A Fantasy About Love

by Opal Cole

  "It will be a long flight, so take Business class. This is the only flight that stops in Sydney so that we can stay together. I've also made a reservation in your name so that we can sit together. All you have to do is to pick up your ticket and pay it. You'll have to arrange a hotel and rent a car at our arrival, and then we'll see how things will go. I've booked a return flight on Friday night that goes to Brisbane without stopping in Sydney and I shall fly first class, since this gives me the chance to sleep and to study. You'll have to come back on your own, depending on how the illness of your father develops."

  All I could say was "Yes, ma'am" and to tell her to pack warm clothes as it was Spring in Germany and it could be much colder than in Brisbane. It did not take me long to settle whatever urgent business there was at the office; Maureen had also called Mary Ann and she had already reserved a hotel close to the nursing home and a car would be waiting for us at the airport. The two worked well together!

  Then I went home, packed my bags and went to the airport.

  When they called for boarding, I looked for Maureen, but remembered that transit passengers would board first. I was led to Business Class and there she was, looking for me to appear in the aisle. She was beautiful as always, dressed in comfortable dark brown slacks and a blue cashmere pullover. I suddenly realized that this was the pullover I had loaned her and that she had never given back. Her smile exploded when she saw me, jumped up and embraced me: "James, I've not seen you since the last weekend. This is too long by far! Kiss me please!"

  Which I did with enthusiasm.

  A light cough behind us reminded me that we were standing in the aisle stopping the way for other passengers. I turned around, released Maureen and said: "Please excuse me, Ma'am. This is my fiancé and I have not seen her for two days and 3 hours."

  The lady smiled and offered to wait for us to finish the show, but Maureen, blushing fiercely, slipped into her seat beside the window; my seat was at her side on the aisle. She grasped my hand and asked whether I had any news about my father. All I had heard that is was serious and that there was no way to tell what would happen over the next 48 hours.

  Even with my father's illness apparently ending, I was happy having Maureen at my side. Her contagious smile lifted some of the load of my shoulders -- could I have done more for my father? Did I show the respect he deserved even when we were estranged?

  After liftoff and the obligatory champagne, she told me what she had done yesterday and today, after all, she had left Sydney on Sunday night, and how she had managed to take her studies and tests with her. The test on Monday was very important; if at all possible, she wanted to take it, but if I needed her, she would repeat it in six months' time. Then she smiled wickedly and asked whether I had seen Peter. I gave her a detailed word by word account and she laughed when I said that Peter saw in her eyes the 'Squeak! Squeak!' whenever she looked at him, but he enjoyed the evening and he wished us a wonderful life together.

  She asked me about my father; after all, she did not want to meet him unprepared. I told her some more about our family ( but not everything; there was a huge surprise for her coming up), how it went back centuries in Germany, that my father was the last representative of a long tradition of service to the fatherland, and when I had decided that I would not become an officer, he was deeply injured and practically did not speak to me anymore. In his opinion, my family had always served with honor and courage as our family motto is 'Honor et fortitude', and he did not understand that I preferred business, not the Amy. He respected courage above all other attitudes -- once he reminded me that Churchill had claimed that of all human qualities, courage was the most esteemed, because it guaranteed all others. This belief had orientated all his life: he had been a Colonel in the German Army, his father a General in the Prussian Army, and his son wanted to be a businessman? He could not understand this, and our relationship was always strained after my decision.

  Unfortunately, my mother had died when I was still young, and that was another point he blamed me for. So my education had been firm and correct, but without any sentimentality or kindness. I survived and the strength I had when I was at the University and after graduation led me to do what I wanted, not what my father expected.

  He was a good man, but a difficult one. During the last years he had become more flexible and we had now a better relationship, each one accepting the position of the other.

  "This is a sad story, my love. I hope that you'll make up now that he is so ill. Please promise me that you'll try."

  Have I said already that she is a wonderful woman?

  The decent food was accompanied by excellent Australian wines, and after conversing more, she suddenly closed her eyes and went to sleep. I followed her and even when we stayed at the Dubai Airport for the stopover, she was leaning on my shoulder and continued to sleep. Arriving in Frankfurt we ran to the other boarding gate for the connection to München and just made it. It was a late afternoon when we arrived, and a Baby Mercedes was waiting for us. We dropped the baggage at the hotel and went to the nursing home to inquire about my father.

  It was sunny, but cold -- the temperature seemed to be in the low fifties. Maureen was shivering as she was accustomed to more amenable temperatures.

  When we arrived at the hospital, the reception called my father's doctor; the Nurse said that 'Herr Oberst' (one heard the capital letters in the name) was asleep and the doctor had no more hope for him. It would be just a few more days. When the doctor arrived, he was sad; there was no more possibility that he might survive the following days; it seemed that he had been waiting for me, and he was happy that I did make it in time.

  He suggested going back to the hotel, shower and change, eat something light and coming back. It was probable that 'Herr Oberst' would wake up later in the evening and we could see and eventually speak to him.

  We did as advised, and when we came back, the doctor was waiting for us. He repeated the medical story and apologized that he could not do more. It seemed that my father had given up on life and suffering and wanted to rest. He left the room, but came back immediately and said that my father was awake. He had told him that he had visitors from Australia -- a sudden emotional shock might not be the best idea -- and led us to his room.

  I was distressed when I saw him lying in bed. I remembered him as a strong man, proud and inflexible. Before me was an old man, tired beyond description, and almost not able to open his eyes. I knelt beside his bed.

  "Father, it is I, James, and I have brought my fiancé, Maureen, for you to see my future wife. Please wake up."

  He slowly opened his eyes and seemed to recognize me. "Is that you, James? Why are you here? To see your old father die?"

  I took a deep breath and when I started to say something probably ill-advised, Maureen stepped forward, knelt beside me and took his hands in hers.

  "Mr. Winter, I'm Maureen Monahan, James' bride and future wife. We've come from Australia to ask for your blessing for our marriage. I love him very much and want to care for him all my life as he will for me, and we want to have our children continuing the tradition of the Winter family. James has told me about you and how you cared for him when he was young and without his mother, and I do respect the responsibility you accepted. You made him a good man, respected in his profession and supported by his friends, and loved by me. Please accept our plea and give us your permission as the head of your family and your blessing as the father of my man."

  She kissed his hands and looked at him in the way that only a loving woman can do. Then she took my hand and laid it over my father's hand and hers.

  He gazed at us for a long time and then said slowly in his raspy voice and with interruptions to take another breath: "Maureen, I expected to die on my own, alone as I've been during all these years. James cared for me and I did not need for anything, but he was there and I was here. I know that it is mainly my fault, but still, I always missed him. Now he's here and I'm certain that you brought him here, to say
goodbye and perhaps even so that we forgive each other. So thank you and yes, you have my permission and my blessings. ̈

  He stopped to breathe -- it was very difficult for him to speak.xxwwẍJames, I realize that you found an astonishing woman and I hope that you realize this and care for her forever. During the last months I have been thinking about us -- I over my inflexibility and insistence for you to do what I wanted, and over you with your determination to decide your own life. If your mother had been alive, we might have reconciled our wishes, but at the end, we did what we had to do. I'm happy that you are respected and supported by your friends, and loved by this wonderful woman: so can I apologize for all the wrong turns I insisted on, and can we be at least friends?"

  I did not know what to say -- I had never expected to hear these words. I bent my head and kissed his cheek.

  "Father, I ask for forgiveness, too. I should have understood your position and not simply abandoned you. Please forgive me and I hope that we are father and son again, not only friends."

  He nodded and looked at Maureen. "You remind me of my dear wife; she was a warm and caring person and she often intervened when the fights between James and me became dangerous. You said that he's a good man -- make him realize that to deserve you, he has to be this every day!"

  Finally, I could not stand these unexpected emotions anymore, started to cry and put my head on his shoulder. I felt that Maureen caressed his cheeks and suddenly we were family, not relatives visiting each other. I heard him whisper: "Germans do not cry, James, but this time I forgive you!" which caused me to cry even more.

  After a while I recovered and looked at my father.

  "Father, we had a very long trip and are tired. You close your eyes also. Let us go back to the hotel and we'll be back here tomorrow morning to talk in peace."

  He nodded and when we looked back from the door, he had closed his eyes already. We drove back to the hotel, had a shower and changed to go out and have dinner. It was considerably colder than in Sydney: it was probably just in the low 40's -- in Spring! Maureen dressed in warm woolen slacks and a high neck pullover, all in black, and low boots. I just took my dress jeans, a warm shirt and a sports jacket. I had a windbreaker and Maureen appeared with a cashmere overcoat, in dark green color.

  I wondered where that came from and she said: "Mother. She has the most astonishing collection of clothing that I have ever seen. When we go back, I will investigate what is usable for me, and steal it. She hasn't used it during the last few years, but since you appeared, she might be interested again in dressing up. I'll have to be careful, my love!"

  We went to a restaurant the reception recommended and had wild boar with a bottle of Spanish red wine. We were tired, however, and when we were back in the room, we looked at each other and I told her: "I love you, but all I want now to hug you and stay in your arms. "

  She agreed and after kissing the tips of her breasts and a deep kiss on her lips as traditions should not be broken, as any German would tell you, we fell asleep in each other arms.

  In the morning we went back to the nursing home and Father was already up; he had taken off his robe and put on a white dress shirt, shaved, and his eyes were more alive than yesterday. The nurse whispered that he had insisted to be dressed properly for his daughter-in-law "Not for you, sir, for her", and he was waiting for us.

  He looked at Maureen -- I was apparently forgotten -- and when she bent down and gave him a kiss on his cheek, he beamed like a young man receiving his first kiss. He took her hands and asked her to tell her more about herself. I might as well have left and read a book for all the two were interested in my opinion. It was wonderful, to see, however, how fast Maureen had conquered his heart. Have I told you recently that she is a wonderful woman, and that I love her so much? This was proof again of the magic she had and the warmth she was ready to give to others.

  After a while he closed his eyes and his mind wandered away. His face was relaxed, however, and when he whispered something that sounded like my mother's name, he even had a little smile on his lips. The Nurse told us that he would sleep at least for three hours and we were free to do whatever we wanted and should come back after lunch. We went to the center of München and walked through the Marienplatz and entered some shops, and then had a quick lunch at Dallmayr's. This was one of the best delicatessen shops in the city, with an astonishing variety of food and wines, but our heart was not in it and we went back to the nursing home and waited for Father to wake up.

  It was wonderful to see the smile on his face when he opened his eyes and saw Maureen sitting beside him.

  "Hello, Maureen. You are obviously not a dream! What have you done today? Has James looked after you? Hello, James."

  It was nice to see that he remembered that I was there, too! She told him about our little excursion and the lunch, and that we wanted to be back when he woke up. The afternoon was a repetition of the morning and I believe that they did not notice when I left for a while to call Sydney to see whether everything was all right. Soon he was tired again and the Nurse told us to leave, as good emotions could be as dangerous as bad ones.

  The next day we told Father that Maureen would have to go back to Brisbane that night to take tests for her university degree, but if he wanted, she would stay. He asked me whether these tests were important, and I nodded.

  "Maureen, your visit here has made my life lighter and more enjoyable. I'd love for you to stay more time, but I cannot take you away from your responsibilities. Go back and if God wills it, I shall be there at your wedding."

  Now both cried and I had to stop my sniffling. When he fell asleep again, we left and had lunch at a McDonalds in the neighborhood. It was food and filling, but not something I would like to eat every day. When we went back, Father was already awake and when she kissed him, he lifted his weak arms and embraced her slowly; then he told me to open a drawer in a sideboard and take out a box. He tried to open it with a little key he had in his hands and when it finally unlocked, he took out a small box. He gave it to her and asked her to open it. In it was a woman's signet ring with our family's coat of arms engraved.

  "This, Maureen, is for you to wear with pride -- it was my wife's ring and before that my grandmother's ring, and it goes back for many, many generations. I want you to have it. It says 'Honor et fortitude' and means that we always cherished Honor and Courage above everything else. You are family now and the marriage would be just a public ceremony. For me, you are my daughter-in-law already. I don't know what you did to me, but I consider you my daughter, and you should carry on our tradition, educating your children with the same virtues."

  She put it on her finger and as if by miracle, it fitted perfectly. The crying session continued and only after a while we came back to normal. She sat beside him, holding his hand all the time, and his face was more relaxed than before.

  The time came for her to say goodbye and another bucket of tears was spilled. When we left, she suddenly turned back and ran to his bed. "You consider me your daughter. May I consider you my father?"

  He nodded and waved us away; telling us that he was tired, but he would see her again soon.

  I drove her to the airport and whilst we were waiting for the boarding to start, I asked what she had done to my father. I had never seen him like this, and I did not understand it. She looked at me and asked whether I understood what had happened between us? Nobody could explain how a few days had bonded us together for eternity, yet it happened, and we were better for it. Perhaps her visit had taken away the tension of the illness and he looked at life from a different angle. She did not know, but she felt wonderful for it.

  The boarding call came, and she kissed me once more.

  "Give your father my love tomorrow morning and tell him that I love him and that I expect him to be at our wedding! "

  Showing off her new ring she walked away, but came back once more for a deep and loving kiss. "Take care of yourself without me, James, and I love you!" She blew me a kis
s and entered the gate.

  I drove back to the hotel, slept fitfully and in the morning returned to see Father. It was pouring and the wind was strong, making the walk to the hospital very uncomfortable. The doctor intercepted me before I could enter his room and took me into a little meeting room.

  "Mr. Winter, your visit and especially the presence of your fiancé have helped your father a lot. I've never seen him so relaxed and happy during the time I treat him here. Unfortunately, the emotions you shared took most of his strength away, so I recommend that you settle with him whatever you have to do, since he will not stay with us for a long time."

  When I entered father's room, he was already waiting for me.

  "Is Maureen on her way home?" I nodded.

  "Then let us settle family business. You will be the Head of the de Winter family and this has certain responsibilities. I want you to consider them carefully and to deal with them as needed. There is not a lot of money left, so distribute it as you see fit. I understand from you and Maureen that you are well off and don't really need it, so give it away. The family documents and the jewelry are in that drawer -- Maureen has her signet ring; yours is in the box I showed you yesterday. Take them with you when you go back to Australia. I recommend that you contact Dr. Willington and give him a power-of-attorney to handle everything else; his address is in the drawer, too. I always trusted him, so trust him also."

  I stared at my father: the 'Herr Oberst' was back and had given his orders. Where were the tears? The sentiments? This was the strict business I was accustomed to, but did not expect from him, and especially at this moment.

  "Don't look at me that way, son. I know what will happen, and it'll happen soon. I stayed alive to see you once more and settle my problems with you; Maureen's presence was unexpected and wonderful. You gave me the happiness of having my son back with me and she gave me peace. Now sit here beside me and tell me about your life -- we did not give you any chance to enter a word into our conservation. So please tell me how you got to Australia and how you met Maureen."