Sanctuary: Delos Series, Book 9

by Lindsay McKenna

  Her throat constricted and she moved away, lifting a towel hanging on a hook off the cupboard near the sink. Nolan stepped back, giving her room. Turning, she saw his expression was one of deep regret for her.

  “That’s true,” she admitted, her voice sounding broken, too many feelings surging through her. “After what happened, I ran away from my family, Nolan. I graduated from the community college and then left. Too many people were judging me, blaming me for what happened. I was too young, incredibly naive, and didn’t know…” Teren sighed raggedly and set the towel on the counter, wrapping her arms around herself, something she always did when she needed comfort and holding.

  “I’m sorry your family wasn’t there to support you,” he said heavily.

  “They were, for part of it,” Teren said, not wanting him to think her family were unfeeling monsters, because they weren’t. “They did help me for a while, and I rebounded.” She shrugged, resting her hips against the counter. “In the end I couldn’t handle the town’s ongoing judgment of me. They all knew what happened, so I had to leave to make a fresh start for myself.”

  “I know I don’t know the story of what happened to you, Teren, but like I said, we all go through some really bad times. And you have to try to forgive yourself, tell yourself you did the best you could at that time, and let it go.”

  Nolan’s mouth flattened and he drew in a deep breath. “I was married once. I swore I wouldn’t marry while I was a Delta operator, because I’d be gone so much of the time on undercover assignments.” He gave her a slight smile. “But meeting Linda made me forget everything I said I was going to do, and we got married. We settled in McLean, Virginia, where I was based. She got pregnant just before I left for another assignment to Sudan.” His voice lowered as the scenario began to replay itself. “I was six months into the assignment when I got ordered back to the U.S. by my handler—there was a home emergency. They wouldn’t tell me what it was, or who it concerned, and I was left in the dark.”

  “When I arrived at Andrews Air Force Base, my handler was there to meet me and drove me to the county morgue. My wife had been attacked by an intruder. She fought back and he murdered her.” Moving his fingers through his short hair, he added roughly, “And the baby she was carrying died too. No one knew about the attack upon her until the next morning at nine a.m. when she didn’t show up for work. By that time, my baby daughter was dead. If…if things had been different…if help had arrived shortly after she’d died, they might have saved my daughter. But it wasn’t meant to happen.”

  Teren stared in horror over at Nolan. He stood before her, his shoulders sagging, and she didn’t know what to say. Without thinking, she pushed away from the counter, taking those few steps to wrap her arms around him, crushing him against her, her head buried against the line of his hard, unyielding jaw. Anguish radiated from him—then slowly, his arms slid around her waist, holding her, clinging to her, his face buried in her hair.

  Tears ran down her cheeks and she didn’t try to stop them. All along, she’d felt something so brutal, so overwhelming, living secretly within Nolan. And now she knew what it was. His quiet admission was incredibly powerful and she was grateful that he trusted her. Trusted her compassion. Her heart.

  Her eyes squeezed tightly shut, Teren felt the tension in his body as they held each other. It felt as if he were clinging to a life preserver and if he released her, he would drown.

  CHAPTER 12

  Nolan absorbed Teren’s womanly strength and her deep compassion. The cinnamon scent of her hair, where he’d buried his face, lingered as he pulled away slightly to look down at her. He felt the slender curve of her body, her small, perfectly formed breasts against his chest. Heat pooled in his lower body as her belly sank against his thickening erection. A groan tore out of him as her arms curved and held him tightly against her. He could feel her breath, the rise and fall of her breasts, the moisture against the column of his neck. She was perfectly fitted against him in every possible way.

  Just once…just once he wanted to let go of his steely control. His brain was screaming at him that she was his PSD, that he had no business inviting her into this kind of situation. Nolan knew that his story, the painful past of his life, had triggered Teren’s unabashed, unselfish reaction. He knew deep within that she was sensitive to the plight of others who suffered. Why the hell had he told her about the worst night of his life? Why?

  And yet, he hungrily sponged in the fluttering beat of her heart against his chest, felt life infusing him, instead of living in a land of limbo where there was no warmth, no intimacy, no—nothing. Teren inspired him to dream once more, whether she knew it or not. She fed his aching soul, one stained with so much grief, loss, and regret. And she did it without realizing it.

  He nuzzled his face into her hair, feeling its cool silkiness against his flesh. Nolan heard a soft moan come from within Teren, her arms a little tighter around his shoulders, as she tried to press herself even more solidly against him. She felt so damn good to him and he couldn’t help it; his lower body exploded with a raging hunger for her, wanting her now. His resolve was ebbing away from him, her instinctive seductiveness luring him, although Nolan knew she wasn’t doing this to seduce him. She was trying to comfort him and find comfort for herself, too.

  Teren was holding him with all her woman’s strength and love right now because she was hurting for him, for the loss of his wife and baby. And her decency was what stopped Nolan from taking her. To cheat Teren like this, to use her desire to comfort him as a reason to take her sexually, was against his values. He wanted a woman to come to him with the intention of engaging in lovemaking with him. He was no damned wolf in sheep’s clothing, and Nolan would never try anything with Teren because she had enough to handle right now.

  He slid his hands down her back, a caress, a silent thank you for her support, then reluctantly released her, taking a step back when it was the last thing he wanted to do. He saw her lashes drift upward, arousal and compassion in her lustrous gray eyes. Pink tinged her cheeks, her lips were slightly parted, and she was breathless. Nolan could feel her wanting him, but damn it, she had to say those words, had to verbally move across that line that stood between them. He was not going to take advantage of the situation or of her. If he hadn’t had that strong moral compass that always guided him, he would have been lost in the ugly world of secrecy. And maybe his mind, shaped by the military, made it easy for him to keep things in that black-and-white perspective.

  Nolan saw confusion in her expression as he eased away from her. But he didn’t want to stop holding her in his arms, his hands coming to rest on her waist, maintaining her lambent gaze, feeling such raw desire on her part toward him. Would she transcend her secret past? Could she speak the words, ask him to love her? That’s what it would take, and Nolan sensed she was close to doing just that. But at what risk to herself? Teren had intimated something terrible had happened in her past. And until he knew what it was, he was reluctant to make love with her, as badly as he wanted to.

  Tragic wounds changed a person forever. And someone blundering into another person’s life required patience and time, because without knowing the dark secrets someone carried, it could backfire on both parties.

  No, Nolan would rather continue to get to know her, understand what fueled her passionate life, and continue to slowly draw Teren to him for all the right reasons. Never mind this erection, which was now aching. He would rather suffer. The reward was the look in Teren’s eyes, which spoke of utter trust toward him. That was the ultimate gift one human could give another, and Nolan recognized the gift for what it was.

  “Hey,” he rasped, moving his fingers along her waist. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your heart is?” He saw the corners of her lips pull up just little, heard her breathing become a little ragged. Her fingers tightened on his forearms, and Nolan felt as if she wouldn’t be able to stand on her own just yet. He hadn’t even kissed her, and that’s exactly what he wanted to do.<
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  “No…” She gazed up at him, her pupils large and black as she studied him in the heated, swirling silence around them.

  He lifted his hand, taming her hair and pushing it away from her face. “Well, it is, sweetheart.” And she did indeed have a sweet, innocent heart that she had just given him. That was the trust throbbing strongly between them. Nolan knew it was only a matter of time now before Teren came to realize that whatever issues stood between them, they would dissolve, because the bottom line was that they trusted one another.

  “I’m so sorry for what happened to you, Nolan,” she whispered unsteadily. “I-I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you felt…the loss…”

  “I was twenty-six at the time,” he said, cupping her cheek, looking deep in her eyes, which now glistened with unshed tears. “I’m thirty now. Time has helped. It’s about the only thing that has,” he added, sadness in his tone. “I never thought in a million years that our home, which was in a good section of town, would ever be broken into. It just never occurred to me.”

  Shaking her head, Teren said, “It wouldn’t to me, either, Nolan. My God, you must have been so devastated. I don’t know how you survived.”

  Just holding Teren was helping him to come to terms with his grief-stricken past. He realized he’d been waiting for this kind of woman, this moment, for a long time. “I was numb for a couple of years. I couldn’t even cry. And then, one day, the dam burst and I couldn’t quit crying. I was out on an undercover op in Ethiopia when it happened. And fortunately, when it all came down and broke me, I was out in the desert, alone.”

  “How did it break you?”

  “The pain, the grief that I’d sat on so long, came vomiting up through me, Teren. I can’t explain it. It was like a fist violently shoving up inside of me, forcing me to let out all my screams, my anger, my grief. I was at a safe house, waiting for a PSD who would arrive a week later. I had those seven days to get it all out of my system, release the bulk of it, cry until I had no more tears left, but the sounds were still tearing out of me. I lost track of night and day. I couldn’t eat. I forced myself to keep drinking a lot of water, because I knew I had to stay hydrated or I’d die.”

  CHAPTER 13

  Suddenly, Nolan’s radio, which was connected to Kitra’s security network, blared to life.

  “Nolan? This is Ayman. We have a situation. Will you please meet me at the main gate?”

  Giving Teren a look of apology, he released her and pulled the radio out of his back pocket. Their intimacy for the evening was at an end.

  “Copy that.” He looked over at her. “Stay here. Lock the door after me. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

  “Okay,” she said, frowning. Standing in the kitchen, she watched Nolan quickly move to his duplex. When he returned, he was wearing his safari jacket, and she knew he was carrying his Glock in his belt. The look on his face was calm and focused, but it was the sense of quiet urgency that shook her. He quickly left and she locked the door behind him.

  Teren walked over to the south window, pulling the curtain aside. It was still light, with the sun hovering near the western horizon. She saw the huge main gate, and it was closed. There were two guards inside the gate and two outside of it. She watched, her heart beating a little more strongly, as Nolan trotted down the slight incline toward the entrance to Kitra. What was going on?

  Generally, she never knew about the security that Ayman had surrounding Kitra, nor was she educated about security measures. Had one of the guards seen something? Was someone driving down the highway toward their gates at this hour? Normally at this time of day, there was no traffic in or out of Kitra. They were very far off the beaten path.

  She watched as Ayman arrived in his desert camouflage uniform. She was relieved that he was the one guarding Kitra. He and Nolan talked, and a guard came over, pointing east of them, across the flat grasslands. What had he seen or heard? Curiosity burned at her, but Teren wasn’t going to disobey Nolan’s order to remain in her duplex. She saw Ayman hand Nolan a pair of binoculars and he slowly scanned the east. She nibbled on her lower lip, feeling low-level anxiety mounting.

  It was almost too much for her to absorb. For seven years she’d lived happily at Kitra and never felt threatened unless she had to drive into Khartoum. Was Uzan in the vicinity? Had he hired mercenary thugs from some gang in the slums of Khartoum, who were now out there scouting around?

  Teren knew that Kitra was strategically situated on that slight knoll above the sea-level desert floor. She remembered Ayman once saying that no matter what direction, his soldiers would see man, beast, or vehicle coming from miles away. He emphasized that it was very well placed. Teren remembered teasing him about building a moat around Kitra to make sure it was really safe, like the European castles did during the Middle Ages. They’d gotten a good laugh out of that one. Ayman had studied at the military school and was intimately familiar with the art of war.

  Feeling chilled, Teren saw two more soldiers arrive, both with their M4s on their shoulders. Normally they carried the rifles with the barrel pointed down to the earth. Now the barrels were pointing skyward. Teren didn’t know what that meant, but it didn’t feel good.

  Tomorrow morning at nine a.m., all the department heads would be notified in a meeting of Sharan’s threat against Kitra and Teren. She knew everyone would be very upset by the news and a pall would come over this happy, carefree place—one that gave so many women and children help and support. Of course, Nolan had assured her that only the department heads would know.

  Teren wasn’t sure that was wise, but Farida had wanted those in a supervisory capacity at Kitra to know about the situation. She didn’t want everyone at Kitra dipped in the terror, and Teren knew such information would stain the entire community. Still, it bothered her. What if one of their employees went into Khartoum not knowing what else was swirling around Kitra?

  Teren knew she was a civilian. Now she wished she had more military knowledge and education so she could appreciate Farida’s decision-making process. Her husband, Ameer, was a civilian too, but she knew Ayman and Farida worked in close support of one another. After all, Kitra’s safety depended upon them. Teren was sure Farida knew a lot more about security, because Ayman would have educated her enough to grasp possibly dangerous situations.

  Damn! She normally didn’t cuss, but it felt good to think the word under the circumstances. She saw Nolan and Ayman slip through the gates and walk off to one side where she could no longer see them. The other two guards were very alert, looking eastward. What on earth was out there?

  *

  Nolan knocked lightly on Teren’s door an hour later. It was dusk, and above him, he could see the first stars starting to glimmer in the coming night sky. When she threw open the door, he stepped inside.

  “What’s going on?” she demanded nervously.

  Nolan turned, shutting and locking the door. He shed his jacket and pulled the Glock out of his belt. “Let’s go the kitchen. I could use a bottle of water if you have one.” He was parched. Teren looked worried and upset, her mouth compressed. He joined her and she handed him a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator.

  “Thanks,” he murmured, opening it. He took her hand in his. “Come on, sit down with me at the table, okay?”

  Heartened that her long fingers were curving around his, he saw some of the worry lighten in her grim expression.

  Teren sat down. He pulled out another chair, sitting at her elbow. Finishing off the pint of water, he wiped his mouth. “The guards spotted movement east of Kitra,” he told her. “At first, they thought it might be a herd of feral camels. Ayman makes sure each guardhouse has a good set of binoculars. The head of the detachment checked it out. There was dust rising in the east, which was unusual for this time of day.” He saw Teren tensing. “It wasn’t a herd of camels, and it wasn’t a caravan coming into Khartoum. The lead sentry saw three haflas with men riding on the flatbed, armed.”

  A breath stole out
of her. “Oh no…”

  He placed his hand over hers. “That was when the guard called Ayman, alerting him to the situation. And then Ayman called me. We met down at the gate. I looked at the group of haflas and they were about two miles away. There are a lot of shadows on the desert this time of day, so all I could make out were three of them with six men on each flatbed with AK-47s. I gave Ayman the binoculars and he confirmed my siting.”

  “Was it Uzan?” she demanded, strangling on the name.

  “We don’t know. Ayman was telling me that sometimes the Sudanese Army has warfare games in given areas. This could have been one of them.”

  “But there are only dirt roads out in that area.”

  “Those are good for war games,” Nolan assured her.

  “Was Ayman worried?”

  “Concerned was more like it. He’s calling a general in Khartoum whom he knows right now to find out.”

  “What if it wasn’t war games, Nolan?”

  He had thought the same thing. “The men were dressed in Sudanese Army uniforms. What was out of place is that they were carrying AK-47s. Terrorists are well known to favor that particular weapon. The Sudanese Army has some, but their main rifle is an M4.”

  “What do you make of this?”

  “Nothing yet. I’m just taking in all the information,” he told her bluntly, squeezing her icy fingers. “It may be a false alarm, Teren. Nothing more.” He could see her worry by the way she was tucking her lower lip between her teeth, brow furrowed. At least he could be here with her, give her a sense of safety.

  “Is this what it’s going to be like from now on, Nolan?”

  Hearing the apprehension in her tone, he grimaced. “I’m afraid so.”

  “Has Ayman heard from his undercover men in the slums yet?”

  Shaking his head, he said, “That’s a delicate operation, Teren. It’s going to take time. Those men have to be extra careful. If they appear to stand out compared to those who live there, they could be killed.”