Playing by Heart

by Cleary James

  She set the table while Grayson dressed the salad, and when the food was ready, he helped her bring it through. They sat across from each other at the little dining table, their knees almost touching.

  ‘Well, here’s to ... new beginnings,’ Grayson said, raising his glass.

  ‘To new beginnings.’ Lisa touched her glass to his. ‘I’ll definitely drink to that.’

  ‘You look really well, Lisa,’ Grayson said as they began to eat. ‘There’s something about you.’ His eyes scanned her face. ‘You look ... different.’

  ‘Fatter,’ she said with a little laugh.

  He shook his head. ‘Happier.’ He smiled.

  She blushed. ‘I am happy.’

  ‘You like living here?’

  ‘I do,’ she nodded. ‘It’s ... peaceful.’

  He frowned slightly, something flickering across his face that looked like sadness, and he fell quiet. ‘Do you mind that I found you?’ he asked then.

  Lisa hesitated, taking a sip of her wine. ‘No,’ she said finally. ‘It’s really good to see you again. But—’ She broke off, biting her lip. She was reluctant to bring the spectre of Mark into the room. She liked Grayson so much, and she was having a nice time. She didn’t want to spoil it.

  ‘You’re worried that if I could find you, someone else could too?’ he guessed.

  ‘Yes,’ she admitted.

  ‘It was just dumb luck, Lisa,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t searching for you – it just happened. Serendipity, a coincidence – whatever you want to call it, it was a chance in a million. Fate, perhaps,’ he said, his lips twisting in a smile.

  ‘I guess you’re right. Besides, I don’t even know if Mark is trying to find me. He might not give a damn where I am.’ She was trying to reassure herself more than anything, but deep down she didn’t believe it for a minute. Men like Mark didn’t let go. She didn’t flatter herself that it was because she was special – it was just his nature. It was all about possession for him. One of his belongings had been taken away from him, and he would want it back.

  ‘Maybe I should have stayed away,’ Grayson said. ‘I didn’t come here to harass you or make you anxious. But once I knew where you were, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see you again. Like I said, it seemed like fate.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said, smiling at him reassuringly. ‘I’m glad you’re here.’

  ‘My motives weren’t entirely selfish. There was another reason I wanted to see you. That painting you sent me – it was extraordinary. I know I’m no expert, but Isabel thought so too.’

  ‘Really?’ Lisa felt a burst of pride. ‘Isabel said that?’

  He nodded. ‘And I wanted to tell you because I wasn’t sure if you knew how talented you are. I couldn’t bear to think you’d given up, that you’d go on letting Mark make you believe you weren’t good enough.’

  ‘I discovered he’d lied to me about my work,’ she said, looking down at the table. She felt ashamed of how naive and trusting she’d been, depending on Mark for validation instead of believing in herself. ‘He told me I’d never make it as an artist, that I didn’t have the talent, and he destroyed most of my paintings. The one I sent you and the one your father saw in the market are the only ones that survived.’

  ‘Christ!’ Grayson looked stricken.

  ‘He’d taken those two for the gallery – so he said. But I discovered later – the day I left actually – that he’d buried them and hadn’t offered them for sale at all. He completely sabotaged my career.’ She swallowed hard. ‘I was such an idiot,’ she said, looking up at him.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault, Lisa. Mark was a manipulative asshole. You mustn’t blame yourself for what he did to you.’

  She nodded. ‘I’m trying not to.’

  ‘Well, I’m really glad that you’re happy here,’ he said, folding his napkin and leaning back in his seat.

  ‘I am.’ The mood had become gloomy and she was grateful to him for changing the subject.

  ‘And you’re painting again.’

  ‘Yes. How did you know?’ She frowned. He hadn’t framed it as a question.

  He smiled, nodding to her hand.

  She examined her fingers and gave a rueful smile as she saw the flakes of paint around her nail beds that she could never quite shift, flecks of vermilion and cobalt blue embedded in her cuticles. ‘Busted,’ she said with a soft chuckle.

  ‘I’m glad. You’re far too talented to give up.’

  ‘I’m doing a lot, actually. There’s a very active artistic community here, and I’m part of an artists’ cooperative. There are some really talented people. We run little exhibitions and workshops, and we sell our stuff in the Sunday market.’

  ‘This place obviously agrees with you.’

  ‘Yeah, I love it. The people are great – I’ve made some lovely friends. And I really enjoy being by the sea – being able to swim or surf whenever I want.’

  ‘You surf?’ Grayson raised his eyebrows, his mouth spreading in a grin.

  ‘I’m learning.’

  ‘Wow, I’m impressed.’

  ‘I’m not very good yet, but it’s fun.’ Lisa had initially decided to take a lesson just to challenge herself. She was trying to become braver and build up her confidence, so she had pushed herself to do it, even though it scared her a little. She hadn’t expected to enjoy it. But to her surprise she had loved it, and she’d never forget the exhilaration she’d felt the first time she had managed to stand up on the board and ride a wave, even if it was only seconds before she was tossed off into the sea. She’d never felt so alive and invigorated, even when she wiped out and was gasping for breath as waves crashed over her and the salt water rushed up her nose. It was a rush, and it made her feel strong and brave – like if she could do that, she could face anything.

  ‘Yeah, it is fun,’ Grayson said.

  ‘You surf?’

  He shrugged. ‘Occasionally, when I’m staying down here with my parents. It’s been a while.’

  ‘Are you staying with your parents tonight?’ she asked.

  Grayson shook his head. ‘I thought I might visit them tomorrow. But I stopped off here first to see if I could find you. I checked into a hotel in the village for tonight. I left my car there.’

  ‘You drove down?’ she asked, surprised. It was a very long journey from London.

  Grayson shook his head. ‘I flew. I picked up a car at the airport.’

  ‘How long are you in Cornwall for?’

  ‘Just the weekend. I have to go back to London on Sunday evening.’

  They had finished the wine as they chatted, and Lisa was surprised when she looked at her watch and discovered it was already nine. The time had flown by.

  ‘Well, I’ll make coffee,’ she said, pushing away from the table. ‘And then I’ll dig out the chessboard.’

  Chapter Six

  Grayson watched Lisa studying the board, a little frown of concentration creasing the space between her brows as she considered her next move. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. She looked healthier, of course; she was no longer painfully thin. But it went much deeper than that. It was almost as if she was a different person. Before she’d always been so tense and stiff, as if everything inside her was coiled tight, and every line of her features was taut, every muscle in her body rigid with the effort of keeping it all in. Now the tension in her shoulders was gone, and she no longer had that strained look in her face. He’d never seen her so relaxed and natural. There was a softness about her that hadn’t been there before, an easy grace in her limbs, a warmth in her smile and a light and vivacity in her eyes that dazzled him. She almost seemed to glow.

  When he first saw her at the cafe, he’d been taken aback by how young she looked. Casually dressed in jeans and trainers, with her dark hair loose and tumbling around her shoulders, she was so different to the chic, sophisticated woman he remembered that he hardly recognised her. It had knocked him off balance, and for a moment
he wondered if he’d misremembered her. Had he been pining all those months for a woman who only existed in his mind?

  But this was the real Lisa, he realised – the person she’d been before Mark had crushed all the life out of her; the woman he’d caught a glimpse of in their last few days together. She was warm, artless and full of life, and he wanted her more than ever.

  He couldn’t believe he was here with her now. He still wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing by coming; if she wished him gone. Even though he’d thought of her constantly, he’d never looked for her. It almost drove him mad wondering where she was and what had happened to her. He could hardly sleep at night, torn between longing for her and worrying if she was all right. Nevertheless, he didn’t want to disturb her peace, and he had tried to come to terms with the fact that he would probably never see her again. So he hadn’t tried to find out where she was. But when the information just landed in his lap, it had seemed like it was meant to be, and he couldn’t stay away any longer.

  He’d told himself he just needed to see her once, to satisfy himself that she was safe and well, and he had certainly put his mind at rest on that score. She seemed really happy here, and he was glad of that. But he couldn’t help feeling sad when she’d said how peaceful her life was. It broke his heart that she’d settle for so little at her age. She was too young, too bright and far too talented to be content with such a small, sheltered life in this sleepy backwater, happy just to be left alone. He knew why she felt that way, but he still found it troubling. She had so much potential, and he hated to think of Mark cheating her out of more of her life than he already had.

  He watched her fingers curl around the rook as she picked it up, longing to feel them on his skin. He wished he could shove the chessboard aside as they’d done in the past, pull her to the floor and make love to her. He remembered all too vividly how soft and warm she was, the magic touch of her hands on his body, stroking, caressing, how it felt when she took him in her mouth ...

  His breath caught as she smiled up at him.

  ‘Your move,’ she said.

  She blushed, and he wondered if she was remembering when he’d said that to her once in his library – and she’d made her move, leaning in to kiss him. The heady triumph he’d felt as she touched her lips to his surpassed any victory in his life before or since. He’d left it up to her, and she’d shown him that she wanted him. He’d swept the board aside and pulled her into his arms, caressing her breasts through the sheer material of her blouse ...

  Get a grip, he thought, feeling himself getting hard. He cleared his throat and bent his head to the board, frowning as he tried to focus on the game. Lisa was playing recklessly, making audacious sacrifices all over the place. Did she have a strategy, he wondered, or did she simply want to get the game over with as soon as possible. She was paying off a debt here, after all. Maybe she just wanted rid of him. He might have some idea if he wasn’t finding it so hard to concentrate.

  Maybe he should have held out for more than a game of chess. He didn’t regret not taking her up on her offer to go to a hotel with him – even though he wanted her so badly it hurt. If she ever slept with him again, it had to be because she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. But he could have at least bargained for another match, he thought wryly, or one more dinner. He might never see her again once this game was over. He wished it could go on forever ...

  Lisa watched Grayson’s face as he studied the board.

  Your move. She wondered if he remembered when he’d said that to her in his study. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, they brought vivid images flashing across her brain. Your move, he’d said, and she’d made her move. Feeling uncharacteristically bold, she’d shown him that she wanted him, kissing his beautiful mouth. She felt warm all over as she remembered how urgently he’d pulled her onto his lap. She could still see the hunger in his eyes. She could almost feel his arms around her, the soft warmth of his hungry mouth at her breasts, sucking her nipples through the sheer chiffon of that blouse Mark had made her wear. She remembered how good the hardness of his erection felt as she straddled him, grinding her hips against his. Grayson had wanted her so much, and she’d wanted him just as badly. She still did. It was hard to concentrate on the game when she was just itching to push the chessboard aside and climb onto his lap. She longed to feel his arms wrap around her, pulling her close so she could feel the stiffness of his cock pressed into her stomach.

  Did he still want her like that, she wondered. It was strange being with him like this now, and she was unsure how to behave. In the past, they’d always had sex. It was agreed between them, so they both knew what to expect. But it had been a financial transaction, a means to an end on her part. With that removed, she felt off balance, uncertain as to where they stood. There were no rules anymore. Anything could happen – or nothing.

  ‘Thank you for the painting you sent to me,’ Grayson said, breaking into her thoughts and pulling her back to the present.

  She smiled shyly. ‘I wanted you to have it.’ It suddenly occurred to her that he might think she had sent it as some sort of recompense for running out on him that night. ‘Something to remember me by,’ she added. She needed him to understand that it was a gift and had nothing to do with the money she owed him.

  ‘It meant a lot to me,’ he said quietly. ‘I love it.’

  ‘I’m glad. I’m sorry for disappearing on you like that.’

  ‘I was devastated when you didn’t turn up that night,’ he said deeply. His hands were steepled in front of his face, and he was looking down at the board so she couldn’t see his expression.

  ‘Sorry. Mark was coming back, and I needed to go. It was my one chance to get away.’

  Grayson looked up at her, nodding understandingly. ‘You were leaving him.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That’s what I figured – what I hoped.’

  ‘But I’m really sorry for ditching you the way I did.’

  ‘Don’t be,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I’m glad. Even if it meant I’d never see you again, I wanted you to be free and safe.’ He sighed. ‘I wish you’d let me help you back then,’ he said with a troubled expression.

  ‘You did help me, Grayson. You have no idea how much.’ She shuddered as she remembered how desperate she’d been when she first met him, how trapped and hopeless she’d felt. She would always be grateful for the lifeline he’d thrown her.

  ‘But I wish you’d let me be a friend to you. I’d have given you the money you needed to get away if you’d let me – no strings attached.’

  She shook her head. ‘You helped me in the only way you could – the only way I’d allow you to. I’d never have taken a present of the money. I had to earn it, so I wouldn’t be beholden to anyone.’ She looked at him earnestly, pleading for his understanding. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done if I hadn’t met you when I did, Grayson. It wasn’t just the money. You were a friend to me. You played chess with me, and talked to me, and when I had an accident, you looked after me. When we were together, I was happier than I’d been in a very long time. I felt secure and happy and cared for, and I remembered who I was.’ Tears clogged her throat as she spoke, and she blinked them away. ‘I hadn’t been that person in a very long time. You made me feel like myself again – someone my grandparents might recognise if they saw me.’ A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, and she swiped it away.

  ‘Lisa.’ Grayson started forward as if to get out of his chair, but he checked himself. She was glad, even though part of her wanted him to take her in his arms and comfort her. ‘Sorry,’ he sighed, sinking back into his seat. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ she said with a reassuring smile.

  ‘I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sure you don’t want to be reminded of that time. It must bring back painful memories.’

  ‘They’re not all bad memories,’ she said. ‘There are some happy ones too.’

  He raised a sceptical e
yebrow at her.

  ‘You’re a happy memory,’ she said softly, and was rewarded with a gentle smile. Then Grayson returned his attention to the board. She tried not to grin as he moved his knight into the position she’d anticipated, walking into the trap she’d set.

  She’d been playing with apparent recklessness and abandon, but she’d had a strategy, and even though she’d found it hard to concentrate, she’d managed to carry it out. In a few more moves, she had Grayson’s king in check.

  Chapter Seven

  ‘So,’ Lisa said as she put away the chess board, ‘we’re even now?’

  ‘Yes, we’re even.’ He smiled. ‘You don’t owe me anything.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Well, I guess I should go.’ He stood hesitantly, hoping she’d offer him a drink or something – anything to extend the evening a little longer. But she said nothing. ‘I’d really like to see you again, Lisa,’ he said. ‘I’m here until Sunday, if you’re free?’ He looked at her hopefully. She was biting her lip, regarding him uncertainly.

  ‘Not because you owe me. Just because we ... like each other,’ he finished with a shrug.

  Lisa sighed. ‘I do like you, Grayson,’ she said with an apologetic smile. ‘But I’m sorry, I can’t.’

  ‘Not even for a game of chess?’

  ‘I think you want more from me than a game of chess.’

  ‘Maybe,’ he said with a rueful smile. ‘But I’ll settle for whatever I can get.’

  She looked down at her hands. ‘I’m sorry. I just—I need to be on my own now.’

  He nodded, trying to swallow his disappointment. ‘I understand.’ Still he felt glued to the spot, loath to leave her. With an effort, he turned to go.

  ‘If you ever change your mind, you know how to reach me,’ he said as Lisa followed him to the door. ‘You still have my number?’

  ‘Oh! Actually, I don’t. I ... threw away my old phone when I left London.’