Entwined IN YOU (In You #2)

by Cassandra Night

“What are the other options?” Logan doesn’t relent, he is on a mission.

  “Prolonged Exposure Therapy, P.E., involves eight to fifteen sessions. For instance, if the patient is avoiding things that remind them of the traumatic experience, this method could help to confront it. There are a few other treatments. My advice is to concentrate on the mentioned ones.”

  “How about a medication treatment? Wouldn’t it work better?” I finally ask her, not believing in therapy anymore.

  “At this point, we might need some medications to settle your brain from the memory overload. But we’ll need more time to evaluate your PTSD symptoms, to decide what medication might be the best option.”

  “PTSD?”

  “Yes, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder can happen after a frightening event. In your case, the car accident you witnessed. Even if you didn’t directly experience the trauma, the shock of it causes the episodes to occur. People with PTSD have insomnia, flashbacks, loss of self-esteem, and a lot of emotional distress. You might constantly relive the event or lose your memory altogether,” Dr. Neil explains the diagnosis as Logan turns to me.

  “Cassandra, it’s not your fault that they died, you know that, don’t you? I believe you blame yourself for their deaths.”

  Disbelief colors my face as I look at him, trying to figure out why he thinks differently.

  “I left them!” Distressed, I jump to my feet. He doesn’t understand. “I heard him scream and I walked away!” Nate’s cries echo in my brain, shattering my sanity to pieces.

  Logan grabs me and presses my back into his chest. I fight, but he’s far stronger than me, and he waits out the struggle. The cold encases me, and I’m left hollow.

  “We’re going to get through this, I promise,” Logan whispers, holding me. The darkness pulls me in, and I welcome it. I belong there.

  Through the fog, I hear a man’s voice speak to the woman. “I was skeptic about your choice to move away. I see now that it is necessary. She must face the trauma...”

  For a moment, I drift off and then resurface again.

  “…push us away… We will never be able to forge the bridge back. Children need their mother, Laisa. We must find a different solution to this problem. She deserves...”

  Eventually, their voices dissolve in the sea of other voices calling me.

  Mummy…please…

  Chapter 9

  SPARK OF HOPE

  ~Logan~

  “She is so depressed, Dad. I’ve never seen her this way before.” Desperate, I look to my father for advice. He went through this before and understands the situation better when anyone else.

  When we were little, our mother didn’t fare well after another pair joined our set of triplets. It was dark times for the family, if not for Dad’s decision to stay home…

  “She needs family support, and a little bit more time. You heard Dr. Neil, she will start with a new treatment plan straight away.” Dad’s hand lands on my shoulder as Lucas joins the conversation.

  “You shouldn’t leave her.” I turn to him as he continues. “She needs at least to be able to see you or her children. Cassandra is trying to punish herself for walking away from her kids, so she is pushing you all away. It’s her trigger. The guilt and shame.”

  “She asked me for space. I can’t take that away from her.” Frustrated, I pace around the kitchen, not knowing how to help her.

  “No one suggests that you shouldn’t give her space, but you could choose to stay here in London instead of flying to California. What’s the point of this anyway? You love her, and she loves you. Stay, and help her to get where she needs to be. One step at a time, brother. Give her a few months, and then reinforce the fact that you are going nowhere.”

  “To be honest, I think that’s a great idea. You both have a better chance to reconnect if you stay close.” Dad’s advice and his understanding light my beacon of hope.

  “I thought you wanted me back in the States, helping you with the company?” I honestly don’t understand his intentions. “Why the change of heart, Dad?”

  “I got to know her, and I think she is the one for you. If I’m being honest, Logan, there is no marriage without hard work. You are probably already starting to realize that the most precious things in life are the ones you work the hardest for,” he answers, sipping his scotch, intently watching me.

  “I made a deal with her. If I break it, she won’t trust me. I need her trust. Besides, if I leave, I need to know that she is completely taken care of.” I look at Lucas and my dad, trying to find a way to ask for their support.

  “Leif told you that he is staying, and I can, for a week or two. Let us work on the techniques I learned from the Marines. Let’s push her a little bit further in the recovery. Isolation is not the best idea for a depressed person.”

  Jealousy rears its ugly head as I try to imagine them spending time with her, providing support. I want to beat the hell out of my brother, who definitely sees my intentions painted across my face. This separation will kill me.

  She is my friend and partner. Now I am giving the green light for my brothers to spend nearly every waking moment with her.

  “Relax, Logan, you should start trusting us because we want you to get together. You should know that Leif feels at home here, and he isn’t leaving. Perhaps this is our chance to forge the bridge between us three. Let’s work as brothers for once, instead of butting heads every chance we get.”

  “She is mine.” My fists are clenched tightly, ready to swing if challenged, and my restless heart starts to thrum with adrenaline. Lucas raises his hands as if to placate me when Leif strides in the kitchen.

  “Wow, brothers, are we having a match? Count me in!” He makes it harder for me to calm down, as he always pours gasoline on the fire.

  “Just offering help here, we aren’t going to fight,” Lucas tells Leif, watching me.

  Leif takes a long pull from the bottle of beer he opened and nods, looking at me seriously for once.

  “You should stop treating us as your enemies. We are family, for Christ’s sake. We are old enough to make peace, not tear at each other’s throats like idiots. No offense, Pops, but we are starting to bond here.”

  “None taken,” Dad nonchalantly shrugs, smiling.

  Leif sits in the chair, kicking up his feet as he tells me, “I like her, even if she’s screwed up. You’re a goner, brother. I tried to save you from the crazy head, but you still fell into the rabbit hole. So, we’ve come to the conclusion we must help the person you can’t live without. You were in a shitty mood and an arrogant dick to us. She makes you more bearable, so I say we go and fix her. Cheers!”

  “For fuck’s sake, she’s a person, you know!” Leif always had a way to make me mad.

  “Calm yourself down, Logan.” Dad’s hand lands on my shoulder, guiding me back to the chair.

  “I think Leif is far from the person who doesn’t see her worth, Logan. Contrary to your opinion, he loves that feisty woman you worship.” Something warm burns in my chest, as I realize they are on my side.

  Our amused chuckles are followed by Dad’s toast. “I’ve been waiting for this day to come for over thirty years, you three idiots.”

  ~Cassandra~

  If you remember the story of a girl called Alice, you understand it is how I feel now. I have fallen into the dark abyss. Instead of a fantasy, there is a nightmare, with dark things hidden inside my head.

  I hear Leon’s unhappy wails. My heart seems to slow down at every whimper and sound he makes, but I can’t find the will to face them both today. Hot tears run down my nose onto the bedsheets. No one responds, so I raise my sluggish body and go to soothe my distressed boy.

  “Shhh, Leon, do not cry… Mummy is here.” I try to calm us both as I hold him protectively, breathing him in. You deserve so much better than a mother like me.

  Cautiously, I sit with him on the carpet. Leon flails his arms, trying to get what he wants. I play with him while his sister still sleeps. What will
happen after I leave them?

  The guilt and shame are beating me down. My spirit’s torn to pieces. I should not have let this happen. If I am diving deep into this grief and guilt, I must have something to hold onto. Depressing thoughts and memories haunt me, and they drag me down too fast, into the mess and turmoil. I am trying to survive.

  How to accept all my faults and learn to live with all the mistakes?

  “You are not giving up, are you, son?” No running, no hiding, no surrender.

  Watching Leon, something resonates within me. I should try to build myself back. Step by step. Piece by piece. Shard by shard. Lost in this chaos of emotions and memories, I forgot who I am. Cassandra. I am much stronger than this.

  I whisper to myself, “Walk the path of redemption, Cassandra,” hoping that something positive is waiting on the other side of this heartache. “Hang in there, push through this agony and shame.”

  The fire inside my chest starts to kindle with a new resolve to fight. I don’t want to be alone. It is too painful. Perhaps forgiveness could be earned for this unthinkable betrayal.

  Later, the twins babble in baby bouncers as I create photo collages with scrapbooking materials. This is how I’m found an hour later, listening to music with the engrossed children in my therapeutic process.

  “What are you three doing?” Raine sits next to me as Aisha’s sparkling eyes show excitement to join me.

  “I thought that this might cheer me up.” I look at the twins as they start to flirt and lift their chubby hands, wanting to be picked up. I let Raine and Aisha get in on the crafting. Liane needs to be changed while Leon sucks on his hand, babbling.

  “Here you are. What is going on here?” Amused, Logan looks at the mess on the floor, scattered around my handiworks.

  “I thought I would do something inspiring. There was too much destruction lately.” I might succeed in regaining the sliver of order I’m missing.

  Fascinated, I watch my sisters get their crafting freak on. A pleased Logan kisses my lips and joins the girls on the carpet.

  “Do you need help to fight, little warriors… What’s happening here?” Lucas walks in, and the confusion turning into amusement makes his face lose the hard edge.

  “Get the toolbox from downstairs,” Logan demands.

  I arch my eyebrow at the tone Logan is using with Lucas. I look at Marine, who furrows his eyebrows, and then winks at me, smiling, before he leaves the room. A few minutes later, he returns. “I’ve got your toolbox, what do you want to do with it?”

  Lucas brings the tools and an annoying Leif to the chaos-commencing room. “You want to make holes to get rid of ‘rats’ or is this an intentional fashion choice?”

  “I don’t think holes will look good in the kids’ room. Shall we try with your room first to see if the design choice is right?” Aisha quips, just to irritate Leif’s creative thinking.

  “We could always buy him a few rats and see how he gets on with new friends living in the walls.” Raine is not easing up on him either.

  “Aisha, go help Lucas. Raine, show me how to do this, please.” A very engrossed Logan looks like he just found a new hobby.

  I softly chuckle. Leon has the broadest smile ever, as if the thought of me finding a special present in his nappy makes him delirious.

  “Cassandra, does this look all right to you?” Aisha stands, pondering, as Lucas holds up two big frames, trying to give a little preview before deciding on height.

  I take a look. “How about a little bit to the left and both up about half an inch.”

  Leif gets my attention, as he tries to visualize his part in nailing them to the wall, with the motion of swinging a hammer to the spot. “Oh really, just half of an inch?”

  “Hey, let me try nailing it to the wall.” I lift my arms, not breathing, as he turns to me, deliberating.

  “No.”

  “No? Do you want to elaborate on that no?”

  “No, not really. You see, everyone tiptoes around you here. I won’t. Also, I don’t want to be beaten by my mean brothers, ok?” He gives me a quivering lip and googly eyes. “Besides, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I am afraid that my walls will get a lobotomy instead,” I whisper, trying to think fast to save my kids’ room from needing a cosmetic makeover.

  “Leif! Come and help me, these are heavy.”

  I raise an eyebrow. Lucas is not the one to show his weaknesses.

  “You are the Marine! You can handle a few photos, brother, get used to the labor. It’s a healthy way of life.”

  Pissed off, Aisha comes closer to Lucas and takes charge of marking the wall for the holes. She grabs hold of one of the sizable wooden frames, setting it aside.

  “How come you are so helpful to my brother, but not to me, Aisha?” Annoyed, Leif moves closer to her. Aisha turns and grabs the hammer and nail from him. Oh-ho.

  “Here, let me show you how a true woman handles two men with their hands on their egos. You take a small nail and use gentle taps. Voilà! Done! Except, these frames are too heavy, so we use something sturdier.”

  Both men stand there, impressed, and probably a little bit turned on by my sister’s knowledge. I need to stop this banter. It might be a little too much for my kids to witness.

  “All right, let’s get the men do the heavy lifting as we do the nailing.”

  Eventually, we manage to hang them all on the wall with no incidents. I sense rightness fill my insides. The dark feeling’s still churning in my guts, but I’m hopeful too.

  Later, we go to make something to eat, and I hear the music as Aisha starts singing. Leif picks up a pan, pretending to play guitar. The rest of us stand there, wondering who is the crazier of them, but then Raine joins in. I give up.

  “I’ll start on the chicken, you make the quinoa.” Logan shakes his head.

  The show can put rock stars to shame. “You make that cheesecake, Lucas can handle chicken. I’ll do quinoa.” Aisha starts to scream as Leif drops to his knees, playing the last notes on the frying pan.

  We cover our ears as our twins start to laugh. “At least someone is amused by this performance.”

  Logan comes closer to me, as if he wants to talk. “You look calmer, and there’s a sparkle in your eyes.”

  I nod because there is nothing else to say. Shortly after, as I melt some chocolate with heavy cream, I speak, out loud, but more to myself. “I’ll be all right, Logan. I will find a way to pull through. I promise.”

  Feeling his gaze, I turn to find green eyes watching me. Cheekily, he dips his finger into the bowl for a taste. “Ouch! Shit! It burns!”

  Logan howls in pain. Lucas and I high five each other as Logan stands by the sink with his burned finger dipped in cold water.

  “Careful, brother, the kitchen deity is not in the best moods to share,” Lucas warns his brother, a tad too late.

  Logan wraps his arms around me from behind. We stand like this until I finish mixing the ingredients. I turn around, noticing how much Logan's hair has grown. The stubble tickles my palm as I touch his face, and a tremor races through his frame as I come closer. I lift my head towards his lips and he cages me in. I love when Logan crowds me. It makes me feel safe, desired.

  Logan lifts me up and places me on the island, and I spread my legs for him. Mmmm. He gently kisses my neck as I find his flesh underneath his t-shirt. As soon as our lips meet, I melt into him. We both moan and groan with the need to get closer. The entire outside world disappears, including his brother, as we’re consumed by each other. My senses zoom in on Logan’s taste, scent, and feel. His touch becomes more persistent, lips commanding.

  Curving my back, I try to fuse with him. At once, he lifts me up, and we move. Logan doesn’t stop, overwhelmed by fervent desire. His heart’s hammering in his chest, in tune with mine and his eyes are clouded, pupils dilated. His gaze drops to my lips with the drive to possess them. Yes!

  I don’t know how we got to my room, but I feel cold sheets underneath me. His
weight settles between my legs, pinning me down, and he unleashes his desire on me.

  He rips away my top and bra, and his hands stroke the aroused tips. Lips claim mine in a demanding dance of both tongue and teeth before his mouth closes around one peak. The suction and gentle bites make me crazy.

  I arch my back. Wandering fingers find my damp center, caressing me there, and I grip his hair for support. Throwing my head back in pleasure, I tug as Logan groans. He pushes two fingers into me, curling them. My skin breaks out into goose bumps and my core tightens. Pulsing. Craving.

  “More,” I gasp.

  He gently kisses my lips as he increases the tempo and my body starts to burn with the pent-up electric charge. Logan’s weight traps my squirming form. He plays my body like an instrument, catching sounds with his mouth, groaning in pleasure.

  “Don’t hold back, let me hear you.”

  Feather soft strokes brush against my clit, as his hot mouth is around my nipple, sucking in tune. I start to unravel, and my cries become uncontrollable. I begin to tremble and shake with the need to come, but Logan wants to play a bit longer. The proud grin on his handsome face drives me mad. Then he flips me over, whacking my butt cheek for my impatience. Retaliating, I arch my back, pushing my round ass into his crotch.

  “Don’t play with fire, Night. I might actually make you beg and thank me afterward. What do you say? Let’s see if you squeak, little mouse.”

  This man always knew how to push hot buttons. His sweaty forehead falls on my shoulders, and I hear his uneven loud breaths. I want to prod his control a tad further, so I tease his hard and pulsing cock with my ass. Whack! I gasp.

  “Don’t you dare stop now,” he demands. My insides burn and melt with a pleasurable torment we both partake. He soothes the abused skin, stroking.

  The savage unbuckles his jeans and pulls out his hard cock, immediately thrusting his length into me, and I cry out. Finally. There is no rhythm or teasing. We are lost in a primal need. Ferociously, he moves without any mercy and I moan every time he hits my cervix. I am pulsing and vibrating with the fast-approaching peak.