by Wood, Lauren
I didn’t know if that was true. I had put off those feelings for a long time and I knew why that was. It wasn’t because I was afraid of getting hurt or commitment. It was always because no one else compared to that silly fling on the plane. For years, I’d almost wished that it had never happened. It raised the bar too high and it was impossible to scale.
“Thank you, Lisa. That’s good to hear. He doesn’t feel the same way. He made a point to tell me that we didn’t have to worry about that anymore. It was the past.”
“The past has a way of coming back up, you know that.”
She was right, but I thought that all of her words were wasted. Jaime didn’t feel the same way. He’d acted differently the last couple of days, but his words were ever-present in my ears.
“Maybe you’re right, Lisa. We’ll just have to see. How are you, now that I’ve went on about myself so much?”
“I’m good. We’re good, all four of us.”
“Four? You move quickly.”
We talked about her new baby on the way and I felt like I was moving in the wrong direction. My life was still in standstill, and while I told myself that this is what I wanted, the career, the business, the respect of my peers, I don’t think that I’d ever been as happy as Lisa, getting all of those things. The simple life wasn’t as simple as it sounded, but it seemed like it was good for her. Would it be good for me, as well?
I knew there was only one person that I would even consider it with, but I didn’t even really know him. Jaime was a stranger to me, but I still wanted him and only him. That didn’t seem normal and it left me in a state of confusion.
“You don’t have to stay and help if you don’t want to, Jaime. I figure that you have something better to do than paint and hang out with me.”
“Nothing that would be nearly as entertaining. Where is your crew today?”
“All sick with some kind of food poisoning, I think. They all ate at a taco stand after work and every one of them called me because of it last night and this morning. It’s just me today.”
I’d finished up Ree’s room, as well as the living room. Now I was painting the master bedroom and this room in particular, made it hard for me to not think about Jaime in a naughty way. He was on my mind again, and now he was insisting on staying and helping.
“Have you ever even painted before?”
He said that he hadn’t. I hadn’t thought so, because he came from the same kind of background that I did. We hired people for this sort of thing.
“Have you?”
“Of course, it’s what I do for a living. I hire people, but I like to get personally involved. It’s always better that way, don’t you agree?”
I could see that he didn’t, but I warned him if he was going to paint with me, he was going to have to take some of his clothes off.
“You want me to take my clothes off?”
I giggled for a moment, forgetting everything between us. “I meant your jacket, not your pants. I don’t want you to ruin a good label.”
He waved me off and told me that he liked his idea better.
“I am sure you do. I learned my lesson a long time ago, from listening to you.”
He tried to look innocent, but it was no use. I knew better. I may not know Jaime all that well anymore, but I did know for certain how he was, when it came to sex and women. There was not an innocent bone in his body.
10
Jaime
We were painting, had been for almost an hour and we had fallen into this quiet sort of work, that wasn't anxious or tense at all. We were just working next to each other at a clipped pace and the work was getting done rather quickly. I found that I rather enjoyed painting, after she had taken the time to show me how to do it.
I watched her from the other side of the room and Angie didn't even look up once. She was too wrapped up in what she was doing to notice my attention. Most women would have been smiling coyly at me, trying to make themselves more presentable, and then there was Angie. She had paint on her chin and in her hair, yet she didn’t seem to notice. That was the carefree woman that I remembered.
“You're really good at this.”
“I better be. I put everything on the line to start up this business. Took out huge loans, so I had to get good at it fast. Before I started this company, I had never painted a wall in my life. Much like you.”
I remembered she said her family was wealthy and considering how she had been dressed so long ago on that plane, I knew her words to be true. Angie had a sort of elegance about her that only came to be with my surroundings that needed such a thing.
“Why did you get a loan, instead of just getting the money from your family?”
That was the only thing that I didn't really understand, because I was so close with my family. I worked for my father before he died and now I worked with my uncles. It was just expected of me and it was hard for me not to think the same about her. She came from money, which meant that her parents had higher expectations than most. How would they have let her do this on her own? Or why would she have had to?
“My family did not really agree with my career choice, if you can believe it. Interior designer wasn't good enough, so when I went to ask my father about it and started to tell him about my plans, he made it clear that he didn't believe I would turn him a profit. I knew then, that I couldn't take the money from him. I had to do it myself. I hated every single interest payment that I paid, but in the end it was worth it. I have been running this for over five years now and it gets better every year.”
I had to admire her grit and determination. A long time ago, I had thought that I would be a piano player. I loved it and I was actually really good at it. I went to a couple of music camps when I was younger, but as soon as I turned twelve, my father told me that I did not have time for such things. All of my hobbies were to make me better and if they didn’t, they were worthless. Piano was put in that category. I wondered many times what would have happened, if I would have really made a go of it. If I would have branched out beyond my family and done something with the passion that had been inside of me.
“Do you regret it?”
“Of course not.”
“What about your family? Did they finally forgive you?”
“You sound like my dad right now. I didn't think that I needed to be forgiven, but they did. For the first year I didn't speak to them much and that was really hard, cause we used to be really close, but things changed after a while. They realized that I wasn’t going to come crawling back to them and that I was able to stand on my own two feet. It changed things for the better, but it was hard getting there.”
I could see there was a confidence in her eyes, and I knew that it came from being capable of handling a person's own destiny. Did I have that in myself? Was working for my family killing that part of me?
“It is good to see that you are so happy, Angie. I'm actually rather surprised to find that you are still single.”
“How do you know that I am?”
I forgot for a moment that I wasn't supposed to know that. It certainly wasn’t something that we had talked about, not after I had done such a great job of making myself look like an idiot. I had explained to her plainly that I didn't want to have anything romantic to do with her. Now here I was, trying to segue the conversation, so that I could find out if she really was single or not. If what I had read on the text was true.
“Well, you don't have a wedding ring, and I don't know; you just have this single feeling to you. I think you would give off a different vibe, if you were being taken care of by a man.”
Her expression changed and of course, I put my foot in my mouth again. I was closer than I had ever been before, subconsciously moving towards her without even realizing what I was doing. I just knew that I wanted to be next to her, close to her and that's all that mattered. Now I could see that I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Well, I don't know about a vibe, but yes, I'm single.”
; “Is this a new thing?”
“Why are you so worried about my romantic life now? You made yourself very clear earlier, when we first met again. Remember?”
I remembered it quite well and I still regretted it. I wasn't going to tell her that though.
“It was quite a shock to see you. Surely you can understand that.”
“Yes, I can. I didn't realize that I was going to be walking into your house that day. I didn't know that I was going to see you, and then see you shut down right in front of me. A lot has changed, hasn't it?”
I agreed with her. “Yes, I learned that going with the moment, feeling in love, is not always the best way to go about things.”
She got closer. “I agree. So why do you keep flirting with me then? Why are you looking at me like that? You're the one that told me that you didn't want to do anything like that. Yet here you are, checking me out every chance you get. Do you know how confusing that is?”
I could feel her frustration and I wanted to apologize, but it didn't seem to be enough. I wanted to show her that I was sorry. I didn't mean to get her worked up and I certainly didn't mean to make her feel bad. I don't know what I meant to do, but nothing was working out the way it was supposed to.
So instead of trying to find the words that didn't seem to ever come out correctly, I grabbed her arms and pulled her to me. There wasn't a lot of room to move, but Angie didn't resist. After what I had said to her, I’m rather surprised that she didn't. I know that she was mad at me. I had been insensitive with my words. That didn’t matter though. The shocked feeling that I had kissing her before was taking me over in a very real way.
Just like before, her lips melted against mine and for a moment, I felt like we were one again. All this time, I had tried to fight the feeling that was now coursing inside of me. Angie was the type of woman that one kiss, would give a man the feeling like he could fly. I really felt like now my feet could lift off from the ground and I would float in the air. The only thing that was holding me down was the grip that I had on her. My hands were around her waist and I pressed her against my hard body. I wanted to remind her of the time that I hadn't been able to forget.
My tongue slipped inside of her mouth and it danced with her own, while she made this soft and sweet sound of vulnerability. I could hear her submission in the noise, and it did something inside of me.
The paint brushes were on the floor and it wasn't long before I was pulling her down alongside them. The paint was drying on the rollers and I didn't even care. All I cared about at that moment was those lips and the indescribable feeling that I got when I touched them to my own. It didn't make sense, but it was like many other things, I didn't have to understand.
I got her underneath me and my body straddled hers. I was a lot bigger than her, her body tiny underneath mine. All I could feel was her writhing underneath me and she kept rubbing herself up against certain parts of my body that needed her most. Her hands were moving to my thighs and then encircling my waist.
It was just like the last time. Everything crashed over me like a wave from the ocean, going over my head and taking my breath away with it. My ability to take in air was severely impeded.
We made out like teenagers, touching and tasting, our bodies rubbing up against each other and at one point, she rolled me over until I could feel my head resting against the paintbrush. I didn't even care. Nothing mattered. The only thing that mattered was the woman in my arms.
Now that she was straddling me, she sat up and her blonde hair was wild around her shoulders. The light, that sweet ass light that I had seen in her blue eyes before, was back.
And then it was gone. Something clicked in her head, some kind of epiphany that I was not privy to and then the light was gone. It hurt more than I could possibly articulate. One moment all of the feelings were there, and the next, they were gone again.
“I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.”
“What is there to be sorry about?”
“I did exactly what you told me you didn't want to happen.”
“I kissed you.”
“Yeah, but I kept it going. And look at the mess we've made?! It's all over your hair and on the floor. I don't even know if it's going to come out. We need to get some water and see if we can get it out right now!”
She was taking off in the other room half-running if I was honest with myself and I had no idea why that was. What happened? What went through her mind to change the moment?
I cursed and laid there for a moment in shock. I was hard as a rock and I knew now, that I had no chance of burying myself deep inside of her like I had hoped. She was right of course. I had made such a big deal about us not being together, how it would be wrong, that if she agreed with me now, how could I falter?
I cursed again and sat up, because I couldn't stay on the floor. She was right, I had painted my hair. I put my hand to the wet stuff on the side of my head and rubbed the green color through my fingers.
First, I was going to worry about helping her, then I would worry about what was going on with my hair. I looked down at the carpets and then Angie came back, scrubbing it with a wet towel.
I stopped her with my hand on her arm. “Really Angie, just let it go. I am not worried about the carpets. You can dump the whole lot of paint on them and I still wouldn’t care. Why did you stop me?”
“Because you were right. That doesn't need to happen again.”
I could have kicked myself. The guy who told her that a week ago, obviously did not have all of his blood rushing below his waist like I did now.
“I was wrong, Angie.”
She looked up for a moment and finally looked me in my eyes.
“I was wrong too, Jaime. You were right and kissing you just made the truth more real.”
It was the first time that I actually hated to hear that I was right. I sure the hell didn't want to be. Not about this, not now, not with her.
11
Angie
When I got over to Jaime's house, I was nervous about what was going to happen today. I had another day that my crew was not going to be in, save for somebody a little bit later on. Was it going to be just me and Jaime again? In one instance, I wanted that very thing to happen, but in the other instance, I was worried. I didn't know if I would be able to withstand another onslaught from Jaime.
After I had left the day before, there wasn’t as much done as I would have liked. Not to mention, I had this feeling that I couldn't shake. Every time he put his hands on me, things happened. Feelings were had. This time was no different. The only difference that I could see, was the fact that this time around, I had been able to say no. It had been one of the most painful things that I had done in a very long time. I still wasn't sure if I regretted it or not.
The door was answered by the maid and I started to get this hopeful as well as disappointed feeling, that he wasn't going to be here. I don't know where he was, but I was hopeful that maybe we wouldn't have the awkward time that we had before. Maybe we wouldn’t have the pleasured moments either. All I had to do was get through this job and I would be able to move on. That's what I kept telling myself.
I got the paint out and started to put some on one of the rollers. I heard my name being called behind me and sighed inwardly. My life had never been that good, so of course he was going to be here. I wasn't ready for him and here he was. Sounded about right.
“Jaime? I didn't know you were going to be here today.”
“Are you here on your lonesome again?”
It's just the way that he said it, the look in his eyes, that made it so I couldn't even hold his gaze. I looked down at the carpet and made a comment about how I was surprised the paint had come out.
“Even if it hadn't, I would have just gotten somebody to put some new in. It would have been worth it.”
It made me blush, his words, and I looked away again. The dimple in his cheek was back and he had the devilish grin on his lips. Those lips, soft and supple against m
ine. How badly did I want him against me again?
“Do you expect to help me again?”
“If that is what you desire.”
The question to that and the answer of course, meant so much more than a little help painting. Did I need help with other things? It had been several months since I had been with my boyfriend and right now, it was feeling like a lifetime. That's how long it had been since me and Jaime were together. All of the same feelings and emotions had come back when I was in his arms. Did I really want to feel that again?
Course I did. That was my knee jerk reaction, once again, not wondering or worrying what would happen later. Now that we knew each other’s names, would it end any differently?
“Sometimes we don't get what we desire, Jaime. It becomes too complicated. Too much time has passed, too many things were said or left unsaid.”
He moved towards me, and I took a step back out of reaction. Every time he was close, I reacted quite violently to him. My heart started to race and my breath was coming out in short bursts. I felt like I’d run a mile, but I was standing still.
“If you want to come, it's yours for the taking.”
“What do I have to do, ask?”
“No. All you have to do is let me.”
He stopped in front of me and there was no question. I just had to let him.
It was obvious what he meant, and I knew exactly why he was saying that. When he started to lean down, I had a choice. Should I let him, knowing what it was going to turn into, or should I do the right thing and refuse? I knew what I should do, but of course I never did what I was supposed to do. I did what I wanted in the moment; my hedonistic need trumped all else. Jaime had always been the mark at which I measured everybody from.
Our lips touched and a shiver went through me. It hadn't been that long since our lips were pressed together, but it was just as earth shattering as before. The ground underneath me started to move and I had to hold on to him to keep myself upright. Like he knew exactly what was wrong, Jaime wrapped his arms around me, and I was able to let go just a little bit. My body sagged against his hard one and everything inside of me told me this was exactly where I needed to be. That little voice in the back of my mind. The one that had been silent for so long, needed to shut up right now.