Darkest Pattern- The Door

by Riva Zmajoki

  “Don’t talk like that. You did read enough. Now shut up and let us enter Charlotte like people who have a right to be there,” Belva opened her cloak and her silver dress could now be seen underneath.

  “What is that clothes?” Evan wasn’t happy. “It’ll draw attention to us. She has maids, you could have taken something less shiny. Your vanity will be the death of us.”

  “Shush,” she adjusted her combed and clean hair. “You’re such a downer. You could give your mother a compliment.”

  “You look like a slave-owner,” he said and Belva slapped the back of his head.

  “Do your slave gives you trouble,” the long drawn out vowels reached their ears. “If he does I can give him a good whipping,” the man spit in the dirt.

  “No, kind sir,” Belva lowered her gaze to hide the rage in them. “I’m quite capable of dealing with his kind.”

  When the dress came from the seamstress Josephine was more than delighted by its loose design. It was a pleasure to sit in the armchair and relax a bit. It wasn’t as she was naked but it was an improvement. Maybe one day they’ll become even more comfortable but that seemed laughable. There was a need for a certain dose of support for woman’s features.

  The dress made Josephine happy but Major-Domo was losing patience. She ignored it for the last few weeks of their new quiet life but his patience runs thin and soon she had to look at him in his boudoir.

  Josephine lifted her gaze from her latest embroidery of Belva’s pistol when he cleared his throat to draw her attention.

  “Yes?” she encouraged him but she wasn’t really willing to deal with his remarks and opinions of the changes she brought into their lives.

  “Won’t you go out to the city tonight?” he started pulling one invitation from the stack of them on the silver platter in his gloved hands. “You got a lovely invitation for a ball from…”

  “No,” she cut him out a bit harsher than she wanted to.

  “There you could apologize to your latest guest, to make…”

  “No,” she cut him off again.

  Major-Domo swayed a bit from the pure shock before her defiance. It was obvious that he had a whole speech prepared for her to sit through.

  “But you said that you’ll apologize,” he frowned and the anger could now be seen on his whole posture.

  “I lied,” she said with determination, she was a mistress here, there was no reason for her to obey him. “I won’t go and apologize.”

  “But she will smear your name. You know she has a lever over you, she can pull you down,” he was all red now.

  “Let her,” Josephine took the grey thread from the pile. “I don’t take guests anymore anyway.”

  Major-Domo was in such state of shock before her defiance that he sat in the armchair opposite of her.

  “You can’t mean that seriously. What will you do the whole day long?”

  “I’ll think of something,” she said working on her embroidery.

  Josephine wasn’t interested in this conversation. Major-Domo was out of his domain. Just because he was with her for so long she won’t get rid of him. Or just because he knows so much about her. He could smear her name more than any high society lady could. They had to stay decent before the world.

  “But,” he started and then gave up.

  There was silence between them. Josephine worked with her needle pulling on the grey thread.

  “Surely, you’ll change your mind. Boredom is unbearable for a woman like you,” he finally got up and walked out of her rooms.

  Josephine didn’t throw words in vain. He’ll see that she’s determinant soon enough.

  As the days passed by the Major-Domo was more and moodier. He became sloppy in doing his tasks. Josephine waited for him to explode. After all, he was a man and he did have a meaningful role in her life since her husband died.

  Then the first fugitive came. Her back was all covered in blood. She fell face down through the kitchen door. Major-Domo was already setting Eddy to run to the checkpoint and report her in when Josephine stormed in and stopped him.

  “You will tell no one about this,” she ordered them firmly. “Take the poor child in the back room, the empty one. Clean her wounds and be careful.”

  Major-Domo watched her with his mouth wide open.

  “But…” he tried to object.

  “Later,” Josephine lifted her hand. “Now I’m busy.”

  Josephine went after them and personally covered the young girl’s back into bandages. The maids were standing at the door and stared. Major-Domo withdrew. The wounded girls didn’t even make a sound.

  “I have to go,” she whispered to Josephine when the maids left them.

  “Shush,” Josephine put a finger on her lips. “Don’t tell me where you’re going. The less I know about everything the better for everyone. When do you have to go?”

  “In two days,” she was on the verge of tears.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be better till then, capable to run. Now sleep.”

  “Where is my mother?” the girl grabbed Josephine’s hand when she got up.

  “I don’t know, really, but I’m convinced that she’s well,” the girl nodded and lied on her belly.

  She fell asleep instantly. Josephine covered her carefully.

  The same night Sue went into labour. Josephine stayed up all night and watched her maids. No one said a word about the wounded black girl in the back room.

  Sue gave birth to a girl. The midwife extended her hand and Josephine put two coins in her palm without thinking about it.

  “Look after her for few days, now it is critical,” she said on the door.

  Josephine herself closed the door behind her. No one told her about the fugitive. She supported her weight on the door feeling the fatigue of the sleepless night.

  In the kitchen, she gathered her tired household, everyone except Sue. There were three maids, a coachman, Major-Domo and the errand boy. The boy, Eddy, was a loose end, he was too young to understand secrets and the cost of telling them to the wrong people.

  “You all saw the girl that came in last night,” it would be easier if her entrance was less dramatic, but maybe it was best this way. “There will probably be more like her coming through our door. They won’t stay long. I can’t make you stay quiet and not report me but you all know what will become of me if I’m arrested. If you don’t want to be a part of this you are free to go and I’ll get you a recommendation and your last salary. If you do so I am at your mercy, please don’t endanger me with spreading rumours about me. God knows there are enough of them out there. The patrolmen from the other day are just waiting for a sign to come and get me.”

  Josephine looked at their faces one by one.

  Ruth stepped out first, she was Josephine’s oldest servant, she had her since she can remember.

  “I’m leaving,” she said with determination. “This is too much. I have seen a lot in your service but to protect Negros just like that is despicable,” she spat on the floor before Josephine’s feet. “I won’t go and tell on you because you’re a lady and you have a right to your whims but I won’t stay under the roof that approves of this damned revolution. It will be the end of us all.”

  Josephine knew she could expect as much of her, she was always a crude woman attached to her religion and her routine. She tolerated Josephine only because it gave her a sense of moral superiority over her. Josephine also knew that their coachman is leaving with her.

  “You have served me well I’ll give you a fair leave-pay and a good letter of recommendation.”

  “The letter I don’t need,” she said proudly. “I’m done with the service. I’ll go to live with my grandchildren.”

  “Alright, others?” she turned towards them ready for anything really.

  The two young maids looked at each other and nodded.

  “We’ll check on Sue,” they said almost in unison.

  The three of them came in together. The two of them were here just be
cause Sue was stupid enough to run away from home for a man who abandoned her. As long as Sue was here they will stay too.

  Eddy fidgeted his feet on the floor.

  “My uncle says,” he said timidly. “He said that the revolution is a good thing. I think he should know best,” after that he runs away.

  Later on, Josephine saw that he crouched before the back room guarding the door. The young people were so easily excitable.

  Major-Domo said nothing. Josephine finally looked at him waiting for a response. He hesitated.

  “You look tired,” he said finally. “I’ll escort you to your room.”

  “Thank you,” Josephine was grateful for his loyalty at that moment.

  She leaned on his hand and he led her to her room.

  There was no doubt in Josephine’s mind that he’ll find another, more suitable moment, to voice out his concerns and objections.

  It would be best for Belva to stop thinking of her lady and focus. There was no sense of thinking of what has past and will never be again.

  Yet, as soon as she would lower her gaze and catch the glimpse of her dress she would think of her lady’s hands. They were so soft and gentle.

  Belva shook her head trying to get her anger back. She was nothing without her anger, it kept her alert and safe. The safe haven that her lady gave her was just a passing illusion, a mirage of a life that can never be.

  Even if she goes back to visit her lady nothing would be the same. Her life went on and she is still carefree and protected as she was the first time they met and her lady coerced a kiss from Belva.

  Belva was so angry then that she wanted to hurt her lady but now all she could think just how brazenly brave she was faced with Belva’s pistol.

  Belva missed her pistol but it also brought her comfort that the lady had some sort of protection against the world.

  It brought her restless nights to think of her lady and how easily she could be dragged by her hair from her home, smeared, dragged through the mud just for being herself.

  Belva couldn’t help but worry that someone will talk and tell on her.

  It was silly to worry for a woman protected by her status and colour while Belva moved around constantly at the threat to be captured and enslaved.

  Still, Belva was free to walk on, she had the support of those like her, and she had brothers and sister that fled through woods and over rivers.

  In her pursuit, Belva weaved the white house into the stories slaves sung in the cotton fields. Not that she really thought that any of them will risk it with the White Phoenix but because she couldn’t miss out to use every opportunity to escape just to keep her lady safe. That would be selfish of her.

  Yet, Belva was again surprised by her lady when the first runaway came in and brought a gift with her.

  The next few days passed in a haze. There were changing bandages, crying of the new baby and waiting for the patrolmen to come in busting Josephine’s door. When the second night came, Josephine escorted the girl personally to the edge of the forest. There she gave her a bag with food and water.

  “On the bottom,” Josephine whispered, “is a package for Belva. Send her my greetings.”

  The girl’s eyes lit up in recognition. She nodded and without a goodbye disappeared into the night. Josephine stood there sometimes more watching the darkness like Belva will pop out of it.

  After that, her servants were relieved. Josephine herself doubted that someone else will appear.

  The Major-Domo observed Josephine with anticipation.

  When the tall dark menacing man appeared and asked for the sanctuary everyone stepped back in fear. The Major-Domo wanted to call upon patrolmen once again but Josephine again refused. Josephine let the man stay and when he went he too got a bag with supplies and a package for Belva.

  Before he left, the man surprised Josephine with a tight embrace. He put his strong hands around her said something on a language Josephine didn’t understand. Then he bowed and slowly walked away. Josephine stood there for the longest time looking at the place where he disappeared. Now she didn’t expect Belva to appear, she was just shocked by the unexpected gratitude that was given.

  After that, the Major-Domo stopped doing his job altogether.

  “You should throw that in the gutter,” Evan murmured again.

  “I’m tired of you doubting me,” Belva sighed.

  The night was long. They were waiting for the runaways to gather by the pointy rock just beneath the spot where Belva jumped off the cliff running away from patrolmen.

  “I just don’t understand. Now it’s not just one bow and a piece of fabric. Why do you insist on carrying around something that has no value and no use to us? You could be carrying bandages and supplies and not useless weight that amounts to nothing.”

  Belva grumbled. There was no way she could explain herself to him. No way without compromising herself in his eyes, without losing all her authority.

  “It’s not like we have a home I can leave my possessions behind to wait for us there,” she said finally not wanting to leave him room to argue.

  “But those are not possessions. Those are just trinkets without no real value. They have no usage of their own. Why does that woman send you anything?”

  “They have no value to you but to me they mean something. Can’t a woman own something pretty without being questioned for it?”

  “But that pretty has no value, it can’t be worn. If she was being charitable she would send wearable things not just cut-offs and meaningless pieces of ribbons and buttons.”

  Belva thought about sitting in the lady’s chair and talking of ribbons and how much she misses them.

  “It’s just a gift, why are you so bothered?” Belva was tired of his constant reprimanding her.

  “Because I don’t understand. We have a task to do here, everything we ever did serve that task. This just doesn’t fit. It’s not like you to be so sentimental to carry additional weight for no reason. You are a woman who threw out food and valuables to run faster. This sentiment is slowing you down and I don’t understand it.”

  “You don’t have to understand. I’m your mother but I’m also a woman I have a right of secrets of my own. Besides, what’s the point in everything if I can’t have anything for myself? Call it a whim. I am a woman and am entitled to be at least a bit whimsical.”

  “No,” Evan grumbled. “You don’t if we need to survive.”

  “Look, if it comes to that I’ll just throw it all away by the road. Why are you bothered if I’m not burdened by carrying it?”

  Evan stayed quiet for a bit.

  “Alright, I’ll think of it that you’re just making yourself stronger but I bet that there is something new with those new people. She’s rich, she can send those things forever and you can’t carry it all around. At some point, you’ll have to leave it all by the road.”

  Belva frowned. There was no way that even her lady is persistent enough to keep on sending things forever. That made her sad. When packages stop coming, Belva would have to accept that her lady moved on with her life and she will have to do the same.

  After Sue slowly started to get back to her chores, she said that Josephine has a good heart and that she knows what she’s doing. That made other two maids stop constantly throwing scared gazes on Josephine and got back to work.

  Josephine caught herself looking at Sue’s daughter Ina. At first, Sue would suspiciously remove Ina from Josephine’s vicinity. Then one day Sue just abruptly put Ina in Josephine’s lap. Josephine went stiff.

  “Don’t be afraid mistress,” she said with a frown. “Hold her.”

  Josephine put Ina against her breast and she felt as some hidden dam is breaking inside of her. Tears started to pour down her cheeks. Sue just nodded, undisturbed by Josephine’s outburst, she placed her hand on Josephine’s shoulder and then just left the room leaving Ina in Josephine’s care.

  After that, Josephine spent time with Ina every day. The care for the baby fulfille
d her more than she could imagine. Josephine constantly kept the notion of a child away from her thoughts and now that option was no more.

  Major-Domo watched Josephine with a deadly glare. When a group of three new refugees came to their door, he lost it. He untied his tie, unbuttoned his jacket and poured himself a whiskey from Josephine’s cupboard in front of her. He drank that glass in one sip then looked at the bottle and took it whole with him. For three days, he was nowhere to be seen.

  When Josephine escorted the small group that appeared to be family, she gave them supplies and a package for Josephine. Only when they were out of sight did Major-Domo emerge from the corridor behind her.

  “You won’t change your mind,” he said drunkenly.

  “No,” she said.

  “Very well,” he said and left.

  In the morning, he sat in the armchair in her anteroom. She walked in to find him there with her hair still let down and in her nightgown. He had bags under his eyes and was dressed in his travel clothes. The glass was full in front of him.

  “I served you for a long time,” he said without getting up.

  “Yes, you did,” she sat carefully in the armchair across of him.

  “Well, that’s over now,” he seemed sad.

  “But why?” Josephine couldn’t understand him. “You have seen worse than this.”

  “I didn’t,” he shook his head. “That before, all of that were games, leisure, this is serious. You’ll hang for this.”

  “You’ll betray me?” her voice was steady, she was prepared for that.

  He shook his head.

  “I do owe you something after all, don’t I?”

  “I owe you a bit,” she answered.

  “We were a couple,” his laughter sounded broken.

  “Not really a couple,” Josephine frowned.

  “Of course,” he went serious. “You couldn’t do that. I always thought that was because of my low social class but now you went much lower.”

  “That has nothing to do with class,” Josephine tried to explain. “It’s because you’re a man.”

  “Don’t be silly,” he said harshly. “Your husband was a man and he was agreeable to you.”

  “Agreeable? Not in any way,” she was angry now feeling disgusted rising up.