Hold Your Fire
Page 25
She’s got class so you gotta do something classy. How did all those poet guys you’re reading get their girls? Or did they never get any girls and that’s why they wrote poetry? I don’t know. I didn’t actually do the reading. That reminds me, can I see your essay before it’s due on Friday? Just to get some ideas for my own … I won’t copy this one. I swear!
Thanks, man!
Derek
5/4/1987
Queen Jean!
Oh, my God, the date with Jack was just AWFUL! He was so competitive. He didn’t let me win or anything. I kept trying to get him to show me how to bowl, you know, to get him all close to me and whatever, and he just kept saying he wasn’t about to “lose his winning streak.”
Ugh. So lame.
When he won, he pointed at me and called me a loser in front of the whole alley. Then, when he took me home, he had the NERVE to try to kiss me. Narbo. I don’t feel even bad about jabbing my forearm into his throat to get him to back off. He was fine, just choked a little. He was breathing again by the time I made it to my front door. Won’t be seeing him again. Warped weirdo.
But your date sounds amazing! Girl, I cannot imagine getting surprise twins. That would be the WORST. Wow, I had no idea he was doing that for his fam. That’s a good guy. I feel kinda bad about making fun of him all this time for working in the food court. So where’s Lord Byron taking you next?
Claire
5/5/1987
Jeanine—
Shall I compare you to a winter’s moon
You illuminate the darkness
and make the frozen world
warmer in your presence
although the moon casts no heat and it’s all symbolic
If you’re free, I’d really like for you to meet me at the park, Saturday at 6:45 pm. Don’t be late, show starts at 7:00. I’ll bring the blanket.
Check Yes or No
Matt
5/5/1987
Matt—The sun and now the moon, huh? I’m digging these astronomy metaphors. (It’s okay that they aren’t scientifically accurate, I like the imagery you’re creating.)
Check Yes. See you there. Do I need a jacket?
—Jeanine
5/5/1987
Claire—What is happening in the park Saturday night? Do you know?
—Jean
5/6/1987
Derek,
I know you’re BFF with Matt so I gotta ask, what’s the dish? He’s taken Jeanine on a couple dates now, and he’s planning something in the park on Saturday. Be real with me, do I need to be worried about this guy?
He seems genuine and sweet, but I just want to make sure he’s not about to hurt my homegirl. He’s no secret serial killer or heartbreaker, is he? You can’t tell with the quiet ones …
Claire
* * *
5/6/1987
Hey there! Claire, you got nothin’ to worry about. Matt’s a stellar guy. Promise. He’s quiet and shy, but he’s not mental. He just has a lot of family pressure to focus on his studies so he can get a scholarship, otherwise they can’t afford college for him. He’s taking a big risk on Jeanine. His old man can’t know they’re dating, otherwise he’ll make him break it off. He doesn’t want Matt to have any distractions.
That’s probably what you’re picking up. It’s a little weird but, like I said, he’s a good guy. If you’re worried about it, wanna meet up with me Saturday night and we can make it a double date?
Derek
5/7/1987
Derek,
Not a chance.
Claire
P.S. Does Jeanine know Matt has to hide the fact that they’re dating from his parents?
5/8/1987
Jeanine—
I just got this huge project assigned in history, and I have a double shift at work tomorrow. I’m going to try to get it all done before I meet up with you, but I wanted to give you a heads-up in case I’m late.
I’ll be there. Promise.
No milkshakes. Double promise.
Matt
P.S. Yes, bring a jacket.
5/11/1987
Claire—It was Shakespeare in the park. He took me to Shakespeare in the park! We missed the first act but that was okay. He said his dad wouldn’t let him out of the house until he finished that big history project we got assigned on Friday. I don’t get it—it isn’t even due for another week. His dad sounds like a spaz. Whatever.
It was amazing, Claire! The show was fantastic, and the actors did so good. It was totally different to see it than to just read it. I had no idea Shakespeare was so funny! I didn’t get all the jokes, but luckily Matt didn’t either, so I didn’t feel like a total airhead.
He gave me another poem at the end of the night, and then he kissed me. It was so sweet. And he didn’t try anything more! Just a kiss. He walked me to my door and handed me the folded poem. He was all nervous—I knew what he was about to do, but I just let him take his time and go for it his way; I didn’t want to embarrass him—and when I thought he was about to chicken out (again) he went for it.
And he missed!
Got my cheek. So I turned my head and kissed him. It was really cute, and he’s a surprisingly good kisser! Then he got all shy and left.
How many dates do you go on before it’s considered going together?
You gotta read his poem, Claire. He’s getting better.
—Jean
Attached poem:
I don’t know as many words
as Keats;
I don’t have the brilliance
to make up my own like Shakespeare.
I’m not as smooth as Byron,
nor as skilled as Tennyson
to bring all the thoughts I have
about you onto paper.
Without all the flowers,
the metaphors and similes,
I adore you
You make everything greater.
5/11/1987
Jean-Queen!
Oh, my God. That is the most fantabulous thing I have ever read. Aw, I’m getting goose bumps just reading about it. How romantic! What an excellent date. Way to go, Matt! Homeboy has game, I’ll give him that. It’s awkward game, and I don’t think it would work on anyone but you, but he has it, and it seems to be paying off for both of you.
His dad IS a total spaz! Matt’s BFF, Derek, was telling me how Matt’s dad can’t know you’re dating or he’ll flip. Ugh, it’s super harsh you have to deal with this. I’m glad Matt told you about it, though. It would have been all kinds of messed up if he didn’t clue you in by now. Bright side, you just have to keep it a secret and deal with his mental dad making Matt late to your dates until that scholarship comes in. He’s a mega nerd, I’m sure he’ll get one by June.
Also, girl, Jack has not let up. As if jabbing him in the throat wasn’t clear enough, he keeps pestering me for another date. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve turned him down. I just rejected him during passing period in front of all his friends. He was super pissed.
Claire
5/11/1987
Claire—What’s this about keeping our relationship a secret from his dad? You better spill next class.
—Jean
5/11/1987
Hey, Claire! It sounds like we missed a most triumphant time at the park on Saturday. What if I took you to see the new play they’re doing this weekend? I know I’m not as smooth as Byron, nor as skilled as Tennyson to bring all the thoughts I have about you onto paper, but I think you’re pretty fly.
What do you say? Pick you up at 6:00?
Derek
5/11/1987
Derek,
Still no. And that was a line from Matt’s poem! I have the original to compare. So lame that you stole it. And you didn’t even make it better!
Claire
5/12/1987
What do you mean? “Fly” is totally better than what Matt wrote.
Derek
5/12/1987
Matt—What’s this about your dad not wantin
g you to date me? I am not okay being your little secret. Figure this out. I don’t want to go on any more dates until you do. With or without milkshakes.
* * *
—Jeanine
5/12/1987
Derek, Jeanine is hella angry with me. I don’t know how she found out about my dad, but now she doesn’t want to date me if I have to keep it a secret. I didn’t want to keep it a secret, I just didn’t want to advertise it, either. How do I fix this? I don’t think a poem will cut it this time.
I don’t want it to be over. I like who I am with her. She makes me feel like I’m more than just the nerd that everyone else sees. She makes me want to speak up and say what I think about things. She cares about my opinions and ideas—even if it’s only in really bad poetry.
How do I get her back?
Matt
5/12/1987
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Flyworth,
I am writing home with the notice that your son, Matthew Flyworth, has been suspended from Sunset High School for engaging in a physical brawl with another student, Jack Wyant, in the cafeteria on Tuesday, May 12, 1987. Matthew will hereby be suspended from classes and campus for one week. He may return for final exams on May 19, 1987, and he may appear at graduation on Saturday, May 23, 1987.
A parent, classmate, or otherwise appointed individual may drop off any final assignments that are due prior to his return.
We do not tolerate any physical violence on school property, and please rest assured that the other student involved will be equally reprimanded.
We are disappointed that Matt will be concluding his senior year this way, but our policy is in place for the safety of our students and we cannot make exceptions, even for a first offense.
Sincerely,
Principal Collin Grady
5/13/1987
Jeanine,
I am so sorry! I have no idea how Jack found the note. He must have gone through my locker or maybe it fell out of my purse in class, I don’t know! Oh, my God. I’m a total ditz. I can’t apologize enough. Please talk to me!
There was no way I could have known he would do something like that. I mean, yeah, he was pissed when I rejected him in front of all his buddies in the hallway—and everyone else who was in the hall eavesdropping—and yeah, he’s crazy competitive, but I never would have guessed he’d steal that note and do that.
God, I can still see him standing on top of that lunch table reading Matt’s poem to the whole cafeteria. It was heinous. And everyone laughed! They’re losers; they don’t get it. Matt’s poem was so romantic.
And then Jack called Matt out because he thought Matt wrote it for me and it was all so totally mental! You know Matt and I are super not a thing, right? (I mean, yeah, of course you do. He’s so not my type.) But then he stood up in front of the whole class and made that big deal about writing it for you … It was pretty sweet. Quiet Matt stuck up for his girl and declared his love for you to the whole world. Or at least the cafeteria. Same thing.
But I had no idea Jack would get like that. We only had the one date.
Stupid Derek! If he hadn’t asked me out and copied Matt’s poem and then tried to make it better (but he totally didn’t), I never would have had all those notes together for Jack to be able to connect the dots like that.
Please talk to me!
Also, I never in a million years would have expected Matt to get into a fight like that. I had no idea the guy had it in him to fight Jack. Well, kind of fight Jack. Really just that one shot. Jack really clobbered him, huh? Have you heard from Matt since his suspension? Is he hurt?
I’m so sorry! Please talk to me.
Claire
* * *
5/14/1987
Claire—It’s fine. I know it’s not your fault. I was just really upset about the whole thing and needed to cool off. His dad won’t let me see him. I called, and he hung up on me. He told me it was all my fault. If Matt hadn’t been chasing me none of this would have happened and Matt could have gotten into a good school. His dad said I ruined Matt’s life. He won’t tell me how he is.
I’m so upset. I haven’t had a chance to tell Matt I forgive him! He made it wonderfully clear he doesn’t want me to be his little secret, and what he did—God, that was so humiliating, but he did it for me! I can’t believe a guy who could barely talk to me on our first date yelled at the school’s top jock and picked a fight with him just to prove his feelings for me.
—Jean
* * *
5/15/1987
Jeanine, hey. I went over to Matt’s house yesterday to pick up his homework to turn it in for him, he gave me this to pass on to you. Sorry his dad is such a dick. Dude needs a major chill pill.
Derek
Attached Note:
Jeanine—
I am so sorry for how my dad spoke to you. I overheard just the end of it, and I swear I saw red. I’ve never lost it like that before, but it was not okay for him to say those things. You didn’t ruin my life. No one has. I get to come back in time for finals, and I can still walk at graduation. Any school that won’t take me because I gave Jack a black eye isn’t a school I want to go to, anyway.
It was worth it so that the whole school knows you and I are going together. It’s not how I would have liked for it to have been made official … I could have done without the very public humiliation … and Jack reading my terrible poem that I wrote just for you … but that’s okay. Provided, you still want to date me at all? No milkshakes, promise.
Check Yes or No
Matt
5/15/1987
Derek—please give the attached to Matt when you see him next.
—Jeanine
Attached Note:
Matt—Check Yes. Also, I noticed your last note was missing my poem. Did Derek steal it again? He’s got to know Claire isn’t ever going to go for him.
—Jeanine
5/18/1987
Jeanine, don’t be like that. You don’t know that!
Here’s your poem from Matt.
Derek
Attached poem:
Cheaper than jewelry.
Longer lasting than flowers.
Sweeter than chocolates.
Yet words still don’t come close
to being the treasure that you deserve
because you’re the ultimate gift
and nothing I give you
can begin to compare
or accurately show you
how happy you make me.
Are you happy, now?
Matt
5/18/1987
via courier Derek:
Matt—Check Yes.
—Jeanine
8/24/1987
Jean-Queen!
First day of college classes. I can’t believe we got into the same school! I know you’ve already left for your 8:00 am class, you overachiever, so I’m sliding this under your door for you to find when you get back. I hope your roommate doesn’t throw it away like she did the last one. Space cadet.
I was hoping to see Matt around—where is he? I thought he was coming to Portland State, too?
Let’s meet for lunch. See you at the student center at 1:00 pm.
Claire
8/24/1987
Claire—I’d love to do lunch! But I have class MWF at 1:15 pm.
Tomorrow?
Matt didn’t get a scholarship for Portland State, so he took the one for Oregon State University. It pays 50% of his tuition, and he couldn’t turn that down. It’s a long drive, but we meet up once a month. Now that he’s in school his dad has chilled and doesn’t seem to hate me so much. Thank God. He’s still a spaz, though.
See you tomorrow!
—Jeanine
4/30/1991
Matt,
Hey, man, how you been? I’m sorry it’s been a couple years since we were in touch. I’m glad you were listed in the Yellow Pages so I knew where to mail this. Are you still over at Oregon State? I made it a couple years at Portland State and then dropped out.
I moved to LA—it’s a wild town. I’m working on a studio lot. Just security, but it’s cool to see all the Hollywood stars.