The Perfect World of Miwako Sumida

by Clarissa Goenawan

  Why was she even looking for MK in the first place? What did she plan to do once she found her? It wasn’t like she could march up to her and say, “Hey, guess what? I know about you and your secret diary.”

  What good would that do? Nothing would change.

  The colorless will always be colorless.

  Chie took a deep breath and looked up. The sky was so clear and blue that day, devoid of a single cloud. Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the breeze blowing onto her face and ruffling her long permed hair.

  No one would be on the rooftop, even during recess. Rumor had it that the place was haunted. But Chie knew it wasn’t true, because she was the one who had started that rumor. As the result, the place was almost always deserted, and it had become her private sanctuary. Up here, she could let her guard down. She didn’t need to worry about her hair being messy or her makeup being smudged. She didn’t need to look perfect. She could be herself.

  Chatter came from the rooftop of a building across the way. The door opened and a petite girl ran out. A boy followed and overtook her. She squealed as he grabbed her hand. On his left wrist, the boy wore a purple and silver friendship bracelet. It would have been impossible for Chie to tell the item from that distance if she hadn’t been wearing the exact same bracelet on her wrist.

  She and the boy had bought the matching accessories two weeks ago when they had gone to Shinjuku for a movie. It was Chie’s idea—she had read in a fashion magazine that friendship bracelets were about to be trendy again—but her boyfriend had chosen the color and the pattern. Sure enough, quite a few other couples followed their lead. Chie always prided herself on being among the select few who could start a new fashion wave at their school.

  On the other rooftop, the petite girl shouted at Chie’s boyfriend to stop, but she was laughing. He didn’t retreat. Chie watched him kiss the girl’s neck, and then her collarbone, as the girl tilted her head up a little. The girl’s lips parted, and Chie felt anger surge inside her. Not toward her boyfriend, but toward herself. Did she make faces like that when they were fooling around? It looked so unbecoming.

  “He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

  Beside Chie stood a bespectacled girl with short jet-black hair. The wind blew her hair into her face, and she used her left hand to tuck it behind her ear. On her slim wrist was a black Casio watch that was clearly too big for her.

  Unable to control herself, Chie burst into laughter.

  The short-haired girl narrowed her eyes. “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing,” Chie said. “I’m just happy.”

  “You’re happy that your boyfriend is making out with another girl?”

  “Not that. It’s something else,” she said, realizing that nothing she was saying would make any sense to the girl.

  I’m happy to have finally found you, MK, and he hardly matters anymore.

  MK gave Chie a strange look, probably thinking she’d lost it.

  The bell rang, jolting Chie’s boyfriend and that petite girl out of their embrace. They looked at each other. He grabbed her hands and they kissed again, and they laughed.

  Chie remembered when she used to skip classes with her boyfriend. It had been quite often, in fact, but she couldn’t recall the last time they did it. Guess he’d gotten bored with her.

  “Class is starting,” MK said. “I’m going to go downstairs.”

  “Wait,” Chie called. “Don’t go.”

  The girl turned around. “Are you worried I’m going to tell the teacher that you’re here?”

  “You can do that, I don’t care. Just tell me your name.”

  “I’m Miwako Sumida. Is that all you want?”

  Chie nodded. “I’m Chie Ohno from 2B. You can call me Chie.”

  “You’d better go now, Chie. I’m going to tell the teacher a student is up here.”

  After saying that, Miwako left the rooftop. Chie continued to stand there idly. Miwako Sumida, Miwako Sumida. She hadn’t heard that name before. Was she a transfer student?

  A friend had told Chie a new girl had transferred to 2A. Could that be Miwako Sumida? But her initials were MS, not MK. Then again, it was only a pseudonym. It could mean anything, like . . . what started with an M? Melon, milk, mushroom . . . Maybe MK stood for Mushroom King. Chie chuckled to herself at the thought.

  “Ohno!”

  Chie turned around and saw one of her teachers standing in front of the door. True to her word, Miwako Sumida had told on her. What a weird girl.

  “What are you doing up here?” the teacher shouted.

  “Ah, I . . .” Chie glanced at the building across.

  Her boyfriend and the girl he had been fooling around with also noticed them. Chie’s eyes met her boyfriend’s, and Chie saw the two of them inch away.

  “You two stay right there!” the teacher shouted. “Don’t even think about running off. I know exactly who you are and which class you’re in.” She turned to Chie. “You too, Ohno. Follow me.”

  Chie’s boyfriend, the petite girl, and Chie got an hour-long lecture from the disciplinary teacher. The three of them also had to clean the school swimming pool together.

  As they did their chores, the atmosphere was tense. The smell of chlorine filled the space between them. Chie’s boyfriend and the petite girl were silent. They didn’t dare look at her. Chie thought it was sad, yet hilarious. Her boyfriend was usually chatty. And the petite girl, she knew her, although she had no idea what her name was. Her boyfriend and the girl were classmates. When Chie had come to their classroom to look for her boyfriend, she usually saw the petite girl giggling and talking loudly. Seeing her so quiet and docile now, she had to fight the urge to laugh.

  Neither Chie nor her boyfriend said a word, but it was obvious their relationship was over. The strangest thing of all was that even after what had happened, they both continued to wear those matching friendship bracelets. Every time Chie was about to throw hers away, she found it sort of amusing to keep wearing it. And probably because she kept hers on, he couldn’t get rid of his.

  Being in the same school, the three of them were bound to run into each other from time to time. Whenever that happened, Chie’s ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend would avert their eyes and scurry away, clearly feeling guilty for committing a horrible act, which would have been the case if Chie had actually been serious about him. But she hadn’t been in love, so no great harm was done. If the new couple had simply come up to her and apologized, she would’ve laughed it off and even made up a lie to make them feel better. Perhaps something like she’d also been seeing someone else, or was secretly pining for another guy. But they never said anything to her. Not a word of acknowledgment or apology. So Chie let that awkwardness remain until her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend graduated from high school.

  12

  A

  Rabbit

  and

  an

  Airplane

  Since there was only one bathroom, Ryusei and Chie agreed that he would have his dinner first while she took a bath.

  After she was done, Chie went to the kitchen to look for Ryusei. He was no longer there. She ate alone, did the dishes, and cleaned up a bit. She was tired, but for some reason, she didn’t feel sleepy. Her body felt light and she was much calmer than when they’d arrived.

  Chie walked slowly to her room, the wooden flooring cold against her bare feet. The screen screeched as she entered. She took out a futon from the cupboard, unfolded it on the tatami floor, and laid down sheets over it. The house was silent, save for the insect noises from outside. Wide awake, she stared at a small light bulb enclosed by a yellowing lampshade on the ceiling.

  “Chie?” Ryusei’s voice came from the other side of the wall. “Are you sleeping?”

  She wanted to answer, but then changed her mind. The slight quiver in his voice made him sound sad. He’s going to try
to talk about Miwako. That kind of conversation would only sink him further into grief.

  A moment of silence passed before he continued. “Somehow I keep thinking, I really didn’t know much about Miwako.”

  Chie held her breath.

  “The only thing I’m sure of is that she was different,” he continued.

  Yes, she was.

  “What am I doing, talking to myself? You must already be asleep.”

  I’m sorry for not answering, but right now, I don’t know a way to comfort you.

  “You know, I really cared about her.”

  So did I. Even before you knew there was a girl named Miwako Sumida.

  The sun had been hiding behind the clouds when Miwako and Chie met for the third time in high school. Chie was on the rooftop again during her break, lying precariously on top of a water tank. Miwako climbed up and found her there.

  “You’re still here?” Miwako said. “Aren’t you afraid the disciplinary teacher will find you again?”

  Chie got up. “I doubt she’ll check here. Criminals seldom return to the crime scene.”

  Miwako smiled. “You’re funny.”

  “So are you. What kind of person reports her classmates to the teacher?”

  “This kind of person.” Miwako sat down next to Chie. “I like this place.”

  Chie stole a glance at Miwako’s wrist. Miwako had replaced her huge watch with a smaller one. This time, it was a metallic gray Seiko watch, a ladies’ cut that suited her more.

  “It’s eleven-thirty,” Miwako said, assuming that Chie was checking the time.

  “Oh,” she mumbled. “You’re Miwako Sumida, aren’t you? I hardly ever see you.”

  “You wouldn’t have noticed me. I’m not popular like you.”

  Chie laughed. She knew Miwako wasn’t being sarcastic, but it sounded like she was mocking her. “Are you the new student?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Why did you transfer here?”

  “My mother remarried, so we moved into my stepfather’s house.”

  Remarried. Could it be? “Did you change your family name?”

  “Naturally, yes.”

  “Your previous family name started with K.”

  For the first time, Miwako looked properly at Chie. “How do you know that?”

  “Ah . . .” Chie’s voice trailed off. She couldn’t think of a lie.

  “Must be this, isn’t it?” Miwako took out a dainty necklace hidden under her white shirt. The pendant bore the initial K. “I thought I’d hidden it.”

  Chie breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes. I caught a glimpse of it when we ran into each other in the bathroom some time back.”

  “Oh. I didn’t notice.”

  “Is it weird?” Chie asked. “I mean, people suddenly calling you by a different name.”

  Miwako thought for a moment before answering. “I was pretty used to hearing my old classmates call me Kojima, so it was a little awkward in the beginning. But it’s different here. Nobody knows I was ever a Kojima. To them, I’ve always been a Sumida.”

  Kojima. Miwako Kojima. I finally found you, MK.

  Miwako tilted her head. “Do you come up here often?”

  “Almost every day. At least during lunchtime, especially now that I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  Chie thought Miwako would to say something like, “I’m sorry to hear that,” but she didn’t. That was only right, though. There was nothing to be sorry about. The breakup was a blessing.

  Nowadays, Chie preferred to be alone. If she really wanted to be in a relationship, she would’ve accepted one of the guys who’d tried to court her since the breakup. But instead, she retreated to the rooftop to stare at the sky. Next to her, Miwako was enjoying the afternoon breeze.

  “Don’t you think that cloud looks like a rabbit?” Miwako suddenly said.

  Chie squinted. “Which one?”

  “The one over there.” Miwako pointed. “See, that’s the head, and those are the two ears.”

  “That looks nothing like a rabbit,” Chie said. “It’s more like an airplane.”

  “Are you kidding? It’s definitely a rabbit.”

  “It’s an airplane.”

  “How can an airplane have two ears?”

  “I don’t see any ears.” Chie laughed. “But this is fun.”

  “I know,” Miwako said. “When my father was still around, we used to do this all the time. You know, cloud gazing. That’s what he called it.”

  “He must have had a lot of time on his hands.”

  “You could say that. There wasn’t much else to do when he was lying in the hospital, waiting to pass on.”

  Chie felt a lump in her throat. She knew she was supposed to say, “I’m sorry to hear that,” but she didn’t. Miwako had probably heard those words a thousand times. The girl had to be sick of them.

  Miwako turned to Chie. “Do you mind me joining you here during recess?”

  “Of course not,” she said, “just don’t report us to the teacher this time. You gave me a lot of trouble. I had to clean the swimming pool with those two.”

  Miwako creased her brow. “Then you shouldn’t have said you didn’t care if I reported you.”

  “No one else would’ve taken that seriously.”

  “Well, I’m not them.”

  Miwako lay down and closed her eyes. Wrapping her arms around her knees, Chie sat next to Miwako and looked at her. The girl was surprisingly ordinary, which made her even more intriguing. Why would someone like her be writing such a strange diary?

  Wind rustled through the leaves. A group of black birds flew out of the trees and disappeared into the distance. It was the perfect moment for Chie to say to Miwako, “Hey, I know about your diary entries as MK.” Chie wanted to tell Miwako that it was all right. “I’ll keep it to myself. Your secret is safe with me.” But she couldn’t bring herself to say any of it. She didn’t want to upset Miwako and ruin the possibility of them becoming friends.

  Friends.

  She had never considered anyone a friend. But this girl, Miwako Sumida—somehow, Chie sensed they could be friends. She felt like she could open up to her. Or maybe not, seeing how she couldn’t even tell Miwako about the diary.

  Regardless, Chie pretended she didn’t know anything about Miwako Sumida. But one day, she would tell her, when they were both older and things like keeping a secret diary didn’t matter anymore.

  From that day on, Miwako and Chie would slip up to the rooftop during their lunch break every day without fail. They would sit there idly, cloud gazing. Apart from frequent arguments about the shapes of the clouds, they didn’t really talk, which suited Chie well.

  As for her diary, Chie got bored with it. She sent in her entries less and less frequently. As expected, her placement continued to drop. Her diary was pushed further to the back. Eventually, her entry wasn’t even published. But she didn’t feel sad. In fact, she couldn’t have cared less.

  Closing the zine, she decided to stop writing for good. No one would miss her. Life went on, with or without “The Colorful Days of a High School Girl.”

  Meanwhile, MK became the indisputable top diarist. A few people attempted to copy her style, but no one ever got close. Next to hers, everyone could tell their own diaries were inferior goods.

  One day, without warning, The Secret Diaries was gone. Chie thought the zine’s late delivery was only temporary, something due to a mailing or printing hiccup, but it wasn’t. She tried calling the publisher, but the line was dead. Her subsequent payment bounced. She went to a few bookshops that used to stock it, but none of them seemed to know what had happened. A rumor circulated that the owner had been in serious debt and was being chased down by loan sharks. Another said a big publishing house had bought the business. But then, what kind of company would want to acquire
a cheap zine publishing anonymous diary entries? It didn’t come across as a sound investment.

  Chie didn’t really care about the details. She was a little sad, of course. The zine had brought her to Miwako. But now that they were friends, she didn’t need it anymore. Chie was content knowing she was probably the only one who’d gotten to know the real MK, though she never could bring herself to tell Miwako the truth. She was too afraid to lose her.

  Because of that, even until her death, Miwako Sumida remained ignorant of the fact that Chie Ohno knew her secret identity.

  13

  Field

  of

  Roses

  The morning came faster in Kitsuyama than in Tokyo. No one needed an alarm clock. In the early hours, roosters woke the village.

  Opening her eyes, Chie forgot where she was for a moment. The light bulb and paper shade were unfamiliar. Ah, that’s right, I’m in Miss Sugi’s clinic. Chie got up and yawned. The warm sun crept through the windows and filled the tatami room. She folded up her futon and pushed it back into the cabinet. Opening her bag, she took out a change of clothes and a towel.

  Ryusei was already dressed when Chie came out of her room. He was pressing his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose. His eyes looked bloodshot.

  “You didn’t sleep well?” she asked.

  “I did, but not for long. I’m just not used to this place yet,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Stepping into the corridor, Chie took a good look at her surroundings. All the windows had already been opened. The wooden flooring was no longer cold. If anything, it felt warm on her bare feet. She looked out and saw a group of birds chirping and hunting for food among the grass patches. Some of the villagers, including children, were heading out. A few carried farming tools while others herded their cattle.

  “Good morning,” Miss Sugi said, coming out of one of the rooms. The sleeves of her mauve kimono were tied up with a tasuki. “Did you have a good rest?”

  “Yes.” It occurred to Chie that she should have woken up earlier to help out. “I’m sorry, I’ll be ready soon.”