The Love Scam
Page 23
“Nonna, it’s a lot more subtle if you say something like that and don’t wink.”
“Oh, subtle.” Mrs. Tarbell waved it away. “Tosh.”
“This is the woman who clipped your wings and emptied your bank accounts,” Delaney teased. “And your brother’s. Overnight. After having you followed. Why were you expecting subtle, again?”
“Point. So you got Donna’s letter, found Lillith, and then found my grandmother?”
“Yes. And she agreed to help finance the Big Pipe Dream—conditionally, of course. But since there was a kid in play, she wanted to give you the monetary equivalent of a brisk shake first.”
“Blake, too, since Lillith’s presence would permanently impact his life as well.”
“That is an insane way of prepping me for fatherhood,” Rake announced. “Not just me. Anyone. It’s an insane way to get anyone ready for unexpected fatherhood.”
Or unclehood, Delaney thought. And I see we’re still not mentioning that possibility to Lillith. Perhaps the Tarbells think she’s had enough uncertainty in her short life. Either way, I guess it’s not my problem. Donna wanted her well looked after, but she was vague on specifics.…
Which was problematic. This dinner looked like the last scene in a sitcom where everyone talks about lessons learned and then leaves, only to reappear a week later for the next episode. For the first time in her life, Delaney didn’t want to disappear, never seen again by the mark(s) in question.
Maybe I’m catching gastroenteritis? It does seem pretty warm in here.…
“Insane!” Rake was still bitching, which she thought was kind of adorable. “Who does that? And how are you going to explain yourself to Blake when you see him in a couple of days? Don’t give me that look, Nonna. You had a ridiculous overreaction and treated your grown grandsons like adorable morons.”
“Se la scarpa si adatta…” Teresa murmured with a smirk.
“I’m going to ignore that snipe with dignity and grace,” he retorted. Then: “Oh, come on. Stop laughing. All of you!”
“Yes, don’t pick on Rake,” Delaney said, patting his arm. “He did the best he could with the tools at his disposal.”
“Thank you. Wait … no, hell with it, I’m taking your words at face value.”
Delaney laughed. “Oh my God, you’re still an adorably naïve doof, I love you.”
Pretty immediately, she felt the blood rush to her face. Whoa. Right out there in front of everyone.
Um.
What the hell do I do now?
Nothing, she decided. Because even if she’d blurted it out, it was true. She had no idea she could fall in love with Rake in just a week, but there it was. And the strangest/best thing was, no one at the table seemed to think she’d said anything strange, or that Rake was doing something odd by reaching out and taking her hand in his.
“So! I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think eight desserts are enough.”
Which, happily, was something else they could all agree on.
Fifty-three
After far too much pasta and wine and sorbet and cookies, they were ready to go their separate ways. Ellen and Teresa handed out hugs all around before taking off, leaving the Tarbells with Delaney.
Lillith cleared her throat. “Will you be okay, Rake?”
“At any other time, that would seem like a condescending question,” he replied. “And I don’t blame you for wondering. I’ll be fine—I’ll be with Delaney.”
“Hmmm.” From the nuclear option.
“Oh, stop it, you’ve got a dirty mind.”
“As do you, dear. But never mind. I’ll take Lillith back to the hotel and get her settled, and we’ll see you in the morning. Do not keep us waiting. This isn’t a flight you want to miss.”
“Noted.” He reached down, his daughter reached up, and they hugged.
“You’ll love America,” Mrs. Tarbell promised, taking Lillith’s hand.
“Grandma, I was born there. I actually live there. For my whole life. This was just a dangerous field trip.”
“Right, right, I keep forgetting—your Italian is so good, dear.” And they were off in a swirl of tweed and Chanel and Lillith’s fake belly, which currently held crackers and Tootsie Roll pops.
Rake spotted what he’d been looking for and tugged Delaney’s elbow. “C’mon, my treat. Well, Lillith’s. She lent me a thousand euros.”
Delaney was already rolling her eyes as they approached the dock. “So corny, Rake, c’mon—really?
“Shut up, darling. I wanna! It’s our first night on the town as a couple, dammit—”
“We’re a couple now?”
“—and we’re being romantic.”
“We are?”
“Oh, yeah. C’mon, here’s a guy ready to make our night unforgettable. O solo mioooooo…”
“Stop. Just stop.”
But he didn’t. And then he and the gondolier sang together. It was the most awful, wonderful thing ever.
* * *
Much later, naked and sweaty
(“Oh my God, how are you doing that?”
“Martial arts and yoga.”
“Liar.”
“You’re right. I’ve never done yoga.”)
she rested her head on his shoulder and tried to slow her breathing.
What is it about love and sex that can make people so completely, dangerously irrational? To take risks they’d never, ever take in their right mind?
Well, now she knew. She’d risk everything for a man she’d known a week. It was insane. Wonderful and insane.
But now what?
“You never told me where you live.” Rake’s voice rumbled out of his chest and through hers, yum. “Just that you roam the world, grabbing random pickpockets and scaring the shit out of scammers and reuniting lost children with their lost fathers.”
Well, there was the hotel in Chicago. And the condo on Cape Cod—not hers, technically, but Mr. Marsh had been in the nursing home for two years, and loved when she stayed there. And sometimes she stayed at Sofia’s apartment. But as far as a home home—
“Because I was thinking, you could move in with Lillith and me. In Vegas.” When she sat up, he added, “If you don’t like Vegas, we could live somewhere else. Anywhere. I don’t give a shit, if you’re there.”
“Live together?” she asked, astonished. “All three of us?”
“Well, yeah.” He blinked up at her. “What’d you think?”
“I haven’t even said I love you! On purpose! It just slipped out earlier.…”
“But you do.”
God, the insufferable confidence. “How do you know?” It was true, but she’d spent a lifetime not letting people see into her. She’d been taking home poker pots since she was eleven.
He sat up, kissed her. Held her hands, turned them over, kissed her palms. “It’s all right. Don’t look so scared. I love that you blurted it in front of everybody.”
“But how d’you know?”
He let go of her hands and lay back down, like he didn’t want to crowd her.
“You put yourself in danger for my sake and, more important, my daughter’s. And you hated keeping your word to my grandma, but you did it anyway, and you still managed to find ways to help me whenever you could without betraying her trust. You went way, way above and beyond the job description. And you don’t fuck for fun.”
“I don’t?”
“No.” He smiled. “And you haven’t been with anybody for a long time, and I’m enough of a pig to be glad.”
True, but…? “All right, you’re correct, you confident schmuck, but how—”
“Because you don’t know you still sleepwalk. If you were boning on the regular—”
“Good God.”
“—whoever you were with would have mentioned it to you before now.”
“I—” Sleepwalk? No. Not for years. Not since she was a little girl. Except … Rake wouldn’t lie. Not about this. “I do?”
“When you’re u
pset about something, you sleepwalk that night.”
“What do I do?” She was fascinated and mortified. The fact that he was acting like her nocturnal rambling was no biggie was the only thing keeping her from leaping from the bed. And possibly the window. He never said a word. Not once. He was fine with my being a freak. He likes when I’m a freak.
“You go to the window.” His hand was stroking her naked back. “You’re upset until I tell you that you’re an adult and can go wherever you want. Then you’re happy and go back to bed.”
She stared at him. “You never…”
“No.”
“But now? You’re telling me now?”
“No more secrets.”
“No more secrets,” she repeated like an idiot, and God, if that were true? That would mean everything. That would be too good to be true. But it seemed that was a Tarbell specialty: things that were too good to be true.
“So, back to why you love me,” he said calmly, like he hadn’t just blown her mind, “You did all that, why? Because you felt sorry for me? You hate pity. You went to all that trouble for a job? No. You love me. Which works out nicely,” he sighed, snuggling into her, “because I love you.”
She laid back down and put her head on his chest. Her head was spinning, and she’d think about what had just happened for a long time. Years. But for now … right now this very minute … “Say that again. I want to feel it and hear it.”
“I love you, I love you, I love you. I love Claire Delaney, I love you more than I love Peeps— Ow!” It all rumbled through him—and her!—and that wonderful deep voice filled the room. Guy could’ve been in radio, if radio were still a thing.
She rested her chin on his chest so she could look up at him. “I’ve never been to Vegas.”
“Oh, good. You’ll hate it.”
She laughed. “Really?”
“Oh, yeah. Everyone does. It’ll be great. And the scammers in that town? It’ll be like Christmas for you. We’re gonna make some new rules, though. Family-friendly rules, so you can still stomp scammers but Lillith and I won’t ever worry about you going to jail.”
“Okay,” she agreed. It wouldn’t be that simple; she wasn’t used to having someone outside the family worry about her. There would be a period of adjustment. Possibly lasting years. There would be arguments in their immediate future. Plenty of them. But also Rake and Lillith. And the Big Pipe Dream. Their relationship wouldn’t be simple, which, if anything, made it more valuable by far.
Las Vegas, sure. And maybe she’d take him to the Cape, show him the condo, take him to meet Mr. Marsh, who loved telling the story (to everyone, alas) of how Delaney saved him from con artists and predatory prostitutes (the man was pushing eighty, and that had been five years ago; what had he been thinking?). She wouldn’t bother with the Chicago hotel room—she and Rake had seen plenty of those—but he could show her Vegas, she could take them to Minnesota, get some proper milk into Rake’s diet, take Lillith fishing, keep an eye on their dairy regimen … They had … everything, really. Their lives, their pocketbooks, the world.
USA: Dead Ahead!
Epilogue
“Little brother,” Blake said by way of greeting.
“God, you’re so uptight. Who answers the phone like that?” Rake bitched, purely as a matter of form. Delaney and Lillith were in the lobby, saying one more good-bye to Sofia, Ellen, and Teresa and demanding that they come to Vegas pronto. That left Rake time to knock the last thing off his “To Do” list. “Listen, I’ve started a family and I’m in love and stuff, so. Just FYI. Her name’s Claire Delaney and she’s awesome.”
“Congratulations!”
Weird. Blake sounded genuinely happy for him. And not surprised at all.
“Nonna told you all about her, huh?”
“In breathless detail. I particularly like the part where she’s a master of the martial arts and can beat you mercilessly if the mood strikes. And beautiful, of course. Nonna said she has fog-colored eyes and a talent for aggravating you.”
“Yeah, she’s almost as good at it as you are. Which I didn’t think was possible. I definitely didn’t think it would make her hotter to me. And you haven’t even heard the best part; Delaney had an old friend who—”
“Come to my wedding,” his twin coaxed.
“Wedding! Why do I have the feeling you should have been the one doing all the talking during this call?”
“You’d never have let me get a word in edgewise. I had to interrupt you just to issue an invitation. Yes, I am getting married. I, too, have been pierced by the dart of love.”
Rake made vomiting noises into the phone, which, oddly, seemed to please his twin, who continued happily: “And so I want to see you. I want Natalie to meet you.”
“Of course, you flapping asshole. Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Excellent.”
“So … you’re okay? You’ve got your dough back, I’ve got mine, we’re in love, happily ever after, blah-blah-blah?”
A sigh. “Never change, little brother. Yes, blah-blah-blah. I was ill for a bit but have recovered. You were taken prisoner—Nonna was vague on details and you will share the entire story before much longer—”
“No prob, since I finally have the entire story.”
“—and have likewise gotten over that. I’m not sure if Nonna anticipated the consequences when she hatched this plan to knock us into poverty and force us to become better human beings.”
“Speaking of Operation Fuck with You, I have more news: I’m a dad!”
“I don’t think that’s the name of the Op— What?”
“You heard me. I’m a proud papa.”
“That’s … that’s wonderful! Congratulations?” Blake’s bewildered and slightly panicked tone was as soothing as a massage. “How did—when can I—that means I’m an uncle.”
“Yep! Or possibly a father.”
“What? Rake, what are you talking about?”
“I’ll explain later, but you’re definitely an uncle. And even if you’re a father, it’s only on a biological level.”
“What does that even—”
“Listen, I can’t miss this flight—”
“Rake Tarbell. You will elaborate this minute!”
“Bye!”
“Rake? Rake? Don’t disconnect, you miscreant!”
“Gotta go!”
“Raaaaaaaaaaaaake!”
Index
The index that appeared in the print version of this title does not match the pages in your e-book. Please use the search function on your e-reading device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below.
Bad boy in leather
Big Mis
Damsel in distress
Except not. Delaney had no trouble saving herself. And then Rake
Exotic locale
Lake Como, Venice
“Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan!”
Delaney had no intention of even liking Rake, much less falling for him
Fear other character thinks is adorable
Rake is terrified of Peeps
Fighting
Rake and Blake always defend the underdog
First kiss constantly interrupted
Oh yeah. Multiple times
Hero is a clueless idiot
Hero is handsome
Well, yeah, even though we first see him at his worst, he’s still gorgeous
Heroine is beautiful
inverted (kind of), her looks are an eclectic mix of awkward and beautiful
Heroine up to no good
Delaney definitely knows more than she’s telling, pretty much from the moment Rake meets her
Hungover
I can’t fight it anymore!
Identical twins who are not alike
Identical twins who have nothing in common
Intelligence
Blake pretends Rake doesn’t have it
Blake has studied rocket s
cience
Rake has it in spades
Love at first sight
kind of
Love their mom, loathe each other
Meet cute
inverted
inverted (hero doesn’t remember first meeting, throws up on heroine during second meeting)
Metareference
Mysterious past
Delaney had a severely awful childhood she never talks about
Never tell them you love them
Rake and Delaney
Noodle Incident
Overused pop culture reference
Pathologically interfering relative who means well
Responsible big brother, irresponsible little brother
Rich, handsome, lonely x 2
Secretly sweet
Blake really does love Rake
Sexy voice, unsexy accent
Slutty McSlut
both Tarbell brothers
Teaming up to help the family (if not putting differences aside)
This day can’t get any worse (it gets worse)
Tourists
Americans are the worst
Waking up in strange city
Also by MaryJanice Davidson
Danger, Sweetheart
Me, Myself and Why?
Yours, Mine, and Ours
You and I, Me and You
Faeries Gone Wild
No Rest for the Witches
About the Author
MaryJanice Davidson is the internationally bestselling author of several books, including the Betsy the Vampire Queen series. Her books have been translated into several languages and are available in fifteen countries. She writes a biweekly column for USA Today and frequently speaks to book clubs and writers’ groups, teaches writing workshops, and attends conferences all over the world. She has published books, novellas, articles, short stories, recipes, and movie reviews. You sign up for email updates here.
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