by Shel Stone
This had never really been the plan. He’d ruined her—as had been the plan—but it wasn’t enough. She’d hung on and had withstood it. Obviously that was annoying as all hell. Part of him wanted to utterly decimate her. Obliterate her.
Another part wanted something else—her, but with strings. Strings he could control. Frankly, this was unfamiliar territory. He’d never actually wanted a person before. Obviously he’d wanted girls’ bodies, but he’d never wanted the whole of a person before. Or thoroughly understood for what purpose.
Her walking away had hurt. It had cut and he’d bled. One afternoon there, he’d felt despondent and had vowed harm on the world—harm on her. Until he’d recognized how futile her hopes for Monty were, because at her very core, she wasn’t pure enough for Mont. She wasn’t fundamentally innocent enough for Mont, because Mont was all about goodness and stand-up character.
How the hell Mont had made his way in this society, Adrian just didn’t understand. Had to be sheer stupidity. He’d had to have been raised on a diet of Disney goodness. And Cecily loved Disney princesses, or so she’d said rather sarcastically. But she wasn’t one. She hated her brothers, loathed her stepmom, punished her parents after they’d sent her away to Switzerland when she’d interfered with their ambitions and lifestyle. If there was ever an evil stepsister, it was Cecily. And with her enemies, she’d certainly stick the knife in if she could. He’d felt her barbs. She fought back. But now she wanted to be Mont’s Disney princess.
And on his phone she’d dropped the perfect opportunity to mess with her, and he couldn’t formulate a response that communicated what he felt.
“Hey, you coming out tonight?” Zayn asked, clapping him on the shoulder and bringing him jarringly out of his reverie.
“Where are you going?”
“Thought we’d hang locally. Nothing special.”
Adrian didn’t love the local bars. Pretentious bullshit and wannabes. But they were convenient. What else did he have to do? Was he going to spend the evening composing a reply to Cecily’s question? “Sure.”
The rest of the day went murderously slowly. School mercifully ended and from the window on the second floor, he watched as Cecily’s driver came to pick her up. He hated that she’d blocked him on social, so he couldn’t see where she was, or where she spent her time. Obviously, she would turn up on one of her friends’ post if she was hanging with them, but he wasn’t going to cling to his phone for scraps of information like a total loser.
Feeling someone approach, he saw Seb heading his way. “Hey, you ready to go? Was talking to Tom Vollich before. So he’s having this thing as his family’s house upstate on the weekend.”
“Thing?”
“Party. Sounds alright. Want to get out of the city for a while?”
Out into the wilds beyond the city, where dark and silence existed. “Is he inviting Morgan and those girls?”
“When’s your thing with this girl gonna be done?” Seb asked.
“When’s you’re thing with Sam Vollich going to be done?” Adrian shot back.
“When I fuck her. But you’ve already fucked the Euro girl, and fucked her up. So why are you still going after her? When are you going to be done with her?”
Another question he didn’t have an answer to. “Just make sure they’re coming,” he ordered. And what did it say about him that elation soared inside him. It was as if all his emotions were mainlined at that moment and he had no control of it. It was disturbing and exhausting. Emotional wasn’t him and he had to get a grip on himself.
They left the school and grabbed a coffee before heading their separate ways before the evening started. Truthfully, Adrian didn’t feel like going out, but he certainly didn’t feel like being at home. That pervasive boredom had gripped him again, and it was getting worse. Maybe that was why he was continuing this battle with Cecily, because it was the only tolerable thing in his life right then. Well, originally it was just a take down, now it was a battle. She’d turned it into a battle.
They went out, they drank. Seb picked up a girl and the evening ended when he took her home. Finn and Zayn were going for a late-night slice of pizza, but Adrian decided to bail. He just couldn’t shake his mood.
As expected, the house was quiet and he shut himself away in his room. It felt like an isolated place, a small space of muted light in a vast sea of sparkling darkness beyond his windows. At times he saw the lights of the city as stars in what could sometimes feel like a starkly empty space.
Picking up his phone, he messaged Morgan. In some ways, he felt there was an understanding between them. Not to be confused by agreement. Did you get invited to Tom’s thing upstate? he asked. Checking the time, he saw it was shortly after ten. For all he knew, she might be out for the count already.
I got an email, she finally replied.
Good. I want you to go.
I’m pretty sure you don’t give a rat’s ass if I go. So the question is why do you want Cecily to go?
Why did people ask him all these questions he couldn’t really answer? Because he wanted it—that was the answer. Annoyance was twisting his insides. What would be the fun if she wasn’t going?
So you’re basically planning some bullshit to pour down on her. Pass.
Nope. I promise. When have I ever lied to you?
The screen remained blank for a while.
Look, I think me and Cecily need to bury the hatchet, he finally wrote when nothing came back from Morgan. Not an easy task, I admit, because she annoys the shit out of me, but I think everyone agrees this has gone on long enough.
I swear if you’re fucking lying to me, I’ll cut your balls off.
Charming, Adrian wrote with a smile. At times it was a shame he wasn’t into Morgan, because he actually enjoyed dealing with her. But it just wasn’t there. Shame. I’m actually getting a mental picture of you handling my balls.
No thanks, she wrote back. Was it totally perverse how exciting it was when girls said no? Probably why Seb was still chasing Sam Vollich.
The conversation between him and Morgan had dried up and he put his phone away and lay back on his bed. Behind one of the sparkling lights out there, Cecily was in her bedroom, probably in bed. Maybe asleep. He wanted to know what her room looked like.
Looking over at his phone, he wondered if she would text him back if he reached out. Obviously asking her to send a picture of herself right now would be completely out of order. Every single girl on his phone probably would, except Cecily. Even Morgan, who would probably send one of her giving him the finger.
Unable to help himself, he grabbed his phone, and his finger hovered over the small keys for a moment. It may not reach her if she’d blocked him. There was no way of telling unless he called her. Flicking through to the dialing screen, he called and it actually rang. She hadn’t blocked him.
“What do you want?” she asked as she answered. So his details were in her contacts. Interesting.
“Are you going to the Vollich party?”
“Haven’t even thought about it. Will you be there?”
“Yes.”
“Then no.”
“Scared?” he asked, lighting a cigarette and leaning back against his pillows.
“Scared of what?”
“Me.”
She snorted. “You’re not as terrifying as you think you are.”
“Really, because you’re refusing to go because I’ll be there. What’s a boy supposed to think?”
“That a girl is sick of dealing with your bullshit.” And yet she picked up when he called her. Not that he would mention that, because she’d hang up out of spite.
“Alright, so what would you like for me to promise you?”
“What do you mean?”
“At the party. For you to go, what would you like me to promise to do or not do?”
It was quiet down the line for a moment. “For you to stay away from me.” Flicking the ash in a bowl, he took another drag. “Are you smoking?”
“Oh, gross. Why?”
“I collect vices. Alright,” he said.
“Alright what?”
“You go to the party and I’ll stay away from you.”
“Then why would you want me to come if you’re not planning on torturing me?” She was shifting. He could hear it down the phone.
“Where are you?”
“In my room.”
“Send me a picture of your room.”
“Why?”
“I want to know where you are.”
Surprisingly, she did it. Heard the camera feature sound and then a picture appeared on his phone. It was a bare wall with a desk. A beige vase with gold accepts sat on the side of the desk.
“Do you live in a hotel?”
“No.”
“It looks like it.”
There was silence down the phone. “Perhaps I haven’t entirely made myself at home.”
“Still rebelling having to be here? Then why did you fight so hard to stay?”
“Because you told me I couldn’t.”
Adrian couldn’t help the smile that formed. For some reason, this pleased him.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Unease gripped him. “Which one?”
“Either.”
“I want you to come because I like to know where you are. I am working on the other one.”
Silence again. “I have to go,” she said curtly and hung up.
Putting his still burning cigarette away, Adrian looked closer at the photo she’d sent him. It had zero personal details in it. It really could have been a hotel room. Rebellious Cecily was refusing to make herself at home. Still punishing her parents. But she was coming to the party, because he had dared her to. Letting the phone drop, he inhaled deeply.
Chapter 30
GOING TO THIS PARTY was a bad idea. Cecily knew it because Adrian had acted nicely the rest of the week since she’d spoken to him. Not nicely—more absently. He was lulling her, and clearly he thought she was too stupid to know it.
“This is so creepy,” Tory said at the wheel of the large Mercedes. “Where is this fucking house? When it said upstate, I hadn’t realized it was actually in the boonies. I can’t see anything.”
Audrina was sitting in the passenger seat, having agreed to go, but she was still standoffish with Cecily. It was annoying, but Cecily didn’t think it worth it to rock the boat calling her on her behavior.
Mishti and Morgan were in the backseat with Cecily and they all watched the road intently. There weren’t any streetlights and they were now traveling down a gravel road.
“I swear this is how horror movies start,” Morgan said. It seemed she was slightly concerned about this invitation too. Cecily had told her that Adrian had called her about the party, and Morgan had shown her concerned face. Had even suggested they skip it.
The reason Cecily wasn’t going to skip it was basically curiosity. She wanted to see what Adrian was going to do. He’d outright promised to stay away from her, so there was that.
“Other people are going, right?” Morgan asked.
“Heaps of people. Most of senior class,” Mishti said.
Morgan and Cecily exchanged looks. They both knew that this was a test to see if Adrian had it in him to be civilized. Flatly saying no was an option, but Cecily also knew these girls wanted to be included. She also knew that was a tactic Adrian had used in the past.
Maybe it was a bad idea agreeing to this.
Mont was out of town at some lacrosse thing. They’d messaged a bunch, but nothing had progressed there. Not the kind of guy who rushed into things. Mont didn’t rush anything. He was measured and calm. Hardly even flirted. Certainly wasn’t making a move.
Finally they arrived at their destination, where a bunch of cars were scattered. The music drifted to them as soon as they got out. It was cold and Cecily shivered as the wind flowed unencumbered across the landscape. In a way, this was familiar. Her school had been in the country in Switzerland, so she was used to darkness and piercing wind.
“Guess we made it,” Mishti said and they all walked to the door. The house was a little Italianate in style, with light terracotta tiles in the entrance. The door was open, so they walked in. Sure enough, it was full of familiar faces, many of which Cecily had never spoken to. And had no interest in. It wasn’t as if she was going to forget how these people had treated her. Partially it was point of pride that had her there.
Without meaning to, her eyes searched for Adrian. Always good to know where the enemy was. It was a large open plan room with a chunky wood dining table, a seating arrangement with a fire and the kitchen on the other side. For looking Italianate on the outside, it didn’t mirror it so much on the inside. More country rustic.
Adrian was in the kitchen, standing around with some guys, a cup in his hand. Looking over, he saw her and smiled. Oh, she hated when he did that. It felt as if he’d been waiting for her to show up, but what for?
People were greeting them, not her so much. They were still wary of her, but not of Morgan. It seemed that Morgan had come out of this whole saga with renewed respect. People dug her for standing by her friend like she had. That was curious. But then Morgan had been one of them for a long time, and Cecily hadn’t. Not that Cecily really cared. In the foreseeable future, she saw no point in forgiving them. She might have to put up with them, but she wasn’t investing in them.
It was one thing with Adrian and what he had done. To some extent, she got why he’d done it, in whatever fucked up revenge thing it had been, but it was another with how these people had all reacted. It was a whole separate thing and it had been herd mentality, and she was probably going to find it harder to forgive them. Well, she might forgive little by little, but she certainly wasn’t going to forget.
The filthy looks from Tilly and those girls had stopped, but Cecily was no longer included, and she suspected she was supposed to be in the throes of agony about that. And she refused to be.
No one approached her, no one screamed at her. If Adrian was planning something, it wasn’t unfolding with her appearance.
“Hey, Chambers,” a guy said, placing his arm around her familiarly. It was Sebastian. They’d hung out a few times, but they weren’t friends. It kind of seemed that Sebastian didn’t do friendships with girls. He was a guys’ guy who was into girls, but he wasn’t friends with girls. “See you made it all the way out here. Forecast says it might snow. Who knows, we might be snowed in.”
“Hell no,” Morgan said. “We’re leaving.” She was joking, but Cecily heard an edge of dismay in there.
“So?” Sebastian said, turning his attention to Cecily. “You want a drink? Got beer, vodka, Champagne. Mixes. Pick your poison.”
“I might do a premix.” She was only having one or two. Didn’t trust any of these assholes enough to get drunk here. God, she missed her friends in Europe. She was absolutely going to introduce Morgan to them when summer came. It seemed so far away, but she’d already told Morgan they were taking off for a crazy summer in Europe after graduation. The thought made her smile.
“Alright, come this way,” Seb said, drawing her away toward the kitchen where Adrian was. Was this the plan all along? The point was to stay away. Adrian, of course, saw her coming. “Premix for Euro girl,” Seb said and Finn reached for one out of a case and opened it for her.
In front of her in the brighter lights of the kitchen, Adrian pressed his lips together, but he didn’t say anything.
“Thanks,” Cecily said and walked back to her friends, not quite sure what that was about. Adrian, to her relief, hadn’t said anything. Looking back, she saw him watching her. Fuck, she just couldn’t figure out how to deal with him. Something was different. She felt it. it was a little as if things were over between them. Well, not over, but had changed. To what, though?
In a way, tonight was the test. Because she suspected that the feels between them were at times different to what he said. When Mont
had entered the picture, something about him had changed, and she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. Besides the overt hatred.
He’d liked fucking her—that’s what he’d said. Butterflies flared in her stomach remembering it. But after, he’d ripped her to pieces. Couldn’t forget that.
Cecily returned to Morgan, who was talking to a vaguely familiar looking guy that Cecily had never spoken to. Also not someone she specifically remembered calling her names, so Cecily felt alright joining them.
True to his word, Adrian didn’t approach her. He stayed in the kitchen. Bella Havers was talking to him, who Cecily knew had a borderline nutjob crush on him. Adrian looked bored with his arms crossed. Cecily tried to stop watching, but truthfully, she just couldn’t muster much interest in any of the people around.
Then Abby came up and chased the girl away. Adrian smiled at her, and Cecily felt an irrational spear of jealousy. Abby meant something to him. The only girl who did, and Cecily didn’t understand their relationship. Turning her back on them, she tried to focus on the conversation she was in with some guy who was going on about how generations of his family had gone to Harvard and it was pretty much guaranteed he’d get in.
“What about you?” he asked. Cecily was immediately suspicious of any guy who paid her attention. “Where do you want to go?”
“My dad wants me to go to Columbia, but I don’t know,” she admitted. The idea of staying in New York had been gag-worthy not that long ago. “There are so many choices, you know. Not sure I am actually a city girl.” Well, not this city anyway, because I hate you all. She smiled.
The guy went on to talk about how he wanted to major in politics and Cecily totally tuned out between nods as she pretended to listen. God, she was bored.
Looking back around toward the kitchen, she saw that Adrian was gone. Continuing to search, she didn’t see him anywhere. Had he gone off with Abby? That thought sat ickily. Half listening to Mr. Yawn, she continued searching. “Excuse me,” she said. “I have to…” She didn’t bother finishing the sentence.
Was there a thing between Adrian and Abby? She had to know. It would totally gross her out if there had been all along.