by Wood, Lauren
He moved in closer to me and I felt my anxiety rise. Just the close proximity brought my heart rate a little faster. I had a feeling that he knew what he was doing, he always knew. Even when we were younger, when things didn't make any sense and we didn't even know each other, we had just run off of the feeling.
I could feel it now, running between us like electricity. It was the only way I could think to describe it. It felt sort of like the air in the middle of a storm. The static charged it and that was exactly what it felt like between me and him. Talking about that feeling and everything else that was shared between us, seems like the worst idea yet. Forgetting seemed a lot easier.
“I don't think I can do that.”
“But if you have to?”
He smiled wryly. “I don't know if I will be able to. Do you seriously not want to say anything to me? After all this time, there is no question that comes to mind?”
“I wouldn't say that, but I don't think the answer is going to help anything. What is the point?”
“There doesn't have to be a point, Angie. I am not saying that I am trying to get with you or anything. That happened a long time ago and we were both young and stupid. Life has changed and I have learned my lesson. I am not looking for some kind of relationship with you. I didn't know that you would show up at my house, but here you are. I did recognize you, right off. I do remember every single moment that we spent together. All we need to do is keep that in mind.”
I agreed with a shake of my head, because I did not believe that the words coming out of my mouth would even be right, if they came forth at all. There was just a coldness to him that I did not recognize and his eyes seemed to have glazed over. Everything at the moment seemed unseasonably cold.
I stepped away from him and tried to put a smile on my face, though I know that I failed rather miserably. How is there any way that I could be happy about all of this?
“You're right of course.”
“I'm glad that you see it that way. I would hate for us to not understand each other.”
I told Jaime that I understood him well. Whatever remembrance of a man that I had, was long ago. That man no longer existed, and I had to wonder if he ever did. Maybe he was just the culmination of everything that I wanted him to be. He seemed too perfect back then, but now I could see him for what he truly was. I can't say that I liked it too much.
“Well, if there is anything else you would like to speak about, as far as the job goes, I think we've had enough personal talk for now, don't you?”
He agreed and told me that I had complete creative license.
“As long as you meet the criteria, it is pretty much up to you.”
I usually liked the hands-off approach, but not this time. This time it kind of bothered me, because I knew why he was doing it. He wasn't doing it because he trusted that I would do a good job. No, Jaime was doing it because he did not want to have to deal with me. He didn't want to fire me, so I guess that was one good thing, but he certainly didn't want to work with me either.
8
Jaime
She left not too long after we talked. As soon as I saw her face fall, halfway through the monologue that I'd been practicing in my mind, I realized that no matter how good it sounded in my mind, it certainly did not have the same effect that I was hoping for. She showed a moment of devastation on her face and since I had been thinking about Angie for years now, I certainly hated to see the frown. I always recalled her with an expression of a carefree smile, but that was no longer present. Age had changed Angie as well.
I wished that I would have said it kinder, or maybe I should have taken her suggestion and not said a word either way. I really don’t know what I was thinking, but it didn’t matter now, nothing did. She was gone for now, but that would change rather quickly. Angie said she would be back at the beginning of next week with some supplies and helpers. I would have to brace myself then and hope that I was able to get myself through it. It was harder than I would have imagined.
All I could see now when I closed my eyes and thought of Angie, was the awful way that she had looked at me. It was no longer that smile that I wanted to see, even if I had tried to ignore it. Now, it was her frowning at me, devastated by my words.
It wasn’t something that I was able to shake during the weekend and Ree brought it to my attention. “You don’t look well, father.”
“I’m fine, Ree. Why do you worry so much?”
“Mom said that I got that from you. She says you worried about everything.”
“Yes, but I am old now. You’re too young to be like me in that way.”
Ree had always been wise beyond her years. Most of that came from her mother’s partying ways. I would be off working, and Anika would be drinking and having a good ol’ time. It was never what she wanted it to be.
She doesn’t comment, but does go into a whole spiel about how much she likes Angie. I wonder if she knows. She shouldn’t, can’t, but that’s what I worry about. Do I really feel like she will like Angie better than me?
“I am glad that you like Angie. But she's not going to be around all that long. A few weeks until the renovations are done and then we probably won't see her again.”
In truth it was exactly what had happened last time. Angie had a way of popping up and then leaving, just as quickly as she came. That was maybe why it was hard for me to even consider anything with Angie, because I knew how it was going to turn out. She was going to be gone again and I was going to be left with that burning feeling that didn't seem to go anywhere.
“Yes, we will. I have a good feeling about it.”
I didn't know what to say to that. Now my daughter was having quote-unquote feelings. Whatever that meant.
“Well, either way, Angie is nice and I'm glad that you liked her.”
“Did you know her before?”
There it is, because then of course, I was wondering why she was asking such a thing.
I decided that the best route was just to tell the truth, but of course not the whole truth. Ree was too young for any of those conversations, but I could at least tell her that we had met. That seemed safe enough.
“We met once a long time ago. We were a lot younger back then and it kind of surprised me to see her again.”
“Is that why you’ve been acting strange?”
I didn't realize that I had been acting strange, but of course my daughter would be the first one to tell me, without batting an eye. She had always been pretty straightforward.
“I guess that may be the reason. Sometimes when you haven't seen somebody in a while, it makes you feel strange to be around them again. You will understand in time, what I am talking about.”
“I thought it just meant that you liked her.”
The little girl bounced around, and I kind of shook my head with a grimace. Why was I trying to have a serious conversation with her? She was grown up, but she wasn't that grown up.
The strange feeling that I had with Angie did not get any better the longer I was away from her. The whole weekend, I thought about her and once it was time for her to come back, I made sure that this time around, I had every intention of being there. I would of course fix an emergency if it came up and my uncle called, because that’s what I did. But if that wasn’t the case, then I was going to make my way home. I knew that this was probably the worst thing I could do, especially if I was trying to forget about Angie. Obviously, I shouldn't be around her. It was just going to make things worse.
Now, with that in mind, as soon as she came in, I was the first one to greet her. I even let the maid have the morning off, because I didn't want any disruptions. My daughter was away at school, so now it was just us. Subconsciously, I knew that I had done it for a reason, but I wasn't ready to really think about it yet. Certainly, wasn't ready to say it out loud.
“Good morning, Jaime. I didn't think that you would be here today.”
“I was just looking at my schedule and it allowed it. I wanted to make sur
e that you had everything you needed to get started. That you have enough help, etc.”
She thanked me for my thoughtfulness and I just responded with a smile. It felt empty to me, but she reciprocated it and somehow brightened the room, as well as my bad mood.
“Yes, I think I have everything I need. I got all the supplies and the other worker should be here in a little bit.”
“Until they get here, is there anything that I can do to help?”
She looked me up and down for a moment and I could see her eyes darken. What was going through her mind? What made her blue eyes suddenly all stormy?
“I have some sketch boards out in the car. I really want to try and get Ree’s room done today. So, when she gets home from school, she can see it. If you want to just bring that one in, that would be great.”
“Do you really think you can have it done that quickly?”
“I usually make myself pretty efficient. I wouldn't want to be too much of a burden on my clients. It is best to do what I can and move on. As quickly as possible.”
I felt like there was some kind of clue in there, to how I was supposed to act around her. But I didn't get it. Hadn’t I already told her that there was going to be nothing going on between us? I know that I had, because it had killed me to say it. The words flew through my lips like they were supposed to come, but the whole time I wanted to stuff them back into my mouth and never let them go. I did not want to pretend like nothing ever happened between us. I just couldn't, even though I made a lot of claims.
I went out to her car and it smelled like the sweet gardenia perfume that she had worn on the plane. Sitting next to her, inhaling that flowery scent, had probably been the first thing that made me really notice the young woman beside me. Sheer beauty was what drew me in at first, but it was like the whole aura of her was calling to me. Not much had changed since then.
I looked around, trying to find the sketch boards. I noticed that her phone was in the car. She had a couple of text messages from a guy that were showing up and I could read the first sentence of them. It was rather clear that Angie had recently broken up with someone and they were missing her. I certainly couldn't blame them.
I had assumed that she was taken, but now I was starting to see that I was probably wrong about all of it. She was single, freshly so by the sound of it, but single. Why did I suddenly have a change of heart when it came to her? Was it the idea of her being free and clear that made me see that maybe I was looking at this all in the wrong way?
When I came back inside, I was able to really take in her beauty. Why had I thought that I would be able to dismiss her and all the feelings I had for her so easily? It was foolish of me to think it was possible. Maybe it was even more foolish of me to think that I could.
“Did you get them?”
I handed the boards to her and she smiled. “Thank you. Once the crew gets here, we will start to make this come to life. I'm going to start clearing out her room now. There's nothing else that I really need help with right now.”
“Let me at least help you with the furniture, until the rest of your help gets here.”
She thanked me quickly for the help, but then she would not meet my gaze. I knew that it was because of my words. The words that I had hurled in frustration and something else akin to self-preservation. Angie was the type of woman that had the ability to hurt me. I did not want that, and I foolishly thought that I would be able to somehow ignore it all, to keep myself safe.
I walked behind her in the hallway to get to Ree’s room. She stopped suddenly at the door. I did not expect her to and I was following too closely, because my hard body came in contact with her soft one.
The proximity and slight touch made parts of me sing to a wakeful state and I could almost bet that she could feel it a bit, as it brushed against her backside. She made a sound and then immediately pulled back. This was not my intention at all.
“Sorry about that, Angie. I did not realize you were stopping.”
“No, it's fine.”
She looked breathless now and I liked to think that it was because of our moment of contact. That's exactly how it felt when we kissed for the first time on the plane. Everything, all of the emotions and feelings were coming back to me full tilt and I was remembering too much. It wasn’t the time for this.
“I'm going to go get some tea. Would you like some tea?”
Then, I ran off. That's exactly what I was doing. I was running away from this moment. She had once been a girl that I had thought about, and now she was a woman and even more dangerous than before.
9
Angie
“I am telling you Lisa, this is something different. You remember when I told you about that guy on the plane, on my way to New York? The one that I stayed with in that dumpy hotel?”
She agreed and asked me what that had to do with anything.
“That’s the guy I’m working for right now.”
“Really? Well you always said that if it was meant to be for you two, that you would see each other again. I always thought that was kind of like one of those serendipity situations, but it actually came through. Maybe there was something to it after all.”
I knew she was just toying with me, although she had been recently bitten by love and it seemed to have really changed her too. Lisa wasn’t the same woman that I remembered growing up with. She’d fallen hard and I could see from the way she looked, that it was still holding her in its grasp.
“I know that you're just joshing me. I know how you feel about all of this, but something tells me that there is more to it than you think.”
“Maybe so, but right now, it's really hard to deal with him being right there next to me. He helped with the furniture and stuff before everyone else arrived. He kept getting really close. I ran into him. It's been a bit much for me. I remember him very fondly and I don't think that feeling has changed.
“So, what are you saying?”
I shrugged. “I don't know what I'm saying to be honest, Lisa. All I know for certain, is all of those feelings that I had back on the plane going to New York all those years ago, they're coming back to me. I have to work with him at least another week to get this project done. It’s a big renovation.”
“But if he's as rich and busy as you say he is, then he won't have much time to putter around the house helping you.”
“That's what I would have thought, but the last two times I've been there, he has been there to greet me. He is also trying to be very helpful and...”
I didn't know how to go on with the sentence. I could hear myself and I just kind of scoffed. I was worried about having feelings for a guy that I had incredible sex with years ago. It didn't really seem like that big of a problem. Maybe it would be if I was married, or if I had a boyfriend, but I had neither of those things. I had nobody that I had to answer to, nobody that would care what I really did. And Lisa made me see that.
She didn't even have to really say anything. She just looked at me and I got a little defensive.
“What?”
“You know what. Why are you freaking out about this so much? It's not like you want to change any of it, is there?”
She made me think about it for a minute and the truth was that I didn't want to stay away from Jaime, maybe that was the problem. Any woman in her right mind would stay far away from a man like that. Here I was though, trying to find any excuse I could, to do the exact opposite. Maybe I deserved everything that I was going to get, because I was acting so foolhardy.
“Why would it be so bad if the two of you got together again?”
“I don't know.”
And that was the truth. I had no idea what would happen if I got another dose of Jaime. The one before had been too intense, so much so, that I hadn’t forgotten about him in all these years. He was the one that was always stuck in my mind and to me, there was a real danger. That I would find myself falling right back into the same trap. How long would it take me the second time around, to for
get his name?
“I think you have to stop worrying about it, Angie. There is nothing better than love and if you have found it, after all of this time apart, you owe it to yourself to see where it will all end up. Don’t you think?”
I didn’t know, but I did know that I liked her idea, far better than the plan that Jaime had given up.
“Jaime made it clear that he didn’t want that.”
She smirked. “When do men every really know what they want? That’s what he thinks is in his heart, but if that were true, why would he say anything at all?”
“He is different. I can see it in his eyes. Something has changed, and I think it has to do with one of his exes.”
“Yeah, I heard that she was a doozy. You can see Anika on the cover of almost every magazine weekly. She’s all about drama and booze, from what I have read.”
“Sounds like a winner. I feel sorry for her daughter. She is a bright ray of sunshine, but you can tell that she is craving a mother figure. I think that’s why she clung to me so quickly. It wasn’t like I did anything different, but hearing about her mother, makes it easy to see what the matter is.”
“Just be careful of your heart, though don’t let it stop you from taking the leap.”
“You know that it is impossible to do both of those things, don’t you?”
“It may seem that way, but trust me, if you feel it in your heart, go with it. Just be careful, Angie. I know that you haven’t opened up in a long time, but maybe it’s time. You light up when you talk about him, there has to be some kind of reason.”
“You’ve changed, Lisa. You never used to be so star-crossed lovers before. I am starting to think that the man you’re with has made you rethink things.”
“He has. I have never been happier, and I want you to be happy too, Angie. You deserve it.”