Millions of Pebbles

by Roberta Kagan

  Then one of the camp doctors told Ilsa that Hilde had returned from Berlin. She’d miscarried again. The doctor, thinking Ilsa was Hilde’s friend, confided that Hilde was distraught and might be close to a nervous breakdown.

  Ilsa hid her true feelings. She told the doctor how sorry she was to hear that Hilde was doing so poorly. But when the doctor turned his back a smile washed over Ilsa’s pretty face.

  It was early one morning, and Ilsa was on her way to the beauty salon in Ravensbrück where she was stationed as a guard. She walked through the camp thinking that today she would have one of the prisoners pin curl her hair. That was when she happened to look around and saw Axel, Hilde’s husband. He had just entered the children’s camp. She ducked to hide behind the building so she could see what he was doing there. She listened intently. Axel was talking to one of the prisoners. Ilsa peeked around the corner to see whom he was speaking to. The woman was sitting on the ground holding a beautiful, blond, little boy on her lap. Ilsa heard the woman beg Axel to take care of her child. And he promised her that he would. Ilsa ducked back behind the building again. She didn’t want to be seen, but she continued to watch and listen. She heard movement, but no one spoke, so she peeked around the corner. She saw Axel take the little boy in his arms and carry him out of the camp. Ilsa followed Axel but not too closely. He took the little boy to his car then drove away with the child. Ilsa needed to know more about this child and why Axel had taken him. The boy’s mother was sitting on the ground crying when Ilsa walked into the children’s camp.

  “Who are you?” she asked. “What is your name?”

  “Felicia Bankowski,” Lila Rabinowitz lied. She was trembling, hoping that the SS officer who had just taken Moishe would not hurt him.

  “What business do you have with that SS officer who was just here?”

  Lila shook her head. “None.”

  “Was that your child he just took with him?”

  “No. He was just one of the children here in the children’s camp.”

  “Liar,” Ilsa said. Then she walked out. She had to know the truth.

  For the next three nights, Ilsa took several women out of the block where Lila slept and tortured them by burning them with her cigarettes. She was trying to find out anything she could about this woman who called herself Felicia. No one had any answers. Then finally Ilsa had a breakthrough when one of the women could not bear the pain.

  “Her real name is Lila Rabinowitz; the child is Moishe Rabinowitz, her son,” the prisoner said. She was still holding her arm where Ilsa had burned her ten times.

  “Is she a Jew?” Ilsa asked.

  “Yes, she confessed to being Jewish when we were on the transport. She is a Jew, but she is pretending to be a Gentile.”

  “Good. That’s what I needed to know,” Ilsa said. Then she shot the prisoner point-blank in the head.

  “Clean this up,” Ilsa said to the other prisoners who were in the block.

  “Lila Rabinowitz,” she whispered aloud. Now I have to find out what Axel is planning to do with the child.

  Ilsa knew a man who worked with Axel. She asked him for Axel’s schedule. He was so impressed with the pretty female guard that he gave her what she asked for. Then she began to follow Axel.

  Ilsa didn’t want Axel to suspect that she knew anything about him taking a child from the children’s camp, so she waited for a month, watching him. She decided it was best to give him time to let his guard down. Then knowing where he would be, she decided to bump into him, all the while making their meeting seem purely accidental. His eyes lit up, and then a shy smile came over his flushed face when he saw her.

  “Axel, how are you? It’s been such a long time. How is Hilde?”

  “She is coming along. I’m sorry to say that she was pregnant, but she miscarried again. Only this time it was very late in the pregnancy. ”

  “A second time?” Ilsa pretended to be shocked.

  “Yes, a second time. But she is doing much better now than she was when it first happened.”

  “Oh, I’m truly glad to hear it. I would love to see her.”

  “Why don’t you come to our home for dinner on Thursday evening? I know she would be very happy to see you.”

  “I would love to,” Ilsa said, giving Axel her prettiest smile. Perfect, she thought. I’ll bring a nice bottle of schnapps, and then while we are having after-dinner drinks, I will see what I can find out about the child. I wonder if he is arranging escape routes for children and being paid handsomely to do it. If he is, perhaps I could earn some valuables by doing the same thing. I don’t want reichsmarks, that’s for sure. But the Jews have diamonds and gold. And I’ve been looking for a way to get my hands on some things that I can sell just in case Germany loses the war. And this might be just what I have been looking for.

  CHAPTER 52

  All week, Ilsa tried to think of ways to approach the subject of the child with Axel. She knew she must choose her words carefully. However, when she arrived on Thursday night, she found that she needn’t have worried. The answers to all her questions were right in front of her. There, playing on the living room floor of Hilde and Axel’s home, was the little boy she’d seen Axel carry out of the children’s camp. The Jewish child whose name was Moishe Rabinowitz. Ilsa hoped that neither Hilde nor Axel heard her let out a gasp when she saw the boy. She watched as Hilde coddled Moishe and then called him Anatole. Hilde was tickling the child. He was laughing. Ilsa smiled. This was even better than she’d originally thought it would be. Now she knew how she was going to regain control of Hilde.

  The blond-haired little boy was charming indeed. He gave Ilsa a hug and kiss before bed. But she knew the truth: he was a subhuman, a Jew, a trickster, even at his young age.

  Axel took the child to put him to bed leaving Hilde and Ilsa to catch up. Once they were alone, Ilsa told Hilde what she knew about the child.

  “His name is not Anatole. It’s Moishe. He’s a Jew. Your husband stole him from the children’s camp at Ravensbrück.”

  “That is simply not true, Ilsa. How can you say such a thing?” Hilde’s face was flushed.

  “No need to worry, Hilde. I’m your best friend. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you . . . unless, of course, I had to, but . . .” She let out a short hyena laugh. “I promise you that little Anatole’s secret will be safe because I am going to help you. I know who his mother is. I’ll find her and kill her. Then,” she said, “the only people who will know that little Anatole is really Moishe Rabinowitz will be you and Axel and me . . . of course.”

  Hilde was unnerved. Ilsa could see how upset she was, but Ilsa pretended not to notice. And she’d kept her promise.

  The following day, Ilsa found Lila Rabinowitz and accused her of stealing food, then she shot her. It had been that simple.

  After work , Ilsa went back to see Hilde to tell her that Lila Rabinowitz no longer posed a threat. That . . . and to tell her that she’d found out that Hilde’s friend Gretchen had been arrested for harboring Jews.

  “How did you find all of this out?” Hilde said, her hands were shaking.

  “I know even more,” Ilsa said proudly. “I know that you were the hero who was responsible for Gretchen’s arrest.”

  “I am not a hero. I am so sorry that I hurt my friend Gretchen. I feel guilty about it every day.”

  “And once again, your good friend Ilsa can help you.” Ilsa smiled. “As you well know, I have plenty of friends.”

  Hilde nodded.

  “So I can use my influence to have Gretchen brought here to Ravensbrück. As long as she is here, you will be able to help her, yes?”

  “I would try my best.”

  “I might be able to arrange for Gretchen to work for you. She could be your housekeeper and babysit Anatole.”

  “Oh yes, Ilsa. That would be wonderful. I would know she was safe, then. Would you really do that for me?”

  “Of course I would.”

  Hilde’s hands were trembling. Tears were for
ming in her eyes. She’d felt so guilty about the mistake she’d made that had led to Gretchen’s arrest. This solution that Ilsa was proposing was heaven sent. “How can I ever thank you?” Hilde asked.

  “Nothing is free, little butterball. I need something from you too. You must return to work at Ravensbrück. I need you to steal all the valuable jewelry you can get your hands on and give it to me.”

  “Steal from the Reich?” Hilde asked. There was a note of fear in her voice.

  “We’ve taken jewelry before, you and I.”

  “Yes, we have but only a few pieces,” Hilde said.

  “Now I want you to take as much as your pockets can hold.”

  “This is dangerous. Very.”

  “Of course, but you want me to bring Gretchen here, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, then?”

  “I’ll do it.” Hilde bowed her head in defeat and agreed as Ilsa knew she would. After all, not only was Ilsa going to do Hilde a big favor, but she also had plenty of dangerous information about Anatole, which gave her the power to destroy Hilde and Axel.

  Ilsa was pleased with how the evening had gone. As she walked back to her room at Ravensbrück, she thought, Now, not only do I have control over Hilde and Axel, but Gretchen will be at Ravensbrück. And that will mean I also will have the power to destroy Gretchen. Ilsa straightened her back and hummed softly to herself. She loved the feeling of triumph.

  It was not difficult for Ilsa to have things arranged for Gretchen to be brought to Ravensbrück. And as soon as Gretchen arrived, Hilde went back to work and began stealing for Ilsa.

  This was how Ilsa acquired what she needed to pay ODESSA for safe passage out of Germany just in case Germany lost the war. Now all she needed was a way to meet Adolf Eichmann and convince him to make the arrangements for her escape. She’d heard that Eichmann had connections to ODESSA, and he had the power to make the arrangements she needed to get out. It would be a risk to discuss it with him, treason of course, but a necessary risk. Still, she had to find a way to meet him. Then, an entire year later, an opportunity fell in her lap. She heard that there was to be a gala, and Adolf Eichmann was going to be attending. She assumed her old lover Dr. Mengele would be invited. And although she knew Dr. Mengele didn’t have any deep feelings for her, she hoped he would do her this one favor. She went to see him. Once he agreed that she could accompany him to the gala, she began to make plans. She needed to make sure she would be able to meet and seduce Adolf Eichmann.

  CHAPTER 53

  1945

  After the strange man came to collect payment at Ravensbrück in 1944, Ilsa had not heard another word from ODESSA until early April 1945. In the middle of the night, a man knocked on the door to her room in Ravensbrück. When she opened it, he handed her an envelope. Then, without a word, he disappeared into the darkness. She closed the door and opened the envelope. Inside were identification papers for a Jewish woman. The woman’s name was Atara Herskowitz. She was twenty-five years old and born in Krakow, Poland. Along with the papers was a quickly scribbled note.

  "These are your forged papers. We will be sure to list this woman’s name as having been a prisoner in Auschwitz and in Ravensbrück. By the time you will be using her name, she would be considered a survivor.

  "If things should go awry and you must leave Germany quickly, someone will come to escort you. After you have left Ravensbrück, you will assume the name of this Jew that is listed above. Tell no one of your plans. However, be sure to keep a bag packed with warm clothes, a coat, and boots in case the departure time should occur during the winter months. Also be sure to pack any valuables you may have. You must be ready to depart at a moment’s notice."

  There was nothing else inside the envelope.

  Ilsa packed her small suitcase and then shoved it back under the bed. There was a growing fear among the guards that could be felt throughout the camp. They knew the Allies had invaded Europe, and soon they would be marching through Germany. It was treason to talk of Germany losing the war, but sometimes Ilsa overheard the guards discussing Germany's situation. A few years ago the possibility of Germany’s defeat was a mere speculation. However, now it seemed inevitable. A few of the women guards who worked with Ilsa admitted to the others that they planned to run away as soon as they knew the Allies were near.

  One night when Ilsa went to have dinner at Hilde’s house, Hilde and Axel asked her what she planned to do if the Allies came through the camp. She never let on as to her plans. Instead, she just smiled and reassured them that she did not believe that the Allies would ever enter the fatherland. With confidence, she told them that it was treason to even entertain the idea that Germany could lose the war.

  “I have faith in the führer, and I have no intentions of turning my back on our beloved Reich,” she said.

  It sounded almost like a threat to Hilde and Axel, so they backed down immediately, and although they were doubtful that Germany had a chance, they both agreed with her. The last thing they needed was for Ilsa to think they’d committed treason.

  Ilsa patted their backs and told them not to worry, that their lack of loyalty to the party was safe with her. A quick look of fear passed between Axel and Hilde, but they both managed to cover it as quickly as it came. For the rest of the night, Ilsa was as sweet as maple syrup. She played with Anatole. She even held him in her arms and sang to him in German.

  Gretchen had arrived a month prior to this visit, and since her arrival, Ilsa could see a difference in Hilde. Hilde had begun to relax. The child, too, had adjusted to his new home. Anatol called Hilde, Mama, and Axel, Father. Hilde seemed happier. She’d even gained some weight. Ilsa complimented her on how healthy she looked. At the end of the evening, Ilsa kissed her friends' cheeks and asked Anatole for a big hug. Then she left the house and headed back to Ravensbrück. Once she was far enough away to be out of earshot, she began to cackle, and as she did she said, “Oh, Butterball, you are such a fool.”

  CHAPTER 54

  It all happened just as Ilsa thought it would. Late in the night, she heard a knock on her door. She got out of bed, but no one was there, then she looked down to see a note.

  “Leave the camp, and come into the town. Once you are there, go to the area behind the postal office. Be there by four a.m. this morning. Bring your bags.”

  This was it. Ilsa was sorry to leave the best job she’d ever had, but she knew that the days of the Reich were numbered, so she quickly got dressed, slid her suitcase out from under the bed, looked around one last time, and then headed out into the night.

  CHAPTER 55

  The trip on foot through the Swiss Alps was challenging for Ilsa. She’d never been much of an athlete. The rest of her group seemed annoyed that they had to wait for her because she had trouble keeping up. The terrain was difficult to navigate, especially at night, so three days later when she saw the small plane in the distance, she was both scared and relieved. It was before sunset, and the plane looked almost like a mirage, like something unreal, in the golden, afternoon sun. Ilsa had never flown before, and the idea of it made her heart race with fear. As she sat down in the leather seat, she imagined the plane falling out of the sky, then the engine roared, and the plane began to taxi. She felt dizzy, hardly able to catch her breath. As the aircraft rose into the sky, Ilsa felt as if her eardrums might burst. Then she vomited on the floor.

  “Disgusting,” the man who was leading the group said. He was a man with no name because he refused to reveal anything about his identity. “You’ll clean that up,” he growled at Ilsa.

  Ilsa nodded. She felt alone, and suddenly she was frightened. It was unusual for her to feel so afraid, but she had no idea what lay in store. South America. I’ve heard there’s a barbaric jungle there. I wonder how far away from it we will be. Perhaps we will be right in the middle of it. And to make matters even worse, I don’t like any of these people who are on this plane with me. They look at me as if they are repelled by me. They remind me so muc
h of the children I knew when I was young and fat. I hope the arrangements can be made for me to get out of South America and to the United States as soon as possible. I have a feeling that I could be happy there. After all, they say everyone is rich in America. And I am going to need to find a way to replenish my savings after paying for this escape.

  The others dozed, read Nazi-approved literature, or gazed out the window into the darkness. Ilsa contemplated seeing Eichmann again. She’d heard that Josef Mengele would be there too, the only man who had ever broken her heart. It was only my ego that he hurt, she consoled herself. I never really loved him or Adolf. I’ve never really loved anyone. Love is for fools. Well, I’ll get away from them and out of that miserable place as soon as I possibly can, then I’ll head straight for America.

  The small primitive-looking aircraft rocked through the turbulent air as night fell. Feeling lonely and strangely eerie, Ilsa wrapped her arms around herself. If this thing crashes, my life will be over. What would it feel like to die in a burst of flames? Would it be horribly painful, or would it be fast? Ilsa swallowed hard. Could there possibly be a God? And . . . if there was, what would that mean to her? She trembled at the thought.

  CHAPTER 56

  The Amazon Jungle in Bolivia

  There was no landing strip. The plane came to a rocky landing in the darkness in a section of the rainforest that had been cleared for this purpose. When Ilsa stood up, her knees trembled. She walked down the stairs out into the unbearable heat. The air was heavy and moist. The guide who awaited them led them down a narrow path that had been carved through the thick trees. Branches slapped her arms and scraped the skin on her legs.