mum had gone through as a young parent with no support from his birth father.
So, that’s how the bitch trapped him. What a conniving piece of trash she was.
‘Our marriage started to die not long after Flint was born. She never wanted either of us, all she wanted was the lifestyle. So, finally I had the money and my marriage was heading for the divorce courts. I summoned up the backbone to contact you. Your mum was friendly when she answered the phone, but she quickly informed me that you’d moved on and were about to get engaged to a bloke called Bryan.’ I pushed myself away from him so I could look up into his face. I knew that my expression would show him how confused I was.
‘My mum?’ I managed to ask. ‘She never said you’d called and I have no idea why she would have thought that I was about to get engaged, especially to Bryan.’ Shaking my head, I laughed a little at the irony.
I watched him nod as his eyes quickly locked onto mine.
‘Your mum asked me if I wanted to upset your life again, when it had taken you until that point to move on.’
‘I never got engaged to him and I can’t imagine why she thought I would.’
Raff let out a huge sigh, ‘Well fuck!’
His answers made my decision, he was all I’d ever wanted. So, when he followed it with the words that for years I’d only dreamt of hearing fall from his mouth, my heart burst out of my chest with happiness. ‘So, here goes. I love you, Lauren. I’ve always loved you. Many, many times I tried to work out how to get you back. But, it wasn’t meant to be then and I must accept that now. But this is our time, Loz, and it’s like I said many years ago… We are always and forever.’
I grabbed hold of both sides of his leather jacket and pulled him to me. I buried my face into his chest and inhaled the smell of him that was teasing my nostrils.
‘You’ve tried to get me back other times?’ I spoke into his chest and could feel him nodding his head in answer. ‘You’ll have to tell me all about them.’ Again, his head nodded and he exhaled a wavering, emotional breath and held me tighter to him. ‘I can’t believe you’re here with me, I’ve dreamt about this for years.’ I tipped my head backwards to look up at him gazing lovingly down at me.
‘Believe it, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve told you I love you, I’m not exp
ecting anything in return, it can wait. I’ll wait forever to hear those words leave your lips.’
‘You don’t have to,’ I replied.
I saw a look of panic cross over his ridiculously handsome features and I smiled up at him. He released his hold around me to grasp the tops of my arms as he tried to work out what I was saying.
‘I love you too, I never stopped loving you.’
Raff pulled me to him. Gathering me tightly, he picked me up and twirled me around. Eventually, my feet found the floor again as he placed me gently back down and pushed his errant hair out of his eyes, back to where it belonged on top of his head.
‘I don’t know what to say, Lauren.’
‘Don’t say anything at all.’ I placed one finger to his lips and watched as he kissed it and grinned back at me. ‘Will you dance with me?’ I asked.
‘I’m willing, but to what?’ he countered with a low laugh leaving his mouth.
I shouted out to my smart system. ‘Alexa play my “romancing” playlist, please.’
An amused smile broke out over his face and he mouthed “romancing” back at me and lifted his eyebrows in question.
Should I be embarrassed? I knew, and now he did too, how nearly everything in my life had something to do with him and the memories of our young love. But these little things had got me through and had made me feel closer to him, when in reality, he had been so very far away. Maybe I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t, not with him.
Song after song came on as Raff held me tightly in his arms and we both wordlessly remembered another time when we’d danced under the starlight.
I couldn’t recall the exact moment when our laughter and smooching around in each other’s arms became something else, because it happened so naturally.
I’d been looking up into Raff’s face as he sung the words of “Sometimes when we touch” by Dan Hill. Every single word had resonated deep down inside me. I couldn’t wait any longer for him and he instantly recognised it.
He stopped singing and his eyes narrowed as they focussed on me and me alone. His longer strands of hair fell over his face and I smiled at him in response to the questioning look I found swirling around in his grey eyes. His tongue came out to wet his lips and then slowly he dipped his head to meet mine. Just as he said I always did, I anticipated his touch and my lips parted slightly to welcome him.
I heard him groan before he sealed his mouth over mine. I was shocked at how controlled he was, unlike earlier this evening when our mutual passion had burnt so fast and furious that we’d ended up having sex in a hallway where anyone could have seen us. His tongue teased, stroked and tasted, with long, far reaching caresses. He applied the right amount of pressure as his tongue and lips stirred up the whole of my body, until nothing mattered but the feel of him kissing me. I replied by threading my fingers into the back of his hair and directed his mouth over mine. Although, by the way he kissed me, I knew the man that had hold of me in his arms needed no such help. He knew exactly what I wanted and needed.
He gave without taking as he attempted to show me his love.
My palms which had been placed comfortably on his chest as we had danced together earlier, now left his hair and started to travel. I’d been occasionally rubbing over his nipples and connecting with the barbells that now pierced them and now I wanted to see them. Slowly, with shaking hands, I started to unbutton his shirt, until at last I could lift my hands to push the shirt off his broad shoulders and down his arms. The spark that ignited between us as I placed my hands on his exposed skin, temporarily slowed down my hands as I savoured the feeling. Then I continued leisurely, feeling every defined muscle under my fingertips, until finally the shirt became stuck around his wrists.
He broke his lips away from mine and gave a small laugh as he fought to pull the still buttoned up cuffs off his trapped hands.
Stepping a little away from him, I took in how beautiful he now was. The silver of his piercings glinted in the light. I remembered from years back how responsive his nipples were and needed to see if having them pierced made him even more sensitive. With one hand, I trailed a finger over his pec and then twisted one gently to the side. His nipple hardened and grew longer.
His eyes closed as he dragged in air over his teeth and he stopped struggling to free himself of his shirt. When he opened them again, the grin he gave me in return was magnetising.
‘I think you like me trapped and at your mercy, Lauren.’
I felt a blush hit my cheeks as the realisation hit.
I certainly did.
‘You’ve seen me almost naked today, Raff, and now it’s my turn.’
He nodded at me and tilted his head to the side as he cocked up one eyebrow in question to me and tried to hold in his amusement. His feet moved as he widened his stance slightly against my possible onslaught. I stepped back further to admire the view. His chest widened as he instinctively stood to his full height, and with his arms relaxing into the position they were now trapped in, his chest expanded in front of my eyes as he took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled.
He was spectacular.
‘So, what are you going to do with me, Loz?’
Every part of my body had sprung to life at his voice, he was no longer touching me and his arms were trapped behind his back, but his presence was enough to send me spiralling out of control. His eyes swept up and down my body, with intent. As they travelled over my clothing his breathing changed, he licked his lips and then on occasion sucked in his bottom lip as he pondered. I heard every hiss of air he dragged over his teeth and every exhale he carefully let go into the sexually charged atmosphere.
He took one step towards me.
‘So, do you like what you see?’ he questioned.
My eyes left his hard body and found their way back to his face. I nodded at him and returned his grin.
‘Good, now undo my belt and unbutton my jeans… carefully.’ He placed so much emphasis on the last word, it almost sounded like he was breaking it down into separate syllables.
I took one step towards him. It was all I needed to do, to be back under his control. Looking down I watched my fingers deftly and confidently flick open his belt. As it slackened, his jeans fell to hang loosely on his hips. I started at the top and undid the buttons on his jeans until finally I could see his sizable cock. My fingers froze and I looked up to meet his amused grin.
‘You can touch it, it won’t bite.’ His tongue flicked out to touch his top lip and I watched mesmerised.
I narrowed my eyes at his teasing and shook my head at him.
‘Oh, I’ll do more than that, Raff. I’m not the naïve young girl you remember.’ I did my best to wink at him and saw the moment my words hit home as his expression changed. I placed one hand on either side of his open jeans and pulled them further apart quickly as I sunk to my knees in front of him. With my eyes opening wide, I watched as his heavy, engorged cock sprung free of its confines and came into view. The glint of more silver caught my eyes.
I captured his wide crown into my mouth and tasted the pre-cum that had beaded onto his crest and by placing pressure onto it, I pushed his cock down with my mouth so I could see more. Swirling my tongue around and around the crown, I heard a groan leave his mouth as I counted four small, slightly curved barbells. Together, they created a ladder effect. I took hold of him with my right hand, placing my fingers in between the silver and slowly I began to pump up and down. He grew hot to touch and larger as blood flooded his cock. Satisfied I’d shown him what I was capable of, I freed him with a loud pop and looked up at him.
‘I thought you felt different earlier.’
He smirked at me and then suddenly his arms flexed as he began to free himself. I heard material ripping. and I was vaguely aware of white fabric flying through the air. Then his hands came down to hang by his sides.
‘But you liked it,’ he stated. His freed hands found my shoulders and he pulled me to standing. ‘Didn’t you?’ he questioned.
‘As much as I’d like to take you here and now, I made a promise to myself earlier that I was going to take my sweet fucking time with you. Is your bedroom behind that door?’ He nodded in the correct direction.
‘Yes,’ I replied.
Moving quickly, he pulled his jeans up enough to walk. Then he turned me around and bent to place one arm underneath my shoulders and the other behind the back of my knees. Then he swung me up with ease into his arms and started walking towards the closed door. When we got to the doorway, he stopped suddenly.
‘Tomorrow, you’re going to phone that fucking excuse you call a boyfriend and tell him the two of you are finished, understood?’
‘Yes.’
He smiled down at me. ‘Yes? You’re very agreeable tonight, Lauren.’
My arms that were looped around his shoulder and clasped together, released and ran up the back of his neck, until my fingers found his shorter lengths of hair at the back of his neck. His full attention was on me now as he waited for my answer.
‘I’ve seen something I want, I’ll agree to anything right now.’ I rolled my lips over my teeth trying to control my smirk.
‘Anything, huh?’
‘Anything,’ I whispered, before his mouth came crashing down to mine as he showed me how much he appreciated my answer. I took the time, as he stood in the open doorway holding me close to his chest, to explore every well-defined muscle and sinew on his back. Earlier it had been his hands on me and I longed to explore the man that the boy I’d loved had grown into. I ran my fingertips over his skin, trying to conserve every dip and rise to memory.
Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2) Page 16