Rhode Island Bride

by Lynn Donovan

  At first, he remained at the lighthouse while Louise took her siblings to the mainland for school and to get food, supplies, mail, and reading material. He appreciated her bringing the Newport News. Eagerly, he followed the progress of the war and checked the obituaries for updates on his comrades. In Louise’s absence, he practiced balancing without his crutch, and building his strength. He tinkered with some ideas he had to help him and Louise attend to the lighthouse functions. Fashioning a pulley and crate, similar to a dumbwaiter at a hotel, he crafted a retrieval system for the heavy oil cans from the root cellar to the second-story window near the lamp tower.

  Soon, he joined Louise in the rowboat to Newport. Having more space to walk and exercise helped him become even stronger. Socializing had never been an issue for William, but after so many weeks on Lime Rock with his wife’s parents for limited company, he realized having conversations with the local business owners was important to his mental health as well as physical strength.

  While Louise perused the library, William dropped by his mother’s home and spent several hours with her. She and he walked to the cemetery to visit his father’s grave, they discussed politics and the war. He made repairs around her house within the limits of his abilities. It felt good to be like his old self again.

  Louise met him at his mother’s for short visits after she had exchanged her library books. His mother welcomed her new daughter into her home and generally enjoyed getting to know the infamous Louise Wiley McLaughlin.

  William rowed the boat back to the island, as another form of exercise. But Louise generally had to take over. Just like learning to balance himself after his amputation, it was an adjustment to get used to only having one leg for support while working the oars. Louise was remarkably strong and experienced at maneuvering the rowboat. Occasionally, someone in the Lime Rock house witnessed a boat capsize in the harbor. Louise always rowed out to help them.

  William and her mother waited on the island with blankets and medical supplies for when Louise brought the victims to land. Louise received accolades from the army for retrieving a lieutenant and his corporal from the freezing water that winter. William adored his wife and was pleased with the acknowledgements she received for her heroic rescues.

  Louise had put in a lot of hard work making a supply room upstairs into a bedroom for the two of them, even though William slept on the divan. She didn’t hassle him about joining her, and he appreciated not having to explain. Even though he could make it up the stairs and had rigged a pulley system to make it possible for him to attend the lamp, he remained downstairs on the divan.

  He longed to be with her as husband and wife but the ugliness of his absent leg held him back. His nights were terribly restless. It was amazing and frustrating how a missing limb could cause him so much discomfort. The absent foot seemed to twitch, tossing him out of bed, and it itched without mercy. A sharp pain seemed to shoot through his shin, although there was no shin bone. His calf muscle bunched with painful charley-horse cramps that caused him to leap out of the make-shift bed to walk it off.

  Louise’s peaceful rest would be constantly disturbed if he were to share her bed. And the thought of sharing the marital bed with his wife caused an anxiety in his gut that he just could not get past. His amputation was ugly. He was clumsy and awkward. How could he come to her as a husband? She would be disgusted by his deformity. Then where would they be? He couldn’t imagine continuing to live with her on Lime Rock in a guise of pity. Knowing he disgusted her and she preferred the distance they maintained to avoid seeing his ugly, disfigured leg?

  This was just another burden he would bear for her sake.

  

  Gradually, Louise witnessed her husband settle into his new life as a Wickie. His amputation healed and he gained strength. He had not said, but she knew he had destroyed the laudanum bottle at the mooring post. One afternoon the sunlight revealed bits of broken brown glass when she returned to the island. It made her smile, but she never mentioned it. I wouldn’t be polite to point out that he had followed her suggestion to stop relying on it.

  She had never considered how having two legs and then only having the one would throw off a body’s balance. But watching William maneuver with his crutch and without it, she learned a great deal about centered gravity and stability. Their Lime Rock Island was small and provided him limited area to walk, but he went out daily, circling the island many times. The rocky edges and rough ground proved to be great for quahog harvest, but a real challenge for him. He traversed it all the same. Perhaps the uneven terrain gave him more of a work out than a smooth sandy beach.

  Life went on, the children needed to be taken to Newport for school, and groceries and supplies had to be brought back to Lime Rock. Louise hated leaving William behind with only her mother for intelligible company, but what choice did she have? It wouldn’t be long until he would join her. She enjoyed watching his strength increase. With the less limited space on the mainland for him to walk he grew stronger and stronger. People in Newport seemed happy to see him, as well. He stopped to talk to nearly everyone they encountered. She had no idea he was so sociable. It made her smile.

  At last Louise met his mother. Madeline McLaughlin resented Louise. She had been caught off guard when he wrote to her from Fort Adams that he had met his future wife. Then he wrote her that he had married this Louise Wiley whom the widow only knew from the newspaper article about her most unladylike behavior in the harbor. To make matters worse, Madeline anticipated her son’s return only to find that he had been severely wounded and was not coming home to her. He went, instead, with this new wife to the isolated island where Madeline could not even drop by to see how he was recovering.

  Until Louise and William began traveling together to Newport, Louise had no idea his mother had missed all these occasions in his life. She felt sorry for the widow, but what could she do about it? It had been William who kept this information from Louise until recently.

  He spent a good part of the day with his mother while Louise tended her own mother’s list and exchanged books at the library. Louise had chores to complete while she was on the mainland and could not devote her entire day with her husband’s mother. Surely his visits were good enough to appease her lonely heart.

  If not, there was little Louise could do about it. She had responsibilities to her family and her husband, and the children’s school day was over before she turned around twice. It was time to go back to the rock.

  “Well, it’s time to collect my brother and sisters, Missus McLaughlin. We must be going.” Louise coaxed William to come along. He bid his mother goodbye and tucked the bundle of cookies under his arm that his mother had insisted he take with him. Louise didn’t offer to carry them, she had her own bundle from the general store to tote.

  Mrs. McLaughlin walked them to the door. “William?” She lingered on her front stoop. “When will you announce my grandchild?”

  “What? Mother, there is no grandchild… yet.” He glanced at Louise.

  Louise laughed. “No. Not yet, Missus McLaughlin.”

  “Oh.” His mother’s brow creased and her eyes dropped to the ground. “My goodness, you’ve been home nye on six months. I would have thought you would have news by now.”

  Louise stopped laughing. How rude of the woman to prod so. It was none of her business and Louise was not about to tell her that they had not shared a bed as of yet. It was such an embarrassment to Louise to admit her husband didn’t want to join her in their marital bed.

  She had no idea why her husband insisted on sleeping downstairs on the divan rather than to come be with her. Perhaps he regretted marrying her after all. She had not mentioned it because she did not want to hear that he didn’t love her enough to fulfill his husbandly duties to her. She clung to the hope that eventually he would grow to love her and want to sleep with her. Until then, she would wait patiently.

  But his mother expressing expectations that probably the entire town of Newport were thin
king made Louise wish William did love her and want to be with her, as husband and wife. Sadness filled her heart. She turned and walked away, he knew where she was going to meet her siblings, he could catch up. Perhaps it was time she talked to him about this matter. Even if he told her he didn’t love her, it was time she knew where she stood with him. Louise helped the twins into the rowboat and waited for William. Tonight, after supper, she would get him alone and ask this dreaded question.

  7

  “William?” Louise stood at the bottom of the stairs. William reclined on the divan. “Could we talk?”

  William’s face did not look like he was pleased to have this talk, but he said, “Of course.”

  Louise turned and walked upstairs to the room she had prepared but never shared with her husband. She hoped he would follow. Easing down on the bed, she lifted her eyes to the hall. William hobbled toward her. She breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was coming to her.

  “Could you shut the door?” She spoke softly, not wanting to alarm her mother who was in the next room, reading to Poppa.

  “Uh. yeah.” He hopped sideways and closed the door.

  Louise shut her eyes and took in a deep calming breath. Her heart pounded so hard against her ribs it almost hurt. “I understand why your mother asked us about the possibility of a grandchild.”

  “Oh, don’t let her impatience get under your skin.”

  “No. I’m sure everyone who is aware that we are married is wondering the same thing.” She licked her lips. “They have no idea we… haven’t…slept together.” Heat filled her cheeks. She placed her hand over his heart. “I need to know how you feel in here, about our marriage.”

  He hesitated. “It’s complicated.” The muscles along his jaw bulged.

  “Then why...” She dropped her eyes and her hand to her lap. “Why did you marry me? Did I say or do something to make you act like you can't stand to be around me? I can't fix it if I don't know what I did wrong and I can't stay married to someone who obviously hates me.” Tears clotted her words, but she pressed ahead. “What did I do to make you hate me?"

  William held her gaze. “I don’t hate you! I love you, Louise. I think I’ve always loved you, ever since I saw that newspaper article about you bravely rowing out into a storm and saving that man and his son from drowning. Then, years later, you saved me… us. You are amazing, Louise. I’m so lucky to be married to you.”

  “Then why don’t you want to… be with me?”

  He took her hand into his. “I do. Honest, I do. But—”

  “But what?”

  He stared at his knee where the pant leg folded over and was fastened with a large basting pin. “But, I don’t know how you feel about seeing this ugly thing. And there’s more.”

  “What? Tell me.”

  “Louise. I don’t sleep well. Even though they took my leg, I still feel it. And it hurts. It itches and drives me mad some times. I have to get up and hobble around to try to stop the cramps that I feel in muscles that don’t exist. It’s insane, but it feels real.”

  She stared at him. “I-I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He sighed heavily. “I’m not proud of how this amputation makes me feel… like… less of a man. You deserve more. So much more.”

  “More? I deserve you! The boy who jumped out of line and kissed me. You shocked me when you told me you were going to marry me. And you did marry me! It’s all been so… unbelievably like a dream. I was terrified you would be killed out there, but you came home alive! Sure, having your leg amputated was a cruel reminder of the war, but William, it could have been so much worse! I could be a widow. But I’m not.

  “If it’s time you need to… grieve the loss of your leg, I can handle that! I can deal with these strange feelings in what is no longer there. So what if you wake me in the night because you are hurting. You’re my husband, we should face this mysterious pain together. But I can’t abide by you not talking to me about what’s going on in your head and your heart! I want you to… want me to be your wife. Here.” She patted the bed. “Do you want me?”

  He stared where her hand touched the covers. Placing his hand over hers. “I do. I want you so much. But— do you want me?”

  She tilted her head. “Of course I do! You’re my husband! I’ve waited all this time being your wife and yet, not having been your wife.” She gripped his hand. “I mean, I’m scared, but I know it’s all part of being married. All I ask is that you… be gentle. I mean, I don’t really know what I’m doing, other than following my heart.”

  William leaned into her and brushed his lips against hers. A thrilling sensation shot through her midsection. She wanted more. So much more. He pulled back but remained so close his breath warmed her lips.

  “To be honest, I don’t know so much either.” He kissed her tenderly and she kissed him back. Their passion unfurled with an increasing heat that grew with each pounding beat of her heart, building to an overpowering sensation that could not be denied any longer. Louise leapt to her feet and shoved the covers back. William pawed at his clothes, tossing them to the floor, and joined her under the covers. Together they discovered the mysteries and wonders of true love.

  

  Morning light poured under the door from the hall and gently filled Louise and William’s bedroom. Having been a storage room, it had no window. She gasped awake. It was late! “William! Wake up!”

  She scrambled out of bed, yanked her dressing gown from a hook on the door, and spun around to find William sitting up on the bed with a mischievous smile across his face.

  “What?” Louise flushed with embarrassment.

  He had lit the lantern beside the bed and watched her hustle about the room. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Oh.” She giggled. “Thank you. But it’s late, we’ve got to get the kids to school.”

  He swung his good leg to the floor and stretched. Ribbons of lean muscles flexed and bulged along his back. Louise stared at his physique. Longing filled her heart. She wished they had time to share their love once more. But it would have to wait. “Hurry!”

  She rushed downstairs to find L.J., Lisa, and Lena waiting with their school books. What time was it? Momma had made breakfast and gave Louise a curious look, then smiled. Louise’s cheeks flushed with heat.

  Momma knew. Louise’s eyes landed on the mantle clock! They should be leaving right now! “Oh, gosh! I’m sorry. I’ll be right back and we can go.”

  She ran back upstairs to get dressed. No time for coffee or breakfast. William shrugged on his shirt as she entered their bedroom. “Hurry. We are so, so late!”

  “All right. I’m ready.” He buttoned his shirt and placed his crutch under his arm. “I’ll meet you down at the mooring.”

  She nodded, waiting for him to leave the room before she removed her dressing gown. Soon she was dressed and ran down stairs. “Come on!” She hollered as she ran through the kitchen on her way out the back door. “Bye Momma!”

  “Wait!” Momma waved a piece of paper in the air.

  “What?” Louise skidded to a stop.

  “My list.”

  “Oh, yes. I forgot.” Louise snatched the paper from her momma’s hand without making eye contact. Embarrassment burned in Louise’s cheeks. She turned quickly and hurried to the dock.

  Her siblings ran behind her.

  “Is everything all right?” L.J. called out to her.

  “I’m fine.” Louise muttered as she skittered to the boat. William untied it from the mooring post and lowered it into the water. He held the rope to steady the craft while the twins and L.J. climbed in. Louise took the rope from him while he clumsily made his way in. Once he was seated, she leapt in and took up the oars. Sighing to calm herself, she began rowing to the mainland.

  “You’re never late.” Lisa looked concerned. Lena jammed her elbow into her sister. They exchanged a look.

  “Momma said not to say anything.” Lena hissed.

  L.J. eyed his brother-in-law. �
��You feeling better, William?”

  “Yes I am. Thank you. Why do you ask?”

  “Well, you’re not sleeping on the divan anymore.”

  William glanced at Louise and smiled. “Yeah. I’m much better.”

  Louise tucked her face against her shoulder, diverting her gaze toward their destination, but really to avoid her siblings’ perusal, and smiled too. She continued to work the oars. The sooner she could get to land the better. Somehow everyone in her family knew she was no longer chaste. And it didn’t help that William kept his eyes on her with that mischievous, tell-tale grin. L.J. puzzled over the unusual behavior between Louise and William, which just made Louise all the more embarrassed.

  So much for privacy.

  8

  “Louise!” L.J. yelled as he ran toward Mrs. McLaughlin’s house.

  Louise jerked a startled look away from her mother-in-law to see what was wrong with her brother. As had become their habit, Louise joined her husband at his mother’s house once her chores were completed and before it was time to meet the children after school. What was L.J. doing outside of his classroom?

  “L.J., what’s wrong?” Her stomach lurched with concern.

  He ran up to the porch, heaving for breath. “I got… a… job!”

  “A job?” Louise glanced down the street from where her brother had ran, as if she would see what he was talking about. “What kind of a job?”

  “The… army… needs… boys… to guide them.”

  “The army?” Louise and William said at the same time. She turned to see her husband’s reaction. His tone sounded alarmed. She felt the same alarm in her heart. “Why would the army need boys to guide them?”

  L.J. scrunched his face in disappointment. “They got a lot of new officers and they came to the school to get us older boys for guides.”