Joke's On You- To beta

by Vale, Lani Lynn

  Hell, I didn’t either, and I felt like I would do a better job.

  The councilman, sadly, was a frequent customer of my shop. He had an insurance business that he promoted, also. He was always playing up to the city employees. He would order my donuts for his sales calls with his police chiefs, his fire chiefs, and anybody else that he felt like he needed to meet with frequently.

  It was great for business, but it also meant I had to deal with his stupid ass more than I wanted to.

  He wasn’t an awful person, it was just like hiring a random person off the streets to teach a college-level algebra class. You had to have some general understanding of what was going on to make it work, and the councilman really didn’t have that general understanding at all.

  “That was a bad week,” Booth admitted. “We’d gone on a SWAT call and the councilman had decided that he needed to be there at the SWAT call. Just to see how it all worked. And he almost got himself shot.”

  Bourne chuckled. “And, sorry, but that was me who taught him that little diddy. I had to save the man’s stupid ass from getting shot and had sprained my ankle in the process. I wasn’t a happy person at that moment in time.”

  I grinned.

  “It’s funny now,” I admitted. “Then, while I was staring the man in the eyes? Not so much.”

  “Why don’t you open your shop on the weekends?” Belle asked. “Statistically, you’d make quite a bit more money on the weekends since more people are able to get over there and buy donuts. In fact, I’d bet you’d make just as much on the weekends as you do on the weekdays.”

  I shrugged. “I love my little donut shop, but I don’t want it to be my life. I want to be able to enjoy my weekends. If I have to work all day, then how will I do that?”

  Belle frowned. “Then why not work only on the weekends and take the weekdays off?”

  That idea had merit, but…

  “Most people have the weekends off,” I admitted. “At the time, my thinking was this. If my husband worked the weekdays, and had the weekends off, and I worked practically the opposite, how would we spend any time whatsoever together?”

  Belle nodded. “But the thing is, Booth works a rotating shift. He’s off one weekend and works the next. So, I mean, technically you can work whenever you want. But it makes more sense to just work the two days every weekend and have more time with him during his off days during the week than it does to work the opposite. During the week you’ll have three days with him. During the weekend, you’ll only have two.”

  That was true.

  “And, when you have kids, you’ll be off during the week to get them on and off the bus. Do homework with them. Take them to soccer practices and kid’s CrossFit like Booth does with Asa. It’s way more convenient,” Belle continued as if she hadn’t just mapped out my life for me.

  “Also, I’ve heard that you have to turn a lot of work down on Saturdays for the specialized donuts. That’s almost triple what you make when someone buys a regular donut. That means you get to really do what you love, because then you’re decorating pretty donuts and not just making them. Which I know isn’t your favorite thing. Which means you’ll be happier and wealthier. Not to mention your kids won’t see you as stressed, and when Booth finally asks you to marry him—because we all know that’s where this is going since he’s been in love with you for forever—he won’t have to listen to you whine because you have to get up at three, five days a week, instead of at three, two days a week. I really don’t see any way for you not to switch your hours at this point. Plus, it’ll give you way more time to read, which is always a good thing. Right?” Belle looked at me then, almost as if she’d forgotten that she was addressing my life. “Do you want to go out to lunch next week to discuss that book? I’d like to ask your advice on a few things.”

  I opened my mouth, then closed it.

  “Jesus, Belle-Belle. You just changed her life and you expect her to be able to talk after that as well as make coherent thoughts? You literally just married her off to Booth, made her have kids, multiple in fact, and then you made her a millionaire,” Heath teased.

  “I didn’t make her a millionaire.” She narrowed her eyes. “But, if you’re interested in becoming a millionaire off of making donuts, I know someone that’s more than willing to restructure your accounts to make it happen. But, he’s kind of finicky. His name is Barney. One wouldn’t think that he’d be so smart based off of his name, but the same could be said for me. Our parents named me Belle, and people think that I’ll be sweet and fun to talk to. But I’m not.”

  My head was spinning with her words.

  She was right.

  If I worked two days a week, Saturday and Sunday, things would make a whole lot more sense.

  And, she was right.

  Booth did work a rotating shift. If he was off a Monday this week, he’d work it the next. Same went for the weekends.

  It made sense, both financially and beneficially.

  I’d have to change a few things around, like when my kitchen staff came in to help, but things could seriously work out! I couldn’t believe that I’d never really considered it before. When Belle had literally just laid out all the facts in a nice neat row like that, I hadn’t seen the big picture.

  But now…

  “Would you like to be Delanie’s life coach, too?” I said. “Because there are a few things you could seriously come deal with right now and make mine a whole lot easier.”

  There were chuckles all the way around.

  But I was being serious.

  If Belle could look at my life so logically, then maybe she could do the same with Delanie’s.

  And make both of our lives easier.

  “I’ve already spoken with Delanie before,” Belle said. “She’s much more stubborn than you are.”

  I practically burst into hysterical laughter.

  She just had no idea.

  Chapter 8

  Instead of a condom, you should carry a moist towelette. You run into chicken wings more often than you have sex.

  -Booth to Bourne

  Booth

  Asa was asleep on my shoulder as I carried him up the path to Delanie and Dillan’s front door.

  I could hear dogs barking in the back yard, and I wondered if it was Dillan out there with them, or Delanie. Because they weren’t usually out there without someone with them.

  I got my answer seconds later when Delanie yanked open the door.

  She grinned huge and stepped out onto the porch, reaching for our son.

  “I’ve missed him like crazy,” she said as I transferred him over.

  “He’s missed you, too,” I replied. “You’ve definitely proved how much you do during the week.”

  She snickered. “A lot of that is Dillan, though. I’m not ever here to get him off of the bus. I’m not sure I could do this without her.”

  I snorted. “Same for me, but with Bourne.”

  Her head snapped up at the mention of my brother.

  God, was it obvious to everyone but her?

  My brother definitely had a thing for her, that was for sure.

  “Do you mind if I talk to you for a bit?” I asked.

  She held up a finger and disappeared inside, coming back moments later with no Asa, then gestured at the glider beside her.

  Where Dillan had long blonde hair, Delanie had short blonde hair. Where Dillan always wore cute clothes with polka dots and bright colors, Delanie’s were always black, dark purple, or dark blue.

  Honestly, the two twins couldn’t be more different.

  Which was more than obvious in their clothing choices.

  “What’s up?” she asked, gently rocking the glider.

  I looked into her eyes that were so much like the ones that I’d fallen for and swallowed hard.

  “I have a few things to talk to you about,” I admitted.

  She looked down at her lap, then back up at me. “Like the f
act that you and my sister are together now?”

  My grin formed. “That. And the fact that I think that Kerrie drugged us.”

  She closed her eyes as pain etched her face.

  “When Dillan got home, she told me everything,” Delanie admitted. “From you two being together now, to how she suspects that Kerrie played a major role in that night.” She paused. “I’d like to say that I’m over it… but I’m not. I know that I hurt Dillan, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

  I wouldn’t, either.

  “I have a few friends that can look into Kerrie,” I confessed. “The only thing is… do you really want to do this? If it comes out that he did drug us, then we’ll have to file charges. I can’t know the information and not act on it. It’s different for now, because I’m suspecting. There’s no actual concrete evidence that it happened. But if it’s found out that he did do it… or if we find out that anything else has happened when it comes to him, we’re acting on it. I’m not letting him get away with that. He could’ve really ruined our lives. It’s only the fact that both of us are really good people, and had such a good support system, that this ended up okay.”

  She was quiet for a few long seconds then said, “I’ve never liked Kerrie. Not since that night, anyway. He was always more Dillan’s friend than mine. Not that I think she knew that. But it’s easy to tell that Kerrie has always had something going on when it came to Dillan. I’m not necessarily worried about me here if we find out anything concrete. I’m more worried about it hurting Asa or Dillan.”

  “We won’t let it hurt either one of them,” I declared. “I won’t let it.”

  She smiled then.

  “And I’m more than okay with you and my sister being together,” she continued. “I know that Dillan has always been it for you.”

  She had.

  The day that I’d woken up in the bed next to her, the first word out of my mouth had been Dillan’s name. Not because I thought it was Dillan next to me, but because I’d systematically just fucked up everything I might have had with Dillan. And I’d known it instantaneously.

  “Can you ask around quietly?” she asked. “I really don’t want this to affect her. The moment Kerrie knows we’re looking into him, he’s going to lash out. He’s a vindictive little shit.”

  “No hard feelings?” I asked. “You’re not going to be upset on his behalf?”

  “The day that he took my sister’s virginity, he ceased to matter as a person to me,” she said.

  I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to like the explanation that came out of Delanie’s mouth.

  Thirty minutes later, I knew that I didn’t.

  I was fuming mad when I finally found my girl.

  That anger took a diving leap the moment that I saw her with my boy. My boy who was most definitely no longer asleep.

  Dillan was hosing off, not the dogs like I’d thought I was about to walk out to witness, but my son.

  Asa would laugh, dart away and try to sneak up on her from a different angle, but Dillan would catch him before he could get too close. Quickly, she’d turn the water in his direction again, causing him to shriek.

  I could do nothing but smile at that.

  “I couldn’t have asked for a better person for you,” Delanie said softly. “Just don’t hurt her, Booth. I know you won’t mean to… but she’s everything to all of us. Without her, we’d be lost.”

  Without her, I’d be lost, too.

  Even her constant anger over the last couple of years had given me what I needed—her, in any form she would give me.

  “I’m not going to hurt her,” I told her bluntly. “I think I’ve done that enough, don’t you?”

  And, just when I was about to say more, the water was turned on me.

  I froze when my body was doused with cold water, and then I heard Asa’s manic laughter as he ran from behind me.

  When I opened my eyes, it was to find Dillan staring at me in horror.

  “I didn’t know you were there,” she said, eyes cute and apologetic.

  I looked over at Delanie, who was just as wet as I was.

  Then I took two steps forward.

  Dillan shrieked just as I got to her.

  She tried to run away, but her mistake had been not letting go of the hose.

  The moment that I caught up to her, I wrapped my arms around her waist, then ducked behind her as she tried to spray me all over again with the hose.

  She laughed and shrieked, twisting to get out of my arms, but I wouldn’t be letting her go.

  Not now, and not ever.

  Asa hit me around the legs then, taking me down to the ground in his exuberance.

  I kept Dillan in my arms as I went, laughing as I fell with her.

  The jolt of pain to my chest was worth it as Dillan straight up laughed in my face.

  She and Asa then spent the next five minutes trying to subdue me, but I wasn’t having it.

  “Yield!” Asa cried out loudly.

  Dillan burst out laughing, her mouth pressing against my neck as Asa tightened his scrawny arms around my head and squeezed as tight as he could.

  “Never,” I said as I started tickling Asa now instead of my girl.

  He shrieked and dove at me, but just as I was about to pull him away from me to gain better access, Dillan was there.

  We did this back and forth game for a while, not stopping—despite the pain in my chest—for a while.

  “Not that this isn’t interesting,” Bourne said with amusement over all of our antics. “But we have a family dinner in about forty-five minutes. And I’m supposed to be picking y’all up. And you’re all soaked, covered in grass and dirt, and very not ready to go.”

  I reluctantly stopped my tickling of both Asa and Dillan and turned to look at my brother.

  He was standing there, arms crossed across his chest, tapping his foot.

  I glanced at Asa out of the corner of my eye and watched him move toward the hose.

  Dillan sat up, momentarily causing my brother to look toward her.

  When she held out her hand, he reached forward to help her up. Only to get a face full of water, too.

  Bourne took the hose straight to the face for all of two seconds before he was running after Asa.

  Bourne caught him in a matter of steps, tossed him over his shoulder, and pointed at us.

  “Y’all need to get dressed.” He stopped in front of Delanie. “You need to get this thing handled.”

  Delanie took the very wet, very dirty, very laughing boy of ours and grinned at Bourne.

  Bourne momentarily got stuck, and I used that moment of distraction between my brother and Dillan’s sister to kiss my girl.

  She gasped, reached for my face, and held me to her as we kissed.

  When I pulled away, it was to see her blinking rapidly.

  She had a piece of grass stuck to her nose that was perilously close to her eye.

  I reached forward and plucked it from her face.

  “I need to go home and get changed,” I said. “You want to come with me? Or you want me to come back for you?”

  She frowned. “If I go with you, I don’t think I’ll get ready to go.”

  I knew exactly what she meant without her having to elaborate.

  If we went with each other, she would definitely be getting some cock to go with her shower.

  So yeah, best idea at this point was to shower separately.

  “I’ll be back in thirty minutes,” I growled.

  Then levered myself up.

  Seconds later, I had us both up on our feet, and my mouth on Dillan’s.

  “Ewww, Daddy! You can’t kiss Aunt Dillan like that! It’s against the rules!”

  I pulled away and looked down at my son. “Watch me.”

  ***

  “Look at this picture that my sister got,” Dillan whispered in my ear.

  I looked over her shoulder to see the pho
ne that she had in her hand. She was twisting it my way so that I could see the photo.

  It was of her, me, and Asa.

  Asa was on my back, holding on for dear life. I was straddling Dillan’s body with my knees.

  I had her arms pinned up high over her head, and only now that I wasn’t playing with her did I see the way that her t-shirt clung to her body. The way that her pants were molded to her body.

  Oh, and let’s not forget how she felt underneath me.

  I shifted in my seat and growled under my breath.

  “I think I’m going to frame it,” she said. “Or blow it up canvas size and put it on the wall.”

  I grinned at that.

  I’d like that.

  I’d like it a lot.

  The idea of us having a family portrait hanging on her wall felt important. Like it was a step in the right direction.

  “And who’s this?”

  I blinked and turned to see my uncle Ace staring at me with confusion.

  “Oh,” I said as I stood up and offered him my hand. “Ace, this is my girl, Dillan.”

  Still, I could see his confusion.

  Ace had met Delanie a handful of times, and I knew what he was seeing.

  Their similarities.

  “Delanie and Dillan are identical twins,” I explained. “Like Bourne and me.”

  Understanding dawned.

  “Ahh,” he said as he turned and held his hand out to Dillan. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  Dillan grinned and held her hand out, her eyes a bit wide.

  “It’s nice to meet you, too,” she said. “And that is…”

  “Oh, that’s my wife, Codie,” Ace said, looking at his wife apologetically. “I forgot about you.”

  Codie rolled her eyes and offered her hand to Dillan as well. “It’s okay. It’s rare that I ever get introduced. It’s nice to see that you have some manners, though.”

  As my family and extended family trickled in, the tables started to fill, and the noise level started to ratchet up.

  I was so busy worrying about Dillan’s welfare that I forgot to worry about my sister’s.

  She’d never done well with large crowds—even if they were family—or loud noises. Both of which were well and truly happening at that moment in time.