Two Hearts and a Lie (Offstage Book 2)

by Rica Grayson

  She thought it would. The way her face lost all color. The way words failed her. It told me enough. I know a lot about her and yet understand so little—it drives me mad.

  She said all we’ve done is pretend in front of everyone, but this, by far, tops it. For the first time in a while, even with the ugliness that came with fame, I’m glad for it.

  She’s been damn good at hiding.

  That’s too bad. I intend to learn more about you, Red. And everything you’ve been hiding from me all these years.

  My chest constricts. Because maybe by walking away I can have her.

  Blaire

  “I don’t understand,” my sister says for the third time. “I thought you two were really hitting it off.” She’s been back for a full week and called me, letting me know she was coming over. Her hair is pulled into a ponytail. She looks rested and happy. It feels wrong to burden her with my problems.

  “You got the wrong idea,” I explain, brushing it off. “It was all fake. For supposed publicity.”

  “Shots of tequila this early?” My brother grins as he walks in. “I’m in.” He carries a chair and sits beside us around my table. He nabs a chocolate-chip muffin from the pack my sister bought.

  They’re fussing over me, I can tell. The tabloids had taken a few shots of Ryan and other women at the gala and apparently decided we were over. Not that we were ever in a relationship in the first place. One shot also had Gretchen in it, and seeing her there after she told me she wouldn’t go made something ugly twist in my chest.

  My door buzzes. It must be Jackson. He called me earlier, asking if I was okay. I told him what had happened, too.

  “Hey, Jacks.” Turned out I was right—Jackson stands in front of my door, scratching his cheek.

  “I saw,” is his only reply, his lips pressed in a grim line.

  “Great timing,” Chris beckons Jackson over. “They’ve started without us.”

  “I’m working tomorrow…” Jackson trails off but takes a seat beside him anyway. “Oh, what the hell. Sure.”

  I blink. I look from Shelly, to Chris, and then Jackson. God, I love them. I can’t believe they’re all here.

  “Guys, thank you, but I’m fine.”

  “Oh? Then why haven’t you touched your choc chip muffin?” my sister asks, eyes narrowing.

  Crap. I bite into it, realizing I had one too. It’s rich and decadent, the dark chocolate chips cutting through the sweetness. I needed to focus on this, not on him. No use pretending I’m okay around them.

  The truth is, I miss Ryan. A lot. And many times I would stop myself from picking my phone up, because part of me wants to know how he is. But he probably feels differently about me now.

  “He hasn’t talked to me since,” I blurt out. “I think I scared him away.” Well, I did kick him out. I was so unnerved by everything he’d learnt about me that night, I didn’t know how to handle it. He probably thinks I’m some crazed fan.

  I remember what his dad said when I met him. She kept her hopes up, but in the end she wanted more.

  “I highly doubt that,” Jackson mutters.

  “But what if—”

  “Oh, hush,” Shelly says. “You always do this—overthink.”

  “I do not overthink,” I argue.

  My brother rolls his eyes. “Here we go again.”

  “I know I’ve been away for a while,” Shelly continues chidingly, “but I haven’t been blind all these years. I saw how he was around you.”

  “And how was that?”

  She smiles brightly. “We’d be talking, you’d walk in the room and he’d forget what he was saying.”

  I try to recall when anything like that ever happened and fail. No way. “Yeah, right.”

  “It’s true!”

  Chris is quiet, and I can tell he’s stewing over something. He pours me another shot and pushes it towards me.

  Since Ryan said I didn’t have to, I told him I wasn’t going to the gala. He seemed so cold during the phone call, but I guess that’s my fault. I tried to return the necklace too, but he told me he wasn’t taking it back, much to my frustration. “It’s all over now, I guess.” My voice cracks. Damn it.

  Jackson downs the shot. “Well, now, he’s an idiot if he stays away just because of that.”

  “Have you talked?” Shelly asks Chris.

  My brother scowls, downing his own drink. “Not in person. He’s been away filming a music video. Said it was some sort of secret. And then the gala happened.”

  I’m such a mess. I’m so used to the constant fights that I began to push him away before he even did more damage.

  My channel has been blowing up since yesterday. There’s been a surge in views and comments, and I found out that Ryan and Clay have posted the link to my recent video in their social media.

  Seeing a notification on my phone, I gasp when I find that Ryan has posted a new music video. Curious, I tap on the link. Guitar chords play out, and Ryan’s dark voice echoes in the room. I’m silent as I listen to it, hanging on to each word.

  But I’d like to know you

  and make promises I’d keep

  Hold you til you’re fast asleep

  Running in circles and fooling ourselves

  But these six long years

  There’s no one else

  that ever came close

  And what would you say

  If I asked for your hand

  And tell you that you’re all I want

  I didn’t understand it back then—not really. All the little things he did around me. All the things we said around each other.

  Six years. Running in circles. He meant me.

  But there’s a finality to the song that I can’t shake. Even though what Gretchen said hurt, she’d said I didn’t take enough chances. She’s right—all this time I’ve been hiding, afraid to take a risk. From him. The world. Even myself.

  I didn’t want you to see me like everyone else did.

  It eats at me. I was wrong. So wrong about him. And every time, all I’ve done is push him away.

  The songs ends, and taking place of the silence, my phone rings.

  It’s Ryan. I answer the call quickly and move away from our table.

  “Hi.” My voice comes out small, and I hate it.

  “Blaire.” I missed his voice. My eyes shut as I take it in, soaking in its warmth and the way it makes me feel. “It’s done.” I hear his ragged sigh. “You’re free from our deal.”

  It isn’t time for it yet, but he’s cutting it early, and I suspect it’s because of me. I press a hand to my chest—an ache settles there at the thought of losing him. “Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to fix it again. The guilt weighs heavy on my mind.

  There’s silence for a brief moment. “Thought you’d be happier. It’s what you wanted.”

  No, not this. But when my lips move, all I can say is, “Thanks.”

  “I’ll still owe you, like we discussed.”

  Business as usual, I guess. “No need,” I say, forcing the words out.

  “Yes, Blaire, there is.”

  And just like that, in so few words, it ended. Like it never happened.

  Chapter 24

  Two weeks later

  Blaire

  “I can’t find it.” My notebook is gone. The one filled with notes and scribbles of my music and songs I’ve written.

  “What is it?” Jackson asks. He insisted on doing my make-up and hair for my latest music video and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  “My music notebook. I don’t remember leaving it anywhere else.”

  Did I lose it somewhere? My heart sinks. I try calling my brother first. “Hey. Do you know if I left my purple notebook somewhere at your place?”

  He pauses and considers my question. “Don’t think so. I won’t be able to check until later. Blaire… Just a thought, but have you asked him?”

  He doesn’t need to say who him was. I did think of that. I’ve been out of it
for a while and only recently nearly turned my apartment inside out and still haven’t found it.

  “No.” I sigh deeply, nerves bubbling at the thought of calling Ryan. “Chris, do you think you can ask…?”

  He snickers. “You should go talk to him. I’ve got rehearsals.” Argh. How did I know he’d say that?

  You should go talk to him—easier said than done. Jackson had left a while ago and I’ve been putting off this call. We haven’t talked in two weeks. In that time, I had almost fooled myself that I was fine. So why does the mere thought of calling him now unnerve me?

  I hit the call button and wait. Who knows? Maybe he won’t even pick up.

  “Blaire,” Ryan answers on the second ring, my name on his tongue a sensual promise. So much for him not picking up. Hearing his voice again brings everything back, along with the memory of our last phone call.

  “Hey,” I say, and it comes out breathless. I guess I didn’t think this over properly. I take a few deep breaths to steady my nerves.

  “Everything okay?” he asks. His concern makes my heart stutter.

  “Yes, thanks. Ryan, I… I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Maybe calling him wasn’t a wise idea.

  “Not at all,” he replies smoothly.

  “I—I just wondered if you happened to find an old notebook? Maybe in your car or something? I can’t seem to find mine anywhere.”

  “Ah. The purple one?”

  “You have it!” I burst out excitedly. I didn’t lose it after all. Thank God.

  “I’ll be there in twenty.”

  “Oh, no, you don’t have to—”

  The line goes dead. Okay, so he’s coming over. Everything’s fine. He didn’t sound mad. I mean, I guess he could just be hiding it…

  It sinks in what this means, and him occupying the space in my apartment once more. Oh my God, he’s coming over. My phone rings once more. Doubt creeps in—did he change his mind?

  Instead, it’s my brother.

  “Blaire,” Chris begins grimly. “Dad’s at the hospital.”

  Sometimes, things have a way of knocking you over sideways and turning your life upside down. Although me and my parents are close, we’ve drifted apart for the last few years after I moved. Conflict of schedule can mess up the best intentions sometimes. The wedding brought us together again in more ways than one. I had been keeping in touch with them more, and even planned a visit this weekend.

  My mom is effortless grace, a stickler for tidiness and order. My dad is clumsy, organized chaos. Somehow, they made it work. The sound of another call jerks me from my thoughts. I forgot I had my phone.

  “Blaire?” Ryan’s warm voice sweeps over me, a welcome reprieve after the news I just heard. “Where are you?” Oh my God. I completely forgot that he was coming over.

  But I’m still crying. “I’m at the hospital. Dad had a stroke.”

  He doesn’t skip a beat. “Where?”

  ***

  Dad’s sitting on the bed, and despite his insistence that he’s okay, I can’t help but think he looks older. Frailer. Dark rings under his eyes, his lips are slightly tilted, but he managed to pull them up in a smile. But although he looks weaker, he’s alive. I have a feeling he needs us to be strong for him.

  “Are you sure you don’t need anything?” I ask again.

  “Mom’s packed some of his clothes,” Chris assures me. “Shell’s coming soon too.”

  “I’ll be fine.” Dad pats my hand. “Blaire?” His speech pattern is different now, slower, and a heavy weight presses against my chest. “We’re proud of you. I don’t think we’ve ever really told you that.”

  “I know.” I see it in their eyes whenever they watch me perform.

  “Telling you to stop with those daydreams,” he recalls. My brother had been booked with gigs left and right, while I started slow. I know they wanted a different career for me. He shakes his head. “And look at you now.”

  “Stop.” I don’t want to cry again.

  There’s a knock on the door. Ryan enters, and I’m surprised to find a faint light-blue bruise on his right cheek. His eyes find mine, and it’s as if the weight pressing against me lightens. I watch as the tightness eases from his shoulders. I nod at the question I see in his eyes. Yes, I’m okay.

  Dad’s brows lift up seeing him, then he glances at me curiously. I fight the urge to groan. Does everyone know about our non-relationship?

  “Hi, Ryan. Thanks for coming,” Dad says.

  “I heard from Blaire,” Ryan admits. “Anything I can do to help?”

  “Yes,” Dad answers. “You take care of my daughter.” What?

  “Yes, sir.” Oh my God. Not this again.

  “Oh Dad, we’re not—”

  “I’m no fool. We keep up with the news better than anyone else. But I remember when Blaire first saw you on TV and lost her goddamn mind.”

  My cheeks flame. I can’t believe he’s telling this to Ryan right now.

  Wistful, Dad turns to me again. “I suppose we’re to blame for the fact that we grew apart.”

  He’s wrong. When people tell you you can’t do something, it becomes fuel for you to become something more. In a way, it was a gift. “No. It helped me a lot. You have no idea.”

  “You’ve both been fiercely independent. Especially you.” Dad nods to Chris. “What your mom and I should’ve said before was, follow your dreams. So I’m telling you now, shit happens. Don’t live with that regret.”

  Me and Chris exchange a look. He understands how quickly time passes more than anyone. Whether he’ll still go on tour or not, I guess time will tell.

  “Get some rest,” Dad says sternly.

  I kiss his cheek. His speech pattern had changed, and words didn’t come out as easily as before, but still, he tried for us. “You too. Love you, Dad.”

  On the way out, my brother nods at Ryan. I wonder what that’s about.

  “Blaire!” Gretchen rushes to me when she sees me, a bouquet of flowers in her hand. “Hey.” She gives me one look and her arms wrap around me a tight hug. I hug her back, and just like that, I know we’re okay again. We didn’t need any more words.

  “Is your dad okay? Are you okay?”

  I nod. Ryan had moved away to give us some room to talk.

  “I’m sorry.” I see the regret in her eyes, and the pain burrowed there. “I’m so sorry, Blaire. I thought you were mad so I didn’t think you’d want to talk. I thought you were going to be there. At that gala thing. Got dressed up and all.”

  That’s why she went. She thought I’d be there, but I had already backed out. The weariness catching up to me, I find I don’t want to fight anymore. We’ve never not talked for this long. The reason seems so insignificant now. When it counts, we have each other’s backs. “I’m sorry, too. For not seeing the truth.”

  “Don’t you dare apologize,” she snaps. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

  “I love him, Gretch.”

  Her eyes fall shut at my admission and she takes in a deep breath. “I’m glad. You know, I think coming alone, for him, sent a clear message that night.” She meant the night of the gala. She gives me a little push and with a small bittersweet smile, she adds, “I hope you got it enough to give him a chance.”

  Not before long, a crowd had amassed. Ryan and I managed to escape relatively unscathed. Secretly, I took pleasure in evading everyone.

  “You saw me on TV and lost your mind, huh?”

  I don’t bother denying it. He already knows me well by now. But I’m too embarrassed to say anything, so I watch the people and the traffic outside instead.

  Tension coils within me. It unnerved me to my core, seeing my dad on that bed. Then Ryan came, and then another punch of surprise—the unexpected sense of relief in my chest when I saw him. And I shouldn’t feel that way, because I missed my chance with him.

  We sat in companionable silence during the drive, and I find comfort in it. Ryan switches the radio on and a station with jazz music starts to pla
y. He’s here. Why is it that around him, I always feel safe?

  I close my eyes and let myself drift.

  Ryan

  Exhaustion caught up to her. She’d been through a lot today. Two weeks of not seeing her. Not touching her. And the assault on my senses seeing her again. When she wasn’t at home, I thought something had happened. If she hadn’t answered the phone, I don’t know what I would’ve done.

  She still drives me crazy. I have a feeling it will be something I have to get used to.

  I’d just parked the car when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it free. It’s Shelly.

  “Ryan? I heard Blaire is with you?” she asks hesitantly.

  “Yeah.”

  She breathes a sigh of relief. “Ryan… You know how Blaire is, so I’m guessing she didn’t tell you, but the paps have been ruthless.”

  Fuck. “No. She hasn’t said anything,” I answer evenly. We’re going to have to talk.

  “I didn’t think I’d need to say this to you, of all people, but I guess this is how it is. Take care of her, Ryan. Weeks and she hasn’t heard from you. From her perspective, it’s over.”

  My chest tightens. “It’s not.” The hell it’s over. Not a fucking chance. I watch Blaire breathing steadily, and my hand slides to tuck a lock of hair that falls over behind her ear.

  “Oh?” Shelly had never said anything before, but right now, her spine is showing, protective of her sister. I can’t help but admire that. “Do you know the reason she’s been singing in her bedroom, hiding from everyone?”

  This makes me go still. I’ve always wondered why. Blaire starts to shift position, mumbling something softly in her sleep.

  “I remember what she told me when she met you—she said she met the man of her dreams but she wished she never did.”