by Nikki Paris
Camden’s expression darkened, and he clenched his fists. “Can we go key his car now?”
“I think if I did that, it would mean he was still hurting me.”
“Is he?” Camden’s voice was so soft.
I gazed right into his mesmerizing blue eyes. “No. Not like he used to.”
“Good.” Camden laced his fingers through mine. “Ash, should we get out of here?”
“Together?” My heart pounded.
Camden nodded. “We could head back to your place and just keep talking, right?”
I nodded, already feeling wet downtown. We were going to sleep together, and I couldn’t wait. We stood, and Camden rested his hand on the small of my back. His skin felt electric on mine.
Back at my apartment, we sat on the couch. Camden had sex in his eyes, and I was sure I did, too. How long were we going to be able to resist?
Camden rested his hand on my thigh, sliding it higher and higher. “Ash, I can’t keep my hands off of you. You make me so crazy.”
His caress was like sweet, warm fire. I reached over to touch his face. He closed his eyes and melted into me. This was such a bad idea. This wasn’t just sex. There were serious feelings involved, and I was going to break his heart and mine when he found out that I was broken. I should have told him a long time ago.
Could I tell him now? Would he give me that look of pity and disappointment, and then leave?
I didn’t want him to leave. “Camden,” I whispered. “I…”
“What is it?” He asked, sliding his arms around my waist and pulling me onto his lap. I slid my skirt up, straddled him, and pressed my sopping wet panties against his jeans. I could feel his erection and started rocking my hips without thinking.
I pressed my forehead against his and gazed into his eyes. Maybe he wouldn’t leave. Maybe he’d be okay with it. “I…” I chickened out and just kissed him instead. It was a selfish move, but I badly wanted to get lost in his perfect arms.
He carried me to my bedroom and laid me down on my bed. He was so gentle as he slid my heels off, and then my dress. He took off my bra next and massaged my breasts and kissed my butterfly tattoo. When he undressed and entered me, he never once broke eye contact. Camden wasn’t fucking me this time. He was making love to me, and I could feel him in my soul.
14
Camden
I slowly opened my eyes and stretched. For a split second, I hung out in that perfect oblivious moment between sleep and waking. Then I turned and saw her sleeping next to me, and my breath caught in my chest. Ash looked like perfection, curled up on her side, breathing softly, eyelids fluttering. Her blonde hair was splayed out on the pillow, and the sunlight filtering through the window made it look like a golden halo. The blanket was tangled around her legs, leaving her gorgeous tits exposed. They rose and fell with her breathing, and I drank in the sight of them.
I wasn’t supposed to stay over, but she hadn’t kicked me out last night. After we had sex three times, she’d cuddled up to me and fallen asleep. The sex had been different, too. It felt softer and more intimate.
Watching and adoring every curve of her body while she slept felt intimate, too. I hadn’t told her how I felt yet. I would do it soon. My heart pounded in my chest, and I needed to touch her. I was already hard again.
Would she be pissed when she woke up to find me still in her bed? Should I just quietly slip out?
No. I wanted her too much.
I slid the blanket off of her legs and gently pressed them apart. Fuck. That pussy… That warm, wet, sexy hole in the center of her body was enough to make me lose my mind. It was fucking made for me. I brushed my fingers gently down her pussy. Ash gave a sexy little moan and opened her legs wider. I glanced up at her face and saw that she was still asleep.
I dipped two fingers inside of her — soaking wet. She rocked her hips and sighed, still half asleep. I kissed her pussy, then spread her folds and licked her clit. I gently ran my tongue back and forth over the most sensitive part of her body, with my fingers still inside. I loved the way she tightened around my fingers when I started sucking.
I needed to taste her arousal. I pulled my fingers out and buried my tongue deep inside her. Ash tasted so good. Suddenly, her hands were in my hair. She was awake now. I moved my tongue back to her clit and swirled it around until she gasped and pulled my hair.
When she finished, Ash laughed and stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck my alarm clock,” she said. “That is the only acceptable way for me to be woken up from here on out.”
Then she gave me a sexy smile and slid down my body until her mouth was around my dick. Ash was phenomenal at blow jobs. I tried to hold on to my orgasm, but I came within sixty seconds of Ash’s magic. She somehow managed to get the exact right combination of pressure and rhythm to make me powerless.
When I finished, she swallowed my cum and slid back up to her pillow. “Camden,” she sighed. “We accidentally had a sleepover, didn’t we?”
“It looks that way.” I rolled over to my side and propped myself up on my elbow.
Ash’s eyes met mine, searching, but I didn’t know what for. “We aren’t very good at being friends, are we?” She bit her lip and covered her face with both hands.
I ran my fingers through the ends of her hair. “Not really, Ash.”
“What should we do about it?”
I wanted to tell her right then how I felt. I should have told her, but instead, I said, “Well, I think we should make breakfast and not worry too much. It’s the worrying that makes things complicated.”
Ash gazed at me, considering my words. “You say a lot of pretty things, Camden. It’s amazing, considering all of the ugly shit you’ve seen.” She sat up and ran her hands through her hair. Ash let out a long, slow breath and then smiled. “Do you like pancakes? My mom’s recipe is the best.”
I grinned at her. “I love pancakes.”
We cooked naked, and Ash sat on my lap while we ate. I dripped syrup on her nipples and sucked it off while she laughed and said, “Pancakes aren’t supposed to be sexy, Camden.”
I laughed. “You make everything sexy, Ash.”
After breakfast, we took a nice long shower together. I washed her hair and discovered why she always smelled like candy. “Your shampoo smells amazing, Ash.”
She laughed. “Well, that’s the last of the expensive stuff, so my hair is about to smell less amazing when I have to buy cheap shampoo.”
I suddenly had the desire to get a high paying corporate job so I could buy Ash her fancy shampoo.
Ash put some shampoo in her palm and reached up to wash my hair. “Ash, don’t waste your nice shampoo.” I grinned at her but loved the way her fingers felt, massaging my scalp.
She gave me a sweet smile. “I’m not wasting it. I want you to smell it and think about me all day.”
“You have to know I do that anyway.”
Ash’s eyes were so vulnerable. She was looking at me like I had the power to save her or ruin her. I almost said it again. I almost told her I loved her. Why was I so damn scared?
She pressed her lips into mine, followed by her wet, slick body. God, her tits felt even better wet. I grabbed her ass and thrust into her without thinking. Fuck, she felt so good without a condom. I could get used to this.
Ash was gasping and running her hands all over my body. My mind was blank except for her, and this feeling of ecstasy. I was about to come, and as much as I wanted to, I knew I shouldn’t do it inside of her. I pulled out and spilled on her stomach at the last second. I knew I wouldn’t get her pregnant, but she didn’t know that I knew. I wanted to talk about it on her terms.
After our shower, Ash and I cuddled up in her bed again. We didn’t even talk, just held each other. I’d never done anything remotely like it before, but I loved every minute.
When I finally left her apartment two hours later, she gave me a slow sweet kiss at her door and said, “I don’t want to hurt you, Camden. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”
I held her face in my hands and said, “Then don’t.”
Ash gave me a sad smile. “Camden, I have issues. I have…”
Was she about to tell me about her infertility?
She bit her lip and then said, “I just have a history of disappointing people.”
“You could never disappoint me.” I kissed her one more time. Should I just tell her that I knew? But maybe she wasn’t ready to talk about it. Maybe she’d just shut down and push me away. Or maybe she was afraid that I wouldn’t want her anymore if I knew. I didn’t give a single fuck about it, though. I just needed the opportunity to tell her that.
Would she even believe me after everything that Maddox had put her through?
Ash bit her lip and looked away. I could have sworn I saw a tear forming. “I’ll see you on Monday, k? Bye, Camden.” And then she closed the door.
I walked away feeling infinitely better, and infinitely worse. I felt better because we’d connected on this deep, mind-blowing level, and I was crazy in love with Ash. I felt worse because I still hadn’t told her how I felt. I still didn’t know if she was ever really going to be mine.
15
Ash
Sunday morning, Aria stood in front of the maternity clothing section with her arms crossed. “Ash, you don’t have to do this with me.” She sighed. “I can have Dante come back with me when he gets off work. Or, I could have Elliot help! Or you know,” she rolled her eyes, “my mom.”
I let out an exaggerated sigh. “If Dante helps you pick out maternity clothes, you’ll walk out of here with mini skirts and tube tops, with your big old belly just hanging out. If Elliot helps you, it’ll be nothing but football jerseys, and then you’ll be eating hot wings and suffering from intense pregnancy heartburn. If your mom helps you, you’ll be screaming at each other in the middle of the store.”
Aria laughed out loud. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. But if it any point, you can’t handle it, just say the word!”
“Bitch, I can handle it!” I shoved past my best friend and started thumbing through the racks of clothing. I was fine! And besides, if Aria could sit with me and stroke my hair while I sobbed for hours over failed IVF, I could go shopping for maternity clothes with her.
I pulled out a knee-length black, floral dress and held it up to her. “This? With some cute little ankle boots?”
Aria’s eyes lit up. “Yes! And my red fedora!”
I grinned. “Obviously.” I handed her the dress. “Then, let’s get you some basics, like jeans, white tees, black tees, bigger underwear.”
Aria laughed. “See? I would never have thought of the underwear.”
“I know. You need me.” I grabbed another dress, plain blue this time. The fabric was soft and stretchy, the complete opposite of what Aria usually wore, but I knew she’d want to be comfortable as she got further along. I knew everything about pregnancy. It resulted from scouring books and the internet, trying to figure out why I wasn’t pregnant. At least all of that knowledge was coming in handy now.
“How’s your sexy intern?” Aria asked as we walked toward the dressing room, arms full of clothing.
“Ugh.”
“Can’t stop sleeping with him, can you?” She winked at me.
“Nope.”
Aria grinned. “So like, how incredible is the sex? I’ve never seen you like this, so it’s gotta be good.”
I laughed. “It’s mind-blowing, Aria.” I grinned. “He likes my butterfly tattoo, too.”
Aria burst out laughing. “I told you it was a good idea! Mine’s about to get all stretched out and shitty looking, though.” Aria got a tiger tattoo on her hip that fateful drunken night. “So, the sex with Camden is still hot. Is it more than that?”
“Maybe. I lo— I like being around him and just talking to him, too. We had a date last weekend. And then he stayed over. We broke our own rules, and we’re in this complicated mess now!”
Aria went into a dressing stall and slid the curtain closed. “What’s so complicated about it, Ash?” I was grateful that she didn’t point out that I’d almost said “love.”
“Seriously?” I raised both eyebrows and shook my head. “I just got divorced —”
“Yeah, but that relationship has been over for years.”
I rolled my eyes. I mean, she wasn’t wrong, but still. “Okay, he’s my intern. If Elliot knew, he’d be pissed. If Camden’s school knew, they’d stop sending interns our way.”
Aria laughed and slid back the curtain, wearing the floral dress. She looked gorgeous. “Elliot would get over it. The school never has to know.” Her big brown eyes bore into me, daring me to make another excuse.
“He’s five years younger than me! It’s weird! And he’s never really had a long term relationship before.”
“Bullshit, bullshit, stupid.” Aria shook her head. “Give me the real reason you’re pushing this guy away instead of running into his sexy arms.” She already knew the reason, but she was going to make me say it.
I sighed. “Camden doesn’t know I can’t have kids. He was a foster kid with no real family. He’s going to want kids. It will be a deal-breaker.” I looked down at the hardwood floor and focused on the pattern in the wood grain.
“You don’t know that if you won’t tell him. Not everyone’s an ass like Maddox.”
I changed the subject. “That dress looks amazing on you, girl.”
Aria grinned and curtsied. “It does, doesn’t it? Good eye.” She went back into her changing room and said, “Tell him, Ash. I bet you anything it won’t be as big of a deal as you think it is.”
She had no idea how badly I wanted to tell him. She didn’t know how close I came to doing just that last weekend.
“I’ll do it after the benefit dinner. That’s in a week and a half, and you know stuff gets crazy busy around Bright Starts during that time. I don’t think I can deal if he’s not okay with everything, and then I still have to pull shit together for the dinner.”
“I think you should do it now, but I get it. That dinner is a ridiculous amount of work.” Aria came out in a tight black mini dress. “I just look fat in this, don’t I?” She pursed her lips. “Whatever, I’m still as sexy as hell. I’m buying it.”
I laughed out loud. “Yeah you are, girl. Hey, you and Dante are coming to the dinner, right?”
“Duh. I’m free the Saturday before, too, if you need help with anything.”
“I’m sure Lena would love some help assembling and storing centerpieces.”
“Done.”
After Aria selected and paid for a new maternity wardrobe, we headed over to the Bright Starts office to pick up some paperwork I needed to fill out for the board of directors.
Aria sighed when I unlocked the door, and we walked into the common area. “I miss the smell of stale coffee and Elliot’s lunch leftovers.”
I glared at her. “Don’t hate. Not all of us have fancy jobs in brightly lit office spaces full of fresh air.”
Aria laughed out loud. “I’m serious, Ash. I miss it. I miss the energy and the work.” She sat on the edge of Lena’s desk and smiled. “Maybe I’ll come back after this kid is a few years old, and Dante is finished with his Masters degree.”
I smiled and sat next to my best friend. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned my head on her shoulder. “It would be the best to have you back. Elliot and I are trying to carry on the vision, but it’s not complete without you.”
Aria kissed the top of my head. “I did bring a certain energy to the mix, but I hear Camden’s adding a lot of value.”
I glanced up at her. I’d never said a word about his work to Aria.
She laughed. “Elliot won’t shut up about his insight and work ethic. Honestly, I can’t decide who’s more in love with the guy — you or Elliot.”
I rolled my eyes, stood, and headed for my office. I opened my door and glanced over at Camden’s empty desk in the corner. Many different interns had sat behind that tiny cramped desk, but none made as much of an
impact as Camden.
Shit. I was so in love with him.
I loved him so much, and I had to let him go. It would break his heart if he found out he could never have his own babies with me. I couldn’t do that to him.
I grabbed the folder on my desk and walked out the door with tears in my eyes. I furiously wiped them away before Aria saw. She’d try to talk me out of my decision, and she’d probably succeed. I had to let him go.
Aria and I walked back to my car, arm in arm. “You okay, Ash?” She gave me a sideways glance. “Was today too much for you?”
“I’m fine.” I smiled. “It wasn’t too much at all.” Would losing Camden be too much, though?
◆◆◆
The next morning I had knots in my stomach, waiting for Camden to walk into my office. I ached to see him, but I was afraid just the sight of him would weaken my resolve. I was worried I’d see those sexy eyes and make the selfish decision to just be with him.
While I was worrying about what I’d feel when Camden arrived, I got an email from Serena. She’d agreed to speak at the benefit. I let out a sigh of relief. We always had three or four kids share their experiences at the benefit dinner, and I knew Serena would be perfect. I’d asked her if she’d speak at the last outreach event. She rolled her eyes at me a lot and said she’d think about it.
I smiled and quickly typed a reply, thanking her and telling her to let me know if she needed any help.
Then I heard Camden’s voice. He and Elliot were laughing about something out in the common area. My heart pounded. God, I loved the sound of his laugh.
When he stood in my office doorway a few minutes later, I wanted to die. Camden was giving me this look like he adored me. It was a look I’d always longed for, but never seen in Maddox’s eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Camden was so much better than Maddox, wasn’t he? Camden was better than every guy in the world.
“Hey, Ash.” His voice was soft.
“Hey.” My voice cracked, just a little, and I bit my lip.