Sovereignty

by Ryan Michler

  The only way to overcome the feeling of fear is to recognize it and drive forward anyway. I was scared to start playing football until I started playing football. I was scared of basic training until I went to basic training. I was scared to marry my wife until I married my wife. I was scared to become a father until I became a father. I was scared to start a business until I started a business.

  This isn’t permission to be reckless. It’s permission to do the things you know you should. The further you run from fear, the more vulnerable you become. When you turn around, embrace the fear, and take action, you take back the power you’ve been giving away for so long.

  THE SKILL SET

  Foster Courage. Fortunately, courage is something that can be developed and fostered in your life. You can’t expect to go from a timid, captive man to one who owns all his fears overnight. It doesn’t work like that.

  Like any muscle that needs to be developed, you’ll need to develop the muscle of courage. Developing this muscle is as simple as starting out small. If, for example, you’re deathly afraid of public speaking (like I was for a long time), you don’t need to go present to an audience of two thousand, two hundred, or even twenty, initially. The first step may be to speak to the mirror, followed by speaking in front of a camera, followed by speaking in front of family, followed by friends, and so on.

  Just be careful not to get comfortable with doing less than you know you should be doing. If, after showing courage toward something, you no longer feel the fear, it means it’s time to step up your game.

  Practicing courage makes it easier to display courage when it’s required. Archilochus said, “We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” So when you sense fear welling up inside you, act on it. Make a statement in a board meeting you normally wouldn’t make. Sign up for a 5k, knowing that you want to run a marathon one day. Strike up a conversation with a woman at work before asking the girl in your class on a date. There are thousands of ways to display courage without placing yourself in any real danger. The more you do it, the better at it you become.

  Contingencies. I know it’s popular to believe that you should burn the boats. In many cases you should. But not in every case. Especially when you’re making moves that expose you and/or your family to potential loss.

  It sounds really good: “Burn the boats.” “Go all in.” “No plan B.” But no war general would go into battle without identifying potential threats to his strategy and implementing tactics to ensure minimal loss to the cause.

  The same holds true for the decisions you make in your life. You don’t need to quit your job on a whim with no savings just to prove you’re courageous. You don’t need to go run a marathon without the proper training just so you can overcome fear. You don’t need to launch a business without doing some research to test a viable business strategy.

  Contingencies, in many cases, are the strategies and plans that allow you to take action. When I launched Order of Man, it was much easier for me to make it work because I had steady, reliable income from my financial planning practice. Some might say I was less courageous than the guy who launched his business with no money and no backup plan. That might be true. Then again, I might just have been smarter.

  Identify the gaps in your actions. Look for possible threats and weaknesses to your well-being. Develop contingencies to address them. Be calculated. Be smart. Then, be courageous.

  PART IV

  THE BATTLE PLAN

  “Life brings sorrows and joys alike. It’s what a man does with them—not what they do to him—that is the true test of his mettle.”

  -Theodore Roosevelt

  We have talked about so much up to this point. We’ve talked about the Battle being waged against us by outside sources and by ourselves. We’ve talked about our mission as men: protect, provide, preside. And we’ve talked about the Code of Conduct by which the Sovereign Man operates his life.

  The battle is what we’re up against. The mission is our ultimate purpose and gives us a sense of purpose and direction. And the Code of Conduct represents the manner in which we pursue the mission.

  Now, we’re going to talk about the way we actually make this work. Up until this point, most of what we’ve addressed has been the thirty thousand–foot view. It’s been the back story. It’s been the philosophical side of the Sovereign Man. All of these are critical to recapturing your sovereignty, but they don’t paint the entire picture.

  What good is it to know if we can’t do? I have a friend who entered the financial planning industry at the same time as I did. As we were learning the ropes of the industry and bouncing ideas off each other, he would often ask, “Therefore what?” as I would talk about what was wrong with the industry and how we should be able to be much more productive than we were. What he was asking is what we should do with the information I was sharing. In other words, he was asking, “Now what?”

  In Part IV, we uncover a very specific strategy I’ve discovered, developed, modified, tweaked, and adjusted over the course of the last eight years, which has allowed me to produce big results in the relationship I have with my wife and children; my mental, emotional, and physical health; my two businesses; and my finances.

  This is the Battle Plan. It’s a very tactical process that answers the question, “Now what?”

  See, most men inherently know to some extent what they should be doing with their lives. They have a loose idea of what they want, and they can certainly feel that something’s missing. This missing piece is how to actually go about reclaiming their sovereign power.

  In the chapters that follow, we uncover a five-step, action-driven process designed to take control of your life. First, we cover the importance of articulating a vision that will pull you toward and through the actions needed to achieve sovereignty. We also talk about identifying objectives you feel are important on your own personal journey in four key areas of your life (the Four Quadrants). Next, we walk you through the process of “reverse engineering” the entire plan in order to uncover the key tactics you’ll use to reach your objectives. From there, we’ll help you establish checkpoints to ensure you’re on the right path. Lastly, we wrap up with the concept of the After-Action Review to ensure you’re meeting your objectives and setting new ones effectively.

  A battle cannot be won without a plan. If by some miracle it is, it’s not replicable. In the pages that follow, you’re going to learn a system that will allow you to produce results over and over and over again.

  None of what you’ve read up until now will matter if you cannot make a plan and work the plan. I’ll show you how to do both.

  CHAPTER 20

  VISION

  “Here is the manliness of manhood, that a man has a good reason for what he does, and has a will in doing it.”

  -Alexander MacLaren

  Without a clear vision for what you want out of life, you have no hope of accomplishing anything meaningful. Sure, you may stumble onto some success here and there, but if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll have no benchmark by which to measure your behaviors and actions, and the success you may have enjoyed will dwindle away as quickly as you may have acquired it.

  Most men lack vision. They so consume themselves with the day-to-day operations of their lives that they forget to take (or simply don’t have) the time to ponder what a well-lived life actually looks like. It’s a lot like running with your head down, only to look up and realize you’ve been running in the wrong direction for far too long.

  One of the most common questions I’m asked is whether a man should take a job that would offer more pay but keep him away from his family, or settle for less pay but be physically and mentally present and available to his wife and children. That’s a question I can’t answer for another man, but what I suggest is that the man who is debating this choice project himself twenty to thirty years into the future. Which decision will he be glad he made? With that, typically he comes to his own c
onclusion regarding what he should do. This is the power of having clearly articulated vision.

  The first step in creating a Battle Plan that will allow you to recapture your sovereignty is to spend some serious time thinking about what you want your life to look like—one actually worth fighting for. I realize this can be a tall order, considering that a lot of men haven’t given the future too much thought. More often than not, all they know is they aren’t happy with their current life.

  To that, I have to ask, what’s the alternative? If you’re in a dead-end job, what would a better job look like? If you’re in a struggling marriage, how would a successful marriage feel? If your health is deteriorating, what would life be like if you were strong and energized?

  These are the types of questions you have to start asking yourself. See, I think a lot of men are hoping they can read this book or sign up for that program or listen to a podcast and get the answers they’re looking for. It doesn’t work like that. You aren’t entitled to the answers you’re after. You have to earn them.

  I wish I could tell you what your future should look like, but if I did, it would have no relevancy or significance to you. A vision for the future is deeply personal and very individualized. And it requires a lot of thought and a lot of effort.

  Now, before I get to some exercises that I’m going to ask you to complete, I need to tell you that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Too many men won’t get started with these exercises or will give up too quickly because they think they’re doing it wrong or they’re not good enough at it. That belief does not serve you. The belief that you’re learning a new operating system and it will take time to develop does.

  As Theodore Roosevelt would say, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Be patient. Be honest. Trust the process.

  EXERCISES

  Below, I’m going to walk you through a series of four exercises to help you begin to develop a clear vision for yourself.

  First, I’m going to share some insights on visions that pull (positive reinforcement) you toward something worthwhile. Next, we’ll begin to uncover visions that push (negative reinforcement) you toward a new reality. Third, we’ll begin to articulate the new man you’ll need to become in order to fulfill the vision you have for yourself. And last, you’ll be asked to write your own eulogy as an exercise in looking at things from a new perspective.

  These exercises are done at your discretion. No one is going to be here to hold your hand or make you accountable. You have the ultimate say in how much attention and effort you give them. I encourage you to be as thorough as possible. It’s easy to skim the surface and settle for “good enough,” but that’s not the way of the Sovereign Man. These exercises highlight the foundation principle of an effective Battle Plan: make it count.

  THE PULL

  Take an inventory in your life and think about the times you’ve been the most satisfied, the most content, and the most fulfilled. These are the things that are going to pull you to become the man you have a desire to become.

  For me, I think about my four children and my beautiful wife. I think about what a deep and meaningful relationship with them would look like. I envision sitting on the porch with them, having conversations about life. I can feel the laughter as we sit around the dinner table, joking about our daily activities.

  When I think about my work, I think about the millions of men who would benefit from the work I’m doing. I can see the e-mails and messages I receive every day from those men who have been positively impacted by the mission we’re on. I can feel a sense of pride and satisfaction as I experience and become part of their personal victories.

  When I think about my health, I envision being strong, lean, and capable of handling anything that life may have to throw at me. I can see myself fitting into my shirt a bit better and the compliments I receive from my wife when she says she likes the way a pair of jeans fits on me. I see my children and me bouncing on the trampoline and running around outside for hours.

  I also think about my community. I see the young men in our neighborhood learning life lessons from the football, basketball, and baseball teams I coach. I see a neighbor in need and me having the capacity to serve them. I see myself at some future date serving in charitable organizations and giving freely of my time and money.

  These visions are a powerfully emotional experience and give me a deep desire to be a Sovereign Man—a protector, provider, and presider.

  What do you see when you look at your relationships, your business, your community, your health, and your life?

  THE PUSH

  Now, take an inventory of your life and consider all the negative experiences that drive you to become a better man. These are the things that are going to drive you to do something different in your life so you can produce a different outcome.

  For me, I think about what it was like to grow up without a permanent father figure in my life. I can vividly remember how I felt when I would see other kids go on campouts with their father and the frustration I experienced when I didn’t have that for myself.

  I can remember my wife leaving with my six-month-old son and wondering how in the world I was ever going to get them back. I remember the dark and lonely nights and the bitterness, anger, and resentment I felt.

  I look back to the days when I was fifty pounds heavier than I am today. I remember not being able to play with my kids and not being physically attractive for my wife. I remember finding out she didn’t enjoy having sex with me because the physical attraction wasn’t there for her. I remember being exhausted at the end of the day and not being able to do anything except plop my fat ass on the couch. There was a sense of helplessness I never wanted to experience again.

  For all these reasons and so many more, I wanted to grow and expand and become a new man. I’m still on this journey.

  What do you see and remember that you do not wish to experience again in your life? What feelings do you wish to avoid and will do anything you can to keep yourself from experiencing?

  WHAT KIND OF MAN?

  In order to achieve the pulling and avoid the pushing vision you’ve identified, you are going to need to become a new man. It’s been said that if you want something you have never had, you must be willing do something you have never done. I would also add that you’re going to need to be something you’ve never been.

  When I think about the man I need to become in order to realize the vision I have for myself, I can see that I’ll need to be strong, courageous, bold, compassionate, kind, caring, and honorable. I can see that I’ll need to be diligent in my pursuit of mastery. I can see that I’ll need to be patient with my wife and children. I can see that I’ll also need to be patient with the results in my business. I’ll need to learn to be a more effective communicator and a powerful networker. I’ll need to find ways to add value to other people. I’ll need to develop the confidence to ask people to do business with me and support me in my ventures. And I’ll need to take massive action toward the results I desire.

  What kind of man will you need to be as you begin to articulate the vision you have for yourself and your life?

  WRITE YOUR OWN EULOGY

  At first glance, the notion of writing your own eulogy may appear to be a morbid exercise. I agree, it is. But I encourage you to look deeper than that and recognize the power it has to give you a new perspective on the life you’re working to create. When we give ourselves the opportunity to look at our experiences from a different point of view, we often uncover new ideas, thoughts, and insights into how we wish to live our life.

  As you write your eulogy, keep in mind this is not an exercise in the way people would remember you for the way you currently are, but for the way you wish to become.

  Where did you live? What education do you have? What does your family look like? When others describe you, what will they say? How did you die? How did you live? What did you do for fun? Who were your friends? How did you show up? How did people feel whe
n they were around you? What will others miss about you? The more of these deep questions you can answer, the better.

  As I considered sharing this exercise, I thought initially I should include my own eulogy. But the more I considered it, the more I thought I should withhold it. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Letting you operate from a blank slate gives you the freedom to really think and explore what you would want your life to look like. Take some time and really be thorough in what you write.

  As you work through these exercises, keep in mind that they are likely to take longer than a single sitting. Creating a compelling vision is a work in progress and, regardless of how far along the path you are, you should always be visiting your vision and working through the exercises. Please also remember that going through this work is not an opportunity to beat yourself up for doing it incorrectly. There is no right or wrong way. This is merely the beginning of a lifelong pursuit of sovereignty. You will become a master, but for right now, I’m just asking you to start.

  CHAPTER 21

  OBJECTIVES

  “If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.”

  -Seneca

  At this point, you have begun to work on your vision for the future. You’ve thought about what you want your life to look like with regard to your relationships, your business, your health, and every other facet of your life. You’ve tapped into the power of projecting yourself into the future and looking back on your life to determine what it is that you actually want and how it feels to have it.

  As powerful an exercise as visualization can be, it does nothing to move the needle. Sure, it’s a great place to start, but until you begin to identify what specifically you’re after, your vision will remain a dream—nothing less, nothing more.