Complete Fictional Works of Henry Fielding

by Henry Fielding

  THE FEMALE HUSBAN D

  That Propense Inclination which is for very wise purposes implanted in the one Sex for the other, is not only necessary for the continuance of the Human Species; but is, at the same time, when govern’d and directed by Virtue and Religion, productive not only of Corporeal Delight, but of the most Rational Felicity.

  But if once our Carnal Appetites are let loose, without those prudent and secure Guides, there is no excess and disorder which they are not liable to commit, even while they pursue their natural satisfaction; and, which may seem still more strange, there is nothing Monstrous and Unnatural, which they are not capable of inventing, nothing so brutal and shocking which they have not actually committed. Of these Unnatural Lusts, all ages and countries have afforded us too many instances; but none I think more surprising than what will be found in the History of Mrs. Mary, otherwise Mr. George Hamilton.

  This Heroine in Iniquity was born in the Isle of Man, on the 16th day of August, 1721. Her Father was formerly a Serjeant of Grenadiers in the Foot–Guards, who having the good fortune to marry a Widow of some Estate in that Island, purchased his Discharge from the Army, and retired thither with his wife.

  He has not been long arrived there before he died, and left his wife with child of this Mary; but her mother, tho’ she had not two months to reckon, could not stay till she was delivered, before she took a third husband.

  As her mother, tho’ she had three husbands, never had any other child, she always express’d an extraordinary affection for this daughter, to whom she gave as good an Education as the Island afforded; and tho’ she used her with much tenderness, yet was the girl brought up in the strictest principles of Virtue and Religion; nor did she in her younger years discover the least proneness to any kind of Vice, much less give cause of suspicion that she would one day disgrace her Sex by the most abominable and unnatural pollutions. And indeed she hath often declared from her conscience, that no irregular passion ever had any place in her mind, till she was first seduced by one Anne Johnson, a neighbour of hers, with whom she had been acquainted from her childhood; but not with such intimacy as afterwards grew between them.

  This Anne Johnson going on some business to Bristol, which detained her there near half a year, became acquainted with some of the people called Methodists, and was by them persuaded to embrace their feet.

  At her return to the Isle of Man, she soon made an easy convert of Molly Hamilton, the warmth of whose disposition rendered her susceptible enough of enthusiasm, and ready to receive all those impressions which her friend the Methodist endeavoured to make on her mind.

  These two young women became now inseparable companions, and at length bed-fellows: for Molly Hamilton was prevail’d on to leave her mother’s house, and to reside entirely with Mrs. Johnson, whose fortune was not thought inconsiderable in that cheap country.

  Young Mrs. Hamilton began to conceive a very great affection for her friend, which perhaps was not returned with equal faith by the other. However Mrs. Hamilton declares her love, or rather friendship, was totally innocent, till the temptations of Johnson first led her astray. This latter was, it seems, no novice in impurity, which, as she confess’d, she had learnt and often practiced at Bristol with her Methodistical sisters.

  As Molly Hamilton was extremely warm in her inclinations, and as those inclinations were so violently attached to Mrs. Johnson, it would not have been difficult for a less artful woman, in the most private hours, to turn the ardour of enthusiastic devotion into a different kind of flame. Their conversation, therefore, soon became in the highest manner Criminal, and transactions not fit to be mention’d past between them. They had not long carried on this wicked crime before Mrs. Johnson was again called by her affairs to visit Bristol, and her friend was prevail’d on to accompany her thither.

  Here when they arrived, they took up their lodgings together, and lived in the same detestable manner as before; till an end was put to their vile amours, by the means of one Rogers, a young fellow, who by his extraordinary devotion (for he was a very zealous Methodist) or by some other charms, (for he was very jolly and handsome) gained the heart of Mrs. Johnson, and married her.

  This amour, which was not of any long continuance before it was brought to a conclusion, was kept an entire secret from Mrs. Hamilton; but she was no sooner informed of it, than she became almost frantic, she tore her hair, beat her Breasts, and behaved in as outrageous a manner as the fondest husband could, who had unexpectedly discovered the Infidelity of a Beloved wife.

  In the midst of these Agonies she received a letter from Mrs. Johnson, in the following words, or as near them as she can possibly remember:

  Dear Molly,

  “I know you will Condemn what I have now done; but I condemn myself much more for what I have done formerly: for I take the whole Shame and Guilt of what hath passed between us on myself. I was indeed the first Seducer of your Innocence, for which I ask God’s pardon and yours. All the amends I can make you, is earnestly to beseech you, in the name of the Lord, to forsake all such Evil courses, and to follow my Example now, as you before did my temptation, and enter as soon as you can into that Holy state into which I was yesterday called. In which, tho’ I am yet but a Novice, believe me, there are delights infinitely surpassing the faint endearments we have experienc’d together. I shall always pray for you, and continue your friend.”

  This letter rather increased than abated her rage, and she resolved to go immediately and upbraid her false friend; but while she was taking this resolution, she was informed that Mr. Rogers and his bride were departed from Bristol by a messenger, who brought her a second short Note, and a Bill for some money from Mrs. Rogers.

  As soon as the first violence of her Passion subsided, she began to consult what course to take, when the strangest thought imaginable suggested itself to her fancy. This was to dress herself in mens cloaths, to embarque for Ireland, and commence Methodist teacher.

  Nothing remarkable happened to her during the rest of her stay at Bristol, which adverse winds occasioned to be a whole week, after she had provided herself with her dress; but at last having procured a passage, and the wind becoming favourable, she set sail for Dublin.

  As she was a very pretty woman, she now appeared a most beautiful Youth. A circumstance which had its consequences aboard the ship, and had like to have discovered her, in the very beginning of her Adventures.

  There happened to be in the same vessel with this Adventurer, a Methodist, who was bound to the same place, on the same design with herself. These two being alone in the cabin together, and both at their devotions, the man in the Extasy of his enthusiasm, thrust one of his hands into the other’s Bosom. Upon which, in her surprize, she gave so effeminate a squawl, that it reached the Captain’s ears, as he was smoaking his pipe upon deck. Hey day, says he, what have we a woman in the Ship! and immediately descended into the cabin, where he found the two Methodists on their knees.

  Pox on’t, says the Captain, I thought you had had a woman with you here; I could have sworn I had heard one cry out as if she had been ravishing, and yet the Devil must have been in you, if you could convey her in here without my knowledge. I defy the Devil and all his works, answered the Methodist. He has no Power but over the Wicked; and if he be in the ship, thy oaths must have brought him hither: for I have heard thee pronounce more than twenty since I came on board; and we should have been at the bottom before this, had not my Prayers prevented it.

  Don’t abuse my vessel, cried the Captain, she is as safe a vessel, and as good a sailer as every floated, and if you had been afraid of going to the bottom, you might have stay’d on shore and been Damn’d.

  The Methodist made no answer, but fell a groaning, and that so loud, that the Captain giving him a hearty curse or two, quitted the cabbin, and resumed his pipe.

  He was no sooner gone, than the Methodist gave farther tokens of Brotherly love to his companion, which soon became so importunate and troublesome to her, that after having ge
ntly rejected his hands several times, she at last recollected the Sex she had assumed, and gave him so violent a blow in the nostrils, that the blood issued from them with great impetuosity.

  Whether fighting be opposite to the tenets of this Sect (for I have not the honour to be deeply read in their Doctrines) or from what other motive it proceeded, I will not determine; but the Methoidst made no other return to this rough treatment, than by many groans, and prayed heartily to be delivered soon from the conversation of the Wicked; which prayers were at length so successful, that, together with a very brisk gale, they brought the vessel into Dublin harbour.

  Here our Adverturer took a lodging in a backstreet near St. Stephen’s Green, at which place she intended to Preach the next day; but had got a Cold in the voyage, which occasioned such a hoarseness that made it impossible to put that design in practice.

  There lodged in the same House with her, a brisk Widow of near 40 years of age, who had buried two husbands, and seemed by her behaviour to be far from having determined against a third expedition to the Land of Matrimony.

  To this Widow our Adventurer began presently to make addresses, and as he at present wanted tongue to express the Ardency of his Flame, he was obliged to make use of Actions of Endearment, such as Squeezing, Kissing, Toying, etc.

  These were received in such a Manner by the Fair Widow, that her Lover thought he had sufficient encouragement to proceed to a formal Declaration of his Passion. And this she chose to do by letter, as her voice still continued too hoarse for uttering the soft Accents of Love.

  A letter therefore was penned accordingly in the usual stile, which, to prevent any Miscarriages, Mrs. Hamilton thought proper to deliver with her own hands; and immediately retired to give the Adored Lady an opportunity of digesting the contents alone, little doubting of an answer agreeable to her wishes, or at least such a one as the Coyness of the Sex generally dictates in the beginning of an Amour, and which Lovers, by long experience, know pretty well how to interpret.

  But what was the Gallant’s surprize, when in return to an Amorous Epistle, she read the following Sarcasms, which it was impossible for the most sanguine temper to misunderstand, or construe favourably.

  “Sir,

  I was greatly astonished at what you put into my hands. Indeed I thought, when I took it, it might have been an Opera Song, and which for certain reasons I should think, when your Cold is gone, you might sing as well as Farinelli, from the great resemblance there is between your persons. I know not what you mean by Encouragement to your Hopes; if I could have conceived my innocent freedoms could have been so misrepresented, I should have been more upon my guard: but you have taught me how to watch my Actions for the future, and to preserve myself even from any suspicion of forfeiting the regard I owe to the memory of the best of men, by any future choice. The remembrance of that dear person makes me incapable of proceeding farther.”

  and so Firm was this Resolution, that she would never afterwards admit of the least familiarity with the despairing Mrs. Hamilton; but perhaps that destiny which is remarked to interpose in all matrimonial things, had taken the Widow into her protection: for in a few days afterwards, she was married to one Jack Strong, a Cadet in an Irish Regiment.