Identity

by Brandy Slaven

  Bringing my hands up to his hair, I clench my fingers in what little he has while anchoring him to the spot. I feel his thumb underneath my chin a second before he tilts it upwards, allowing him to plunge his tongue in deeper. He wasn’t lying when he said he’s better at things now. The last time we kissed, it was great, but nothing like this. Only one other person has ever been as good. But, Anderson should be the last thing on my mind right now. To drive him out, I bump Aric’s body with mine, and a growling sound vibrates in his chest. Without warning, his hands drop down to cup my ass. As smooth as the last time we were right here in this moment, he lifts, and my legs wrap around his hips easily.

  We’re moving before I have time to think about it. As I devour the taste of him, the atmosphere changes around us. A tell tell sign that he’s walking us inside. He could make it all the way back to the other coast, and I wouldn’t care. The only thing that matters to me at this point is the feel of one of the men I left a piece of my heart with years ago.

  I drop my legs, forcing him to stop walking. Without breaking our lips apart, I drag my fingernails down the front of his plain shirt. Even after years of living the dirty rich life, he and Alek still have a thing for less than designer clothes. They’d only worn the nicer things in public eye to appease Trenton.

  Works in my favor now as I grab the bottom hem of his t-shirt and easily lift it over his head before tossing it in the corner somewhere. This time, when my fingernails go down his chest, they leave soft red marks in a trail behind them.

  He groans into my mouth, and I eat it up greedily. I don’t bother waiting on him to work on my clothes. I strip off my shirt, breaking our lips apart for half a second to throw it the same direction his went. As if those two pieces of clothing were the catalyst, we fumble around for a few seconds, both of us trying to undress ourselves the rest of the way as we still try to undress each other.

  By the time we’re both naked and Aric’s body is pressing my back into the bare mattress, the reasons why we shouldn’t are at the very back of my mind blocked by bulletproof glass. I knew that I’d missed them. All of them. However, I don’t think I truly realized just how much until this very moment. It’s more than just my emotional attachments to them. This feeling of intimacy I refused to share would’ve paled in comparison with anyone else, anyway.

  Throwing a leg over his hip, I shove his shoulder as I roll my body, flipping our positions.

  Aric chuckles as his hands skim up the sides of my thighs to come to a rest on my hips. “Some things never change, do they, Qamar? Still always needing to be in control.”

  “Not always,” I answer with a quick nip to his lips at his use of the old pet name meaning moon. He and Alek both loved calling me different things in their native Arabic language. I’d demanded our tutor to teach both Arabic and Spanish so I could talk to them and Alejandro in their own tongue. I wasn’t very good at it, but that didn’t mean the three of them didn’t appreciate it nonetheless.

  I lick a line up the center of his chest before sucking one of his nipples through my teeth. His rough hands sink into my hair, unable to hold onto it like he used to, as he tries to keep me in place. It doesn’t work, and I simply move to the other side, giving it the same attention.

  He’s forever patient as per usual. One of the many quirks that used to drive me crazy, but now makes me want to be anything but. When his palms find my breasts and the feel of those rough callouses rub against the soft skin there, I don’t give either of us a chance to back out.

  Reaching between us, I grasp him firmly, eliciting another deep moan from his chest as his head falls back and chin tips toward the ceiling. I don’t waste any time guiding him directly to my center that’s wet for the first time in a long time and begging for him. As he parts my folds and I sink down entirely on him, both of our voices bounce off the walls of my prison.

  There’s a slight burn where my body is adjusting to him, but it’s quickly replaced with a desire that sends my hips rocking against him. His hands roam everywhere from where my knees rest at his hips on the bed all the way up to my back and shoulders. Then back again, almost as if he can’t pick a spot to love on because he needs proof that I’m really here.

  I grab the one skimming back up my left side and place it over my heart before I pick up our pace. As I slam our bodies together, his free hand falls to my hip and helps me ride him. It’s only a few moments later when I feel myself at the peak of that edge, getting ready to go over. The whispered Arabic words that fall from his lips are my undoing, and I shatter, bringing Aric with me.

  Collapsing against his chest, I don’t move to let him pull out, instead choosing to rub my cheek against the tiny bit of soft hair growing between his pecs as his fingers graze across my back.

  “We’re out of the business,” he announces quietly, a few minutes into the silence.

  I make a disbelieving huff noise.

  “It’s true,” he says with his voice dropping into a gravelly whisper. “We still run the construction business, but it’s all a cover for his cover. All of Trenton’s side stuff isn’t an issue anymore.”

  A tear sneaks out of my eye at the hope that threatens to crush my heart. One thing the Trenton boys learned from their father was that words are the biggest weapon a person could ever have. I may have run away, cut my hair, and had some major revelations about myself, but that doesn’t mean I’ve turned stupidly naïve. For Aric to talk his way into my pants, then give me hope for what I want most only to crush it later is low. Even for a Trenton. And I’d be a lying witch if I said it doesn’t sting.

  Raising up and pulling away, I roll to the side before standing to look down at him. His elbows have come up underneath him to support his weight. The washboard abs are a minor distraction as is his cock already starting to grow hard again under my observation. Too bad I’m about to wipe that sexy little smirk off his face.

  “Thanks for reminding me why I left. You can go now,” I tell him, sticking around long enough for that expression drop into a confused frown.

  His gaze makes me uncomfortable, so I make a move toward the bathroom. There are some rustling noises behind me as if he’s putting his clothes back on, but I don’t turn around to look.

  “I know you don’t believe me, Arsuilla, so I’m going to try not to get my feelings hurt too bad over the fact that you just fucked and dismissed me,” he says close to the still open balcony doors. “However, I will suggest you ask Alek or one of the others if you seriously can’t wrap your head around the truth. When you left, it broke us in ways you’ll never be able to understand because we’d never do that to you. Trenton pushed all of us to the breaking point after we lost you, Anderson and Alek worst of all. So, before you start casting judgements and doubt over the boys we used to be, maybe you should get to know the men that we are. The ones we became for you.”

  I know without a doubt he’s about to go out and drop back down to his balcony. My heart says to stop him, but my head says to let him go. The former has done nothing but cause me problems for years. It’s time I start thinking before reacting. Without turning around, I walk into the bathroom and close the door softly behind me.

  Three days. I keep myself locked in my tower prison for three days. I don’t even bother leaving to go down for food. Thankfully, I’d packed a box of protein bars in my go bag. As they run out on the third day, I determine that if I don’t ever see another one for the rest of my life, it’ll still be too soon.

  No contact with any of the guys either, though, they’ve come a knocking. Anderson with a fist to the door sounding like he was going to break the damn thing while demanding I come out. The entire dramatic scene makes me feel like a teenager again, except this time, they aren’t on my side.

  Whatever. They want to act like Trenton, then I’ll stay right here on my side of that door.

  In the past three days, I’ve taken three baths long enough to be considered illegal in some countries, letting out the lukewarm water and filling it up
again.

  I’ve gone through Alejandro’s phone extensively with a fine-tooth comb. It should make me feel like a jealous witch stalker, but it doesn’t. If there was something on it that he was afraid of me finding, he never would’ve given it to me. Contrary to what Aric spoke for himself, by all appearances, it seems as though Alejandro is living in the past. The only photos in his gallery that aren’t landscape related are old ones of us. There aren’t even any selfies or photos with him and the other guys. It’s sad, yet perfectly relatable. I can’t recall the last time I took a picture of myself, let alone allowed someone to take one of me.

  In the three days of seclusion, I’ve also spent a lot of time doing what is currently taking up my time. A whole lot of nothing while staring at the walls and ceiling. Alejandro’s music app was a great benefit during that time, but it died yesterday, leaving me to the silence of my thoughts and busy street out past the trees of the backyard.

  The thought of leaving again has volleyed back and forth without having any true meaning behind it. Daytime has proven to be the worst. When I can hear the freedom that rests outside that tree line. How easy it would be to slip out of here like a ghost that doesn’t belong and mingle into the crowd. Gone in a puff of smoke that wouldn’t leave any trace of me behind.

  I blame the heart for not being able to take that leap for the second time. Trenton would punish one of the brothers if they let me slip away again. And I’m not going to be the reason for it this time. No matter what wool Aric tried to slip over my eyes the other day.

  Slamming my eyes shut, I let the crushing weight of despair sit heavy enough to have a few tears leaking down the sides of my face. He’d been so perfect. Exactly the way I remembered him. How I’d pictured him all of these years. Better in some ways, but we still fit together as though we were meant to be.

  Angrily, I brush the remaining tears off my skin. This is no fairy tale where the princess gets her happy ending. Even if it was, I’d rather be the villain, anyway. Once these stupid little Trenton heirs get that through their pea-sized brains, we’ll all be better off.

  There’s a bang on the door hard enough to rattle pictures on the walls, if I had any. It’s obvious who’s on the other side before his voice slips through the cracks.

  “Su, I swear, if you don’t come out of there, I’m going to break this gods be damned door down off its hinges,” Anderson yells.

  “That’s because you’re a fucking savage,” I murmur toward the ceiling, low enough to not be heard through the door. No sense in waving the red cape in front of the bull when he’s already in rage mode.

  For a second, I think I’ve done just that when something heavy hits the door with a thud. I jerk upright and angle my body towards the sound of splintering wood as it hits again. By the third strike, the door handle is flinging off underneath my bed that I’m now standing on.

  “You fucking psycho!” I yell at Anderson who’s now pushing through the open door. “You can’t just fucking barge in here like you own the place! Trenton will have your ass on a silver platter when he finds out you’re breaking down doors in his house!”

  “Then you should’ve opened the damn thing!” he roars back.

  I’m waiting for him to take those last few stomps toward me so I can slap him, but he doesn’t stop once his shins meet the bed. Before I have time to protest, he’s reached out and chopped the back of my knees. In the progression of my fall, he somehow manages to position himself in such a way that my gut meets his shoulder before he lifts like he’s done this a thousand times.

  I slap him so many times my hands go numb before resorting to flailing my feet, hoping to catch him in the ball sack. If only I’d put my boots back on. It might have made a difference. As it stands, I might as well be a ragdoll thrown over his shoulder.

  “Anderson, you fucking dick!” I shout at him.

  “Stop with the vulgarity or I’ll put that dirty mouth to some real work,” he growls with a hard smack to my ass.

  If the words weren’t enough to make my blood boil, the hit definitely is. Tucking my arm across my chest, I raise up just far enough to bring my elbow against the back of his head. He grunts in pain right before he bounces me on his shoulder. The quick movement steals my breath as it hits me right in the gut.

  Once I’m finally able to take a gulp of air, I consider puking down his back on purpose but tuck that idea away quickly. Even if I could bring myself to forcefully throw up, I don’t get the chance as he bends at the waist and drops my feet to the floor. He reaches out to steady me so that my ass doesn’t end up meeting the floor, but I’m still seeing red.

  My palm connects with his cheek with a loud pop before I quickly follow it up with, “That is not how you treat women, Anderson Trenton. You should be ashamed of yourself. No means no, asshole. Next time you do that you’ll be eating your balls for breakfast.”

  Not bothered by my outburst in the least, he steps up until our chests are flush against each other. “You can try it, little Su.”

  I tuck my hands underneath my arms to keep from smacking him again, and he finally steps back to walk around me. For the first time since he came into my room, I take in my surroundings. What I see threatens to bring one of those protein bars back up unwillingly.

  He brought me to the one place I dreaded the most in coming back here. Trenton’s study. The untouched books gracing the walls stare back at me as if in accusation.

  I ignore the rest of the guys that had obviously filed in behind us and found perches around the room. Everyone seems more relaxed than I’m used to in this room, and it’s starting to freak me out. Straightening my spine, I turn to face the man of many names who has a frequent spotlight in my nightmares.

  My breath stills in my chest as my eyes fall on his desk and the chair behind it. In the one spot in the house that none of us were ever allowed to be, Trenton’s chair, sits Anderson. The thought of him being chosen to take over the private part of the family business makes me grind my teeth together. It makes sense that it was him because most of the others aren’t hard enough for it. However, that doesn’t mean I have to like it, and I most definitely don’t.

  With Anderson in Trenton’s chair, guess that means the hard ass man I used to call Father won’t be joining us. There’s a small part of me that sighs in relief and relaxes a little. I don’t let that show as I walk stiffly over to one of the wingback chairs in front of him and take a seat.

  Those dark brown eyes narrow suspiciously as I cross my arms over my chest. I could put up a stronger fight, but I’d rather just get this over with so I can get out of this room. Trenton or no Trenton, these walls hold secrets no one can escape from.

  “Did you drag me down here to glare at me all night, or was there something you needed that couldn’t be taken care of in my room?” I ask, knowing how it sounds and not giving a shit. There’s a soft snort behind me, and I’d bet my last dollar on it being from Atlas.

  “I’m tired of you being locked away in that room like we’re going to torture you for daring to leave it,” Anderson replies without the attitude from moments ago.

  I’m prepared to fight the pissed off, cocky side of him, not this one. The softer, compassionate side will suck me into that never-ending whirlpool of a sinking ship.

  As hard as it is, I keep my poker face on. “Better to be safe than sorry in a house full of snakes. Once bitten and all that.”

  In my peripheral, I notice Aric moving to stand beside the desk, facing me. His mouth opens, but Anderson makes a hand gesture and cuts him off. He never used to be so rude, especially to us, and when we were alone in a room. Even as upset as I still am with Aric, it pisses me off on his behalf.

  “You’re such a—,” I start, then stop mid-sentence as two more figures come around my chair to stand at the other side of the desk.

  “Hiya, Su,” Ransam says with a tight-lipped smile and small wave of his hand.

  “Witch,” Orsam says as greeting.

  I continue to stare
at them as hard as I did Anderson when he first broke down my door.

  “Weren’t you worried about their safety?” Anderson asks as he sits back and steeples his fingers in front of him.

  I also sit back, but cross my arms as my gaze flicks from him back to the brothers who pretended to be my friends. “Did you know when you’re trapped in a small space for long periods of time, your brain tends to go to this place where you question everything? I’ve had a lot of time in the past couple of days to get lost in that place. One of the first things I realized is that only two people other than myself knew that I was going to be jumping out of that plane. The first was Bry and the second was Ransam.”

  “What if we’d tortured him to give you up?” Abraham asks from somewhere to my left.

  Turning my glare to him, I state, “You wouldn’t, because you’re not him.”

  When I turn back to Ransam, his eyes drop to the floor as I say, “Which means Ransam told you of his own free will. Then I start piecing all the small stuff together. For example, before Aric and I fucked the other day, he said something about convincing me to come home, which also means that you knew where I was this entire time. These two were just pretending at friendship while on Trenton payroll.”

  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going for the shock factor, casually dropping sex with Aric into the room. Unfortunately, it’s a bust because no one even bats an eye at my admission. Aric doesn’t look the slightest bit uncomfortable with the information out there for everyone to know.

  Neither brother will look me in the face. Apparently, there’s something more interesting on the rug at their feet. Orsam doesn’t even wear any kind of remorseful expression like Ransam does.

  That’s okay. My revelation at their involvement wasn’t a pretty one. I might have cried and raged some, but at least that anger is gone now. I understand why they did it. When Trenton says jump, you ask how high, no matter who you are.

  Ransam’s eyes finally lift to mine in the silence, and I give him a soft smile that he returns.