Nanny Wanted

by Iona Rose

  “In the living room.”

  “And Molly?”

  “In bed,” Ruby replied.

  Ella came running behind me.

  I turned to her. “Sorry. I have to deal with this. Give me a few moments, okay?”

  “Of course,” she said, looking at me worriedly.

  In the living room, I found Penelope leafing through one of my architectural magazines. Something she had never done when we had been married. She heard my footsteps and looked up. She had changed a bit. It was only two years but her face had lost its youthful look. Her eyes looked tired. As if life had disappointed her.

  It should have pleased me to see she hadn’t been happy since she left us, but it didn’t. If life had been good to her, she would have left us well alone. That would have been the ideal situation.

  “Luke!” she cried and stood up, her face arranged in a pageant-winning smile. The same smile that had won her the Miss Connecticut title.

  I had come to learn that Penelope could summon any emotion she needed at will. She could cry on cue, laugh convincingly, and show emotions she wasn’t feeling.

  So I was extremely skeptical of her over-enthusiastic reception. “Penelope,” I said formally.

  She ran towards me and looped her hands around my neck.

  Her strong perfume made me feel sick. I grabbed her hands and pulled them away from my neck.

  She pretended she didn’t notice the snub, took a step back and grinned at me. “It’s so good to be back. You’ve done well for Molly, Luke. You got her a nanny who seems like she knows her job.”

  It jarred me to hear her praise me on the job I’d done with Molly. “Ruby is not her nanny. She is her babysitter for the night. Molly’s nanny is Ella. It’s her who managed to bring back a smile to Molly’s face.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful. So… were you out… on a date?” Penelope asked.

  I tried to control the tight knot of anger in my stomach. How dare she? She had broken our daughter’s heart and for that, I would never forgive her. “What are you doing here?” I asked her bluntly, tired of playing catch up when I had no interest whatsoever in knowing anything about her life or telling her anything about my life.

  “I came to spend some time with my daughter and husband,” she said and sat back down.

  I frowned. I didn’t like where this was going. “Ex-husband.”

  She waved a dismissive hand.

  I wanted to shake her. Hard. To remind her she had left her daughter for another man without a backward glance. “Do you know what happened to Molly after you left?” My voice was deceivingly casual.

  She looked at me with interest. “What?”

  “She stopped talking, Penelope. For nearly a year. Then she went into her own little shell. You fucked up our daughter when you left without a word of goodbye. When you chose a man over her.”

  A sob broke out from her. She covered her face with her hands and stood there as still as a statue.

  I tried to dismiss it as acting, but it looked too real. I waited for her to regain her composure.

  “I was a fool Luke. A damned fool and I hate myself for it,” Penelope said, dropping her hands, her eyes filling up with tears. “That’s why I'm here. To make amends.”

  I was a fool. A damned fool. Where had I heard this before? Oh, my God. It was a line from one of those daytime soaps. I shook my head. For a moment there, I had almost believed her. Still, I shouldn’t have been surprised that she was back. No one had told beautiful, spoilt Penelope that life did not work like that. You didn’t do something like she had done and then retrace your steps when you decided you’d made the wrong choice.

  “That’s not possible,” I told her, my voice calm. “You don’t get to walk back into our lives now. Not after what you did.”

  She tilted her chin. “Molly is my daughter.”

  “Wasn’t she your daughter when you took off for a better life, somewhere else? You never called once to check on her wellbeing.” My breath came out fast.

  Her cheeks colored. “I admitted that I made a mistake. A huge one. But I’m back to make amends. Everybody makes mistakes. I’m not perfect. I want to get to know my daughter and I want her to know me. Every girl needs her mother.”

  That last sentence penetrated my brain. Penelope was Molly’s mother and I couldn’t do anything to change that. The anger that had fueled me ebbed away. I thought of my Molly and the shell she had wrapped herself in. Even though we’d made progress in the last few weeks, maybe she still needed to have her biological mother around her. Maybe that was a sacred bond too. One that I had no right to cut off. That should be Molly’s decision.

  I would do anything for Molly, even having Penelope back in our lives.

  “Please, Luke. You were never a cruel man. All I want is to spend time with my own daughter. The child I carried inside my body for nine months. I still have stretch marks to show for it. Remember, it was me who breastfed her. Not you. So, I made a… mistake. Are you going to punish me forever for it?”

  The image of Penelope on all fours getting banged from the back by her mistake came into my head. A lot of women, if caught in that situation would have been ashamed and terrified. Not Penelope. She had looked at me as if she had felt pleased that she had been caught.

  I looked at her now and felt pity for her. No anger and no pain remained inside me. I was truly over her betrayal. In fact, for the first time in my life, I felt truly happy, but it was clear she was an unhappy, broken woman. “What happened to what’s-his name?” I asked.

  “He doesn’t matter,” Penelope said, her lips drawing into a thin line.

  “He left you, didn’t he?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I was going to break it off with him, anyway. I’d already realized that I had made a mistake. He was not you. I don’t even know why I went with him. I was just lonely. You were never here for me. Maybe I just wanted to show you that other men wanted me even if you didn’t.”

  She was easy to read. Her pride had been wounded and because of that, she had come back. But maybe that experience had taught her to put her daughter first. The only part I didn’t like was the way she was trying to imply she still had feelings for me. “If I agree to this Penelope, you’re going to have to follow my rules.”

  Her face lit up. “Yes, of course! You’re Molly’s dad and I’ll do exactly what you say.”

  “You can only see her in this house to start with. If I see that you are a positive influence you can start to take her out of the house for little trips to the park or for a meal,” I told her.

  She agreed eagerly. “Yes, I agree. That sounds absolutely fair. I always knew you were fair and—”

  I held up my hand. “I have more rules for you. I don’t want to upset Molly anymore, so you’re not to tell her that you left her for a man.”

  A horrified look came over her features. “What do you take me for? I wouldn’t do that. I’ll tell her that I left for work.”

  I let out a humorless bark of a laugh. Work indeed. “If I see one hint that your presence is affecting her negatively, that will be the last time you see her.”

  “Yes, I understand.” Penelope nodded eagerly.

  “Where are you staying?” I asked her.

  “In town. I’ve taken a room at the Sheraton hotel.”

  Of course, she was. Penelope loved to spend money. She was staying in the most expensive hotel in town at my expense. But no matter. If she could bring even a little happiness to Molly, it would be worth it.

  I’d gladly pay double what I already was if she could make my daughter happier.

  She made a praying gesture with her hands and adopted a sickly-sweet voice as she spoke, “I can see you’ve probably had a long day and you’re tired, but before I go… is it okay if I see Molly one more time. If she’s already asleep, I won’t even disturb her. I just want to see her face again. She’s so big and beautiful.”

  Once I had believed Penelope was this sweet. Not anymore, I knew this
sickly-sweet facade was what she used when she wanted something she knew you didn’t want to give her. I almost refused, but then thought better of it. What harm would it do when I’d already agreed to allow her to see Molly? “Sure,” I said curtly.

  “Thank you,” she murmured and was careful not to look too victorious.

  We climbed up the stairs to the playroom.

  Molly was actually awake and she and Ella were on the floor playing with dolls. They looked up when we entered.

  Ella scrambled to her feet and excused herself.

  I longed to pull her into my arms for a quick hug, but I didn’t want any questions from Penelope.

  Penelope joined Molly on the floor and sat smiling at her.

  Molly stared back at her mother, but didn’t make any moves towards her.

  Penelope leaned forward and kissed Molly’s cheek.

  Still, Molly did not react. She had retreated back into her shell. I started to frown. Had I made a mistake in letting Penelope speak to her? Was all the progress Ella and I had made going to be lost?

  “It’s late so I’m going now,” Penelope said softly. “But I’ll be back tomorrow and the next day and the next. I’m not going anywhere, Molly. I promise, I’m going to be here for you from now on.”

  She was good… I had to give her that. She spoke softly to Molly and with just a few sentences, she had conveyed to Molly what her intentions were.

  She stood up. “Goodnight, Molly. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Molly peered up and gave Penelope a tiny smile.

  “I’ll walk you to the door,” I told Penelope and led her out of the room.

  A myriad of emotions came over me. I felt glad Molly seemed happy to see her mom, but I was worried sick as well. What would happen if Penelope left again? How would Molly survive a second loss? I closed the door firmly behind us.

  “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see her,” Penelope said.

  I stared at her grim faced until she stopped smiling. “What happens when you decide to leave again, Penelope? Molly can’t handle having her heart broken again.”

  Penelope dropped her head. “I deserve that, and I’m sorry. People change, Luke. I was immature and selfish and all I could think about was myself and my own happiness. I’m not going to hurt her again. I promise.”

  I was desperate to believe her, but I really didn’t have much choice. “If you break your word, I promise you’ll never see Molly again.”

  “You’ll never have to worry about me breaking my word. Just give me another chance and you’ll see how much I’ve changed.”

  After seeing her off, I went to the kitchen. I desperately needed a strong cup of coffee. I found a cup, put it under the machine, and waited.

  Not too long ago, I wouldn’t have given Penelope the time of day. I would have immediately escorted her out of the house and as for seeing Molly, that wouldn’t have happened, but over the last few weeks, I had changed. The anger and bitterness I had held close to my heart had melted away.

  Ella was the reason. She had softened my heart and taught me that there were good women in the world. Every woman wasn’t like Penelope. I sipped my espresso and felt my insides relax. I had made the right decision.

  It was important for Molly to know her mother again. Then I went upstairs.

  Ella looked at me worriedly. “Is everything okay?”

  I smiled at her. “Everything is A-okay. Now, where were we?”

  She smiled back. “I think I had to stop giving you a blow because you couldn’t concentrate on driving.”

  “Well, I’m not driving now,” I said, my fingers moving to my belt.

  Ella

  It’s none of my business.

  I’d been chanting this same phrase the whole day and throughout dinner. The fact that Luke’s ex-wife had come back to the house again today was none of my business. Except my heart refused to listen. What did she want now after all that time away?

  Jealousy speared me. It didn’t help that Penelope resembled a centerfold model for Playboy magazine. Standing next to her made me feel gaudy by comparison. Like a real-life Barbie with an exaggerated hourglass figure, gorgeous big blue eyes, and thick lustrous blonde hair that flowed in waves down her shoulders and back.

  “Shouldn’t you be wearing a uniform or something?” she asked with a disapproving look at my summery dress.

  I straightened my spine. “Wearing a uniform was not part of my job description.”

  “I’ll have to talk to Luke about that.”

  My eyes widened, but she had already flounced away, while calling out to Molly.

  After dinner, as was our custom, Luke and I watched Molly playing with Bean before he was put into his crate and she was whisked off upstairs for a bath and bed.

  Bean jumped on her and licked her face and hands thoroughly.

  Dutifully, I laughed at all the puppy’s antics for the next ten minutes, but my heart was truly not in it.

  After Molly’s bath, Luke came in and we tucked her into bed. Luke read a story to her. When the story was over, he closed the book. “Was it nice seeing Mommy today?” he asked her in a gentle voice.

  Molly nodded.

  “You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to,” Luke continued.

  I felt like an intruder, listening in on a moment that didn’t belong to me. I quickly kissed Molly’s forehead and padded softly out of the room. Then I returned downstairs. My muscles were tight with tension at the sudden change in our lives.

  I had grown comfortable with my new life. That had been my mistake. I had started to see myself as part of the family. That’s why having Penelope return came as such a shock. And I wasn’t handling it so well.

  Maybe it’s because she had introduced herself to me as Luke’s wife and not his ex-wife. Then she’d marched around the house with all the confidence of a woman who knew she belonged here.

  I couldn’t even hate her because she was Molly’s mom. I just wished she’d stayed wherever she had been and left us alone. Then I instantly felt ashamed of my thoughts. I loved Molly, and I knew she needed her mom. It was unfair and nasty of me to wish that she hadn’t come.

  All of this was my fault. I had allowed my heart to become involved. But how could you not love Molly or feel something for Luke?

  “I thought we’d have some wine,” Luke said.

  His voice startled me. I hadn’t heard him return downstairs. A cold fear came over my heart. Despite the pep talk I had given myself, I felt frightened. What if Luke said he didn’t need me anymore?

  It wasn’t about the money. I knew he’d pay me the full amount if he cut our contract short, because that was the kind of person he was. I realized as I walked to the window that I would be heartbroken if I was cast aside because Penelope had returned. I crossed my arms over my chest, inhaled deeply, and admitted it all to myself.

  It was more than just feeling a little something for him. I simply wasn’t ready to leave. Somehow, he had sneaked into my heart and I’d developed deep feelings for him. Then there was Molly. Such a little darling and I wanted to stay around to protect her. True, Penelope was her mother, but I didn’t trust her for a moment. I’d only watched her with Molly for a few minutes, but already I noticed something false and forced about her feelings for the child. She acted too happy, her laugh sounded too high, and when she kissed Molly, it was a fleeting peck. Almost like one of those meaningless air kisses women who lunch together would give one another.

  Now, a longing to be held and loved by Luke overwhelmed me. A longing I should not have been having. A relationship between us was impossible. How many times did I need to tell that to my brain?

  I was Molly’s nanny who just happened to be having an affair with my charge’s father. An affair that could never be more than the physical. Penelope’s return had really highlighted the fact that I needed to put some distance between us, both physical and intimate.

  “Here you go,” Luke said from behind me.

  I tur
ned around and took the glass from him. I took a sip and sighed as the icy cold wine went down my throat.

  “I’m sorry there has been no time to ask you how you are doing,” Luke said, staring at me with an intensity that made me tremble.

  I chewed at my bottom lip. I thought of all the things I wanted to ask him. Did he have feelings for Penelope? Did he want her back in his life? Only I couldn’t. We had made an agreement to enjoy each other without the burden of feelings and expectations. “Did Penelope talk to you about me wearing a uniform?” I asked.

  Luke cocked his head. “No. Why?”

  I shrugged. “It’s just she said she was going to talk to you about getting me into a uniform.”

  “Did she now?”

  I nodded.

  “Hmmm… I think it’s actually a very good idea.”

  My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe he thought it was a good idea. “What?”

  “You wouldn’t have to wear it all the time. Just sometimes in bed. I’d love to fuck you in a uniform.”

  I began to laugh with sheer relief… a sex thing. For a moment there, I thought he was serious and he would make me wear a dowdy uniform to please her. “Okay, I’ll look for something. Would a nurse’s uniform do?”

  He grinned. “A nurse’s uniform would be wonderful.”

  “I’ll buy one tomorrow.”

  “Let’s sit down,” Luke said and touched my arm lightly to guide me to the couch.

  We sat side by side with our thighs touching lightly. Arousal pulsed through me.

  Luke shook his head. “I can’t believe she’s back.”

  My heart soared with hope. This wasn’t the tone of a man who was excited or happy. The image of Luke’s ex-wife leapt into my mind again. How could a man not want to be with such a gorgeous creature? “She’s very beautiful,” I noted cautiously.

  Luke laughed humorlessly. “If you knew her character, you wouldn’t say that. But I suppose I have to give her the benefit of doubt. She says that she’s changed.”

  My euphoria had been crushed in half a second. What did he mean by giving her the benefit of doubt? I had to know. “Do you still love her?”