Bianca's Joy: Rose Island Book 3

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  Drew walked over to his father and tickled his sister under her chin. “Why do you have to be so fussy all the time?” he asked, speaking in a high-pitched baby voice.

  The baby looked at her brother with wide eyes. Then, she offered the biggest smile.

  “Dad,” Drew shouted. “She’s smiling. Do you see it?”

  “I do.” Keith’s smile matched his daughter’s.

  Daniel smiled too. There really was something powerful about an infant’s smile.

  “Well, there’s your smile, baby girl,” Keith said. “We were wondering when you were going to show it to us. Your mama was beginning to think you didn’t like her.”

  “Mom is going to be so happy the baby finally smiled.”

  “She is,” Keith agreed, “but you can’t tell her.”

  Drew frowned. “Why not?”

  “She needs to discover it for herself. If Mom finds out that Linda Faith smiled at us first, she’s going to be disappointed.”

  “Oh.” Drew mulled that over a second. “Can we tell Mom after she sees the baby smile?”

  “I guess so. I don’t want to encourage you to be dishonest, but I think Mom will be happier if she experiences the baby’s first smile herself. What do you think?”

  Drew nodded. “I get it. It’s one of your ‘wife whisperer’ techniques. It’s how you keep the ladies happy.”

  Keith chuckled and glanced at Daniel. “Drew and I have been talking about girls and dating and—”

  “Dad.”

  “Sorry.” Keith shot a look of apology toward his son. “Anyway . . . you know I care about keeping just one woman happy.”

  “Mom?”

  “Yep.” His cell rang, and shifting the baby, he retrieved the phone from his back pocket. When he saw it was his wife, he handed the baby to Drew who expertly propped his little sister on his shoulder.

  “Hey, babe.” Keith headed outside for some privacy.

  As Drew patted the baby’s back, he watched his father closely. “I don’t think they’re going to get another divorce,” he said, more to himself than to Daniel. “Mom’s just tired from the baby. Linda Faith can be a little monster sometimes.”

  Daniel nodded. He knew all about Jillian’s divorce from Keith and their miraculous reconciliation. Hearing their story really emphasized the fact that they worshiped a God of second chances.

  Because the kitchen window was open, Daniel caught snippets of Keith’s conversation with his wife. “Baby, you could burn down the entire house, and I wouldn’t care.”

  Keith chuckled at something Jillian must’ve said. “Okay, you’re right. I’d care, but it wouldn’t change how I felt about you. I love you. You’re my sweetheart, and I’ll always love you no matter how many faucets you forget to turn off.”

  Drew kissed the top of his sister’s head. “See? I told you everything was going to be okay.”

  As Daniel listened to Keith talk to his wife, he thought about how different this scenario would’ve played out between Libby and him. While Libby had some serious psychological issues, Daniel hadn’t exactly been the most patient man. Maybe if he’d had a bit more “wife whisperer” skills, things would’ve turned out differently.

  Then again, given what he’d learned about Libby this past Christmas, maybe there was nothing he could’ve done to save his marriage or his wife.

  Chapter 27

  Bianca

  The rest of the week inched forward at a snail’s pace. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but what it would be like when I finally met Claudia.

  Would things be awkward between us? Or would we easily fall into a relationship as effortless and enjoyable as the one I had with Joy?

  When I told my mom the news about Claudia’s visit over the phone, she was thrilled. She couldn’t understand, however, why Claudia and Leland weren’t staying longer.

  “Maybe they have other plans,” I suggested. “Or maybe she feels overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Her boyfriend is coming, too, you know.”

  “Yes, you told me, and it’s not like I’m going to embarrass her in front of him.”

  “I know. She’s probably just nervous about meeting us.”

  My mother scoffed. “She’s part of our family. There’s no need for her to be nervous.”

  I nodded. “True, but she’s never met us before. She’ll probably change her mind about staying longer once she sees we’re normal.”

  “I hope so. Should I plan on them coming for dinner? We’re having Jillian’s fake birthday party that night.”

  “That’s right.” Part of the plan to surprise Jillian included celebrating her birthday with our family on Friday night. Then, when Keith took her out for dinner on Saturday, she wouldn’t suspect they were really going to the Rose Museum for her party.

  “I think you should plan on them staying for dinner,” I said. “Better to have too much food than not enough.”

  “You’re right. Please just tell me if things change.”

  “I will.” With that, I hung up the phone and began puttering around my apartment, moving the vase from the mantle to the entry table, then deciding it looked better on the mantle.

  What if Claudia’s visit was a mess? What if she was disappointed in me and didn’t even want to stay for lunch?

  I knew I’d love her immediately. She was my own flesh and blood. I’d carried her inside me for nine months. I’d held her in my arms right after she was born. And I’d thought of her every day since telling her good-bye.

  But what if she didn’t feel the same way about me? What if she only viewed me as a stranger?

  Alone in my apartment that night, I did my best to reassure myself everything would be fine. I even prayed the Abandonment Prayer, surrendering the visit to God.

  Yet, the beast inside me that dealt with unease by eating reared its defiant head. I tried forever to resist, but finally I caved and marched downstairs to the break room. Vicki had left an entire strawberry cake, plus a plate of brownies and several chocolate chip cookies.

  Standing at the counter in my nightgown, I shoved bite after bite into my mouth, desperate to calm the anxiety and negativity racing through me. Why was I doing this to myself? Why couldn’t I stop?

  I’d be mortified if Daniel caught me binging like this. He’d probably end things between us and never want to see me again.

  After what seemed like forever, the switch in my head finally turned off, and I went back upstairs, defeated. All night, I tossed and turned. Feelings of shame plagued me. When was I going to stop doing this to myself? Why couldn’t I have more control?

  In the morning, I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing. When I saw it was Daniel, I sent the call to voicemail, too ashamed to talk to him.

  He texted a moment later. “Worried about you. Are you okay?”

  “Sorry,” I texted back. “Late night. Slept in. Have to skip the bike ride today.”

  “No problem. Do you want me to bring you breakfast from the bakery?”

  Ugh, I thought, my stomach queasy. “No, thank you.”

  “Okay. See you tonight.”

  “See you tonight.”

  As I lay back in bed, I had to wonder what in the world Daniel saw in me. Yadira and I had talked a lot about Daniel during my last therapy session. She’d asked if being around him made me want to binge.

  “Not at all,” I’d said. “Daniel accepts me for who I am. I’ve never been with anyone like that. He actually thinks I’m beautiful.”

  “You are beautiful,” Yadira had said. “But just remember that nobody can make you feel good or bad about yourself. Ultimately, it’s your decision how you respond to a stressful situation.”

  Well, I hadn’t exactly responded well last night, had I?

  Getting out of bed, I declared it a new day. The past was the past. I wasn’t going to let what happened yesterday define me. Not when I had such a good life.

  Of course, post-binge declarations were easier said than done. Against my better judgment, I went into the
bathroom and stepped on the scale.

  “That can’t be right,” I said, horrified as I stared down at the massive number. Somehow, I’d managed to gain five pounds since last week.

  Well, I just wouldn’t eat today. I knew starving myself wasn’t healthy or practical, but what else could I do?

  Because I was actually hungry after my shower, I dug out the weight loss shakes I’d tried last year. Just the smell of the powder and the sound of the blender churned my stomach. Still, clinging to the promises advertised by the skinny lady on the package, I forced myself to choke down the shake before heading to work.

  Despite feeling bloated, visions of the leftover cake, cookies, and brownies from the break room taunted me. How could it be that just the mention of the word “diet” sent my fat cells into protest mode, demanding nothing less than food loaded with sugar?

  “You’re fine,” I said aloud, turning on the salon’s lights and unlocking the door. I had to deprive myself by following the shake diet in order not to feel like a fat cow when Claudia arrived.

  A kinder, gentler voice inside me whispered, What about all those wonderful epiphanies you wrote in your journal the other day? What about accepting the body you have and making small changes?

  “No,” said the skinny woman on the package of diet shakes. “Not today. Today, we need radical change.”

  Because I was motivated to stick to the program, the first morning on the shake diet was okay. As I was drinking my shake for lunch, Vicki came to the salon with a new peanut butter chocolate cheesecake she wanted us to try.

  Insisting I was too full, I turned down the treat and raced upstairs to step on the scale. To my delight, I’d already lost two pounds. At this rate, I might be able to fit into my jeans by the time Claudia arrived.

  By lunch the next day, I was down six pounds. While the weight loss thrilled me, my nerves were shot. Little things irritated me, and I felt light-headed. Worst of all, I couldn’t stop obsessing over the delicious smells coming from the bakery.

  In the afternoon, Daniel called to say he was running late but he’d be there as soon as he could. “I’m planning on finishing everything late tonight, so you might want to sleep at your parents’ house.”

  “Fine,” I said, my voice sharp.

  There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “Bianca? Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” I pushed out a long breath, knowing I was being snippy. “Sorry. I’m just busy.”

  “Okay, I’ll let you go.”

  Hanging up the phone, I felt horrible over how I’d talked to Daniel. He didn’t deserve that. When I saw him tonight, I’d be sure to apologize.

  Unable to stand the thought of another shake, I scarfed down a banana. Didn’t bananas contain some kind of ingredient that calmed your nerves? Apparently not, because by the time I closed the salon, I felt so cranky and out of control I could barely function.

  Upstairs, I stepped on the scale, relieved to see I’d lost another pound. Maybe feeling edgy would be worth it if I could fit into my jeans. Immediately, I tried them on, relieved I could now zip them up.

  When I looked in the mirror, however, disgusting rolls of fat spilled over the waistband. Ugh! Claudia would take one look at me and be horrified.

  Tears filled my eyes. All I could think about was putting on my pajamas and sitting in front of the TV with a big bowl of buttery popcorn. Feeling worthless, I ripped off my jeans and flung them across the room.

  The sound of the downstairs’ doorbell caused me to groan. I quickly slipped on my most stretchy stretch pants and waddled to the intercom. “Hello?”

  “Taco and plaster delivery,” Daniel said, sounding cheerful.

  Squeezing my eyes tight, I imagined my handsome boyfriend standing at the back door waiting for me to let him in. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tonight.”

  “You can’t?”

  “No, not tonight.”

  He hesitated. “What’s wrong?”

  Tears stung my eyes. I didn’t deserve someone like Daniel. I bit down hard, not wanting him to hear me cry.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

  His question and endearment caused my tears to overflow. “I’m sorry,” I said sniffing. “I’m not doing so well. I just want to be by myself right now.”

  “Is it Claudia? Did she change her mind about coming?”

  “No, she’s still coming.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Please let me in, Bianca. I’m worried about you.”

  I gave a derisive laugh. People didn’t worry about me. It was my job to worry about them, but nobody worried about me. Just give her a donut and she’ll be fine.

  “Is it the wall?” Daniel’s voice was gentle. “Do you want me to put it back up? I can do that if you want. It will take a couple of days, but it’s no big deal.”

  “It’s not the wall. Please, just go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay. Call me if you change your mind.”

  Part of me wanted to tell him I’d changed my mind. The other part of me, the part that had dealt with this issue for ages, felt relieved he was leaving and wouldn’t have to see me like this.

  Chapter 28

  Daniel

  When Bianca told Daniel to leave, he almost listened to her. After all, he didn’t want to barge into her life if she didn’t want him there. Yet, he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving when she was upset, especially not the night before Claudia arrived.

  If he hadn’t witnessed the interaction between Keith and his wife earlier this week, he might’ve actually left. Instead, he rang the bell again.

  At first, Bianca didn’t answer. When she finally did, her greeting was one word. “Daniel.”

  “Will you please talk to me? I might not be able to fix everything, but I’m a good listener. And I have tacos.”

  Instead of laughing like usual, she gave a deep exhale. “That’s part of the problem.”

  “Tacos are part of the problem?”

  “Yes . . . no.”

  As he stood there confused, he heard the door unlock. “You can come up, but I’m warning you. I’m a mess.”

  “That’s okay.”

  Relieved she was going to talk to him, Daniel climbed the stairs to Bianca’s apartment where she met him at the door. Her makeup was smudged, and her eyes were red-rimmed, but she allowed him to come inside.

  “What’s going on?” he asked, setting the plaster on the ground and placing the bag of tacos on the coffee table.

  She pushed out a slow breath. “You’re going to think it’s stupid.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. I think it’s stupid.”

  Daniel studied her carefully. “It might be stupid, but it’s upsetting you. I want to help, so please tell me what’s going on.”

  She swiped at her eyes. “It’s just that I have nothing to wear when Claudia comes. Nothing fits. My jeans are too tight, and everything else looks dumpy.”

  Dumpy was the last word he’d ever use to describe Bianca. He thought about how beautiful she looked, sitting on his backyard swing the other night. How beautiful she looked right now despite her tear-stained face.

  “What about that black dress you wore when you came over for dinner?” he suggested.

  “I wear that all the time.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yeah.”

  He shrugged. “Well, you look great in that.”

  “No, I don’t. And I can’t wear the same thing I always wear when Claudia comes.”

  “Why? She’s never seen that dress before. To her, it will be new.”

  Bianca groaned. “I knew you’d think it was stupid.”

  “I didn’t say I thought it was stupid.” Clenching his jaw, Daniel fought the urge to leave. Bianca was hurting, and she needed his compassion.

  “Come here,” he said
, opening his arms.

  Sniffing hard, she reluctantly walked into his embrace. He pressed her against him, wanting to take away her pain.

  “I love you,” he said, realizing he honestly meant it.

  She pulled back and looked at him. “How can you say that?”

  “Because it’s true. I love you, and right now, I’d do anything to make you feel better.”

  She smiled sadly. “I love you, too, Daniel.”

  Brushing back her hair, he lowered his lips to hers. As they kissed, Daniel remembered hearing that love was a decision. It would’ve been so much easier to leave tonight, but he’d made a decision to stay. As he kissed Bianca now, he knew there wasn’t any other place he wanted to be.

  “Better?” he asked when their kiss ended.

  She nodded. “I just don’t want Claudia to be ashamed of me, you know?”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” Daniel pulled away so he could look into her eyes. With both hands, he held her beautiful face. “Listen to me. You gave birth to her. You gave her life. She’s coming to see you through her own choosing. She’s not going to be ashamed of you. She’s going to love you.”

  “You think so?”

  “I know so. I don’t know how to explain it, but you have this glow that comes from inside you making you a very, very beautiful woman. You’re beautiful without the glow, but the glow is where it’s at. Claudia is going to see that.”

  Bianca swallowed hard. “Nobody’s ever said that to me before.”

  “That’s because the world is filled with idiots.”

  Bianca laughed, the sound filling Daniel with relief. They were going to be okay after all. Somehow, Daniel just knew it.

  Chapter 29

  Bianca

  “Is Joy working?” I asked, tossing the weight loss shakes into the trash.

  “She is, but she’ll be here in a little bit to help me finish the project.” Daniel gestured to the shakes. “What are those things?”

  “Diet shakes. I was using them to lose weight so I wouldn’t be so fat when Claudia arrived, but I’m done with them.”