The Fear of Falling

by B. Cranford

  She nodded tightly. “Mm-hmm.”

  “Are you sure?” I kept my eyes on the road, trying to discern any changes in her using my other senses. Which would have been great, if my other senses had been trained to hone in on anything, but they really weren’t. “Are you . . .” I trailed off, trying in vain to think of a synonym for “scared” that didn’t make me seem like a dick for asking.

  All I wanted to know was whether she was still into this, into me.

  Because I knew I was into her—and I wanted to be into her. (Yeah, okay, I know that was a little crass, but I just want to make sure you understood.)

  “Am I what?”

  “Worried? Or, maybe, nervous?”

  “Are you trying to ask if I’m scared, Rowan?” she asked. I was relieved to hear a note of curiosity in her voice, rather than outrage or terror.

  “Well—”

  “Don’t answer that. I know you are. And I know why too.” She shifted again, and I would have given anything to be able to look at her face as we spoke, but I knew that to keep her trust and keep her safe, I needed to concentrate on driving.

  Or pull over.

  I went with door number two. Thankfully, because of the route we took back to my place, I knew there was a rest area just beyond the next exit. That’s where I was taking her.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely audible but struck me like a bullet, nonetheless.

  “No.” Not exactly my most brilliant reply, but I was hellbent on us having this conversation—and I knew there was one coming—face-to-face.

  “No? What do you mean, no?”

  “Just . . . wait. For two minutes. Whatever you were about to say, hold on to it for two minutes.” I cringed at how I must’ve sounded to her. “Please?”

  I think she nodded, and the fact she didn’t speak at all was a pretty good indication that she was okay with my request.

  Or that she was no longer speaking to me. Who knew?

  Spotting the sign for the rest area, I hit my turn signal and merged onto the exit. As predicted, the parking lot was mostly empty of cars, with only three or four trucks on the far side of the building in their own lot.

  I switched off the car, unbelted, and turned to face her. “Okay, sorry. Where were we?”

  “Um, I was saying sorry, and you were saying ‘no’?” Her eyes tracked over my face until the interior lights dipped off, leaving us in the partial glow of the rest area’s safety lights. “But, Rowan, I am sorry. It can’t be easy trying to be with me. Anyone on the outside looking in would wonder why you’re bothering, I’m sure.”

  “I don’t understand.” Not a lie. I really didn’t get it. “Explain.”

  “Well, I made the first thirty minutes of our date stupidly awkward.”

  “Actually, that’s on me. I was too busy trying not to picture you naked to remember how to converse.”

  A small giggle. Good.

  “Then I kind of got a little freaked out when you asked about Willa.”

  “I didn’t notice,” I started, before changing tack and going for honesty instead. “Okay, that’s a lie. I did notice, but I assumed it was because you were worried I’d judge her or something. Which, for the record, I’m not going to.”

  “That was part of the reason. The rest was just me being an idiot.”

  “Hey”—I reached out a hand to cup her face and bring her closer—“don’t call yourself an idiot.”

  She leaned into my palm and smiled. “Sorry.”

  “Are we doing the sorry thing again, really? I’ve already exhausted all my Canada jokes. And I don’t have any good ones teed up about the board game.”

  “I feel like you’ve had to deal with a lot from me because I’m a nervous Nelly.”

  “Actually, you’re a nervous Lenny.” I resisted the temptation to mime a rimshot, only because I was still touching her and I wanted to keep touching her.

  I wanted to touch her more.

  “I see you didn’t let the lack of new Canada material keep you down for long.” She laughed. “I just know that I haven’t been the easiest to deal with. And I totally get why your first thought would be that I’m freaking out and getting scared over here.”

  “I mean, I didn’t think you were scared in a ‘he’s going to hurt me way,’ more in an ‘I’ve never done this before’ way. Wait, have you done this before?”

  “Gone home with a sexy dentist with handsome eye crinkles and perfectly white teeth?”

  “Eye crink—you know what, never mind. Go back to the part where you said I’m sexy.” I grinned at her, enjoying the way we could joke with one another even though our conversation wasn’t exactly a comedy show. Well, except for my “Nervous Lenny” joke—that was some grade A material right there.

  “You asked if I’ve done this before, and the answer is yes—and no. I’m not . . . well, you know, inexperienced, but I also don’t tend to go home with men I haven’t known all that long. And although I understand why you’d think I might be scared, I’m not.”

  I nodded, my hand still held against her cheek, my thumb tracing a barely-there row of freckles under her eye. “You seemed tense. And quiet. I wanted to be sure this was what you wanted.”

  She made a face at me, and I braced for her to say she’d changed her mind. “Honestly? I wasn’t changing my mind. I was trying to reconcile my fear of cars with the need to jump into your lap and have my way with you. Those are two very conflicting thoughts.”

  Hear that noise? That was the sound of my brain screeching to a halt and shutting down for the night, handing all thinking responsibilities over to my dick. Who was ready and willing to captain this ship, no questions asked.

  I would have yanked her over to me then and there, but one thing stood between her and me and that desire.

  The steering wheel.

  So, instead, I opened my car door, hauled myself out like I was on fire (because I was, let’s be real), levered the driver’s seat as far forward as it would go in a startlingly clear-minded act of planning, and slammed the door. Rounding the car, I opened Lenny’s door and hauled her out, slamming our mouths together in a nearly violent kiss.

  I wanted her too badly to be gentle.

  “What are you . . . ?” she asked, not bothering to finish her question when I nudged her aside and adjusted her seat forward too, then turned to open the back door. “Oh. Oh, okay.” She climbed in and slid over, making room for me to join her. And when I did, she threw one leg over my lap, straddling me as she leaned over to pull the door closed. “Good idea, Row.”

  “One of my best, to be honest.” I gripped her hair, silently praising her for opting for a ponytail, which was made for fisting, wrapping around my hand. Pulling.

  Using my hold on her, I pulled her head back, giving me access to her throat. Her skin looked soft and inviting, and I couldn’t resist leaning in to taste it. Sucking none-too-gently, wanting to leave a mark, but knowing I shouldn’t.

  But god, it was so tempting.

  “Rowan,” she whispered toward the roof, her hips moving in small waves against my increasingly hard cock. All blood flow had been directed there the moment she’d confessed to wanting to climb me in the car, and honestly, it had left me light-headed.

  Or maybe it was Lenny making me light-headed. Her moans as I continued to layer kiss after kiss up and down the column of her neck, her rocking motion as she rubbed herself against me, her hands—always and forever moving in wild motions—gripping my shoulders, my hair, my waist, my wrists, everywhere and anywhere she could reach as she tried to bring us both to the height of pleasure.

  “No, wait. Stop.” The words were gritty and pulled from me because I didn’t want to stop stop. All I wanted was to still her long enough to remove some clothes before I came too soon. Before I’d had the chance to get inside her.

  “Stop?” She looked down at me from her perch, and I couldn’t help my smile at the thought of her being taller than me in this position. Despite not having had nearly
enough time together, I’d somehow become accustomed to her height, to having her lips right there whenever I wanted them on mine. Which was always. Now, though, on her knees with her legs on either side of mine in the backseat of my car, there was a height difference that was insanely erotic.

  “The clothes, lose the clothes,” I managed, reaching for the buttons on my shirt, working them with an efficiency that belied my complete lack of calm. “I do mine, you do yours.”

  “Then we do each other?” she asked with a sexy smirk, pulling her top off and tossing it to the side before hesitating.

  “Yes, fuck, yes.” My fingers stopped one button shy of finished, distracted as I was by the sight of her tits in a delicate, barely there, lacy bra. I had to touch, a compulsion that I didn’t bother attempting to resist.

  Running a finger under the edge of the lace, I traced the triangle over the swell of one breast, along the silky material that joined the two cups, and up the other side, watching in rapture as her skin goose bumped.

  She released a shaky breath, her hands lifting to her hair first, inexplicably tightening her ponytail, then cupping the back of her neck, elbows forward. “Rowan, please.”

  “Please, what, Challenger? Tell me what you need.”

  Her eyes fell shut, her face pained in a way that told me she was enjoying herself, but she didn’t say anything.

  “What do you need?” I repeated, leaning in to trace the path my finger had just taken with my tongue. “Do you need me to suck your tight little nipples, sweetheart?” I did exactly that, wrapping my lips around first one, then the other, suckling through the lace, feeling a race of heat along my spine at the way the material grated against my tongue.

  The way I knew it grated against her skin.

  “Yes, yes, yes.” Her hips started moving again, her arms dropping back to land on my thighs, opening her body up to me even more. I followed her with my tongue, alternating between her breasts for long moments, savoring everything about the way she tasted and felt and sounded.

  “You want this, don’t you? Here in the backseat of my car?” I bit down gently, capturing one tight peak between my teeth and pulling back ever so slowly as her body shuddered, a whimper of pleasure escaping her. “You want our first time to be here. Make some good memories, huh?”

  She was nodding, the movement urgent, until suddenly she stilled. For what felt like an eternity, she simply sat there, on her knees, straddling my lap, frozen with a look on her face I couldn’t decipher.

  And then we were naked, our clothes stripped in a whirlwind of uncomfortable, crowded movement that miraculously didn’t kill the mood. And I wasn’t thinking about making good memories anymore. All I was thinking about was getting inside her as quickly as possible, feeling the heat and wetness her pretty cunt offered me as she started rocking and sliding against me once more, this time with no barrier between us.

  “I need you,” she whispered just before her lips took mine in a kiss that made my heart stop.

  My hands tightened where I gripped her hips. “I need you too.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lenny

  His whisper against my mouth sent a shudder through me, reminding me of the day we met—the tingles that he set off in my body without even trying.

  The way he made me want without even trying.

  I was naked against him, the dark of night filtered only by the distant glow of the streetlights and the moonlight breaking through the trees that lined the rest area.

  We were privately public, and it was . . . incredible. Freeing.

  Perfect.

  Terrifying.

  I took a deep breath, pushing past the twinge of worry that wanted to derail the moment, and raised up onto my knees. Gripping Rowan’s cock, the smooth, soft skin and hard muscle against my palm ripping a noise of unadulterated pleasure from me—and from him—as I ran my hand up and down his erection.

  His eyes clenched closed as I worked him. “Yes, Lenny. Hell. Stop, no, don’t stop.”

  “Mixed messages you’re giving me there,” I joked, watching his face as a smile broke across it, a mixture of amusement and desire that echoed what I was feeling inside. His hand joined mine, and together, we stroked his need higher and higher until I was sure he was going to come.

  He stilled, his hand tightening to halt my movements. “No, sweetheart. Not like this.”

  “Like what then?” I asked, releasing him, wondering what to do with my flaily hands. I’ll say one thing for hand jobs—there’s no confusion or stress about what you’re supposed to do with your hands. “I’m open to suggestions.”

  “Oh, you are, are you?” He smirked. “Then, I have one. Grab my pants, would you?”

  “Why, planning on cutting this short? Edging yourself, Row?”

  He shook his head. “No way in hell.”

  “Thank god.” I mimed wiping my brow before leaning back a little, twisting so I could reach his discarded pants. “So, we need the pants because . . .”

  “Protection. I’m about five seconds away from burying my cock in you, and I need to know you’re protected before I lose it completely.”

  I felt the sweep of his hand up and down my upper back and side as I grabbed his wallet—assuming he carried a condom inside—and paused to enjoy the sensation. I swear, if I could’ve purred, I would have. “Feels so good.”

  He did it again, whispering, “I’m going to make it feel even better. Hurry.”

  The urgency in his voice jumpstarted me, and I found my bounty within seconds. Dropping the wallet to the floor of the backseat, I didn’t bother handing my prize over to Rowan, instead breaking the world record for the fastest application of a condom. I mean, I assume I broke it. It’s not like I can check with Guinness World Records, but seriously, I moved.

  The second it was in place, Rowan swatted my hand out of the way, raised me to my knees, and positioned himself so I could feel the blunt head of his dick against my opening. “Now, Lenny?”

  “Now,” I replied, my eyes locking with his as he pulled my hips down and thrust home. Despite the instinct to close them, to savor the feel of him inside me, thick and hot and hard, I made myself hold our eye contact. To add to the connection we’d been building since the moment he sat down beside me on that amusement park bench.

  “Oh god, you feel like . . .” he groaned, gripping my hips to lift me effortlessly, controlling my movements as well as his own, filling the car with the sound of our bodies meeting again and again. “Heaven. It’s fucking heaven.”

  I nodded, my vision becoming hazy as pleasure overtook all five of my senses. The sounds, the smells, the heat on my fingertips where I touched him, the taste in the air—it was all us, all I wanted and needed, and more than I’d ever allowed myself to have.

  Was this what I’d been missing by not being brave? The overwhelming explosion of adrenaline and arousal and tingly joy?

  “Stay with me.” Rowan’s gravelly voice was a whisper against my ear, one hand moving from my hips to wrap around my ponytail, holding me as he had earlier, pulling hard enough to get my attention, but not hard enough to hurt. The pressure on my scalp rippled through my entire body, my muscles clenching.

  “I’m with you,” I promised, meaning more than I could express, but promising myself that I would make sure he knew what I meant. But later.

  Later.

  “Ride me.” He dropped his head against my chest, between my breasts, sending a puff of hot air over my skin, my nipples puckering impossibly more. Cursing, he pleaded with me in a pleasure pained voice, “Ride me, Challenger.”

  It was a request and a dare. Hell, it might even have been a beg, but whatever it was, it was what I wanted too. And so, I rode him. Rolling my hips, moving up and down, around and around, drawing out his pleasure and my own by slowing the pace until he gave my ponytail a sharp tug. “Faster, you tease. I want to feel that pussy come around me.”

  I nodded, my movement restricted by his hold on me, and started to move f
aster, faster, until all the control I thought I had revealed itself to be a mirage.

  Completely and utterly out of control.

  It felt like the highest point of a roller coaster, the moment before the drop. I couldn’t do anything or say anything to stop it from happening. Except these twists and turns weren’t scary. They weren’t my worst nightmare.

  They were everything I’d ever wanted but never hoped to find.

  And as I reached the peak, my body clamoring for release as Rowan groaned about how close he was, how good it felt, how much he wanted me, I fell headlong into something that I’d never even thought to add to my to-do list.

  Love.

  Drowsiness had me curling up in Rowan’s lap like a kitten. His body was warm, unyielding but comforting, and I couldn’t bring myself to move.

  I could have stayed there forever. With him.

  “You okay, Challenger?” he asked in a whisper, his hand running up and down the outside of my thigh. “You’re quiet.”

  “Shush,” I replied drunkenly, “I’m savoring the moment.”

  His laughter rumbled in his chest, jacking up that feeling of . . . rightness that I’d been experiencing since the moment he’d pulled out of me and rearranged my legs so he was essentially cradling me.

  “Enjoyed that, huh?”

  Understatement. I’d loved every moment of what we’d done. Hell, I even loved those brief seconds of uncertainty, because I’d been able to move past them. To prove to myself that I was getting stronger, braver.

  It was all I wanted.

  No, that’s not true. Because I wanted Rowan with a fierceness I’d never felt.

  “It was amazing,” I told him honestly, tilting my head slightly to kiss the stubble that was starting to dot his jaw. “You were amazing.”

  “Love it when you stroke my ego, sweetheart.”

  It was my turn to laugh, to appreciate the fact that we could be this way with one another. “I feel so good.”

  “Can confirm.”

  “You’re full of quips tonight, aren’t you?” I joked, kissing him again because I could. I could—I had that right, and I planned to take full advantage of it. And if I said that aloud, I was sure he’d have a retort for it too.