The First Secret

by Maya Daniels

  “I don’t need words to distract you. All I have to do is take my clothes off.” Her lips curled into a smile on the skin of his neck. Groaning, he tightened his hold on her.

  “I really didn’t need to hear that,” Iris grumbled from the bed. “I’m still in need of therapy after your bonding.”

  “Iris!” Artemis pushed Raphael aside, making him growl under his breath and rush to her side. “You are awake. How do you feel?”

  “I swear I’m not trying to be a cockblock.” Iris looked over her friend's shoulder at Raphael. “It’s traumatic hearing you guys. I think that’s what made Claude snap that night.”

  Artemis snickered and glanced over her shoulder at her mate.

  Another growl made Iris jerk her head to her right in alarm. Her breath froze in her lungs when she found Fern’s stoic face. His clothes looked like he’d been crawling through thorn bushes for days and her stomach clenched at the thought. His hair hung wild and matted around his shoulders, and his face appeared painted for camouflage with dirt and mud. Only his dark sapphire eyes glowed as he stared at her intently. Warmth spread through her body at seeing him alive and unharmed.

  “You made it back,” she said. He pressed his lips tighter, remaining silent. Realizing he wasn’t going to talk to her, not that she could blame him, Iris turned to Artemis. “Are you okay? How about Ivy?”

  “I’m good, and Ivy woke up a few hours after we brought her in.” Reaching towards Iris, Artemis touched her face gently with her fingertips. “It’s you that had us all worried. It’s been two days. You haven’t responded to anything or anyone.” Raphael cleared his throat, and Artemis tilted her head. “Well, that’s not true. You kept shaking and thrashing in the bed, but as soon as Fern was close, you calmed down. I guess that means you responded to something.”

  Heat rose in Iris’s cheeks, and she kept her focus firmly on Artemis, not daring to glance at the Fae staring holes in the side of her face. First, she couldn’t wake him up, then she almost got him killed, and now he couldn’t even rest, change his clothes, or shower because he had to keep watch over her. Tears prickled because she’d failed him and the rest of the people she liked to call friends. She swallowed the lump in her throat and braved looking at Fern again.

  “I’m so…” she croaked, then cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.” And she let him see her misery at letting him down. Fern’s eyes widened, and their glow dimmed a little as his lips parted.

  “I’ll find a healer to check on you, and we will come back later; I think you two need to talk.” Lifting herself off the bed where she had perched, Artemis grabbed Raphael’s hand and pulled him towards the door.

  “I think we all need to know what’s going on—”

  Artemis put her hand over his mouth, cutting him off. “I’ll take my clothes off,” she told him, and he almost dragged her out of the room. Artemis laughed and winked at Iris before closing the door behind her.

  “I’m sorry,” Iris repeated and braced herself for whatever anger or insults he could rightly throw at her.

  “You keep saying you are sorry, but not what you are sorry about, witch?” Fern’s musical voice made her shiver under the covers. She couldn’t meet his gaze. It felt as if it glided over her skin every time he spoke, which to her disappointment, or relief, didn’t happen often.

  “For everything?” She laughed humorlessly, looking away from him so she didn’t have to see the confirmation of her failure. “For almost getting you killed, most of all.” Her words were barely above a whisper.

  “You had nothing to do with that.” Her head snapped up. He looked disappointed, as if he expected more from her.

  “But…Claude…he was after me…” she stammered but trailed off when Fern made a cutting motion with his hand.

  “The bloodsucker is after power. It doesn’t matter to Claude if it’s you, me, or someone else. You shouldn’t be sorry for that, human.” The way he said human, as if it was an insult, made her shrink back into the pillow as if he had slapped her. Confused, and taken aback, she stared at him.

  Fern moved from where he leaned on the bedpost. Iris found it hard to breathe as he gracefully paced next to her bed. There was stiffness in his movements that she didn’t miss, and guilt pinged in her chest.

  “Have you told them that you are not human?” He glanced at her but didn’t stop pacing, which made Iris feel dizzy.

  “What are you talking about?” Anger bubbled in her chest, and all the guilt, or whatever it was that made her act timid, evaporated. “Of course I’m human, you stupid elf. Just because I have magic doesn’t make me something else. Or is it a hard pill to swallow to know humans are more than just cattle?” Her voice rose with each word, and she practically shouted at the end.

  “Don’t call me that! I’m not some fairytale creature, and you better remember that when you’re trying to irritate me.” He snarled at her, and excitement at her ability to piss off this powerful being rose.

  “What should I call you then?” Lifting both eyebrows, she blinked innocently at him. “A fairy? You do look feminine.”

  “There is nothing feminine about me, witch!” His breath warmed her lips when he got in her face and snarled. “I’m a Fae, not some make believe character humans write pretty stories about.”

  His scent filled her lungs, making butterflies wreak havoc in her stomach. Her breath quickened. Iris wasn’t sure what possessed her, and if anyone asked, she’d blame it on insanity or the fight with the shadow. Before she could think it through, she lifted her head and pressed her lips to his.

  They both froze as a static-like current passed between them, and a sharp pain pierced her side and hip. Fern groaned and devoured her mouth, sinking his hands in her hair and making her forget everything else. She clawed at his back and shoulders to get closer as he pressed her to the mattress with his body. Delirious with passion, Iris’s world closed down to Fern’s animalistic growling and groaning.

  “I’m so happy you are awake!” Ivy’s gleeful voice caused Fern to push himself off her as if burned. Iris closed her eyes and wished she could disappear.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” Ivy looked anything but sorry as she waltzed inside the room with a smile. “Did I interrupt something?” She looked innocently at Fern, but he had his back turned and stood rigid as he stared out the window.

  “No.” Iris kept her voice cold and detached, burying the hurt at his embarrassment for being caught kissing her. A glum feeling passed through Iris at that thought.

  “I’m not sure I’m okay because I’m acting out of character. I’m glad you came in before I did something stupid that I’ll regret for the rest of my life.”

  Even from the corner of her eye, Iris saw Fern become so still that she wasn’t sure the Fae was even breathing. Ivy’s flinch at her words confused her even more, but Iris couldn’t stop herself from lashing out at him for making her want to die of embarrassment at his rejection.

  “She is not human!” Fern turned around, face devoid of any indication that her words have struck a chord.

  “Okay,” Ivy dragged the word while crawling on top of the bed and getting comfortable next to Iris’s legs. “I’ll bite. What is she?”

  “What do you mean, what is she?” Glaring, Fern folded his arms. “Whatever she is, it’s not human!”

  “Says you!” Iris snapped, glaring at him, but he ignored her. Something swirled in her chest, making the pressure build to an almost unbearable level. Concentrating, she breathed slowly, pushing the magic down.

  “Do you feel that?” Fern pointed an accusing finger at her. “No human can do that!”

  “I don’t feel anything.” Ivy wore a small, confused frown as she glanced between them. “What are you feeling?”

  “Her magic!” A sneer twisted his face, and Iris’s heart sank to her toes at his disgust. “It thickens the air every time she feels strong emotions.”

  “Is that what you were testing when I walked in?” Ivy glared at him, and Iris felt like h
ugging the woman.

  “I’m telling you it’s her magic!” he snarled at Ivy. “It’s twisting us all around her little finger, the entire realm. All of us are running around trying to protect her and make her feel safe. Even Artemis for fucks sake. Are you blind? This will be a bigger disaster then Lazarus. Mark my words!”

  Iris’s thumb moved, touching the tips of her fingers. She squeezed her hands into fists so tight her nails broke the skin on her palms. Could he be telling the truth? There was not enough oxygen in the room as panic gripped her, and she gasped for air like a fish out of water. Oh my god, I’m making them all act crazy, and I’ll get them all killed, her mind screamed as her eyes lost focus and she felt like she was drowning.

  Ivy jumped off the bed, yelling at Fern for being an idiot. Iris wished she could see the look on his face and laugh. Dark spots crept into her vision, and she stopped fighting whatever was trying to kill her. Just as the pain in her chest became unbearable, two warm hands grabbed her face and tilted her head up. A face pressed to her neck, and a rush of air filled her lungs. Her body bowed off the bed, almost throwing whoever it was off her. She kept gulping air with her eyes squeezed shut. A groan ripped from her every time she fought to expand her lungs against what felt like a boulder in the center of her chest. Bit by bit, it eased, and she finally relaxed enough to be able to breathe.

  Fern couldn’t remember the last time he’d experienced fear like the moment Iris’s face turned almost blue, and she gaped like a fish, unable to breathe. And he thought he’d been scared when he thought she’d died in the courtyard two days ago. How wrong he’d been. Not knowing what to do and ignoring the screams and insults Ivy aimed at him, he grabbed her face in both hands and buried his face in her neck. Her skin was clammy while the floral scent he associated faded rapidly. He hated feeling helpless, and the witch kept making him feel like that every time he was around her. She started gulping air, almost dislodging him, but he held her tighter. Pulling back, he looked at her wide green eyes, searching for anything to tell him what ailed her.

  “Can you breathe?” he heard himself say, but he felt numb all over. Iris nodded stiffly, still wide-eyed and terrified. He turned his fear into anger and lashed out at Ivy.

  “What the fuck is wrong with her?”

  “Why do you care?” Glaring at him, Ivy yanked him away from Iris and took his place checking her pulse and body temperature with the back of her hand.

  “What’s wrong with her, Dreamweaver? I’m in no mood for your games and riddles,” he snarled, clenching his fists at his sides, so he didn’t push Ivy away.

  “You had one thing right, I’ll give you that.” Moving the hair stuck to Iris’s face and tucking it behind her ear, Ivy didn’t look at Fern. “She is not human.”

  When Iris heard him utter those words, she jerked as if electrocuted, and Fern pushed Ivy out of the way to cradle her to his chest. She calmed immediately, but his exhaustion meant that he could barely hold her to him.

  “She is from the ancient line. Do you know what that means?”

  “Artemis called me a changeling.” Iris murmured through numb lips. She knew something was wrong with her, but she didn’t know what.

  “Artemis thinks you are half Fae?” Fern looked down at her, frowning. Iris just shrugged a shoulder, or she tried. It only made her wiggle in Fern’s lap. He gave her a warning glare.

  “Well, yes and no,” Ivy spoke slowly. Fern and Iris looked at her in shock.

  “You mean you know what I am, and you didn’t think it important to tell me?”

  “Ivy, now is the time to speak simply and clearly. No more half-truths.” Fern made sure she saw he was tired of her bullshit.

  “The ancient lines are more than just Fae.” With a tired sigh, Ivy dropped into a chair next to the bed. “The Fae came from the ancient lines, just like humans, and every other species in all realms. The humans had it almost right when they called them gods.” She looked solemn.

  “What are you saying, Ivy?” Iris’s heart stuttered. “My parents were human.”

  “Not really.” Pressing her lips in a thin line, Ivy looked at Iris with something resembling pity. “Where are your parents now?”

  “They died when I was young…” her voice trailed off when she realized she didn’t have any distinct recollections of her parents. Just some vague memories that slipped through her fingers like water every time she tried to remember. “I’ve never seen my real parents, have I?” She looked at Ivy, and the other woman nodded slowly. Fern tightened his arms around her. She felt disconnected, as if watching herself from outside her body.

  “They gave you a memory, just enough to keep you from searching.” Standing up, Ivy took one of Iris’s hands in both of hers. “They had to do it to keep you safe. Your kind were all hunted down and killed centuries ago. I can’t believe you are in front of me. I thought all of you were gone until I found you in your dream. I did my best to protect you and keep your power bound so you didn’t attract attention. But eventually, you became stronger than me. That’s when I made sure you met Artemis. It was the only way to keep you safe until you came here.”

  “And you used me to get what you wanted.” Fern glared.

  “So, what am I?” Holding her breath, Iris looked at Ivy.

  “Your kind are known as the children of the Abyss, one of the creators, who give and take life. I’m not sure there is a word specific for what you are, as a name, or a title. The closest is the human word, god.”

  Iris stared at Ivy for long moments before a snort escaped her. She slapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself, but it was useless. Another snort followed, and a moment later she burst out laughing, shaking Fern and the bed in the process. Tears streamed down her face from laughter, and her stomach ached. Fern and Ivy looked at each other confused at her reaction, but Iris couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Has she been like this the whole time since you told her?” Artemis’s brow pinched with worry as she spoke to Ivy. The other woman sat there staring at Iris while wringing her hands in her lap. She just nodded.

  “A god!” Shaking her head, Iris kept giggling and bursting out into belly laughs as she’d been doing for the last couple of hours.

  Fearing that the witch had finally lost her mind, Ivy had run to Artemis and Raphael while Fern stayed with Iris. She hoped that Iris would calm down soon so they could prepare. The way things were, Ivy wasn’t sure if Iris was in any condition to leave the room, let alone go on a search for something that could be an object, a person, or a made-up tale.

  “You should’ve waited for us if you were going to drop a bomb like that.” Raphael frowned at Ivy.

  “We don’t have time to wait. Why any of you aren’t listening is beyond me.” Throwing up both hands, Ivy retreated to the opposite side of the room, pulling on her hair in frustration.

  “You guys are nuts.” Iris turned towards them, and they all stopped moving or talking. “Me”— she pointed a finger at her chest— “a god!” She giggled again before taking a deep breath and wiping away the tears running down her cheeks.

  “Are you calm now, so we can talk?” Artemis asked, taking a half step towards her. Fern stood by Iris like some guardian ready to fight anyone who got near while she tried to deal with whatever was happening to her.

  “Listen to me!” All humor gone, Iris begged Artemis to see reason. “Most days I can’t tell the difference between my right and left shoes. I wear dresses because I’m worried that if I try something else, I'd end up in mismatched clothing and look like a lunatic. On my best days, I can barely control my magic, and everyone stays away from me because they think I’m either weird or scary.” She looked at each of them in turn. “Even Danny, the girl who works for me, keeps her distance. And you’re telling me I’m a direct bloodline from gods? You do realize how crazy that sounds, right?” Looking hopefully at Artemis, Iris nodded as if encouraging the other woman to agree. “Right?”

  “Iris, how have your relationships been throu
ghout your life?” Ivy’s gentle question made Iris frown.

  “What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “Humor me.” Waving her hand in encouragement, Ivy looked at her expectantly.

  “Umm…” Clearing her throat, Iris sensed Fern’s focus on her. If she were lucky the ground would open and swallow her so she didn’t have to answer. It didn’t happen, so she cleared her throat again before focusing on Ivy and pretending they were alone. “Never good. The few I tried to have, anyway.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Because I’m attracted to assholes? Who knows.” Unable to sit still, Iris started pacing. “It’s always nice at the beginning. Maybe, too nice. After a month or so, they become clingy, insecure, and try to lock me in a cage of their needs and expectations. I found it suffocating and stressful, so I stopped even trying after a couple of times dealing with the same thing.”

  “And friends?” Ivy kept going.

  “Why is this important, Ivy?” Artemis said as Ivy continued pacing.

  “I’ve never had friends. Whenever I tried to be friends with someone, they always needed something from me to have that friendship. Either helping them with something, or to get closer to someone else, and I had to make it happen. Or they were bored at the time…who knows.” Agitated, she cocked her hip, placing her hand on it. “Not that I give a damn. I like my solitude, thank you very much.”

  “You have friends,” Artemis spoke up, and grabbing Iris’s arm, she pulled her into a hug. It took a second for Iris to return it. Artemis was not a touchy-feely person.

  “Yes, witch! You have friends, even when some of them don’t know how to show it.” Raphael smiled sheepishly at her, and warmth spread in Iris’s chest.

  “Aww, you guys! It’s my winning personality, I just know it!” Iris deadpanned. They all chuckled, and the awkward emotional moment relaxed.