Darkest Pattern- The Door

by Riva Zmajoki

  When they found a way down there was nobody to be found.

  “Maybe she was washed down-stream,” the deputy said.

  “No,” Luiz cursed. “This one swims like an eel. This pool is just deep enough for her to swim out. Go back to the road. That blockage better found me that man who was with her or you lot are good for nothing.”

  Luiz cursed the water. It drained all the scents. There was nothing left for the dogs to follow.

  “Black folk don’t swim,” one of his patrolmen said.

  “They do if you teach them,” Luiz cursed himself and his elders who let her learn how to swim.

  V. That Crooked Witch Tricked Me

  01/22/1859

  Josephine,

  Every excuse I ever had for you had expired.

  If anyone ever asks me, and I hope that they won’t, I’ll tell them that you are a crooked witch that practice dark magic.

  That is all explanation I can give for myself.

  You tricked me to want you, plain and simple, and then refused me.

  That’s why take your apologizes and put them… we’ll you have enough of an imagination to think of where.

  Do not contact me again.

  Wilhelmina.

  5.0 Willows over the Water

  Belva jumped up from the bed when the door opened in the morning. There were voices in the anteroom, maids cleaning, Josephine ordering and then she loudly said she’s going down on breakfast, and that they all should leave everything as it is.

  Josephine felt the ache of the corset in which she slept. There was no way for her to undress and relax in this room, but now she felt foolish about it. When it was silence Belva peeked in the anteroom and there it was left a tray of food.

  She ate, but then she hurried in the dark corridor to see what will happen with her lady and her guest. There was drama as she expected, but a drama of a whole another calibre.

  When the lady exited the house, Belva returned to the boudoir and watched her as she walked restlessly through the garden. In those moments, Belva felt for her lady more than she should so she withdrew back in the boudoir thinking how it’s time for her to leave, but unable to just abandon her lady. Not just like that, she deserved gratitude, at least.

  That’s why Belva loosened her corset and lied down on the bed to wait for her lady. She laid just to rest, nothing more, but sleep didn’t come to her eyes. That’s how she heard when the lady came back. Not able to resist Belva listened in through the keyhole.

  When she got to her anteroom she opened the curtains energetically and opened the window to let the fresh air in. That was something Josephine never did. Major-Domo brought lunch himself.

  “You don’t need to wait on me,” Josephine tried to send him away impatiently, but he just stood there. “Yes?”

  “Are you well?” Major-Domo started carefully. “Maybe you have a fever. A doctor would be able to determine if you’re unwell.”

  “No doctors!” Josephine raised her voice.

  “Of course, but you just don’t act like yourself.”

  “So what? What do you care?” he straightened himself offended.

  “Very well, but you will send out a letter of an apology and explanation to the madam…”

  “I won’t send a letter to Luanne,” Josephine shouted now. “Some betrayals aren’t forgivable.”

  “A betrayal?” Major-Domo said lightly. “But she just…”

  “You know?” Josephine stormed at him.

  “I just heard…”

  “What you heard isn’t your problem to be concerned about,” Josephine cut him off.

  The anger felt good, even yelling, Josephine rarely let herself a luxury of rage. Constantly she must pretend that she’s all sunshine and rainbows, so others would tolerate her. It was easy to see how hard was for Major-Domo to accept this new treatment. He got used to his invisible power. Still, Josephine softened her voice thinking of Belva on the other side of the doors.

  “Forgive me,” she said putting her hand on her forehead. “I don’t know what came over me. I will be better tomorrow. Just let me eat in peace. Let no one bothers me tonight. This girl was too bold and rude.”

  “Yes, of course,” Major-Domo bowed somewhat calmed down but still offended. “We’ll discuss it tomorrow and correct the damage. Everyone snaps from time to time.”

  Major-Domo exited closing the double doors behind him. Josephine listened to his footsteps impatiently. Only when they couldn’t be heard anymore did she knock on the door of her boudoir. The door opened just slightly and showed the dark eye.

  “Didn’t I tell you not to come knocking on my door?” she said with a whisper.

  “Yes you did, but you must be starving,” Josephine gestured towards full trays of food.

  “That I do,” she opened the door and with long stride went to the food.

  Josephine sat across her and just watched her eat fast and abundant. She slowed down when she ate three times more than Josephine could ever eat.

  “Eat something,” she offered Josephine her own dishes. “That is if you’re not too disgusted to eat after me.”

  Josephine rose her eyebrows surprised by the notion, but aware that most of her peers would feel exactly that if they had to sit down to eat with their slaves. To chase away that thought from the air around them Josephine took a bit of everything from the tray.

  Truth was that she did get hungry from all that commotion and yelling. Now Belva sat back and observed Josephine as she was eating. Josephine didn’t mind the attention.

  “Your hidden hallway is interesting,” Belva started when Josephine finished her meal. “Everything was booming from events one after another. You were right, it wasn’t dull.”

  Josephine snorted bitterly.

  “Of course, you witnessed my defeat.”

  “No,” Belva shook her head. “I watched your triumph.”

  “My triumph?”

  “You have them laying under your feet begging for your touch,” Belva said with confidence. “Or you would if you wanted too, you stopped yourself.”

  “What’s the use of it all,” Josephine sighed heavily, “when I depend upon them, upon Major-Domo’s silence, upon the warmth of women’s bodies.”

  “That is a cage you built for yourself,” she dismissed Josephine’s self-pity without compassion.

  Josephine looked at her coldly.

  “Better a warm cage than a cold pursuit with pistols, at least I have a good meal and a soft bed.”

  “That’s true,” she opened her palms in acceptance and none of them was ready to scrape in the differences between their destinies determined by the different hue on their skin. “I’m not a very smart woman either.”

  “What kind of a name is Belva?” she flinched on the sound of her name, now she was tense as a string, there was a danger in her eyes again, like in the carriage, before the kiss. “It sounds nice, educated, it doesn’t sound…”

  “Dirty, suitable for a slave, ignorant, animal-like?” Belva spate those words out quickly and bitterly.

  “Yes,” Josephine calmly nodded her head. “It doesn’t sound oppressed. It sounds refined, yellow, for walks beside a lake and sounds of rowing, willows over the water and neatly trimmed grass, for laughter in big halls, it’s so melodic,” Josephine got carried away.

  “And it doesn’t suit me at all, doesn’t it?” Belva growled harshly.

  “On the contrary, I know no one who would carry it better than you,” Josephine said honestly.

  Belva threw herself back in the armchair like she was shot with the pistol up-close and tore her chest apart. Surely, she was more astonished than if the pistol really fired.

  The lady looked as she meant every word that she just said. It was hard to continue after that. Belva accepted the lady when she came in expecting banter, a bit of mocking and a meal, nothing really.

  Just touching upon her name, upon her heritage and the names for slaves made her burn from within. Now the lady just turn
ed it around with few words, simply and effortlessly.

  Belva looked at her searching for a trap, for a joke, for humiliation, but she found none. Before, while she ate, Belva was acutely aware of how the lady isn’t touching the food.

  Belva was too hungry to refuse food, but when she was done she did challenge the lady that she’s sticking with her class and refusing to share a meal with her. The lady just took a plate and ate as nothing Belva touched is spoiled by her skin.

  That was unsettling enough, but now this, she took her name and turned it into something beautiful. Belva felt like crying. The picture the lady described didn’t divorce much from Belva’s upbringing in her father’s home when she was protected from the world and from knowing how her people are living beyond the fences of her home.

  Not able to sustain the memory of a time when she thought of herself pure and that her siblings are watching her with caution is because of her merits and smarts, Belva diverted her face from her lady and cried.

  The lady said nothing, she just let her cry and for that Belva was grateful for that moment of peace when she could just sit and express her sorrows. Soon she was in control of herself and tried to find out where did the lady heard her name, did her warrant came their way?

  If it did, Belva wanted to see did they managed to find someone who was able to keep her face in memory and translate it on paper faithfully. She always ended up looking dark as night and vicious.

  Josephine observed Belva as she turned her face away and covered her it with her palms to hide her tears Josephine couldn’t miss. There was no impulse in Josephine to get up and console Belva. That would be imposing on her, and that is something Josephine vowed not to do. That’s why she just sat there in silence and waited for her to calm down.

  In a sense, Josephine was satisfied to see Belva cry. The tears gave her humanity, they softened her edges. Only when she stopped crying and wiped her tears did Josephine notice that Belva changed a dress. Since Belva exited her boudoir Josephine was so preoccupied with her face that she didn’t even lower her gaze even once.

  Now Belva drew her attention lower as she adjusted Josephine’s silver dress. The silver was still a kind of camouflage, but it suited her better than the brown one she wore yesterday. Josephine didn’t even mind that her cleavage isn’t trying to escape the dress now. Surely she didn’t tighten the corset as tight as before. That made Josephine conscious of the strain on her waist, which she didn’t take notice for years. It bothered her now so she unnoticeably released the knot of the corset.

  Belva looked at her seriously so she stopped fidgeting with the knot on her back.

  “Where did you get my name from?” Belva sighed once more and touched her injured arm.

  “Are you still in pain?” Josephine wanted to postpone their farewell.

  “Less, it aches, pulls, but I can move my arm slightly,” she demonstrated it with a frown.

  Josephine nodded silently.

  “My name?” Belva reminded her.

  “A dark-skinned man pressed a revolver to my temple and asked for you. He says that he’s your son.”

  “Evan? Here?” she looked around in panic. “If they see him…”

  “Calm down, I sent him back to the woods. He’ll wait for you tonight near the exit from my corridor, but please don’t reveal my secret entrance.”

  Belva felt a surge of panic hearing that Evan was here. It was a wakeup call, they needed to keep on moving. It was important to move Evan as far away from Luiz as possible. His rage could make him make stupid decisions. In their exile, Evan’s anger was growing and imagining him here between all these fragile beauties, threating to her lady as she was an enemy upset Belva.

  Then her lady said he will wait for her in the woods. Belva wanted to run out straight away but the nightfall was far away, and her lady had her reasons, she had her life to preserve from ruin Belva carried wherever she went.

  “Please don’t reveal my secret entrance,” said her lady and offended Belva’s honour.

  Belva lifted her chin up proudly.

  “I don’t return my debts by betrayal,” that would make her no better than those she was fighting against.

  The lady nodded satisfied with that answer.

  “How is he? Is he hurt?” Belva had to know.

  “No, he’s not hurt, but he’s feisty. He bumped me in my ribs and said that he’ll kill me if you don’t go out to meet him.”

  Belva felt the sour sense in her mouth. Their fight took a toll on both of them, they were becoming more ruthless with each passing day, and mercy was a luxury just like a warm bed and freshly cooked food.

  “I am sorry for that,” Belva looked out through the window into the afternoon sun. “Tonight you say?”

  “Yes, after dark,” the lady confirmed and then there was silence.

  Belva thought about separation, but not from the comforts of the bed or the taste of food, but from her lady and her soft words and gentle voice. It was so long since anyone showed any kind of kindness towards her. This isolated moment, this small haven, made her will to falter. Running through the dark and through the rain, removing branches from her hair, constantly on the move was her life outside of these walls. Belva didn’t rejoice the thought of returning to it, but someone had to, and that someone was obviously her.

  Josephine sat in the silence observing Belva lost in thought. Finally, she decided to break the silence, there was no moment like this one to find out something of this mysterious woman. The sun was moving across the sky and soon it will leave taking Belva with it behind the horizon, far away from Josephine’s gaze.

  “How much did you see,” Josephine spoke up a bit too loudly. “Of my fiasco through the holes.”

  “Probably everything,” Belva answered not turning her gaze towards Josephine. “Your holes are contagious. To see and not to be seen.”

  Josephine nodded agreeing with her, it would be so nice to be able to live that way, hidden away.

  “So you agree with Major-Domo? That the fact that my old friend sent her niece here with instructions, isn’t a betrayal?” Josephine asked with a sense of shame.

  “Your thug is a moron,” Belva said directly.

  “So you do think it is a betrayal?” Josephine wanted to hear more.

  “How close were you and that aunt?” Belva looked at her finally, her eyes looked harsh now.

  “She said to me once…” Josephine paused, she didn’t want to say it now. “We were close enough.”

  “Then it is a betrayal,” her face was sharp now. “A very ugly betrayal.”

  Josephine nodded feeling relieved somehow.

  “Thank you.”

  “What do you care of my opinion anyway?” Belva leaned her head sideways. “It’s just an opinion of a stranger.”

  “A stranger?” Josephine was honestly surprised. “I feel that my Major-Domo is more of a stranger to me than you. I can’t see into his thoughts, nor would I be able to determine the causes behind his decisions if I had twenty years more besides him. Still, he’s here, in an absence of someone better.”

  “Well,” Belva said sharply. “We choose spineless men in the absence of better options. Sometimes it seems that patience is a better strategy than rushing in.”

  There was a pause then in which Josephine got frightened that they said to one another everything there was to say, so she asked what she had no desire to find out.

  “What did you do to end up here, hunted?”

  “You want to know in the end?” her eyes flared up.

  “You’re leaving in few hours,” Josephine laughed both from relief and sadness. “I want to know everything there is to know about you.”

  Her eyebrows jumped up showing surprise.

  “I killed a man,” she said leaning in, expecting a reaction.

  “Very well, why?” Josephine answered calmly.

  Belva jumped up in her armchair and breathed in sharply.

  “You won’t scream and run away now?”


  “No, why would I? Anyway,” Josephine smiled then, “you left your pistol in the boudoir.”

  “You’re not afraid of me? I’m a murderer, a bad person.”

  Josephine shook her head determinately.

  “I don’t believe that for a second. If the same thing was said to me by my Major-Domo or my young guest, I would pick up my dress and run as far away from them as possible because I would know that they don’t have the basic understanding of how bad their deed is. They wouldn’t have a moral barometer to feel the guilt of life on their shoulders. For you I feel otherwise, it must have been something grave, something that obligated you to act or react. What was it?”

  5.1 Dark Patches

  Charcoaled House

  After a few hours, Sue felt silly for sitting among horses.

  All she could think about was her lost lover William Colclough and how he would laugh that fine-upbringing laugh seeing her sitting on the straw.

  “No,” Sue said to William. “That way I can get with a child. I’m not stupid enough to be ruined like that.”

  “Come one,” William smiled at her in that charming way that made her weak in the knees. “I promise that if you get pregnant I’ll marry you.”

  “Don’t be silly. That’s a sweet talk for idiots.”

  “No, seriously. In my family, we’re so notoriously bad at creating offspring that boys are encouraged from a young age to take on mistress in pursuit of a child.”

  “What? That means that there is a town full of Colclough bastards? Thank you, I think I’ll pass.”

  “That’s just it,” he smiled and curled her hair. “There isn’t I bet that you couldn’t bear a Colclough child even if we did the wildest things imaginable.”

  Sue looked at him searching for a tell sign that would reveal the lie.

  “If I get pregnant,” she said finally. “You’ll marry me or I’ll come looking for you with a pitchfork.”

  William laughed then. He laughed when she told him that she was with a child. He wasn’t laughing before the altar because he didn’t came.