Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2)

by A. S. Roberts

  I nodded at her. ‘Yes, you know where the fresh towels are and there’s clean PJs in the normal drawer. I’m going to throw some more logs on the fire and grab a drink. Do you want one?’

  ‘Please,’ she called out as she walked towards my bedroom door. Then her voice drifted off as she disappeared into my bathroom and I just managed to hear, ‘Something on the side of stronger would be good.’

  I listened to the sound of the water starting and Winter singing in her very own, unique off-tune way. Then I walked away from the box and busying myself, I pushed as many logs as I could fit onto the log burner and slammed the door shut quickly before they attempted to roll back out. Picking up a dark red fleece from the back of a settee, I wrapped it around my shoulders. The weight of the fleece settled me a little and I knew I’d grabbed at it more for comfort than for its warmth. Finally, lost in my own thoughts, I went over to pour us a couple of whiskeys. I drank my first one straight down, then I refilled my glass. Relishing the burn in the back of my throat and the fumes which entered my nostrils afterwards, fleetingly I closed my eyes. On the way back to the sitting area of my large open-plan living space, I carried the cut glasses with the fingers of one hand and picked up the box as nonchalantly as I could with the other.

  Eventually, I placed all of them down on the thick cream carpet. I crossed my legs underneath me and sat down. Sipping at my whiskey and listening to Winter murder “Fairy tale of New York” in the shower, I sank back into the settee behind me in tiredness. There I stayed, motionless, staring at the beautifully wrapped but unmarked Christmas box.

  ‘I know it’s from you, Raff,’ I whispered to the silent room.

  Still wearing the deep red fleece wrapped around me, I leant forward, reached out to touch the box and let my fingers toy with the bow on top. I played with the green velvet ribbon, sliding the soft fabric between my fingers as I worked up the courage to open it, and I thought back over a week that had seen so much change in our lives.

  The Fairy Garden had been full to capacity, from Tuesday through to our last opening day before Christmas, Friday. My small business was thriving, if only I could say the same for myself.

  I had managed to be too busy to see Toby at all and that was an enormous relief, not only to me but I thought probably to him as well. His mum was now ill with the flu and although I didn’t wish that one on her, it was a relief to know he would be caught up looking after her. I knew that although our sudden engagement was something we needed to have a conversation about, it wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. Even without talking about it, I felt we both understood that it wasn’t going to stand the test of time. He, never wanting to lose at anything especially to Raff, had seized an opportunity and run with it. I, on the other hand, had grabbed at the only way out I could see in that moment. So, for the time being his too tight engagement ring on my finger, remained the shield that Winter had insisted it really was.

  Every day during this week, I’d seen Raff. He’d turned up in the tearoom at different times of the day and had always managed to secure a small table or sofa in the room, to sit and drink for a while. Thinking about it, I knew the girls who worked for me must have been secretly helping him to achieve that. But, I never questioned them about it. His presence in the tearoom checking up on me every day had helped me get through the week. I hoped he was biding his time, allowing me the space I needed to work everything out in my head. The fact he came every day reassured me that not only did he remember and understand how I ticked, but also, he was patient and determined enough to let me work through everything in the only way I knew how.

  In the few glances I’d allowed myself of him, I’d taken in everything about him. Every time I’d allowed myself a fleeting look, I knew without a doubt even though his face didn’t change in expression, his eyes were on me. He’d sat every day brooding and watching for me, as I’d busied myself. His dark hair was always messy and he used it like a curtain, looking through the longer strands as he surveyed the room. The man was a crowd pleaser, daily the people in the tearoom had caught on to who they were sharing their light breakfast or afternoon tea sitting next to. Luckily, they seemed to be disciplined enough to leave him alone, only on an occasion had people stopped by his table to shake his hand and remind him of a time gone by when he’d delivered their papers as a paperboy, or how they’d gone to school together. He’d smiled politely and even signed an autograph or two, then the conversation had very often fallen flat. He had then smiled his well-practised goodbye at them and they had vacated his space, this left him once again free to search me out.

  Even casually dressed, he had given off an air of magnetism that was hard to disguise. I could see that even those who didn’t know him, or quite who he was, were intrigued by him. He had worn old T-shirts under checked shirts, which shouted comfortable and relaxed. His choice of clothing didn’t leave the women, including me, around him relaxed, because there was no way the old clothes could disguise how they stretched over his solid, muscular chest. With the sleeves of his shirt casually rolled up, all eyes fell to his large forearms, which were only covered by the strips of leather and the cuffs he always wore. And when he stood, the old, well-worn jeans he wore with them, accentuated his muscular backside.

  His clothes were as comfortable as he seemed to be, as he relaxed back into whatever chair he was sitting on that day and stretched his long legs out in front of him. His body language screamed that he had nothing to prove to anyone. Then his eyes would find mine and for a few seconds he would let me see past the smoke screen that he was creating. Just long enough for me to see how uncomfortable he was. Then I would remind myself that he had everything to prove to me and force myself to look away

  Every day this week I had tried to steer clear of him. Just once he’d touched my arm and asked me to sit down. I’d pulled it sharply away and ignored his request. Then he’d narrowed his eyes, twisted his head in question at me before rolling in his bottom lip and biting down on it. From then on, I’d tried to stay out in the kitchen or to find jobs that had to be done in the office, but often the tearoom had been so busy that I was required to help. All the time I’d been out front, I had felt his eyes follow me around as I worked. Most of the time I tried to stop my eyes from wandering over to him, but more often than not they’d drifted over of their own accord and I’d taken a small look at him, conserving every single piece of him to memory.

  Like I needed more to torture myself with.

  The day he had brought Flint and Brie with him, was worse. I had my false engagement ring to use as a shield and he used the children as a lance, as he tried to penetrate my defences. I’d managed to somehow outwardly ignore him and spent the few minutes I could spare talking to them and then getting the children to collect a small edible treat from the kitchen. Flint and Brie seemed happy to see me, but it was obvious that Flint wanted Raff to be included in the invite to the kitchen with them. I watched as they wordlessly looked at each other and wished I knew what was passing between them. Raff, after looking at me, had shaken his head at Flint and had stayed put, but when he and Brie had left the kitchen, Flint had caught my arm and whispered, ‘Thank you for the cakes and I’m sorry.’

  I hadn’t a clue what he was sorry for.

  If I hadn’t understood it before, I knew now that I didn’t understand the opposite sex at all, so I pushed it out of my head.

  Raff still coming around and my reluctance to talk to him or face up to anything, had meant my anxiety had shown up in different ways. For the past few days I had been methodical with looking after my diabetes, using it as a form of number crunching to keep my bubbling emotions in check. It was crazy, I should have treated it this way years ago. That was positive, but the resulting negative had been that there was no way I was going to win a best boss award this week. I’d felt agitated and this had resulted in me being defiant and sometimes angrier than I should be. I’d apologised to everyone yesterday as I’d handed out their tips and a little extra as a Christma
s bonus and put it down to the stress of the year.

  They’d smiled back and said they understood, and I could only hope they did.

  All the time I’d been avoiding him and my feelings, Amy had been avoiding Winter and me. Her shifts had been done at the tearoom and I would see her in passing, but never long enough to have a meaningful conversation with her. But, I knew we reacted in a very similar way to emotional upset. We were avoiders and we did our best to avoid any form of conflict until it smacked us in the face and we couldn’t ignore it any longer.

  Life had smacked us both in the face on Friday, when our family had been given the news that our beloved matriarch, our nan, was now deemed too ill with dementia to return home after her six-week respite care in the care home. The same respite care that I knew she had signed up for herself, to give Amy a break. It was our nan that I had turned to when I needed to follow Raff over to the U.S. When I realised that even at only sixteen I couldn’t live without him. I knew once she’d listened to me that without a doubt she would help me book the flight I needed. I couldn’t ask my mum or dad, because I knew that although my parents loved me, they would do anything they could to stop me leaving. Thankfully, our nan had always believed in love.

  Not only had Amy had to cope with the news about Nan, but the shit had hit the fan yesterday evening, at the Christmas eve wedding of one of the boys we grew up with. Default Distraction had taken to the stage, having been asked last minute to perform when the snow had stopped the previously booked band from attending. All our hearts had been broken as we watched her comprehend that the man she had recently fallen in love with hadn’t been telling her the truth about who he was.

  Most women would be happy about the discovery that the man who’d fallen in love with them was the lead singer of a huge rock band, but not Amy.

  And last, but by no means least, Winter had been given the job opportunity of a lifetime. Cade and the others had offered her the contract of overseeing the opening of their next three hotels, as she’d done such a fantastic job with The Manor. The next one was opening in Vegas and she’d be going out there soon with Cade, and the thought of that made me smile to myself.

  In the space of one week, it seemed that the three of us who had been going along under the false pretences of happy and content with our lives, had been thrown under the path of several oncoming trains.

  They were all shit hot rock stars, with bodies and looks to die for.

  Now, the three of us had choices to make, we either stood up to watch our oncoming fate or we got the hell out of the way and fast. I could see what path the other two were already working towards, me, I wasn’t too sure.

  I was shit at making choices, as I’d proven only a few days ago.

  Then I thought back to today. Winter and I had cancelled our plans to have Christmas dinner at The Manor with Raff and her family and I couldn’t have been more relieved. We had managed to get Amy to open the door and to accept our apologies for not telling her sooner about Brody. We were also able to convince her of the truth that all we’d wanted was for her to have a chance of happiness. Then, having cancelled our dinner out, the three of us scraped around in the back of Nan’s freezer and we’d eaten a Christmas dinner of waffles and fish fingers sitting in the middle of Nan’s large bed.

  It had been different, but I think different was what we all needed.

  We’d spent the afternoon with Nan. I’d taken the too tight ring off my finger, saying that it was because I didn’t want to confuse her, but that had been a lie. The truth was it had been a relief to remove it. Although Nan had dementia, she always seemed to be able to be the nan we needed when we needed her the most, and I didn’t want to worry her. We’d then spent Christmas afternoon in her company trying hard to forget all about the changes that were happening in our lives and hers.

  My fingers dropped the ribbon I’d been toying with as I thought over the last few days and I looked over to where I’d placed the presents I’d received today. My eyes flicked up to the same papercut Nan had given all three of us as a present today.

  I spoke the words out loud. ‘Be with someone who can understand three things in you. The sadness behind your smile. The love that enflames your anger and the reason behind your silence. Be with someone who accepts you for you.’

  ‘Just undo the bloody thing.’ Winter’s voice penetrated my thoughts and I heard her sigh as she tried to persuade me. I’d been so lost thinking back over the last few days that I hadn’t even noticed that the water had stopped running. My eyes shot up to find her standing in the doorway, twisting up her long blonde hair into a messy bun.

  Resolutely, I nodded at her.

  Pulling the green ribbon, I watched as it fell away. I took one end and wrapped the velvet around my hand as it came away from the box, then I lifted the lid. Red tissue paper filled the inside. Taking a deep breath, I unfolded the pretty paper, sheet by sheet.

  The first thing that caught my eye was a glint of silver and my heart sunk that he’d tried to return my necklace. I picked up the silver shape, realising quickly that it had no chain. In between my thumb and forefinger, I could feel that the inside of the shape was thicker than the outside rim, as I rolled it around in my fingers I quickly recognised that the unusual shape I was holding was a plectrum.

  Raff’s plectrum?

  ‘Is that his plectrum?’ I heard Winter’s question and I nodded at her in answer.

  I remembered when I watched him sing and play for me in the ballroom back at The Manor, seeing a flash of silver in his fingers.

  Placing it in my palm I turned it over to find a faded “forever” in the centre.

  Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I realised what I was holding. I wrapped my hand around it tightly, feeling the metal warm in my hand and in turn that warmth then spread to the whole of my body.

  He’d kept it. I was shaking my head in disbelief, tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

  ‘His plectrum was made out of…’ I started.

  ‘I know, I can see it. I can remember you both wearing your chains,’ she gently interrupted as she stepped near enough to read the word.

  ‘After all these years. He could have had a solid gold one made with all the money he has. I can’t believe it, even having been married to someone else, he kept it.’ My heart was frantically banging in my chest in anticipation of what else I might find.

  Rummaging a little further into the tissue paper I pulled out a strip of old photographs. The strip was folded into four, the edges of the paper were worn and the colours had faded. The film was peeling off and separating the layers of paper in places.

  ‘It can’t be,’ I whispered.

  Before I even turned them over I knew what I was going to find. They were four small pictures we’d had taken a long time ago. We were squashed into a photo booth, laughing and playing around as we kissed and held each other. The four photos had captured us so perfectly then, that as I ran my finger down the four of them I was taken back. I could hear our laughter, sense his arms around me and feel the touch of his lips on mine.

  I lifted the hand holding the photos and ran my knuckles over my lips absentmindedly.

  ‘How could something so right, go so badly wrong?’ I hadn’t even realised that I had spoken out loud, until Winter who had now arrived beside me answered.

  ‘It’s called life, and personally, the more I bloody think about it, the more I think there is more to this crazy box of frogs than we’re all aware of… I think you need to start asking a few questions of certain people and I’ve told Raff the same.’

  She retrieved her whiskey and plonked herself next to me on the floor, making sure her shoulder was touching mine in solidarity. Then she raised her arm and pulled me into her hold.

  ‘It’s too late,’ I answered. ‘Too much water under the bridge.’ I laid my head on her shoulder.

  ‘It’s only too late when you both give up or give in.’ She kissed my head in reassurance.

  ‘Has
Raff given up on me?’ My voice sounded smaller than I wanted it to, but I was apprehensive of her answer.

  ‘What do you think? Would he have kept those things if he had? I don’t think he would have done if he’d moved on… Do you? And if he’s had enough and moved on now, why would he have sent them to you?’

  I opened my hands and looked at the small gifts that had brightened my day.

  ‘Is there anything else in there?’ Winter questioned.

  I looked back inside, rummaging in between the sheets of red paper and finally found a small piece of card. The writing on the card read.

  I’ve kept your smile and laughter captured in these photos safe in my wallet since the day they were taken. When what I wanted to do was to keep you safe with me. When I couldn’t keep you with me, the hardest decision I ever made meant you were at least safe.

  When the chain broke on our forever, I changed it into something that made sure you would always be with me. I’ve held this plectrum in my hand every day, when what I wanted was to hold you in my arms.

  You need reminding that we’re “Always and Forever.” So, I’m lending them to you, but you can only borrow them. Like I’m borrowing the necklace you gave back to me.

  You’re my girl and you need to understand that you were never discarded. One day I’ll prove it to you. I know you don’t want to talk to me yet.

  But one day I pray you will.

  Until then, I keep and hold you safe in my heart.

  We will always be forever.

  ‘Oh, brother of mine,’ I heard her whisper as she read over my shoulder.

  I clutched the gifts he’d given me as gently as I could and held them to my heart as I fell into Winter’s arms and sobbed at the ridiculously unfair situation I was in.

  Can I trust him?

  Those few words went around my head as my heart screamed to be heard. They went unanswered until my head finally forced my heart to shut up.