Forget Me Not

by Katt Rose

  Ace tore a mouthful of hay from the net and chewed methodically. “Sorry bud, but you’ve got no choice in the matter.” I reached for his halter and stepped inside the stall. After years of being away, I was somehow given back my happy place.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “You guys are looking good. How does it feel?”

  “Amazing.” My smile grew so wide my cheeks hurt. Ace loped easily around the arena; his thick black mane blew back in an easy rhythm. His black tipped ears were kept forward, enjoying every moment. I leaned forward and gave his sweaty neck a heavy pat. “Good boy, bud.”

  I slowed him to a walk and pointed him toward Chase. “How much do you want for him?”

  Chase shook his head. “Oh no. He’s not for sale.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I can’t have you running away on us again.”

  “So you’re going to essentially hold me hostage here?”

  “Not at all. I just know you won’t willingly run away on us now.”

  “I hate you, Chase Havens. You know that right?” I swung my leg over the saddle and dismounted neatly. Ace rubbed his sweaty head against my side and I let him.

  “You love me and you know it.”

  I shook my head and clucked for Ace to follow. “I’ve got to brush him down and tuck him in.”

  “I’ll help.”

  We worked together methodically knowing what to do, like old times. Ace twitched his ears back and forth listening to us. He let out a hearty sigh and fully enjoyed the pampering he received. I tossed on his winter blanket and secured the clips. Ace followed eagerly to his stall, which held fresh shavings, clean water, and hay. I gave his neck an affectionate pat. “There you go boy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I locked the stall door behind me but my feet couldn’t find it in them to move. Not yet. I folded my arms over the stall door and watched him eat. Chase followed suit.

  “How long have you owned him?”

  “Five months.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Were you ever planning on contacting me?”

  “Every day but I could never make the call. I dialled your number but I couldn’t find it in me to push the last digit.”

  “Why not? We’ve known each other forever. It’s not like I’m a random stranger.”

  “Things didn’t exactly end on a good note, Em. The last image I had of you stuck in my head nearly killed me, and it was stuck playing on repeat. You were completely broken; you were just done. With me, with everything. I didn’t know what to expect if you heard me on the other end of the line. I chickened out, plain and simple.”

  I looked away and nodded. “I’m so sorry, Chase. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know that now.” He forced a smile that wasn’t real. “Time has passed.”

  “A lot of time.”

  “I heard rumours things weren’t going so good for you. Once I saw that Ace was for sale it seemed like the perfect gift. I remember the day you sold him. I know how hard that was for you. I wanted to give you something that could take you away from all the crap, so you could feel like yourself again. I know how you get, so stuck in your mind. You needed an escape and he was it.”

  My eyes began to feel the sting of tears. “You know me to well. I can never thank you enough for this, you’re aware of that right?”

  “You don’t have too. I hope it helps you fix the broken parts, slowly make that smile you had on earlier a regular fixture.”

  “I hate how well you know me.”

  “No, you don’t. You love it.”

  “Stop saying that.”

  “I can’t help but speak the truth.”

  I sighed and watched him from the corner of my eye. His smile turned smug. “What?”

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  Chase’s face dropped in surprise. He snorted and pushed up the sleeves of his jacket, revealing a tattoo sleeve on a firm forearm. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date.” He furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “Huh, yeah it’s been awhile. After you left I licked my wounds for about a year.”

  I flinched. “I-“

  He held up a hand to stop me. “The last relationship I had lasted four months. It didn’t end well.”

  “Really? Who was it with?”

  “Miranda Brooks.”

  My face fell in disgust. “Miranda Brooks? Oh, Chase. You can do so much better than her.” My face rumpled in disappointment. Miranda and I hated each other. There was no significant event that led to the mutual feeling; we simply had never gotten along. Miranda was smug with her good looks with her forever-tanned skin, flawless makeup, fake mink lashes, and shiny brown locks. That woman was always done up to the nines and she wore it well. Men drooled over her wherever she went.

  “Why the long face?”

  “I can’t believe you dated her. Who ended it?”

  “Me. She was not easy company.”

  I laughed a high, giddy laugh. “Excellent. Ah man she must have been so angry with you, no one dumps her.”

  “Yeah I got that from her reaction. She tossed my favourite mug against the wall.”

  I giggled. “I’m so sorry.”

  Chase wiggled his eyebrows. “She was aiming for my head. She’s going to love that you’re back.”

  “Mm, no I’d like to avoid her if I can.”

  “Unless you hide at Elayna’s the entire time here that’s not going to happen.”

  “Lovely.”

  “Come on, we should get out of here. Are you hungry?”

  “I can’t remember the last time I ate. I think it was breakfast?”

  “Tsk tsk. It’s dinnertime. C’mon, let me buy you dinner.”

  “In town?”

  “I was thinking the pub.”

  My jaw dropped. “Saddlers Pub?”

  “Only the best for you.”

  It was the most popular pub in town; a hit with tourists and locals alike with its cheap but delicious food, and welcoming interior. It was also a frequent stop for local artists to perform.

  “Everyone will be there.” I let out a sigh and Chase tilted his head. “Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

  “No, not at all.”

  “Just checking. So, are you in or out?”

  I held a hand on my empty stomach. “In.”

  “Excellent. I’m starved.”

  Chase took me by the hand and began to jog. His long legs moved easily in a relaxed pace whereas mine had to work twice as hard to merely keep up. We both slid into his truck in sync and he backed out of the drive. A familiar song came on the radio and he began to sing along. His voice sent a shudder across my skin. Memories of the past began to flood back and my cheeks flushed. I looked away quickly, hoping he wouldn’t see. Some of my fondest memories of Chase were reserved to him and his guitar. The first night he performed in front of an audience was the night I knew I loved him. Despite all the people in the room, I was the only one he saw.

  “Do you still perform?” I asked almost shyly.

  “Almost every Thursday night.”

  My mouth gaped. “Really?”

  He laughed. “Jee, don’t look so shocked. Am I that bad?”

  “No, just the opposite. I must say, I’m shocked your single; a guy with your looks who not only plays guitar but sings as well. The ladies must be clawing to get you.”

  Chase smirked and I could tell he ate up the compliment. He shrugged half heartily. “It worked for you.”

  The blush came back. “Hey, we have known each other since we were what, five?”

  “Yeah. We both saw each other go through the awkward stages in life. Did I surprise you with how well I turned out?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Get over yourself.”

  He checked me with his shoulder.”You turned out pretty good. I questioned it when you were, oh, about twelve. “

  My eyes widened. “Hey now. Be careful with what you say. I’m a fragile woman.”

  “You are anything but fragile. We�
��re here. Let’s eat.”

  I sat in the truck and stared at the rustic chalet style pub. The lively music from inside seeped into the parking lot. Chase stood outside, rubbed his hands together and waited for me to follow. My appetite disappeared in an instant. I knew without a doubt that I would run into the people I grew up with. Most had stayed in town and worked in tourism. I didn’t know if I was ready to deal with all the questions I knew would surely follow.

  “Hey are you going to come in or what?”

  I took a breath and gave myself a mini pep talk. “Yeah, I’m coming.” I shoved the door open and stepped into the frigid temperature. “After you.” I gestured.

  He winked and took my hand. “Let’s go.”

  Chase’s hand enclosed around mine tightly and he gave me a reassuring squeeze. The warmth of his body transferred to mine quickly. Even though we had been apart for years, we were falling into an old familiar rhythm without a second thought. I don’t know if I found comfort in it or fear. The lines were becoming blurred the more time we spent together. I watched him as he led me confidently into the warmth of the pub and wondered if it was natural for him to reach out for me, or if he was testing the boundaries. My thoughts became broken as the crowds of people yelling to each other over the music took over. I did a quick inventory of the crowd and couldn’t make out any recognizable faces. It was well into the snow sport season; most of the faces that filled the building were tourists.

  Chase bent down to my level and placed his lips against my ear. “Wanna sit in the back?”

  I nodded and allowed myself to be dragged away. As he navigated us through the crowd my eyes locked with a familiar set of brown eyes that were filled with disbelief. Her perfectly glossed lips formed a perfect “O.” Shit. Miranda. Chase found us a table near the window and he placed his hand against my lower back, scooting me to my chair. I turned and grabbed his jacket.

  “How long have you and Miranda been apart for?”

  Chase tilted his head. “Why does that matter?”

  I looked behind him urgently. “Because she’s marching our way now.”

  His head snapped back. “What?”

  “Quick,” I hissed. “How long?”

  “Three months.”

  “Three months! That’s it? Jesus, Chase she’s out for the kill.”

  Before he could respond a smooth, silky voice wafted over. “Emmy? Have my eyes failed me or is it really you?”

  I forced a smile. “Nope, it’s me.” My eyes quickly assessed her. She was still as put together and gorgeous as ever. She no longer wore her dark hair long; it was cut into a long lob. Time, it would appear had been rather kind to her. Damn. Why couldn’t she have gotten fat? The image of her flawlessness standing next to Chase in his rugged good looks made my stomach queasy. They looked like something straight from Hollywood.

  “I never thought I’d see the likes of you back here.” She placed a hand on her hip and stared at me from head to toe, long and slow.

  I shifted uncomfortably from her laser gaze. “Oh, you know just looking for a change.”

  “I heard you were living it up in the city with some rich guy,” She stopped and gave me another steel look. “I guess it’s not for everyone.”

  My back stiffened. “No, I didn’t like the fakeness that soiled that world. You would’ve gotten a kick out of it.”

  Her eyes narrowed and Chase stepped in. “We’re just grabbing a bite to eat.”

  At the sound of his voice, Miranda uncoiled. She put on her best smile and her gaze filled with mild longing.”Old habits die hard I see. I’ll see you around, Emmy.”

  I didn’t bother responding. I watched her saunter away and hoped she would fall flat on her face. “She’s still hung up on you, you know.”

  “Yeah right. She hates me.”

  “Just the opposite,” I mumbled.

  “Hey,” he nudged the menu my way. “Choose something.”

  I read the menu unenthusiastically and settled on a chicken wrap with an in house brewed raspberry beer. I sipped on the cool, fizzy liquid and watched the crowd for entertainment. Everyone was in good spirits; most sported wind burns from the goggles worn while skiing or snowboarding.

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Miss what?”

  “This place? This used to be us,” Chase gestured to the crowd. “We would spend all day on the mountain and come back here to wind down.”

  “I remember.” I scanned the room one more time. “Yeah, I miss it.”

  “Do you want to go?”

  “Snowboarding?”

  “Yeah. Would you like to go with me?”

  My nerves kicked in as I realized Chase’s tone had changed. It was softer, hopeful, vulnerable. “Oh, I don’t know. It’s been years since I’ve been on a board.”

  “It’s like riding a bike. What do you say, would you like to go with me?”

  “Um….sure. Okay, yes, I’ll go. I don’t have my gear anymore I’ll have to rent.”

  “That’s alright. How about tomorrow? I can pick you up at 5:30?”

  “AM?”

  “Yep.”

  “Gross.”

  Chase smirked. “I’ll see you tomorrow before the sun rises.”

  “I think I just said yes to a date with Chase.”

  Elayna’s eyes widened and then she burst into a musical laugh. “I like where this is going. It’s like no time has passed at all.”

  “It feels that way sometimes, although…”

  “I know.” Elayna reached out and squeezed my arm. “Your mom and aunt came by today.”

  “I figured as much.”

  “She thanked us for the hospitality but she went back home.”

  I let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know how she can stay there.”

  Elayna softened her voice. “The memories weren’t all bad there, there’s a lifetime of good, happy times all around her in that house.” Elayna paused.”You can stay with us as long as you like.”

  “Thank you. I’ll get everything sorted out, I promise. I don’t want to burden you with my mess.”

  Elayna snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I should probably pop in and say hi to aunt Sam and check in on my mom.”

  “Do you want company?”

  “No, this is something I should do on my own.”

  Elayna squeezed my arm in reassurance. “Good luck.”

  I stood abruptly and tried to stretch the kink out of my back. “Thanks, I’ll see you later.”

  Elayna gave a sympathetic smile and waved. I reached for the car keys and quickly snuggled into my winter jacket. I swung open the front door and winced as the cold scratched my exposed skin. “I hate winter,” I muttered angrily as I high tailed it for the car. I slipped into the driver seat and started the engine, praying for the heat to kick in soon. I drove with caution, holding my breath every time the car became one with the ice. By the time I reached home, my hands hurt from the death grip on the steering wheel. I cut the engine and pried my hands off the wheel. “You used to drive in this all the time, Em. You’re okay,” I whispered to myself.

  My eyes studied the all to familiar house before me. My stomach took a nose dive. The aged farmhouse’s white paint had begun to peel and the faded blue trim looked tired amongst the winter scene before it. Smoke billowed from the chimney, and the faint glow from the lights inside illuminated softly against the early darkness of winter. Silhouettes moved hastily behind the curtains and though I wanted to go inside and feel the heat of the blazing fire, I could not move. My eyes moved from one end of the property to the other and a cold shudder shook my bones. Aaron was everywhere. Memories were everywhere. I felt unwelcome.

  “You can do this. One foot in front of the other. You can do this.” I repeated the chant until I stood on the covered porch. I raised my hands to knock on the door but could not make contact with the weathered metal. I let my hand fall to my side uselessly and took a step back. I stared at the dull door before me and did
nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  After some time the creak of the door echoed amongst the silence. I raised my eyes and found myself staring into aunt Sam’s sympathetic eyes. I had not seen aunt Sam in a very long time, and the strikingness she bore to my mother caught me off guard.

  Aunt Sam studied me and gave a sad smile. “Emmy, it’s so nice to see you again. You have grown into a beautiful young woman.”

  Her soft voice erased some of the chill that gnawed its claws into me. “Hi aunt Sam. It’s nice to see you, too.” I bit my lip unsurely and lowered my voice. “Thank you for being here.”

  Aunt Sam opened the door wider. “Would you like to come in? It’s freezing out here.”

  I hesitated for a moment. Aunt Sam did not push me; she simply waited with a patience that I did not possess. I shuddered and nodded. My heart began to beat wildly as I crossed the threshold and stepped into the warmth. Aunt Sam closed the door quickly behind me and suddenly my breath felt restricted. I unzipped my jacket hastily as if it were the one choking me. My breath became staggered as my eyes scanned the room wildly. Aunt Sam’s face filled with concern and she grabbed onto my forearm tightly.

  “Emmy, you’re okay. Take deep, slow breaths. Can you hear me?”

  I did not look at her, could not. I saw him everywhere. I closed my eyes tightly and felt my chest tightening. “Emmy!” the voice was louder now. “Open your eyes and look at me! Emmy, open your eyes girl!”

  Aunt Sam’s voice hammered in my ears and my eyes flew open. “How can she stand it?” I croaked.

  Aunt Sam’s brows furrowed. “I don’t follow you.”

  “Mom. How can she want to be here?”

  She lowered her voice. “She finds comfort here. Not everyone has the same coping mechanisms. God creates us all differently.”

  I felt myself tense at the mention of God. I had nothing against religion, people were free to believe what they wanted, and if they found comfort by the thought, good for them. My issue was with people who pushed it upon others and accepted all the shit life throws your way to be a part of some “plan.” Over the years aunt Sam and my mom had butted heads for that very reason.

  I was not in the mood to get into an argument, so I let the comment slide. “She and I clearly aren’t wired the same.” I sighed. “Where’s Mom?”