by Alan Dapré
The dug blinked again, and pulled a cute puppy-dug face.
Me-sigh
It worked.
Okay, trophy the share let’s, I meowed not very exPURRtly in Dug.
“GRRRRReat,” he woofed, running off with the lid. He scampered to Auntie Hettie and dropped his prize at her feet.
“FLUFFY-WUFF WANTS TO PLAY FETCH!” she trilled, tossing the lid for her dug to chase. Fluffy-Wuff was happy and this was making Auntie Hettie happy too.
Me-phew!
19
Haste Ye Back
As Auntie Hettie and Fluffy-Wuff played outside, I spotted the PET PAMPERING PACK on the Town Hall steps. It was very soggy, and as saggy as a washed-up jellyfish. Invisible Isla opened it up.
“Over here, Ross. I need a wee hand.”
Aye, and I need a wee tail. (It was still invisible, remember?)
The twins keeked inside and saw a couple of brushes, some ribbons and bells. And a rat called Artie! We’ve met before but that’s another story (Porridge the Tartan Cat and the Loch Ness Mess). He scurried away with a cheeky squeak.
“I’m fed up going around like a ghost!” said Invisible Isla, as she rummaged at the bottom of the PET PAMPERING PACK. “I was hoping to find something in here to undo the vanishing.”
“I thought you liked being invisible,” said Ross.
“I did at first. But people look through me as if I’m not here,” she sighed. “I just want to be Isla again.”
There wasn’t much left in the big bag now. Just three cans of that horrid X-X-X-X-XTRA-HOLD HAIRSPRAY, two pots of WOOF POWDER and one big tub of:
The tub rose in the air and invisible fingers flipped up the lid.
“Let’s hope this works! It’s my only chance,” said Invisible Isla.
Mine too! I pulled off the sock and dipped in ma tail.
Me-splodge!
When I pulled it out, Ross gave a shout: “Your tail is back!”
Me-phew!
Now it was Invisible Isla’s turn. I swirled ma tail in the tub until it was gloriously gloopy. Then I swished it all over her like a windscreen wiper.
“That tickles!” giggled Invisible Isla.
Rub-a-rub-rub
As if by magic, her head appeared, floating in the air with nobody to hold it up! (No body – get it?) I swirled ma tail around the tub and waved it again. The more I rubbed, the more we saw.
I wagged ma tail like a daft dug. (Don’t tell anyone!) Then I rubbed against Invisible Isla’s legs. (It’s a cat thing.)
“I’m back!” whooped Isla.
ME-WOW!
She was just an ordinary girl again.
And now the only extraordinary thing in this story was ME!
20
All Change
By the time this chapter started, Fluffy-Wuff had finished his game of Fetch. Auntie Hettie jogged towards us with big bouncy steps. Och, and a wee bouncy dug.
“That was fun fun fun,” she said happily.
Aye, aye, aye, barked Fluffy-Wuff yappily.
He tossed the lid back onto the trophy and ran round in circles after his tail. (It’s a daft dug thing.) Auntie Hettie laughed and gave him a big hug.
“Auntie Hettie has changed,” said Isla, who was fully visible now. “She’s really lovely.”
Aye, lovely and quiet, I meowed. The (not so) pesky guest wasn’t talking in BIG LETTERS any more.
“Hello Isla!” Auntie Hettie said, looking a wee bit surprised. “I thought you were at home in bed.”
“I’m okay now,” said Isla, spinning around and beaming like a lighthouse.
“Och, it’s great to see you again,” said Auntie Hettie. “You’re looking really well. I’m glad your cold has gone.”
“Maybe it flu away?” joked Ross.
Me-groan…
Just then, Auntie Hettie’s mobile phone rang. It was Mum. We heard them both arrange for us all to meet at Vijay’s café for something tasty to eat.
Me-yum!
What brawsome news! Our pal Vijay is the best cook in Tattiebogle Town. He invented the recipe for fishy biscuits, ye ken!
“LET’S GO,” yelled the excited twins. “WE’RE EVER SO HUNGRY!”
“And ever so loud,” chuckled Auntie Hettie.
Och, I think she forgot she once SHOUTED A LOT.
“Come on, Porridge,” said Isla, popping me into her hood. “Vijay’s café is just around the corner.”
Aye, of this page!
21
Cat Has Trophy
Everyone in Tattiebogle Town loves Vijay’s café. The welcome is warm and the food is hot – especially his icy spicy curry ice cream!
“Hi Vijay,” said Isla as we squeezed into the crowded café.
“It’s very busy in here,” said Ross.
“Aye, my feet haven’t touched the ground!” Vijay was flying around high above our heads. “This anti-gravity apron that your grandad invented is awesome! He’s over in the corner with the rest of your family.”
Grandad was chatting to Mum and Dad while Gran knitted Vijay some handy oven gloves.
The twins proudly put the trophy on the table and I popped up like a Jack in the Box.
Me-boing!
“What’s Porridge doing?” asked Dad.
“Showing off,” laughed Ross.
“Porridge was allowed to enter the Best Pet Show after all,” said Isla. “And he won!”
“So instead of a catastrophe, it was a cat-has-trophy,” Dad quipped, telling one of the best jokes in this book. Och, I wish I’d said it.
“Porridge is kindly sharing first prize with Fluffy-Wuff,” said Auntie Hettie, patting me on the head like a dug.
Me-CAT!
We’re both the best! woofed Fluffy-Wuff.
Hmmm.
He’s probably the best at being a dug. BUT I’m definitely the best at all the rest!
Auntie Hettie tapped my trophy with a teaspoon to get everyone’s attention. “I’m paying for dinner,” she announced quietly.
“That’s nice. Dinner’s usually on me,” said Dad.
“Only because you’re a messy eater,” giggled Isla.
Mum whispered to Dad, “There’s something different about Auntie Hettie.”
“I heard that,” said the (not so) pesky guest. “I have excellent hearing, even better than this tartan cat!”
I pulled an Oh no you haven’t! face.
“Och, Porridge, there’s no need to make everything a competition,” chuckled Auntie Hettie, with a cheeky grin.
She lifted me out of the trophy and asked Vijay to fill it with milk.
Fluffy-Wuff and I lapped it up. Then Vijay admired the shiny trophy and gave us lots of praise. We lapped that up too!
RRRUMMMBBBLE
Ma tummy rumbled – it was dinner o’clock. Time to choose some yummy food.
“What’s on the menu?” asked Mum.
“Porridge,” said Isla, lifting me off so everyone could read it. I padded away and sat by the fish tank. I can’t think of any fish jokes. (If you have any, let minnow…)
We soon tucked in to Vijay’s fabutastic food. Auntie Hettie had spaghetti. Mum and Dad and the twins ate haggis. I scoffed a super fish supper. Och, and Fluffy-Wuff chewed on a stake instead of a steak by mistake (but still enjoyed it).
Me-yum!
Afterwards, Auntie Hettie had icy spicy ice cream – and something to say: “I’m sorry I made such a fuss about Fluffy-Wuff. All I wanted was for him to look his best.”
“He does now,” said Ross.
“Thanks to Porridge turning the sprinklers on in the Town Hall,” giggled Isla.
Fluffy-Wuff was admiring himself in the shiny trophy. “He loves his new ‘no frills’ look,” said Auntie Hettie. “And so do I.”
“Fluffy-Wuff looks megamazincredibrill,” said Ross.
Aye, so megamazincredibrill that one day I might write a CATchy song about it, but not at the moment, because I still haven’t finished writing this book.
Th
e (not so) pesky guest had something else to say. “Now the Best Pet Show is over, I’ll be leaving first thing tomorrow with Fluffy-Wuff.”
“Do you have to leave?” asked Isla, looking sorry to see them go.
Auntie Hettie nodded her head. “No more competitions for us. We’re going to travel the world together. Just think of all the terrific things we’ll see.”
Aye, and all the teRUFFic dugs we’ll meet, woofed Fluffy-Wuff.
Auntie Hettie said, “Fluffy-Wuff can bark himself husky with some huskies, or chow with a chow chow. It’ll be fun fun fun!”
The daft dug was so excited that he bounced around like a kangaroo with hiccups.
“Best pets and best pals,” woofed Fluffy-Wuff, giving me a friendly lick. (A friendly, disgusting, never-do-that-to-a-cat-again-EVER lick.)
Me-yuck!
I padded off to the fish tank to have a good wash.
Me-drip!
When I came back there was a surprise waiting!
“I’ve made a celebration cake with a crunchy topping,” Vijay said to me and Fluffy-Wuff.
I had a bone to pick with Vijay – twenty actually! The top of the cake spelt out ‘BEST PETS’ in wee white bones. And one big bone to underline it. Luckily Fluffy-Wuff made most of the wee ones vanish quicker than you can say ‘Invisible Isl…’
Even more luckily, the rest of the cake was made from fishy biscuits! I flicked out a claw and cut myself a big slice.
Me-yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!
I love fishy…
22
In A Big Flap
Och, I nearly forgot. I still have a few more things to tell you.
Auntie Hettie has promised to come back again. And this time she will bring a big dug basket with her. (She says she will bring Fluffy-Wuff too.) When he races around the garden, I bet the birds will get in a big flap.
I can get into a big flap too!
Watch!
Dad finally made me a MOGnificent new cat flap. I love it!
Almost as much as I love fishy biscuits.
ME-YUMMMM!
Copyright
Kelpies is an imprint of Floris Books
First published in 2018 by Floris Books
This eBook edition published in 2018
Text © 2018 Alan Dapré. Illustrations © 2018 Floris Books
Alan Dapré and Yuliya Somina have asserted their rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patent Act 1988 to be identified as the Author and Illustrator of this Work
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without the prior permission of Floris Books, Edinburgh
www.florisbooks.co.uk
British Library CIP data available
ISBN 978–178250–392–7