The Cruise of the Jasper B.

by Don Marquis

  CHAPTER XXVII

  CLEGGETT ACCOMMODATES THE KING

  There was a wedding next day on the deck of the Jasper B. The Rev.Simeon Calthrop performed the ceremony, and Wilton Barnstable insistedupon lending his vessel for a bridal cruise. Washington Artillery Lamb,engineer, janitor, cook and butler of the Annabel Lee, went with thevessel.

  As for the Jasper B., although his wife urged him to keep the ship forthe sake of old associations, Cleggett had the hole in its side builtin and gave it to the Rev. Simeon Calthrop for a gospel ship. Georgethe Greek, who married Miss Medley, shipped with the preacher in hiscruise around the world, and he and his wife eventually reached Greece,as he had originally intended. Elmer went with the Rev. Mr. Calthrop toassist him in his missionary work.

  But it was some time before the Jasper B. sailed. Besides the holewhich was the entrance to the tunnel it was discovered that the vesselrested on a brick foundation. The man who had used her for a saloonand dancing platform in years past had dug away part of the bank of thecanal to fit the curve of her starboard side and had then jammed hertight into the land. Even then she would move a trifle at times, so hehad built a dam around her, pumped the water out of the inclosed space,jacked the hulk up, built the brick foundation, and let her downsolidly on it again.

  With the dam removed the water covered this masonry work, and shelooked quite like a real ship. Mr. Goldberg had known about thisfoundation, but he had forgotten it, he explained to Cleggett.

  The Rev. Mr. Calthrop fitted her out as a floating chapel and filledher with Bibles printed in all languages, which he distributes in manylands. When his fatal attractiveness for women threatens to involvehim in trouble he hastily puts to sea. He has never become a reallyaccomplished sailor, and the Jasper B. is something of a menace tonavigation in the ports and harbors of the world. The suggestion hasfrequently been made that she should be set ashore permanently and puton wheels. But she has her features. She is, possibly, the only shipextant with a memorial skylight to her cabin. Cleggett wished her tocarry some sort of memorial to the faithful Teddy, the Pomeranian dog,who perished of a stray shot in the fight at Morris's. And as amemorial window did not seem feasible a compromise was made on thememorial skylight. The glass is by Tiffany.

  Dopey Eddie and Izzy the Cat, still followed by Reginald Maltravers,made their way to Brooklyn, where all three were arrested and lodged inthe observation ward of the Kings County Hospital on the suspicion thatthey were insane. The two gunmen were able to get free throughpolitical influence, but Maltravers was sent to England. He wasmaintained for some time in a private institution through thegenerosity of the Cleggetts, but finally went on a hunger strike anddied.

  Wilton Barnstable smiles and prospers. He gained great additional famefor his clever work in the Case of Logan Black.

  Cleggett, in 1925, was the father of four boys named D'Artagnan, Athos,Porthos, and Aramis Cleggett; and the owner of the Claiborne estates.

  He is now immensely wealthy. It never would have occurred to him,perhaps, to attempt to increase his modest fortune of $500,000 byspeculating on the Stock Exchange, had it not been for a fortunatemeeting with a barber in Nassau Street.

  This barber, whose Christian name was Walter, was, indeed, a mine ofsuggestion and information of all sorts. And being a good-naturedfellow, who wished the world well, Walter delighted to impart hisoriginal ideas and the fruits of his observation to his patrons whileshaving them. Some of these received his remarks coldly, it is true,but Walter was so charged with a sense of friendliness towards allmankind that he was never daunted for long by a rebuff.

  His interests were wide and varied; Walter found no difficulty intalking pleasantly upon any subject; he could touch it lightly, or dealwith it in a more serious vein, as the mood of his customer seemed torequire; and he had the art of making deft and rapid transitions fromtopic to topic. But there were two things in particular concerningwhich Walter had thought deeply: racehorses and the stock market.

  It was the settled grief of Walter's life that he had never been ableto persuade any person with money to take his advice concerning theraces, or follow any of the dazzling stock market campaigns which hewas forever outlining.

  "They listen to me," said Walter, a little wistfully, but with a bravesmile, "or else they do not listen--but no one has ever yet taken myadvice! Do you wet your hair when you part it, sir?"

  "What," said Cleggett, carefully concealing from Walter the fact thathe spoke of himself, "would be your advice to a man with $100,000 whowished to double it in a few weeks?"

  "Double it!" cried Walter. "Why, I could show such a person how tomultiply it by ten inside of two months." And he rapidly outlined toCleggett a scheme so audacious and so brilliant that it fairly took ourhero's breath away. Moreover, it stood the test of reflection; it wassound. Not to descend to the sordid details, in three weeks Cleggettfound himself possessed of a million dollars' gain. Half of this hegave to the excellent Walter, and in three months ran the other halfmillion up to twenty millions.

  Then he withdrew permanently from business, as Lady Agatha complainedthat it took too much of his time; moreover, he shrank from notoriety,which his stock market operations were beginning to bring upon him.

  Giuseppe Jones, who recovered of his wounds, forswore anarchy andbecame a newspaper reporter, and grew to be a fast friend of Cleggett,who discovered that he was a lad of parts. Cleggett eventually madehim president of a college of journalism which he founded. While hewas establishing the institution the man Wharton, his old managingeditor, broken, shattered, out of work, and a hopeless drunkard, cameto him and begged for a position. The man had sunk so low that he wasrepeatedly arrested for pretending to be blind on the street corners,and had debauched an innocent dog to assist in this deception.Cleggett forgave him the slights of many years and made him anassistant janitor in the new college of journalism.

  The post is a sinecure, and well within even the man Wharton's powers.

  Cap'n Abernethy travels with the Cleggetts a great deal, under thehallucination, which they humor, that he is of service to them. Thechildren are very fond of him. At Claiborne Castle Cleggett has had ashallow lake constructed for him. There the Captain, still firm in thebelief that he is a sailor, loves to potter about with catboats andrafts.

  Dr. Farnsworth enjoys a lucrative position as physician to the Cleggettfamily, and Kuroki is their butler.

  By 1925 the prejudice against militants had abated in certain exaltedcircles in England, and Lady Agatha Cleggett and her husband were muchat court.

  Cleggett, hating notoriety, had endeavored to conceal the story of hisadventures along the dangerous coasts of Long Island; but concealmentwas impossible. After the death of the old Earl of Claiborne, and thedemise of Reginald Maltravers, and Cleggett's purchase of the Claiborneestate, the King wished Cleggett to take the title of Earl of Claiborne.

  His Majesty sent the Premier to sound Cleggett upon the matter.

  "No, no," said Cleggett affably. "I couldn't think of it. I am quitedemocratic, you know."

  The second time the King sent one of the Royal Dukes to see Cleggett.They were at a house party in Wales, and Cleggett was a littledisturbed that this business affair should be brought up at a gatheringso distinctly social in its nature. He was too tactful to let it beseen, but secretly he felt that in approaching the matter in thatfashion the Duke had erred in taste.

  "But we need men like you in the House of Lords," pleaded the Duke.

  "I cannot think of it," said Cleggett. And then, not wishing to hurtthe Englishman's feelings, he said kindly: "But I will promise youthis: if I should change my mind and decide to become a member of anyaristocracy at all, it will be the English aristocracy."

  The Duke thanked Cleggett for the compliment; and Cleggett thought hehad heard the end of it.

  He was, therefore, surprised, a few weeks later, as he was conversingwith the King at Buckingham Palace, when His Majesty himself, layinghis hand famil
iarly on Cleggett's shoulder, renewed the petition inperson. It is hard to refuse things continually without seemingunappreciative. In fact, Cleggett felt trapped; if the truth must beknown, he was a little angry.

  "Come, come, Cleggett," said the King, "lay aside your prejudices andoblige me. After all, it is not the sort of thing I run about offeringto every American in London!"

  "Your Majesty," said Cleggett, politely but with a note of firmness andfinality in his voice, "since you mention the word American you forceme to speak plainly. I would not willingly wound your sensibilities inany particular, but--pardon me if I am direct--you have been verypersistent. I AM an American, your Majesty, and I consider the honorof being an American citizen far above any that it is within your powerto bestow. If I have not mentioned this before, it was because I didnot wish to hurt you. I hope our friendship will not cease, but I musttell you flatly that I desire to hear no more of this. You will obligeme by not mentioning it again, Your Majesty."

  The King begged Cleggett's pardon with a becoming sincerity, and wasabout to withdraw. Cleggett, who liked him immensely, was suddensmitten with a regret that it had been so impossible to oblige him.

  "Your Majesty," he cried impulsively, "I BEG of you not to get the ideathat there is anything personal in this refusal."

  "I respect principle," said the King gravely. But he WAS hurt andcould not help showing it, and he was a little stiff.

  "We will compromise," said Cleggett, with a flash of inspiration.

  "I will let you have my second son, Athos Cleggett. You may make himEarl of Claiborne, if you choose. After all, HE is half English!"

  "That is like your generosity, Cleggett," said the King, smiling, andgiving Cleggett his hand.