‘They’re great, guys, brilliant job.’
I offered Brie my palm on the way past them both and we high fived. Then I fist bumped with Flint as he grinned back at me.
Once again, I took my place in the biscuit production line. I poured more flour and I reengaged Flint in conversation.
‘So, you were saying you don’t get to cook much even though you enjoy it?’ I hoped my tone of voice had disguised my nosiness and carried on. ‘It’s a shame to not be able to do what you enjoy.’
I watched him think over my question.
‘What with schoolwork and travelling with the band, there’s not that much time.’
‘That’s understandable,’ I offered. ‘Does your mum cook?’
The sudden laughter that left his mouth made me smile.
‘Does Ashley make shortbread, Brie?’ he questioned her. It didn’t escape my notice that Brie called all the members of Default Distraction uncle, but Ashley wasn’t called aunty.
‘No, she’s very busy being pretty,’ Brie sassily answered from her end of the production line with a laugh. I rolled my lips over my teeth and held in my laughter.
Out of the mouth of babes.
‘Well you can come and cook here anytime you like, Flint.’
‘And me?’ came a high pitched, excited squeal.
‘Yes, Brie, and you. As long as your daddy says it’s okay,’ I added.
‘Thank you,’ she answered as she pushed another star shaped cutter into the rolled out shortbread mixture.
‘I’d like that, thanks,’ Flint finally answered.
‘Can I hear a but?’ I questioned and I turned towards him as I sealed the lid on the flour for the last time.
‘I’m not sure how long I’ll be here and I have to have my lessons with Cade while I’m here.’
‘Cade gives you lessons?’ I picked up a clean tea towel and wiped my dirty fingers on it as I leant my hip into the worktop.
‘Yeah. Apparently, I’m talented on the drums and my family want me to go with it.’
‘They do?’ I could feel my eyebrows rising high in question as I looked at him.
‘Uh huh,’ he replied, still looking at me.
‘Well that’s fantastic… It’s great to have a musical talent like that. Is that what you want to do?’ I couldn’t help myself and I pushed just that little bit more.
‘I used to love playing the drums and I’d like to be in a band. So, sure it sounds cool… But, what I’d really like to do, is to be a chef.’
Silently, we looked at each other for a few seconds. I reached out and gently held on to his forearm.
What the hell was Raff playing at? If anyone knew what it was like to have the expectations of their family on them, it was him. I couldn’t understand what he was doing, expecting his child to be something he didn’t want to be. That certainly wasn’t the Raff I used to know or thought I knew.
‘You know where I am. You’re always welcome to come and cook or bake with me, anytime you want. Okay?’ I questioned to make sure he understood me and watched him smile and nod.
A bang on the tearoom door sounded, breaking our connection and my hand fell away.
‘Okay, I’m going to answer that, no one touch the oven while I’m gone, please.’
Brie had left the tearooms, after a very intense and descriptive talk about how she would like the shortbread decorated, with a dirty looking Luke holding a filthy, shivering Biscuit in his arms. She’d left happily enough after she managed to get him to agree to bring her back soon.
The relief I’d felt as I’d answered the door to him standing on the doormat, was huge. The short time she’d been with me Brie had cut a little path to my heart and I wouldn’t have been able to bear seeing the little girl lose something else. Luke had given me a hug when he’d arrived and told me how pleased he was to see me again after all these years. He looked different from our time in Vegas, worn down and most definitely sadder. I realised losing Cerise had taken its toll on him more than he probably cared to admit. He’d given his thanks to me for occupying Brie and for taking care of her.
All the time Luke had stayed talking, Flint had stood behind me and I could feel his reluctance to go. So, I’d agreed with Brie about the decorating and then swung around to tell Flint that I would need his help carrying out her wishes. Offering Flint the invitation had also given him an excuse to stay a little while longer.
Half an hour later, with our work done and boxed up for Brie to give to Luke, we were back out in the tearoom. With a cup of tea in my hands, I watched as he went through another large hot chocolate and a couple of what were supposed to be bauble shaped biscuits that hadn’t quite come up to scratch. We’d felt after a cheerful discussion that he should eat them and get rid of the ugly evidence that they’d even existed.
‘You’re very good with Brie, Flint,’ I offered as I blew a long wisp of steam away from the top of my Christmas decorated teacup.
He nodded at me and grinned.
‘She’s young, but I enjoy her company. She knows what it’s like being us. With everyone else I have to explain it.’ I knew he even meant me, when he smiled across the table. At the same time, he pushed a few odd crumbs that had decorated the edges of his lips into his awaiting mouth.
‘I can see the two of you have a connection.’ I smiled back and took a sip of the warm liquid I held in both hands.
‘I would have liked to have been a big brother, but it’s too late now.’
I tilted my head a little to the side and feeling my forehead furrow a little, I answered him. ‘Well, never say never.’ My heart jumped in response as happiness rushed around me. I was remembering Raff’s proposal this morning and couldn’t believe my luck at having had the chance to then spend some time alone with Flint to get to know him a little. He was amazing and I was desperate for the chance to maybe have another little boy who looked just like his dad.
He took another sip of chocolate and shook his head at me.
‘No, it won’t happen now.’ I looked at the pain held inside him as it reflected in his eyes. I took a deep breath and tried to answer him as nonchalantly as possible.
‘I know it must be hard for you, but your mum and dad might meet someone else, they could have more children and you could be the big brother you’d like to be. It’s absolutely possible that you all could be happy again.’ I gave him a small smile that I hoped he would take as reassurance.
‘Mom is with already with someone else, Travis Somners from The Noise.’ He stared at me a little harder to see if I understood what he was talking about. My eyes opened wider and I shook my head back at him. ‘He’s the lead singer with them, they used to go on tour with DD, but they’re big in the U.S. in their own right now.’ I continued shaking my head and opened my palms to him. ‘Anyway, she can’t have any more children.’ He shrugged as he spoke to me.
‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.’ And as much as I hated her, I was a bit sorry for her under the circumstances. ‘But she’s got you and from what I’ve seen today, she must be so very proud of you. I know I would be if you were mine.’
‘Thanks, I think she is… most of the time. And my dad probably won’t have any more kids because he doesn’t stay with anyone long enough.’ I felt my eyes widen as I watched him sip at his hot chocolate, then his eyes were back on mine and I tried to blink the dryness away. ‘It was sad when Mom lost the last baby early this year, especially as the doctors say she can’t have any more.’ He placed his mug down with a bang and took a deep breath. I could see by his body language that he was remembering something sad. ‘That’s why Dad finally left her, when the doctors said she couldn’t have any more children. She’s lost a few since they had me, he was alright after the first two, but the last couple...’
It took everything I had not to spit out the mouthful of tea that I was attempting to swallow. My head was spinning around. I was truly sorry for the boy who suddenly seemed younger than his fourteen years, sitting across the table from
me. I could feel his sadness falling off him in waves and my heart physically hurt for him. I pushed my hand over the table and took his hand in mine to offer him some comfort. But, as I did so, I was trying desperately hard to run over every word Raff had spoken to me in the last twenty-four hours.
I knew they had only recently divorced, but I’d been under the illusion that they had gone their separate ways years ago. I was trying to work it all out, but truthfully, I was coming up with nothing.
‘But, I’m sure that can’t be quite right, Flint. Marriages are complicated things, especially to those watching from the outside.’
‘It is…’ I watched him shrug his shoulders. ‘I heard him say so, back in Vegas. He told her in the hospital that he was sick of being by her bedside as she lost yet another baby and that he wasn’t going to do it anymore. He left her room quickly, turned down the corridor and didn’t turn to see me sitting waiting outside. Then they got divorced.’
‘Oh, my God, Flint. I’m so sorry you heard that.’ And I truly was, but I was also sorry for myself.
Alarm bells started ringing in my head. My heart started to bang in my chest in panic. I went over the conversation that we’d had yesterday. He’d assured me that he’d only walked out on me in Vegas because he couldn’t afford my medical care.
But he had more than enough money now.
Had he left Ashley because she wasn’t strong enough to carry another child, and he couldn’t cope with it? What sort of man leaves their wife because she can’t give him any more children? This wasn’t the Tudor times. Then there was me, I was always going to have an illness, it would never go away. How long would it be before he possibly grew tired of dealing with my diabetes?
I felt sick to my stomach. I felt myself sag even further into the comfortable seat I was in. All the earlier euphoria that Raff had left me with was gone. I recognised the feeling, my body had started to crash. Having listened to Flint and taking in what he had to say, I now felt like I’d been dropped from a great height. I needed to test my blood, but right now, it was the last thing on my mind.
Lifting another Christmas napkin up off the table, I blew my nose to disguise what I needed the cloth for, and as I blew my nose I dabbed at the moisture gathering in my eyes.
Suddenly, all my new found confidence in Raff and our supposed everlasting love left me. Nagging doubt started to replace the earlier warm fuzzy feeling he had left me with. With one hand holding my teacup, my other went instinctively back to my throat and the necklace I could feel nestled under my clothes. I hoped it would give me the strength I needed to believe in Raff one hundred per cent, but it didn’t. Doubt flooded my mind until I felt like I was drowning in it.
For a few minutes, Flint and I sipped at our hot drinks in silence. I had nothing else to offer the conversation and it appeared that neither did he. The scraping of his chair legs on the tiled floor brought me out of my thoughts. I watched as he stood up.
‘Thanks for this morning, Lauren.’ I looked up at the wall clock and realised I had about ten minutes left until Toby was due. I let out a quiet sigh at the thought. ‘I’ll go now as your friend is going to be here soon, isn’t he?’ My eyes found Flint again, he had obviously taken in what I’d said earlier about waiting for a friend to visit.
‘Oh, Toby, yes… And it was nothing, Flint. I enjoyed your company, in fact you and Brie have brightened up my morning.’ It was true, they had been a very welcome interruption, between the two men who both swore they loved me, but in different ways, I now knew they were equally wrong for me.
He smiled a small smile back at me as he made his way to the coat stand and lifted down his camouflage jacket from the hook. He pulled a black woollen hat down low on his head and moved the longer strands of hair from his view. He smiled as he grabbed the loop of Tartan ribbon we’d tied around the white box that contained the biscuits he was going to take back to Brie.
‘Bye then.’ He pulled open the tearoom door and offered me another small smile and a wave.
‘Remember what I said, Flint. You’re welcome here anytime.’
I watched as his face lost the pained expression reliving his memories had given him and once again he smiled broadly at me. ‘I will, thanks.’
With that he was gone and so was the earlier feeling of immense happiness he and Brie had brought with them into my suddenly very lonely tearooms.
I’d run my hand over my head and held it there for a moment, squeezing my fingers into my scalp as I tried to force my hair and my head back to where they should be. The meeting that had been postponed from earlier due to Biscuit doing a fucking runner, was finally happening. The business report was a long list of numbers that I’d long ago lost track of. I made up my mind then and there that I wouldn’t be wasting my time on another meeting like this. We paid the lawyers and accountants a hefty sum of fucking money to keep track of our affairs and I, for one, wasn’t prepared to pay them a few thousand more to read out the list of pluses and minuses ever again. Only Cade and I were there to listen. Brody hadn’t turned up in the first fucking place. We’d made a guess as to where he still was, as he hadn’t even got the decency to send one of us a quick text, and Luke had now gone to pick up his daughter Brielle from Lauren’s. I wished I had a good enough excuse to leave Cade to it. Cade was after all our numbers man. As the brightest son of a Mafia family, and having been expected to take the bar exam in order that he could be their next consigliere, he was the most equipped one of us all when it came to understanding shit like this. I looked at my phone, to check the time. It had been the longest fucking morning ever and there was still about an hour and a half left. I was once again sitting at the large mahogany desk in the hotel’s meeting room. I knew I was irritating the hell out of the accountant as I tapped my pencil up and down on the papers in front of me. I hoped it would in turn make him hurry the fuck up so we could get out of here.
As he flipped over to yet another fucking screen, I sighed out loud and leant back into my chair. I placed my hands behind my head, unable to focus on the whiteboard any longer, and looked down the length of my legs. I watched all the shit from running around the woods looking for Biscuit fall off my boots as I crossed my feet at the ankles and swore under my breath at the mess.
Everything was a distraction.
All I wanted to do was to race back to Lauren, take her in my arms and to lock us away from the world. Happiness that we had found each other once again was flying around my body and it was hard to concentrate on anything else.
As I rolled the heel of my boot over the clumps of dirt gathered around them, my mind wandered back to Vegas and the last time she’d been in my arms.
“What am I going to do?”
I pushed my hair out of my eyes before I looked back down at Lauren who was lying on the mattress we shared together. Then I lifted my head and looked around the room, every single face looked back at me with concern.
“She needs a doctor,” Luke answered, saying the words that we all knew were true.
“I know what she fucking needs, but how the fuck do I pay for that?” I could hear the anger in my voice as I spoke. I knew I had to rein it in, but I was scared, more scared than I could ever remember.
I bent my knees and fell down on the floor next to her, taking her hand in mine and rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. She never even stirred.
“If I had the money, I’d give it to you, but I haven’t, none of us have,” Luke once again pitched in.
“I know.”
“Raff you need to phone home and ask for help. She’s really ill. And it’s not a cold or a virus, like we first thought.” I heard Cerise’s soft voice as she too, raised her concerns.
“I’m not proud, if she needs help, I’ll phone him and ask. I’ll do anything to get what she needs.”
“Right, let’s get the car dude. I’ve checked, Federal law states that the ER have to treat and stabilise anyone who turns up on their doorstep, whether they have the ability to pay or not.” I hea
rd Cade’s instructions to Luke and then Luke’s sudden movement as he grabbed the car keys from the one hook we had by the door. The door slammed shut behind him as I put my lips down onto her forehead.
“You don’t need to phone him, I’ll contact my family once she’s there and ask for help.” Cade spoke again.
We hadn’t been friends long, but in the few months we’d been playing together, some of our pasts had been shared over a beer. They knew how I’d walked away from my family and how Lauren had followed me. Equally, I knew what they’d left behind.
“Like fuck you will,” I forced out. “I appreciate it, Cade, but you’ve only just got them to agree to butt out of your life. If you start owing them for something…” I let my words hang and twisted my head to look at him. He knew exactly what I meant. “No, she’s mine, she’s my responsibility. I’ll phone home as soon as they take her in.”
Wrapping the one decent looking blanket we had on our bed, around her, I swung her up into my arms and moved towards the door.
“Rafferty?” she whispered to me in question.
“We’re going to the hospital, Lauren. You’re not well. Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”
I walked through the open door and as carefully as I could with her in my arms I went down the wet metal stairs. My right foot slipped and the adrenalin released inside me made me hold on to her even tighter. I knew how fucking dangerous the steps were after it had rained. None of us that lived here in the depths of rental hell would dream of rocking the boat to demand basic health and safety was adhered to. That sort of thing got you thrown out by the locally employed heavies. The slippery metal under my boots felt like the rest of our existence here, fucking precarious. Things had started to change in the last couple of weeks, we’d had more call backs to local bars, all due to our new lead singer, Brody. Songs we’d been playing for a while got far more fucking attention when sung by him and I knew we were moving in the right direction. But it wasn’t going to come quick enough for me to help her. I had to face the fact that we were still fighting to be heard and playing every gig we could lay our hands on, and I wouldn’t subject our uncertain life on Lauren if she was ill.
Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2) Page 19