A Soldier's Honor (The Riley Code Book 1)

by Regan Black

  “I came close once.” She felt Matt’s body tense. She hadn’t meant to lead with that. It seemed rude when a few minutes ago they’d nearly had sex right here on the beach, heedless of their surroundings. “My reason isn’t much different than yours. When it came time to explain why Caleb’s father wasn’t around, I couldn’t do it.”

  “Why not?”

  Where to start? She’d discovered in the nick of time that to settle would have been a disservice to both of them. All three of them. Her heart had fallen into Matt’s care when she was nineteen. Every day as Caleb’s mother had only intensified that one-way bond. Her son resembled his father in some obvious ways: the dimple in his cheek, the shape and color of his eyes, and the hair. It didn’t stop there. Athletic and bright, she saw her son growing into more of Matt every year. If she’d remarried, she opened Caleb up to influences she didn’t know or understand as well as she’d once understood Matt. She told herself that if she truly loved the man it wouldn’t have bothered her.

  “You did it again.” Matt spoked quietly near her ear, and then kissed her cheek.

  “What?”

  “Drifted off.”

  She shook her head. “He was a good man and I’m sure in general he would have been a good stepfather to Caleb.”

  “But?”

  “But he wasn’t the right man and it wasn’t the right time.” Only Matt had been the right man, and unfortunately, they’d crossed paths at the wrong time.

  “Do you think there’s a right man for you?”

  Recognizing the opening, she dodged it. She stroked his arm, enjoying that she had the chance to touch him again. “I think I was very fortunate that my son’s father is an amazing and honorable person. Beyond that, if my Mr. Right is out there, he’ll show up when I need him.”

  There, she’d been honest without pasting her heart on her sleeve. At least the conversation had muted the blinding heat that had nearly overtaken them earlier. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so much like an errant teenager when they returned to the Rileys’ house.

  “I want to be your Mr. Right,” he said.

  She turned, gawking at his bald admission, and found him watching her intently.

  “Was that communicating too clearly?”

  Suddenly the full force of the changes time had wrought on him crashed over her. Even at twenty, the angles of his face hadn’t been so hard and unyielding. Experience and commitment had refined his handsome features. A sense of him in a command role filled her with pride and a purely feminine flutter.

  “You have been,” she answered at last. “All this time, you’ve supported my needs and Caleb’s, too.” Shutting him out had been the only way she knew to survive, to give all three of them the best chance at happiness. It would have been too easy to simply let him take over and lead their lives, to lose her identity in the shadow of his career and charisma. That would have ended badly for both of them. She didn’t know how to explain all of that without hurting him again.

  “You have been,” she repeated. “You’ve helped financially and abided by my terms when you could’ve been a jerk about everything.”

  “I wanted to be a jerk more than once.”

  She smiled. “I know. You’ve shown admirable restraint.”

  He kissed her again. “No truer words,” he whispered.

  It took a few seconds to catch her breath. “Come on, your parents are probably ready for a break.”

  “Not a chance.” Still, he rolled to his feet and reached back to assist her. “You’ll be lucky if you get an hour alone with Caleb while we’re here.” He carefully shook the sand from his jacket and folded it over his arm. “Fair warning, your suitcase is in my room.”

  She’d assumed she was bunking in a separate spare room with Caleb. “That was presumptuous.” But her pulse leaped at the idea of sharing his bed.

  He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. The kiss sizzled through her, from her lips to her toes. “That right there,” he stroked his thumb over her inner wrist. “Tells me it wasn’t.”

  “Matt.”

  “I suppose I’m a fool for hoping you’re about to thank me.”

  “Why would I thank you for that?” she demanded.

  “Not for presuming, for saving you.” With his hand at the small of her back, they walked back to the car.

  She never could resist that teasing charm. “Is the house haunted?”

  He shook his head.

  “Monsters?”

  “Worse,” he said. “There are too many people. I’ve saved you from getting caught sneaking to or from my room.”

  “You thought that would be a problem?” she asked, incredulous and more amused than she should be.

  “I am irresistible,” he said with false modesty.

  She certainly thought so. While she searched for the strength to say no, to tell him this wasn’t the right time to make this kind of move, he kissed her again.

  He pulled back, breathing hard as he touched his forehead to hers. “I’ve never felt that with anyone else, Bethany.” He guided her over the dunes. “You make me weak.”

  “Same goes,” she admitted.

  He paused when they reached the car, caging her between his body and the door. “You really shouldn’t give me that kind of ammunition.” He brought her close to his body to open the car door and then eased her down into the passenger seat. He’d upped his game significantly since their days at West Point.

  They were both aware how much she wanted him, but she couldn’t quite forget where they were and what had propelled them to this point. “I want you,” she confessed a few minutes later when he turned off the road toward the house. “I just don’t want to offend your parents.”

  He parked the car and leaned in. “That might be better remedied if you worried about it less and just kissed me more.”

  “That sounds like self-serving advice.”

  “Stay in my room tonight. I need you close.” He traced each of her fingers in turn. “I’ll sleep on the floor until you invite me to the bed.”

  Though she rolled her eyes, she let him hold her hand as they walked up the stairs and inside. Instead of a greeting of censure and judgment, the house appeared to be empty. “Where is everyone?” Fear that they’d been followed and the culprit had struck again made it impossible for her to do anything other than cling to Matt.

  “Easy.” Matt squeezed her hand. “Listen.” He tugged her toward the glass slider leading out to the deck. Down on the beach, four people sat around a little fire. In the light of the flames, she could see happy faces all around.

  “Grace Ann arrived,” Matt said. “Doesn’t look like we’re needed out there. Unless you’d rather go shoot the breeze over s’mores than dive into all of this.” He spread his arms wide.

  Smothering a laugh, she turned away from the scene on the beach. “I might have had enough of both for tonight,” she teased. Can you show me to the room? If that won’t be perceived as rude.”

  He gestured for her to start up the steps. “You can relax around my parents,” he commented from behind her. “They think the world of you.”

  She didn’t understand his confidence under the circumstances. “How do you know?”

  “I can tell.” At the landing, he stepped around her to lead the way to the bedroom they were apparently sharing. “I’m the favorite, remember?”

  At the far end of the hallway, he opened the door and flipped on the light. The surprises kept coming. A queen-size bed was centered on the far wall, under a row of transom windows. At this end of the room, a loveseat and easy chair were anchored by what appeared to be a set of antique nesting tables. The view of the beach would be stunning in daylight, though the curtains were drawn at the moment.

  “The en suite bath is through there.” Matt tipped his head. “This is a pullout.” He patted the back of the loveseat. So we can share the room.”

  She managed to turn away from the lovely bathroom. “And your crack about sleeping on the floor?”
r />   “A misguided attempt for sympathy.” He grinned, the dimple creasing his cheek.

  And it had nearly worked, she thought, feeling an answering grin tugging at her lips. “You’re shameless.”

  “Yes.” He tucked his hands into his pockets.

  She glanced to her suitcase, which was tucked beside his at the closet door. After all this time, he was still the man she wanted. Caleb was outside, safe and happy, getting to know this new branch of his family tree. He was with people as committed to his safety as she was, regardless that they’d just recently learned of his existence.

  This was a moment out of time and she decided to seize it. Closure or a new beginning, she wasn’t yet sure. It didn’t matter. She crossed the room, reached past Matt and closed the door. She turned the lock, simply to make her point. And then she walked over to the foot of the bed.

  He’d given her so much more than good conversation and a couple of glasses of wine. He’d restored her confidence in them, whatever relationship they established in the hours, days or months ahead. Her heart yearned for him. Rather than risk further conversation, she decided to let her actions do the talking for her. She tugged off her sweater and unbuttoned her jeans, pushing the denim over her hips and down her legs.

  If the stretchmarks were a problem, best to find out now.

  His gaze was hot, focused, as she stepped away from her discarded clothing and approached him in only her black lace bra and panties. There were other colors that were better on her skin, but when she’d dressed this morning, she hadn’t anticipated making love to Matt tonight.

  Boldly, she unbuttoned his shirt and smoothed the panels apart. His chest swelled as he dragged in a deep breath under her touch. He’d left the wound uncovered, and it seemed to be healing well.

  Her hands skated lower, down his rippling abs to his trim hips and then back up, until she gripped his shoulders.

  On a low groan, he boosted her up, her legs coming around his waist as he carried her to the bed. She expected him to toss her down and cover her, but he was gentle, treating her as if she was a special treasure to savor and explore.

  His lips met hers and then cruised leisurely down her throat to her breasts. He teased and tantalized, working her aching flesh with his tongue and teeth through the fabric of her bra. When he flicked the clasp and removed the barrier, she bit back a cry at the heat of his mouth as he suckled each throbbing nipple before moving lower.

  He murmured words she couldn’t decipher against her skin. Whatever he said, she felt adored and precious. Loved. Love was there in his hands, in his breath, in the way he brought her to a hard, fast climax that left her gasping and reaching for him.

  Ditching his jeans and stretching out beside her, she felt his heart hammering in his chest, a deeper, heavier echo of her own. It seemed the more some things changed, the more they stayed the same. Matt Riley was an unassailable constant in her life.

  A small voice in her head scolded her for doubting her love for him, for resisting the facts that had been so evident from the start. Her passion expanded, exploded with that realization. She rolled him onto his back and straddled him, filling her hands with the heat and shape of his muscles. She taught herself the planes and hollows of his body once more, wringing out the pleasure for both of them as she explored what she remembered, and what was new.

  A scar here and there, combat or training, she didn’t know. Her fault for pushing him away. No longer. She took him deep inside her body, rocked slowly as his hands gripped her hips. On a sigh, she savored what was so familiar and what was equally new and fresh.

  The sheer power of him, of them together, overwhelmed her senses. She surrendered control, simply holding him close with body, heart and soul before he shifted her underneath him and drove them both to a shuddering climax. Thoroughly satisfied and spent, she relished the heavy weight of him covering her.

  When he rolled off her at last, he tucked her close to his side, his hand moved up and down her spine in lazy, soothing strokes. The best feeling in the world and one she’d only ever shared with Matt.

  I love you. The words were right there, three words she’d wanted to give him for almost half her life. She kept them to herself. Again.

  He’d told her he wanted to earn her trust, but that was never the problem. She’d always trusted him. She hadn’t trusted herself enough to stand strong and independent of his name and career. If she’d accepted his first proposal before Caleb was born, or even the two that had come later, she might never have finished school or found her way into a job that challenged her.

  Fantastic sex aside, once the current threat was removed, they would most likely go back to a modified version of the way things were. Oh, sure, Caleb would see the Rileys more often, and she’d have to share holidays. That didn’t change that deep down she’d still be a single mom who’d tossed aside her chance at true love.

  She watched the rise and fall of Matt’s chest as his breathing evened out. When she was sure he was asleep, she whispered the three words she’d needed to say for so long.

  “I love you.”

  Chapter 11

  “I love you.” Those three words followed Matt all morning, distracting him when he tried to keep up with appearances and conversations around his family, his son.

  Bethany had thought he’d been asleep when she’d whispered those words against his chest. It had taken every ounce of willpower to hold back his response. He’d wanted to share the moment, to give her those same words back, over and over, until she believed it, accepted it, and him. Until he’d smothered all of those fears she wouldn’t share and they could be a complete family.

  His mother had raised a knowing eyebrow when he’d come down early for coffee, but otherwise nothing was said about the two of them sharing a room. When Bethany had made her way downstairs sometime later, her long hair pulled back from her face, damp and fragrant from a shower, he was swamped with contentment.

  “Tea?” He tipped his head toward the carousel of options next to the machine. Her shy smile as she tried to avoid his gaze left him grinning.

  “Good morning,” she said as she waited for the machine to fill her mug with black tea. “Where is everyone?”

  “Outside on the deck,” he replied.

  “Mom!” Caleb barreled in from outside, swim trunks and T-shirt plastered to his skin, along with a fine layer of sand. “Aunt Gracie is teaching me to surf. Come watch.”

  “On my way,” she said. When he bolted back outside, she turned to Matt. “He’s been surfing before.”

  “Not with Aunt Gracie,” Matt said with a shrug. The kid was happy. He was more startled by her easy acceptance of an Aunt Gracie in Caleb’s life. Was it too soon to hope they were gaining ground as a family?

  He escorted Bethany out to the deck, where they joined his parents, both of whom were engrossed with the action on the beach.

  “He has excellent balance,” Ben was saying, leaning forward in his chair.

  “Better than Grace at the same age,” Patricia noted.

  “Weren’t we in Germany when Grace was that age?” Matt asked, subtly calling out his mom’s favoritism for her grandson.

  “We vacationed in Hawaii that Christmas,” she said, not missing a beat.

  “And there’s no difference at all between the Pacific and Atlantic surf.”

  She pointedly ignored him.

  “I can’t wait to tell Grace Ann her star’s been replaced.”

  Ben patted the chair next to him. “Come on over here, Bethany.”

  Matt wondered what his dad was about, but his mother gave him a “let it go” look. He supposed it was a need-to-know type of conversation. He sipped his coffee, pretending not to listen.

  “Caleb chattered for quite some time last night about Matt’s Camaro,” Ben said. “Have you given any thought to what kind of car you want for him?”

  Getting an idea of where this conversation was headed, Matt wanted to intervene. He should have expected his parents to
make grand gestures to compensate for what they saw as lost time. At the very least, he should have mentioned the possibility to Bethany.

  “General, s-sir, Ben,” Bethany stammered. “He has another year or two before he’s ready to drive and care for a car.”

  “On the contrary,” Ben said with a smile. “I think he’s just the right age to appreciate what it takes to keep a car in working order. If you think he has the interest and the time.”

  “What are you suggesting?” Bethany asked, her gaze moving swiftly past Matt and on to where Caleb was sitting on a surfboard out in the water, dialed in to whatever instruction Grace Ann was offering.

  “Caleb didn’t give me the impression that your dad worked on cars,” Ben said.

  “Well, no. They usually go fishing or hiking,” she replied. “Caleb hasn’t had much exposure to basic mechanics.”

  Matt stiffened at the apologetic note in her voice. No one had the right to make her doubt her parenting. He’d only met her parents once. It had been their freshman year at West Point, on the same family weekend when she’d met his parents.

  In his vague recollection, he thought they’d been nice, decent people, full of love and pride for Bethany. She’d always claimed they were supportive of her choices as a mom, a student and a professional.

  “I didn’t want to bring it up until I knew we wouldn’t be stepping on any toes,” his dad was saying. “Yours or your dad’s.” Ben’s enthusiasm was clearly building.

  “What is he up to?” Matt whispered to his mom. She ignored him, pointing to the water, where Caleb was watching rollers push to shore. Matt wasn’t so easily distracted.

  “I’m not sure if you’re stepping on toes or not,” Bethany said. “What do you have in mind, sir?”

  “Ben,” he reminded her. “We’re family now, honey.”

  Bethany nodded, her lips pinched between her teeth and her hands clinging to her mug of tea. This really wasn’t the right time. She’d barely had a chance to wake up.