I Wish You All the Best

by Mason Deaver

  And since Meleika and Nathan are a part of the student council, they have to spend all their time after school decorating, hanging flyers, and making sure everything is to Stephanie’s standards. Luckily, it seems like most of the pieces from the Spring Fling can be reused.

  I actually thought about coming out to Meleika and Sophie when we got back to school on Monday, but I want to tell them at the same time, and with the way Meleika’s stressing, that time definitely isn’t now.

  “I got two just in case.” Nathan comes back to the lunch table with the two tickets in hand.

  “I told you I’m not going.”

  “Just in case.” He winks at me and slides the ticket over.

  “Well, thank you.” I slide the ticket back. “But I won’t need it.”

  “Fine.” He folds it up and stuffs it into his wallet. “So, what are you going to do Friday night?”

  “Probably Netflix and pizza,” I say. Thomas and Hannah officially called it a date night since he hasn’t been dragged in to chaperone this year, so I’d have the whole house to myself. I wish I could just ask Mariam to hang out again, but their flight to Florida left this morning.

  I watch Nathan’s face carefully. We haven’t really talked about me being nonbinary much since I came out. He’s asked a few questions, tried to learn some things online. He even said he started watching Mariam’s videos.

  “That’s the dream.” Sophie sighs. “Did I show you guys my dress?” She flips her phone around.

  “Oh my God, they’re animals.” Meleika runs right for our table and collapses into her seat. “Look, I chipped a nail! And they stepped on my shoes.”

  “Did you get them?” Sophie asks.

  “Yes, I did, Sophie, thank you for being concerned about my well-being.” She hands Sophie her ticket.

  “Thank you.” Sophie takes it, sliding the ten dollars over to Meleika. “You sure you aren’t going, Ben? It’s going to be fun.”

  “I think I’ll survive,” I tease.

  “Okay!”

  That week I stay after school pretty much every day. Thomas has to come up with a way to spend the last two weeks of class, which seems like a waste, but he says he’s got a few cool experiments planned. I pretty much spend the rest of that extra time in the art room. It’s going to be hard to leave this place behind. I’ll have to ask Hannah if it’ll be okay to buy my own supplies. My birthday is in October anyway, and a paint set might not make such a bad gift.

  The day of actual prom is a lot more relaxed, especially since half the senior class decides to skip, probably to get ready. None of the teachers really care either. Thomas just throws on Planet Earth, but it somehow manages to enthrall the entire class, except the part where the fungus infects the ant’s brain. Everyone pretty much has to turn away from that scene.

  “Hey,” Nathan whispers, and when I look over at him he slides a piece of paper. It’s easy to hide it in the dark, but when I try to read it I have to angle it toward the movie.

  My place, tonight, 9 o’clock? is written in big blocky letters. And underneath that he’s got Y/N with my extra prom ticket taped to it.

  “I told you I’m not going,” I whisper.

  “Just humor me?” He slides over a marker.

  “What is it?” I look at the note again and then back at Nathan. There’s something odd about the way he’s looking at it, and he won’t quite meet my eyes.

  “Just answer.”

  “Not unless you tell me what’s up.”

  Nathan rolls his eyes. “Yes or no?”

  I’ll never win an argument with this boy. I read over the five words again as if they’ve changed somehow. I stare at the ticket, the black-and-red font, the clip-art disco ball. What on earth could he be planning to do with it? I circle Y and hand the note back to him.

  “You’ll need the ticket,” he says, and I swipe the note back from him and yank on the ticket, keeping it folded in my pocket until I get home.

  If I go over there and he’s rented me a tuxedo and tries to drag me to prom, I’m not going to make it easy for him. According to the ticket, the dance starts at eight, so if he wanted to dress me and push me into a limo he’d probably want me there earlier, right? Why does he even want me to go?

  “Ben? Can you come here for a moment?” Mrs. Liu calls from her office.

  “Huh?” I’ve been thinking about the ticket in my pocket since Nathan gave it to me. Thinking about it so much, in fact, that I haven’t been able to focus on drawing or painting anything. So I’ve just been cleaning up my workstation in the back, which has really suffered lately. “What’s up?” I ask, peering into her office.

  “Well, this is awkward, but I’ll need my key back.”

  Oh. “Of course.” I reach into my pocket and grab my ring of keys, carefully sliding off the one to the art room. As I hand it to her, it feels like I’m giving away this piece of myself.

  Good-bye, art room.

  “I also wanted to say how proud I am of you.”

  “I … thank you,” I say.

  “In all my years of teaching, rarely do I get students with the same drive and ambition I’ve seen in you, Ben.” She rests a hand on my shoulder. “I’m really going to miss you.”

  I hold out my arms and Mrs. Liu is all too eager to take my hug, squeezing me so tight I can hardly breathe for a few seconds. “Whoops, sorry. Don’t know my own strength.”

  “Thank you,” I tell her. “You have no idea how much everything you’ve done means to me.”

  “Oh, Ben.” God, she’s actually crying. This is why I don’t get sentimental. “How much do I have to pay you to stay?”

  Well, I’ll still be in Raleigh. “A few thousand?” I offer.

  She laughs, wiping the corners of her eyes with her apron. “Deal.”

  When I get home, I try to make myself busy all afternoon, but I can’t focus on any shows, or even Mariam’s newest vlog. Georgia is their next stop. I try to talk with Hannah while she gets ready, but I’m so antsy and I can’t sit still. I take my second Xanax of the day, making sure I mark it down in the journal, but it’s not really helping this weird bubbling in my stomach.

  “You okay, kid?” she asks.

  “Yeah, just …” I drift off without even meaning to.

  “Benji?” She snaps her fingers right in my face.

  “Would it be that note Nathan passed you in class today?” Thomas asks.

  I stare at Thomas, who’s leaning over the countertop and typing something on his phone. “How did you—”

  “Don’t ask, kid,” Hannah tells me. “I can’t get away with anything around here.”

  Thomas points at me and then at his eyes. “I see everything. Teacher superpower.”

  When they’ve left, I waste the rest of my time pacing back and forth in my room, staring at the time on my phone. I swear it’s going slower. I check it once at 8:15, and even though it feels like an hour’s passed, it’s only 8:17 when I check again.

  I fall on my bed facedown, setting an alarm for ten till. Maybe I can just sleep away the forty minutes. But nope, not happening. I just stare at my ceiling until the alarm comes. And when it does, I feel stuck.

  It’s time, but I’m still not sure what he’s doing. I double-check that the ticket is still in my pocket, right where I put it this afternoon.

  When I make it to his door, I nearly just run back home and forget the whole thing. But this is obviously important to Nathan. I ring the doorbell and wait a few seconds, listening for the sound of footsteps. But there’s nothing. Not even Ryder’s barking. I knock again and wait. Still nothing.

  Then my phone starts to ring, Nathan’s name flashing on the screen.

  “Hello?”

  “Come on inside, it’s unlocked,” he says.

  “Okay.” I open the front door slowly. “Where are you?”

  “You’re getting warmer.”

  “Nathan.”

  “Play along? I spent all week planning this. Now, where are you?” />
  “The hallway by the kitchen.” I think I can hear his voice. Somewhere around here.

  “Okay, you’re still lukewarm at best. Like when you warm up chili in the microwave and it’s hot on the outside but cold in the middle?”

  “That’s a gross metaphor.”

  “A simile, my dear Watson.”

  “Did I tell you I passed my English exam?”

  “No, that’s great!”

  “Yup. Well, I barely passed the class with a C, but I did it.”

  “Oh, Benji, I knew you could do it.”

  “No help from you,” I say, and I can almost hear him smiling. “You know you could save me some time and let me know where you are?” I keep moving through the kitchen, ducking into the living room. Still nothing.

  “That, my dear friend, would spoil all the fun.”

  “Should I go up the stairs?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Nathan.”

  “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

  I climb the stairs slowly, almost afraid of what I’m going to find up here. The hallway is mostly dark, the only light coming from the crack in his door. And is that music? “Nathan?”

  “Warmer.”

  I open the door to his room slowly. It’s empty, looking the same as it usually does except his bed isn’t made. And there’s a blazer thrown over the back of his desk chair. “You aren’t here,” I say.

  “Where else would I be, then?”

  My eyes automatically go to the window, which is sitting wide open. “Outside?”

  “Warmer.” Then he ends the call. I slip my phone back into my pocket and try to climb outside without injuring myself. Which is easier said than done. But he’s waiting for me in our usual spot with that white blanket laid out under a pile of pillows.

  “You’re here.” He looks up at me, and there’s that smile.

  “I’m aware,” I say. “So why aren’t you at prom?” He even looks like he was getting dressed for it but stopped halfway, with his black slacks, and white dress shirt that’s only about halfway buttoned up. I try not to think about that last point too much.

  “Because you aren’t there.”

  “I don’t really …”

  “I tried to ask you to prom, and you turned me down, so I thought this might be a bit more up your alley.”

  “Oh, I thought …” Am I really that clueless? “I didn’t know you were asking me asking me.”

  “It’s okay. I like this better.”

  “So, you wanted to ask me to prom?”

  “Yeah, for a few weeks now, I thought it might be the perfect time.”

  “For what?”

  “Maybe you should sit down.” He rubs at the back of his neck.

  “Is Nathan Allan speechless?” I tease. “This has to be a moment for the record books.”

  “You know how, when you came out to me, you said you needed me to not be me?” And the way he looks at me, it wrecks my heart.

  “Oh, okay.” I take the place beside him. “I’m sorry. Is something wrong?”

  “I wish I’d written this down.” He fakes a laugh; it’s so unlike him that I really don’t want to ever hear it again. “Do you remember that day in the park? When I took you to see the movie?”

  How could I ever forget it? “Yeah.”

  “And you asked me if I had a secret. A secret that there was no reason to be ashamed of, but you still felt like you had to hide it?”

  I nod.

  “What was yours?”

  I swallow hard. “That I’m nonbinary.”

  “Right.” He shakes his head quickly. “That’s what I figured. I mean, not at the time. But you know, now I can see that. So that’s why I wanted to tell you mine.”

  He’s so flustered, and it’s so cute. “You know you don’t have to.”

  “I know.” He looks at me, his lips spreading. “I want to.” Nathan takes my hand, running his thumb over the skin. “I’ve been really scared to tell you this, but since you trusted me, I’m going to trust you. Okay?”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “Okay,” he says again, and he breathes in and out. “For a while, I’ve sort of been thinking about the way I feel about you.” Then he starts shaking his head. “God, I really should’ve written this all down.”

  “It’s all right. Take your time.” I can feel his pulse getting faster.

  “I knew I should’ve just copied Mr. Darcy’s speech.” Nathan breathes. “I, um … I’ve been trying to find out a way to tell you how I feel. For months now, really.”

  Months?

  “And I know I picked the greatest time, since I’m going to be moving across the country in a few weeks, but I figured that if we could have three months, it’d be better than nothing, right?”

  “Nathan, I—”

  “I really like you, Ben. I really, really, really like you,” he finally says, and I can almost see his shoulders relax. “I’d use the other L-word, but if I’m being a hundred percent honest, it scares the absolute shit out of me.” He takes a deep breath. “And I’ve spent months trying to figure out how I could tell you without scaring you away, or making you hate me, but yeah.”

  “Nathan.” I can’t even think of anything to tell him. Because I still can’t believe this is happening. I just stare at him, at how goddamn beautiful he is. With that bright smile, and those brown eyes, and his deep brown skin, and those freckles that are so unfair I can’t stand it. I never want to do anything but stare at him.

  “If you could say something besides my name, I’d really appreciate it.” He lets out this exasperated laugh. “At least a ‘fuck off’ or something.”

  “I, um …” I try not to giggle too much. It actually feels like I’m high on happiness right now. Is there even such a thing? “I really like you too,” I say. “More than like, in fact.”

  “Really?” His voice strains a little.

  “Really. I have for a while, actually.”

  His smile falters for a split second. “You have?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Since when?”

  I don’t even have to think about it; I’ve known the answer for so long. “That night, here, after the party.”

  “I’ve been torturing you with my good looks for that long, huh?”

  I shake my head. “You have no idea.”

  “I … I want to kiss you,” he tells me. “Can I do that?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  He leans in, and well, it’s sort of terrible. Our lips meet, but we move too fast and bump noses, and Nathan catches my bottom lip. It’s rushed and wet, and really messy. But the good kind of messy.

  There are no fireworks. Time doesn’t stop. And I don’t mind; I don’t think he does either. Because this has been in the making for so long. And like he said, if we have three months of this, I’d rather spend those three months practicing this with him.

  “That was sort of bad,” he says.

  “I’m kind of new at this.” I rest my forehead against his. “You want to try again?”

  He nods. The second kiss is better. I move my arms so they drape off his shoulders, and both of his hands are on my back now, pushing us as close as possible. Then he grabs me by the collar of my shirt and we slowly fall back on the pillows, the music echoing through the night. God, I can feel the way his body is moving underneath his shirt, and it’s pure magic.

  This boy is such a work of art.

  “That one was better,” I say when I pull away, trying to catch my breath.

  “Much better.”

  “They say that the third time’s the charm.” I reach up again and feel his lips against mine. He tangles his fingers in my hair, and we sit there. I don’t know for how long, and I don’t care. Because right now the world is so quiet and so peaceful that it might as well be just the two of us here alone, the only company we have with each other. I don’t think I mind that, actually.

  But eventually we have to go inside, because even for May, the night is getting
chilly. I don’t hesitate to crawl into the bed beside him, my head on his stomach, rising and falling to his calm breathing.

  “I’m glad I met you, Nathan,” I say, because there’s nothing else to say. I’m so happy right now, so ridiculously and terribly happy that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accurately describe the feeling.

  “I’m glad I met you too.” His fingers find my hair again. “I guess we need to talk, huh? Because I can’t exactly call you my boyfriend, can I?”

  I hadn’t even thought about that. “I guess not,” I say. “Is partner a little too cowboy for you?” I tip an imaginary cowboy hat. “Yee haw.”

  He tries not to laugh, but he fails miserably. Good, I don’t want him to hold back. “Seriously though what can I call you?”

  “Is ‘my kissing friend who isn’t on the gender binary but who I love very much’ a little too wordy?” I say.

  “Who said ‘love’?” There’s that smirk.

  “I did. I’m planning for the future.” I stretch up to him, giving him one more kiss. “And maybe ‘partner’ is a little too … square dance-y.”

  “Yee haw.” He can’t stop laughing while he tips the invisible hat, and then his face settles. The way he’s looking at me warms me from the inside out, and part of me wants to cry and the other part wants to laugh and all of me wants him to look at me this way forever. Then he opens his mouth again. “What about my person?”

  “Your person.” I like the way the words sound. On his lips and to my ears.

  “My Ben.” Nathan leans in, kissing the top of my hand, and all at once my heart feels so full. Maybe we’ll only have three months of this, but it’s going to be a damn good three months. “Things might be hard, when I go to UCLA. Do you still want to do this?”

  “Yes,” I say, and I’ve never been more sure of anything else.

  I take a deep breath and relax into his touch. God, I can’t even have a night with this boy without worrying about the future, can I? “Is that what you want this to be? Us together? For however long it lasts?”

  “I’m not going to be perfect. With the pronouns. I’ll go ahead and admit that, but I’m going to try my hardest to remember.”

  “Thank you.” He’s been nothing but perfect so far though.