Cheers to the good life

by Lorena Franco

  "She'sbeautiful,"IsaidtoAdrian.

  "Thankyou.Whoareyou?"heaskeddisconcertedly.ThenMomexplainedthestoryonce more."Oh,thankyou.Didmysistersayallthat?"

  "That’sright..."

  "Just calling her on the phone was an odyssey," he said, smiling. She never answered or returnedthecalls.

  "Iamsorry."

  "It'snotyourfault!"Adrian...ifyouonlyknew...Beingadadhadmadehimfeelgood.For mehewasthemosthandsomebrotherintheworld.HehadinheritedMom'sblueeyes,straight nose,andDad'smasculinechin.Hewastall,likeeveryoneinthefamilyandalthoughhehad neverlikedtoplaysports,hekeptinshape.

  "No,ofcourse...still...Iwouldhavelovedtomeetherniece."

  "Doyouwanttoholdher?"Iwasverysurprisedbythegratitudeofmyfamily.Hadthey alwaysbeenlikethis?Sonice,soopenandendearing?Irememberedthemasboringpeople, withmonotonouslivesandstrictroutines.HowmuchIhadlost!

  "Ofcourse!"Isaidexcitedly.AdrianbentdownsoIcouldcatchthelittlegirl.Ihatedbeing so short, my neck was beginning to hurt from all that looking up. When had they become so tall?

  WhenIhadLaurainmyarmsandwatchedashergazefixedonme,Ifeltthatbeingback hadbeenthemostwonderfulthingthathadeverhappenedtome.Shecooedandsmiledatme, sheseemedtobeverycomfortableinmyarms,asifshehadknownmeforever.

  "Youlikechildren?"Irenesaid,smiling.

  "Yes?Itseemsso,"Isaid,unabletolookawayfrommypreciousniece.

  Wehadagreattime.Weate,welaughedandtoldstoriesduringmywholevisit.Laurawasthe centerofmanytopicsofconversation,especiallywhenCarlotashowedusthephotoalbumsof herchildhoodandadolescencegrowingupherthreesiblings.IhadtobeverycarefulwhenI spoke.AsMarta,peopletoldmethingsIshouldknowbutnoneofitsoundedanythinglikeme.

  With my "ex-family", I remembered everything exactly. In addition to the endearing family album,Momwantedtoshowanotheralbum.Thecoverwasyellow-myfavoritecolor-andin glitter was written the name LAURA. Inside were photographs of my time as a model.

  Magazine covers, graphics, catwalks, shooting photos ... the last photograph was recent. I promotedanexpensivecosmeticcreamandIappearedinthephotowithmyhairpulledback

  leavingmyfaceclear.Sobeautiful,soperfect...withanenviableskinandeyesfulloflife.I wanted to take the album to observe the photograph. I wanted to observe those clear eyes better ... only then, I realized that they weren’t happy. They were filled with shadows even thoughtheyshonewiththeirownlight.Ofsadness,ofloneliness...Ismiledwithgriefforthe face no longer existent, happy because Mom kept something like this ... such a special collectionofapartofwhoIwas.

  "I never imagined you'd keep an album like this for me..." everyone looked at me in puzzlement.Shit.Ihadsaiditoutloud.

  "Excuseme,howdidyousay?"Momasked.Ilookedatthemall,onebyone,wantingtogo backafewsecondsintimeandavoidthesituation.Orrunoffanddisappear.Icouldalsousea tacticasLauraworkedlikeacharmeverytimeshescrewedup...playdumb.Everyonewould forgetmywordsandfocusonthenewsituation.

  "It’sthat...Imeantwas..."KeepgoingMarta,continue,forallitsworthKEEPTALKING!

  -............"it'sgreatthatyoukeepanalbumofLauralikethisone.Look..."Isaid,pointingto aphotograph."Ididhermakeupforthisphoto."

  "Forreal?"Miriamasked.

  "Yes,"Isaidproudly.Believingyourownlies,that’sthetrickypart.

  Ithadworked.TheyaskedmewhichphotoshadIdoneLaura’smakeup.Itwasasifthey

  wanted to know who had really been their daughter, their sister, their aunt ... as if they had nevermettherealLaura.

  "Itmustseemstrangethatwe’reaskingyouallthesequestions,"saidDad.

  "Notatall,"Isaid,lookingatlittleLaura.Shesleptsoundlyinherstroller.

  "But I'm surprised that Laura did not come to see you more often. You are an incredible family.ThebestI'veeverknown."

  "Thankyousomuch,Marta.You'recharming,"Momsaid,lookingatmewithawidesmile.

  "Well,we'vegotourlittlemanners..."Miriamhadalwaysbeenadeptatbreakingbeautiful moments.

  Ididn’tbotherheragaininthenextthreehoursIwaswiththem.Iknewthatwouldbethelast timeIwouldseethemandmyheartwouldbreakinathousandpieces.Itmadenosenseforthe make-upartistofadeadmodeltovisiteveryweekend-somethingIwouldhaveloved-forher family.Seeingherniecegrowingup,agingherparents...itwasnotmylifeanymore,butshe stillfeltverymuchmine,myfamily.TowhichInevervaluedorappreciatedandwithwhichI should have spent more time. "I WOULD HAVE ..." how much damage they do two words.

  Twosimplewords.Itwasnousetorepent,Iwentandpaidtheconsequences.

  "Martha,thankyousomuchforcoming,"saidMother.Behindher,therest.Theylookedat mesmilingandgrateful.EvenMiriam,whomIseemedtolike.

  "Thankyouforthisday.Itwasfantastic,"andwithoutwaiting,Momgavemeahug.Strong, affectionate, friendly and familiar. As she pulled away from me she stared into my eyes and frowned.

  "Doessheremindyouofanyone?"dadaskedagain.

  "No,it'snotthat...it'sjustthat..."Momdoubted.Comeonmom,go...saywhatyouthink, saywhatyouthink...evenifitseemscrazy...SAYIT!"Sorry,Martha.Comeseeusanother day,willyou?"

  "It’llbemypleasure,"Isaidgratefully,asIapproachedtheresttogivethemtwogood-bye kisses.ButthosethingsaresaidtolookgoodandMomalsoknewthatthatwouldbethefirst andlasttimewewouldseeeachotheragain.

  Sayinggood-byetoLaurawastheworstmoment.Shetookmyfingerwithherlittlehand

  andsmiledatme.

  "Cheerstothegoodlife,littlegirl,"Isaid,plantingakissonherforehead.

  Everyonestoodinthedoorwaywavinggoodbye.Icouldseetheirunion,theirlove,their respect.Ihailedataxiandwithtearsinmyeyesandmydamnhandsweretremblingmorethan whenIarrived,Ilefthome.Whichnowandfortherestofmydays,wasmyhouse.

  Chapter9

  BEFOREYOUDIE...¡LIVE!

  MyoctogenarianangeldiedonNovember7.IknewitwhileIshoweredwithwarmwater,I felt a cold draft seeing a shadow in the bathroom through the shower curtain. With fear, I looked up and there she was, as kind as ever, smiling. I was relieved that it was not old Anthonycrossingthegreatdividetovisitothercitizensoftheworldinthesoothingmomentof theshower.

  "Icametosaygoodbye,"shesaidpeacefully.Alotofpeace.Herspiritdecidedtoleave theflowerydressesshelovedsomuch,tomakewayforaflawlesswhiterobe.Iquicklyputon my bathrobe and stood in front of her, crying. "Don’t cry, my girl ... And eat more, you're gettingveryskinny."Ilaughed.

  "I'llmissyourdinners,Angustias."Shesmiledgently."Andofcourse,Iwillmissyou..."I continued,regrettingthatIhadn’tspentmoretimewiththeoldwoman,withoutremembering thatthespiritscanreadourthoughts.

  "Don’t worry, you've been busy. And now that I know things, I understand your behavior thatsosurprisedmeatfirst."Shespokeclearlyandcalmly."And...Ilikeyoumore.Iwilltell Martathatherbodyiswithaverybeautifulsoul."

  "Thankyou,Angustias.CanIdosomethingforyou?"

  "Please. There is a garnet jeweler on the bedside table in my room. Inside is a heart-shapedpendant.Ifyouopenit,youwillseeaphotoofmyhusbandandmytwodaughterswhen theyweresmall.Iwanttobeburiedwiththem.Nothingelse."

  "You got it. Say hello to Saint Peter for me..." Ang
ustias laughed. "Until next time ... " I saidgood-naturedly.

  "Beforedying,livemychild...andmayitbeformanyyears."

  Inodded,unabletoutteranotherword.Isawherdisappearwithherindeliblesmileand criedforatleasthalfanhour.

  Itwasteno'clockatnight.Evenwithwethair,Idressedquicklyandwenttothehousenextto Angustias’home,whereacoupleintheirfifties,RitaandGonzalolived.Ihadtheexactwords to go into my octogenarian angel's house to discover what I already knew and they were completelyignorant,withoutbeingtakenforamadwoman.

  "Goodnight.SorrytodisturbatthistimebutI'mworriedaboutAngustias,"Isaidavoiding cryingmore.

  "Goodevening,Marta.Whathappened?"Ritaasked.

  "Inthemorningshetoldmetocomeovertoherhousetonight,butI'vegoneandshedoesn’t answerthedoor."IwaitedawhileandIdon’tknow...

  Without a word, Gonzalo picked up a copy of the keys to Angustias's house and went to openthedoor.WecreptinsidewhileRitacalledthenameofmyoctogenarianangelthinking she would be sleeping. They both put their hands to their heads and began to cry when they cameface-to-facewithreality.Thetelevisionwason,andAngustias’favoriteseriesbegan.On the side table, a magazine of the heart, in whose open page appeared a dazzling Cindy Crawford.Thefireplacewaslitandherlifelessbodysittinginherfavoritechair;Herhands were clasped in her belly. Her small, wrinkled closed eyes and her eternal smile, marked foreveronherlifelessface...asifshehadbeenwaitingtodieandgonepeacefullyfromlife.

  While Gonzalo handled the funeral services, I took the opportunity to go to the room of Angustias to pick up the pendant. When I opened it, I looked closely at the black and white photograph.AyoungandpreciousAngustias.Thin(surprisinglythin!),Withsmall,livelyeyes andthatsmilethatIwouldneverforget...herhusbandwasalsoveryhandsome,agallantwith a mustache but something more serious than his wife. And her two girls, about four and five years old in the picture, with their hair in perfect pigtails and dark eyes inherited from their mother,aswellastheirsmiles,whichweregraciouslymissingteeth.

  Ritapointedtothependant.StillshockedbythedeathofAngustias,itwasimpossiblefor hertoarticulateasingleword.

  "Angustiaswantedtobeburiedwithit.Ididn’twanttoforget."Ritasmiled,pleasedand nodded.

  Forensicssaidshehadbeendeadfortwohoursfromthemomentwefoundher.Shesuffereda heartattack,likethat,nothingmore...withoutpainorsufferingsincedeathprobablycaughther asleep.Thenextday,weclosedthesalonattwelveandLoliandIwenttothefuneralparlor.I greatlydoubtedthatAngustiasmadeanappearanceatherfuneral.ButIwaswrong.Shewas next to her daughters, who, in tears, were receiving everyone who came to them. My octogenarianangellookedatmesmilingandpointedmewithherfingeronhersilentlylips.I feltwewerenotgoingtotalkanymore.Sheonlywantedtobewithhisdaughters,presentbut invisible,inthatpainfultrance.Irespectedhim.

  The daughters of Angustias knew me. They came to me crying and hugged me. Thanks to Loli,whoseemedtobefriendswiththem,IknewtheywerecalledMacarenaandCatalina.

  "I'msorry,"Isaid,givingthemtwokisses.

  "Thankyouforeverything,Marta.Forthependant...wewithallthepaperworkwewould nothaveremembered."AngustiasnoddednexttotheoneIassumedwasthelargest,Macarena.

  "Yourmotherwasalwaysverygoodtome."

  I remembered the first time I saw her. When she screamed my name out of her window whenIwasfillingthebasinofthefountainwithannoyance.Themomentshegavemethefirst

  dinnerthatI,hungry,receivedwithtearsinmyeyes.ThedayshetoldmeaboutTeresaandthe disappearanceofhersonandthekeystohelptheghosttogetridoftheeternalloopshewasin

  ...herwords,alwaysloving,hersmiletowardsmeeternal,Theirdisinterestedfavorsandtheir wayoflife.I'dstaywiththat,ignoringallthatMartahadexperiencedwithher.Andenvying herforhavingspent,perhaps,moretimeinherlifewiththeoldlady.

  I pulled away from the crowd, while Loli spoke to the sisters. Angustias continued with them but occasionally looked at me. "Everything is fine ... everything is fine, very well," his eyes told me. After an hour, Loli and I returned to the hairdresser. That day closed at five-thirty, since at six we went to the mass and burial of Angustias. A farewell to which all the PinecameandpartofValenciadeAlcántara.Ididnotseemyoctogenarianangelagain,butI mustbeproudtobelovedbysomanypeople,forhavingleftamark,forhavinghadalongand goodlife.

  Forensicssaidshehadbeendeadfortwohoursfromthemomentwefoundher.Hegavehera heart attack, like that, without any more ... without pain or suffering since death probably caughtherasleep.Thenextday,weclosedthehairdresserattwelveandLoliandIwenttothe funeralparlor.IgreatlydoubtedthatAngustiasmadeanappearanceathisfuneral.ButIwas wrong. He was next to his daughters, who, in tears, were receiving everyone who came to them. My octogenarian angel looked at me smiling and pointed me with his finger on her silently lips. He felt we were not going to talk any more. I have only wanted to be with his daughters,presentbutinvisible,inthatpainfultrance.Irespectedhim.

  The daughters of Angustias knew me. They came to me crying and hugged me. Thanks to Loli, who seemed to be friends with them, I found out their names were Macarena and Catalina.

  "I'msorry,"Isaid,givingthemtwokisses.

  "Thankyouforeverything,Marta.Forthependant...wewithallthepaperworkwewould nothaveremembered."AngustiasnoddednexttotheoneIassumedwasthelargest,Macarena.

  "Yourmotherwasalwaysverygoodtome."

  IrememberedthefirsttimeIsawher.Whensheshoutedmynameoutofherwindowwhen

  I was filling the basin of the fountain with annoyance. The moment she handed me her first dinnerthatI,hungry,receivedwithtearsinmyeyes.ThedayshetoldmeaboutTeresaandthe disappearanceofhersonandthekeytohelptheghostgetoutoftheeternalloopshewasin...

  herwords,alwaysloving,hersmiletowardsmeeternal,herselflessfavorsandtheirwayof life.Iwouldstaywiththat,ignoringallthatMartahadexperiencedwithher.Andenvyingher forhavingspent,perhaps,moretimeinherlifewiththeoldlady.

  Ihidawayfromthecrowd,whileLolispoketothesisters.Angustiascontinuedalongwith thembutoccasionallylookedatme."Everythingisfine...everythingisfine,verywell,"her eyes told me. After an hour, Loli and I returned to the salon. That day closed at five-thirty, sinceatsixwewenttothemassandburialofAngustias.AfarewelltowhicheveryoneinPine cameandpartofValenciadeAlcántara.Ididn’tseemyoctogenarianangelagain,butshemust havefeltproudtoseesomanypeopleandforhavingleftamark,livingalongandgoodlife.

  WhenIreturnedtothePineatnineo'clockatnightandlookedatthehouseofmyoctogenarian angel, I felt a little more alone. The darkness invaded the house and the red roses in the window,theywouldsoonwitherawayinherabsence.

  Iwentintothehouseandwentstraighttotheterracetosmokeacigarette.Despitethecold.

  Ilookedatthecellphone.IhadnotheardfromAlejandrofordays.Ourlastconversationwas onthefifteenthofOctoberonWhatsApp,thetwenty-seventhofthatmonth.Anditwasalready November8.Afterasadanddifficultday,Idecidedtocallhim,eagertohearhisvoice.After foureternalrings,heanswered.

  "Hellobeautiful,"hesaidsadly.

  "It’sbeenalongtime!"Iexclaimed,tryingtocheeruptheconversation.

/>   "Iamsorry.YouknowI'msobusy."

  Alejandro had not been affectionate towards me for some time. Whenever we talked, I blamedwork,butIsensedthattherewassomethingelse.Somethingthathidme.SomethingI hadexperiencedsincethedayheleft,despitethepromiseshemadeandthelovehehadforme.

  I had ceased to believe in princes and eternal love stories, since I was five years old in my previous life; When Matías, the school boy I liked, told me that I was disgusting because I wenttothepoop.

  "Theusualexcuses,Alejandro.What'sup?"

  "It'salongstory,andit'snotsomethingI'dliketotalkaboutonthephone."

  "Youwantmetoteleport?"SaintPeterhadnotgivenmethatgift.Fornow

  "Well...HowdoIexplainthis?"

  "Startingfromthebeginning,"Isighed.

  "You told me that if I found someone, I'd be happy," he said. Idiot. who says that to the personsheisinlovewith?"Well,ithashappenedtome.Marta,ourstoryhasbeenincredible

  ... but I have reflected a lot and although I have tried to avoid the topic these last months because of the how you’ve changed and you are incredible now ... I’m sorry, I can’t forgive you.Mybossintroducedmetohisdaughterandtwoweeksago..."

  I hung up. I cried. I got mad. I threw an empty pot and broke it into a thousand pieces.

  Alejandro called me three times but I didn’t pick up the phone. He sent me a WhatsApp messagesayinghewassorrybutIdidn’tanswerthateither.Icursedthepreviousownerofmy bodyagain.IenteredthehouseandIfellasleepintears.Knowingthatthenextday,myface would be an open book. Red and swollen eyes, not only because of the death of my octogenarianangel...IrememberedthewordsofSt.Peter,disguisedasthatmortalmanand very hippy, when he came to visit me in Aveiro. The scene of a terrible previous life. That, nexttowhathappened,wasathousandtimesworse,butstill...howmuchithurt...Iwantedto be Laura again, or at least like her ... cold, without feelings, hidden behind a breastplate in which No one could attack with a look, a kiss, a dance ... nice words ... HIM. He would disappearfrommyworld,frommylife,frommytime,frommymoment...fromnowon.He wouldceasetobemyfavoritewordinmypresentlife.HIM.OnlyHim.Itwasover.