Dark Bastard: A Dark Sparrow Novel

by India Kells

  Before he could tell him off and leave, the man turned and reentered the building, holding the door open behind him.

  Sam forced himself to relax his features and smile. If he could enter the building and take a look without having to pick a lock, he’d be dumb to set the poor man straight.

  “I don’t have time to waste today. A pipe burst in one of my other buildings, and the guy is screaming non-stop. I swear sometimes I shouldn’t have bought that place!”

  As they took the staircase, Sam noticed the place was worn and in need of repairs and a coat of paint, or ten, but it was reasonably maintained. At least as much as the old man could do Sam guessed.

  Huffing and puffing, they finally made their way to the top floor. There were only two doors there, and the landlord made his way to the closest one to unlock it.

  “Last tenant left all his stuff. I decided to keep it as it’s not rotten, but you can do whatever you want with it, or bring your own things in. Just don’t leave anything on the sidewalk. You have to dispose of it correctly or I’ll be sure to slip the fine under your door.”

  Sam stepped inside, trying to look like he was interested. Light was slowly making its way in, causing the floating dust to appear like a shroud of starlight. The place was musty, but at least whoever was there last hadn’t left a body behind. Bare and utilitarian, it was clear a man had lived there previously. The bathroom was bigger than he’d expected with a wide shower stall. The kitchen space simple and efficient. Going to the windows, Sam had a clear view of the back, including a small alley and other similar apartment buildings nearby.

  “There are only two apartments on this floor, so you shouldn’t be disturbed. Your neighbor mostly works nights, so you shouldn’t be bothered at all.”

  Sam’s entire body stilled. Ellie. Her home was just on the other side of the wall. Was she already there sleeping?

  “I don’t have all day, sir. If you could just make up your mind. A simple yes or a no. And I’ll also require the deposits. In cash of course.”

  Not the kind of man to mess with luck and opportunity when they knocked him on the head, Sam pulled out his wallet and retrieved all the cash he had and handed it to the man. He had planned to give most of what he had on him to some poor soul before ending it all, but it seemed he’d be using it for something completely different.

  “I’m taking it.”

  The man beamed, counted the money and detailed the payment and general use of the building, but Sam was no longer listening. His ear was focused on the wall dividing their apartments, listening for any sound, any sign that Ellie had arrived home.

  Just as the landlord asked him to follow him to sign the papers and get the keys, Sam heard the faint sound of a door shutting and his heart calmed before speeding up again. The mystery woman was inside, so close. Maybe. If she wouldn’t answer his call, at least he’d be able to keep a discreet eye on her and make sure she was all right.

  Chapter Two

  The strident buzzing sound made her head pound, but still, Ellie debated whether to get out of bed or just bury her face into the pillow again. Her body felt so heavy, and every movement was so difficult she decided she could endure the sound forever rather than get up. Although her new neighbor may not agree with her decision, and her boss wouldn’t be pleased if she called in sick two days in a row.

  With effort, she reached for her phone, stopped the alarm, and flipped onto her back and making sure to not close her eyes again. Her ears went to the other side of the wall. The place had been empty since before Christmas, but when she’d arrived home, Lyle had been there, showing the place to someone, to a man. Not that she’d seen him, but at one point, she’d heard him sneeze, and for the first time a smile pulled at her lips. She had no idea why, but she wasn’t about to question it. Even if it was only for a flicker of a second, she’d enjoyed the lightness, the normality. When was the last time she’d exploded in laughter or just enjoyed life?

  At the thought, her mind was swamped with insidious thoughts. Her eyes filling with tears, she pushed at her sheet and got up with a moan, every muscle screaming at the movement. Why couldn’t any part of her body have mercy on her? Maybe because there wasn’t any for her to have.

  Putting one foot in front of the other, she went to the bathroom to try and make herself appear as human as possible, but one look in the mirror told her she was a lost cause. Her blue eyes were sunken, her skin pale against her wild black hair. The bed head she could tame, but apart from splashing cold water on her cheeks in the hope of bringing color to them, there wasn’t much to do. Anyway, her face wouldn’t make a difference to the people she spoke to over the phone.

  Every movement now mechanical, done thousands of times before, Ellie finished dressing, bundling into her winter coat, and bypassing the fridge as it was empty. It didn’t matter as her stomach didn’t really grumble anymore. Coffee would do if she remembered to get one on her way to work.

  In the same ritual that no longer made sense, she locked her door and went down the stairs.

  There were people hurrying on the sidewalk on this frigid winter evening. The cold was uncomfortable, but she decided against taking the bus. Maybe the crisp air would help clear her head and give her motivation, although she doubted it. At the idea she’d need to pour from her empty cup again, listen to people in distress at the 911 call center, it was as if someone was trying to carve her heart from her chest it hurt so much. On the other hand, the only reason she still faced the world was her work.

  As she walked, people around her blurred. It wasn’t that long ago that she remembered how excited she’d been to start the new job, one that would both pay the bills and help people.

  However, over the last six months, as crime levels increased in the most problematic parts of the city, fueled by poverty and inequality, the calls had spiked, becoming even more desperate than before.

  With responders falling like soldiers on the battlefield, Ellie refused to allow herself to falter, not when her colleagues and friends were in need too. Shift after shift, she heard the calls of those in need, suffering and shouting for help. There was a distance over the phone, but the emotional impact was just as painful as it was laced by helplessness. The holidays, especially the New Year, could be a trigger for those suffering from mental illnesses, or those who felt like outsiders, making them think about doing the worst.

  Her train of thought veered toward the dramatic call from two nights prior, one she refused to remember.

  Caught in the swirl of her reflections, of that inner fight against darkness and fatigue, all thoughts of getting food and coffee were pushed aside even though her body craved it.

  Turning the corner toward the call center, Ellie wondered how she’d even got there.

  Once inside, she forced herself to smile at her coworkers, but it felt so empty, void of any meaning or warmth.

  Like a robot, she sat at her station, checking her computer before starting her shift when her supervisor walked over to her.

  Madge Leipzig was a force of nature, and held the service together when a lack of funding and staff tore it to shreds. “Ellie! What are you doing here?”

  Blinking a few times, Ellie tried to disperse the fog clouding her mind at her boss’s words. “What do you mean? I’m scheduled for tonight, as usual.”

  With a deep sigh, Madge looked around the open space. “Come with me.”

  Ellie followed right away, knowing that Madge wasn’t the type of woman to wait for anyone. She liked her boss. With her no-nonsense attitude and care for her team, she was both compassionate and deadly efficient.

  The office was almost as small as a broom closet, with piles of papers all around and decorated with colorful post-it notes, like an abstract painting bleeding all over the walls.

  “Sit down.” When she obeyed, the dark eyes of the older woman were both worried and accusatory. “Did you sleep today? Hell, when was the last time you had a decent meal? You look as if you’re about to collapse. I
ordered you to take time off, recharge, and take care of yourself! Not just one night.”

  At the barrage of questions, Ellie opened and closed her mouth. What could she say apart from that it was all true?

  “Ellie, when I approved your day off yesterday, I also told you not to come for your shift tonight and to consider taking another week, or even two. I didn’t say that as a punishment. I know you love your work, but it’s about to eat you alive, and the last straw was that call...” With a sharp exhale, Madge let herself fall on her rickety chair, letting a couple of folders fall to the floor.

  “I know, but I’m stronger than I appear, I can do the work. It’s not the first hard patch I’ve encountered. You know that.”

  But her boss was far from convinced. “Your biggest fault is your dedication, Ellie. You’re professional to a fault, even beyond your own self-preservation. Don’t get me wrong, you have a heart as big as Chicago, but you’re running on empty, and have been for too long. I worry about you. And not as your boss. I know what kind of work, the damn hard work, that’s done by all of you, but it’s not worth your sanity. Or your life.”

  Ellie heard every word, but somehow, it was as if Madge was talking to someone else. She understood, but apart from tiredness, she felt utterly unconcerned, disconnected. The only faint panic she could detect was the implication of not being able to work. Helping people had been her life, what did she have beyond it apart from an unknown void?

  Something of how she was feeling must have shown on her face because Madge hurried to her side. “Honey, I’m not giving you the heave-ho. I just want you to take some time off, rest, and eat properly. And most of all, I want you to get help.”

  When she shook her head, Madge touched her shoulder. “Think, Ellie. I see you deep in thought, distracted, with a sad smile all the time. You don’t eat or sleep. What would you say to someone describing those symptoms?”

  That question slapped her back to reality. “I would suggest they ask for help.”

  “Exactly. Go rest for a few days, and I’ll send you the names of a few resources I trust, but you have to call them. Everybody needs someone to bring them back when they are overwhelmed, torn, or lost. It’s human nature. All you have to do is take care of yourself and find your anchor. I swear I’ll keep your position here for when you’re ready to come back. But I’d rather have you back to your old self, Ellie. Strong, smiling, and happy. There’s no need to live with pain.”

  It was true, she was adrift and it was impossible for her to figure out what to do next. Madge continued talking, her voice soft and reassuring, but Ellie only felt lost.

  Bundled into her winter coat and cap, she was in front of the building again, cold stinging her cheeks, and not quite certain what to do. A thick fog made it more and more difficult to think and tiredness pulled hard at her. Ellie was certain of one thing: she was tired of being tired, of feeling empty most of the time and filled with pain if she dared to think. Even though Madge’s words made sense, they felt so distant and unattainable.

  It took at least ten minutes before Ellie realized she’d been walking aimlessly and was a bit lost. The place was busy with people walking, and she could even smell food from one of the nearby restaurants. Her stomach growled in response, but it felt too difficult to even follow her nose.

  Madge was right. She wasn’t any good to anyone in this state, not even herself.

  Ellie admitted, in the logical side of her mind, that she was spiraling down a dangerous vortex, but she couldn’t find a piece of her that cared.

  She walked, draining energy she no longer had. In her wanderings, she reached the bridge on 35th Street. It wasn’t on her way home, but she leaned against the rail to look at the ice floating slowly over the water.

  That frozen waltz of ice felt almost soothing, pulling at her. Madge’s words echoed in her head, telling her that if she was a boat on that river, she’d be adrift without an anchor. Or maybe she would sink.

  As if in a trance, it took a moment for her to detect the vibration of her phone in the pocket of her coat. The way her hands shook when she took it out, and how she couldn’t feel her fingers, annoyed her more than frightened her in her current condition.

  She saw the same unknown number on her screen. The mysterious caller from New Year’s Eve. Ellie had very few callers and telemarketers had all but forgotten her existence. It was an easy guess as to who was on the other end of the line.

  In a sea of gray and a bottomless well of tiredness and indifference, a tinge stirred in an almost forgotten part of herself. A sprout of curiosity. Why was he calling her now? And why did she care?

  Her finger hovered over the button, the cold forgotten as her heart skipped a beat. Madge had asked her to find an anchor to help her take another step. What if curiosity was reason enough?

  Chapter Three

  “Hello?”

  How could such a simple word almost bring him to his knees? After following Ellie the moment she emerged from her work, Sam had stayed invisible. If possible, the frail woman had been even paler than he’d expected, but the way she walked aimlessly in the harsh winter cold made him worry. His instincts fired up when she stopped by the river bridge and looked intently at the frigid waters.

  Sam knew he had to act. Close to rushing to her, he decided to call instead.

  Getting his voice under control, Sam allowed himself to respond. “Hello. I’m glad I finally reached you. You’re a very busy woman.”

  It was difficult to keep the reproach from his tone. He had to remind himself that while he worried for the strange woman, she didn’t owe him anything.

  The voice that answered him was faint, almost ethereal, as if she’d already headed elsewhere. “It’s you again. I know you tried to call me before.”

  The tension that had gathered in his shoulders slowly dissolved when he saw Ellie McLaren move away from the parapet. “And you didn’t answer me.”

  “Did you make a mistake in dialing your brother again?”

  Sam smiled as she ignored his accusation. He also made sure to stay hidden without letting her out of his sight. “I couldn’t forget the sadness in your voice when you hung up on me. It’s the only reason I persisted. I want nothing from you, just the reassurance that you’re all right.”

  On the other end of the line, Sam could hear the wind and the faint sound of cars passing by. She was too far away for him to clearly see her expression, so he had to wait for her words.

  “On your part, you sounded grumpy, impatient.”

  Sam saw her resume walking, slowly moving away from the bridge. “You realize you’re ignoring my question. But you’re right, I’m not a gentleman.”

  “And still, you called a complete stranger to ask her how she’s feeling? What do you say about that?”

  It was easy to see how she used her skills to switch the focus of the conversation back to him. A tidbit Sam stored for later use.

  “I don’t know what to say. I’ve never done it before, and I know I won’t do it after you.”

  Another pause. Sam found it difficult to understand what was going on in the head of the woman on the other end of the line.

  “What’s your name.”

  Sam had already decided what to say, had a fake name ready for her, but it was impossible to lie to her. “My name is Sam.” Stunned by what he’d just done, he almost didn’t ask the question back. “And you are?”

  One small hesitation this time. “Ellie. So tell me, Sam, why won’t you reach out to anyone else?”

  What could he tell her? That calling her by mistake had only delayed a decision he’d already made and he wouldn’t be around to care for anybody else? Body tense and itchy, Sam didn’t want to go down that path. “Is it really that extraordinary for someone to care, especially since they feel something is wrong?”

  “Wrong?”

  “I remember how your voice sounded the other night. The longing when I mentioned my brother. However, it’s the catch I heard in your words, wh
en you said that you’d lost another one. That you couldn’t save him. Who couldn’t you save?” The small woman who’d started walking again stopped for a moment. With her back to him, he was unable to see her face. “Ellie?”

  Apart from the wind whistling at the other end of the line, Sam had no clue what was going on.

  “I need to go.”

  Those were her last words before she hung up. Cursing under his breath, Sam saw her slim form waver while she pocketed her phone. One step, then another, before she turned, and even from a distance, he could see how the light flickered on her cheeks, an admission of her tears.

  Sam took two steps before restraining himself. This act of caring wasn’t supposed to involve him more than was necessary. Ellie was clearly battling her own nightmares, and they were the kind of monsters he knew well, although he had no idea how to slay them. It was one war he’d lost, but even if darkness had swallowed him, it didn’t mean he couldn’t see how precious the light was inside Ellie, even though it was currently dimmed.

  The soldier he’d been, and still was deep down, surged inside him. There was no way he’d back down now. As he looked at the beautiful woman with the wild strands of hair dancing around the pale oval of her face, Sam vowed he would help Ellie find herself as his last good deed to this world.

  It took some work, but Sam finally got his hands on a decent enough laptop for some research. Lazarus still was his go-to man, and as per usual, didn’t ask questions. Instead, in record time, a delivery man arrived at his new home with all he needed. One question he needed to ask was how his brother knew his address, and as the delivery included food. He wondered if Lazarus had a camera on his empty fridge.

  As he sat on the couch, a bag of chocolate chips cookies by his side, Sam booted up his new machine while keeping an ear on any noise coming from the neighboring wall.