by Jessica Ames
Another knock on the door has both our eyes shifting in that direction. My stomach knots, pain radiating through my chest.
“I shouldn’t have come here first. Ain’t how this shit is done, but I didn’t want to spring this crap on you like that.”
“But you are springing this crap on me,” I snarl out the words, feeling like a caged tiger as the knocking starts up again. The last thing I need is to talk to anyone about my fucking feelings. It’ll open up a dark box that won’t be able to be shut once it is. No one wants to deal with my dirty history. I don’t even want to deal with it.
My breath rips out of me raggedly as I wrap my arms around my rolling stomach. I’m going to be sick. Nausea bubbles in my gut, threatening to erupt up my throat as he moves to the door and opens it.
I clamour to my feet, not wanting to be sitting when this shit starts to hit the fan and the words ‘don’t’ sit on the tip of my tongue, but he’s opened the door before I can stop them spilling out.
Sasha steps inside the room with Ravage, who honestly, scares the shit out of me. Levi comes on their heels, his eyes moving to Daimon. What passes between them has my stomach rolling. What is going on there? Levi, I notice, is also wearing bruises to his cheek, a smattering of purple and black covering the skin, as is Daimon.
Layla steps in last, guilt lining her face. She can’t even meet my eyes as she moves to the other sofa and takes a seat.
Unease ripples through my belly as I take them in, my eyes moving to Daimon who seems to be having a silent stare off with my brother.
“Someone want to start?” Sasha supplies. I shoot her a glare. I thought we were friends.
Levi steps forwards, rubbing at the back of his neck.
“I love you, Brie. Loved you from the moment you were born. Knew then I was going to be the best big brother possible. Ain’t always worked that way. Failed you more than I’ve saved you, and ain’t willing to fail you again.” He pauses, taking a shaky breath. “Know you’re drowning. Ain’t sure why, but that shit don’t matter. What matters is the outcome and that’s drinking yourself into o-fucking-blivion. That can’t continue. You need help, you need to deal with why you’re drinking and fix it. Everyone in this room wants to help you with that. You need treatment. I want you to get it.”
I swallow back my sob at his words. “You’ve never failed me.”
His expression is serious as he stares at me. “Didn’t do anything when you clearly needed me. I see that as failing.”
“I failed you too,” Layla adds. “I should have been a better friend. I’m so sorry I wasn’t. I still don’t know what to say or how to help you. I should have pushed you to seek help after—” My heart leaps into my throat, but she shakes herself and stops from spilling my secret. “I should have seen you were struggling. I thought going out would help, take your mind off things. I didn’t know what to do, how to help you.” A sob tears from her body on her last words.
“You’ve been amazing to me,” I counter, wrapping my arms tighter around myself. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”
Layla’s smile is sad. “I think I’m an enabler, more than a helper. I don’t call you on your shit. You need help, honey. I hate saying it, but it’s true. You have a drinking problem, and we’ve both been in denial about it.”
I stare at my feet, my heart racing. humiliation burns my cheeks and that moulds into something else, something raw. I can’t believe they’re doing this to me.
“I’m not in denial, because I don’t have a problem. Yeah, I drink now and again, but that doesn’t mean I have some dark addiction, for fuck’s sake.” I throw my hands up in frustration.
“Every time I’ve seen you, I’ve smelt booze on your breath,” Daimon says.
His betrayal burns the most. How can he stand there and spew this shit? It’s like a thousand knives slice at my skin, hearing his words. The dark claws at my heels.
“Because you’re such a fucking Boy Scout.”
“Ain’t about me, Brie. I know my limits and I don’t drink to forget my problems.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Yeah, baby, that is exactly what you’re doing.”
Levi growls under his breath at him calling me ‘baby’, but I ignore him, focusing instead on Daimon. My hands fist at my side, opening and closing as my temper starts to flare. Who do they all think they are? I’m nineteen, not a kid. I don’t need anyone in my fucking business.
“You have no idea what it’s like to be inside my head.” My words are sharp, barbed, angry.
Daimon doesn’t rise to it, keeping his own voice level.
“No, I don’t, but I know alcohol ain’t the answer.”
“Isn’t it? It’s the only fucking thing that helps.”
“With what, Brie?” Levi demands and I swallow back my tears. I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to get into this in front of any of them.
“Maybe we shouldn’t—” Layla starts, but Levi silences her with a glare.
“What the fuck are you drinking to block out?” he presses and I blink rapidly as I try to regain my focus. “I know it ain’t Dad. You were fucked up after that, but you were doing well. What the fuck changed?”
“Levi, stop.” The desperation in my voice sounds pathetic.
“Ain’t stopping until I get an answer. This shit ain’t going away, whatever it is. You have to deal with it.”
“Whatever it is, honey, we’ll deal with it,” Sasha adds and I feel tears prick the back of my eyes even as my chest heaves. I can’t tell them. They’ll never look at me the same. I can’t even look at me the same.
“Stop,” I murmur. “You sat with me on that park bench and spoke to me as if you understood!”
Levi steps forwards. “Only way this stops is if you tell us what changed, what you’re drinking to forget.”
“Levi, this isn’t how we’re supposed to do this,” Layla interjects, but my brother shakes his head.
“Fuck how we’re supposed to do it.”
Daimon suddenly closes the gap between us and I’m pushed up against the wall, his fingers digging into my shoulders. His dark eyes meet mine and I see the pain in them as he demands answers.
“What happened?”
“Nothing!”
“Briella!”
“Nothing happened!” I scream in his face. Panic is making me shaky. My secret can’t come out. I’ve kept it locked down for so long now, I can’t set it free. Even the thought makes my whole body tremble.
“Why you fucking lying?”
I swallow bile as I try to push him away. Levi tries to remove him from me, but Daimon shrugs him off.
“I’m not—”
“Lies.”
“Daimon—”
“Tell me the fucking truth!”
Something snaps inside me, an invisible thread I didn’t even know I was hanging by. My whole body jolts and my words tear out of me, sounding raw and broken.
“I was raped!”
Silence.
Blissful silence apart from the ragged inhalations of my breath past the lump in my throat.
Daimon stares at me, his eyes haunted and dark. He doesn’t move an inch and I don’t move either.
When he does speak, his words are growled out, like a feral beast, but it’s just one word he utters, one word that has the power to bring me to my fucking knees.
“Who?”
17
Daimon
Briella was raped…
She was fucking raped.
I see red. My vision clouds and anger burns a trail through my veins as I stand there, trembling with rage. Someone touched her? Someone took something from her that was not freely given?
Fireworks light behind my eyes as I try to calm my fury, but nothing is helping. Homicidal waves of ire slam into my chest, making it hard to breathe. I want to kill whoever hurt her, whoever drove her to drink as a way of coping with the trauma she suffered.
“Who?” I snarl out, ne
eding an answer, needing someone to direct this rage at.
Briella’s eyes dart around the room. “No one. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You were raped?” Levi’s voice breaks as he asks the question.
The brother looks like he’s struggling to keep his shit together. I don’t blame him. I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams myself. Levi fought so hard to protect his sister. He took her out of an abusive home, struggled to raise her and keep her safe, only to fail at protecting her from this. It’s killing me, so this has to be shredding him.
“I…” Brie breaks off, swallowing down her words. I can see how hard she’s finding this, see the truth of what happened in her eyes. “Levi, please…”
“Oh, Briella. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
I glance at Sasha who is covering her mouth with her hands, tears standing in her eyes.
Of all the people in this room, she’s the one that understands what Brie is going through. Sasha was raped by Rav’s brother, Sin. It was why she left the club and ran. She didn’t think Rav would believe her over his own blood.
“Don’t. Don’t you do that!” she grinds out. “Don’t you look at me like I’m different.”
“No one thinks that, honey,” Sasha assures her, but Brie shakes her head.
“Everyone is looking at me like I’m dirty,” she whispers, her voice hoarse. Her eyes water and I have the uncontrolled urge to put my fist through the wall.
“You ain’t fucking dirty,” Ravage growls out. This is hitting a little too close to home for him. “You tell us who did this, we’ll make sure they pay. You’re family. No one touches family.”
I see the fear in her eyes when she looks at Ravage. I don’t understand why it’s there. Rav is a scary bloke, but he’s never wronged Brie in any way. Yet, the terror in her eyes can’t be faked. She’s fucking petrified of him.
Briella wraps her arms around herself and licks her tongue over her bottom lip. “It’s not that simple.” She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s over with. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I watch as a tear rolls down her cheek. She swipes angrily at it, as if she thinks crying is a weakness she can’t afford to show.
What remains of my self-control snaps. I grab her shoulders. Fear flashes in her eyes for a moment, and I want to remove it, but my rage is too far gone to calm myself down.
“Who fucking touched you?”
Levi snags my arm and tries to pull me off her. “Take your fucking hands off her, shit head.”
I shake him off, my gaze locked onto Briella. She is all that exists for me right now, her and the burning fury tearing through every cell
“I’m going to rip them apart with my bare fucking hands.”
Her throat bobs as her eyes dart. “Daimon… please.”
I don’t know what she’s pleading for me to do. She doesn’t elaborate either. She just stares at me with those beautiful eyes, which are flared wide.
“Someone touched you against your will,” I hiss out the words, unable to calm the hurricane building inside me.
“Okay, everyone needs to calm the fuck down,” Layla speaks. She’s a tiny thing, but it doesn’t stop her from shoving her way between me and Briella. I admire her sticking up for her friend, but she’s pissing me off getting between us.
“This is club business, bitch,” I grind out, sick of her shit. “Stay the fuck out of it.”
“Daimon!”
I ignore Brie’s chastisement. So does Layla, who is glaring at me.
“The last thing she needs is your fucking club involved. The Sons have done enough damage.”
Her words add fuel to the fire that is already burning through me.
“I’m getting a little tired of you making out the Sons are the bad guys here. Ain’t done shit to you or Briella, other than take care of you both.”
“Everything that was done to Briella was because of the Sons,” she hisses in my face.
Her words confuse the fuck out of me. Was Brie raped because of her links to the club?
“What the fuck does that mean?” I snap back, my temper barely holding on.
“Layla, stop it!” Briella’s voice sounds small as she says it and I can see she’s about to fall apart.
“It means you want to know who hurt her? Look to your own fucking club.”
Her words hit me like a wrecking ball. Someone in the club did this?
“Who?” Rav demands.
“Please!” Briella fists her hands over her ears, as if she can block this out, but I’m getting to the bottom of this once and for all.
If one of my brothers did this, I’ll flay them alive. Oath be damned, I’ll peel the flesh from their fucking bones. My breath rips out of me as I stand there huffing like a bull. I can’t imagine any of my brothers would suddenly turn rapist. I trust all the men with my life. There’s only one fucker in the club who sunk into that depravity, and he’s dead. Ravage killed him himself. Could he have done this before he died?
Pain lances through my chest as Sasha steps forwards, her face a mask of pain.
“It was Sin, wasn’t it?” Sasha’s quiet voice breaks through the tension in the room.
I watch Briella’s face crumple and I know it’s true. That cunt raped two women I fucking love. We had a predator in our ranks and we never had a clue.
Rav puts his fist through the drywall, roaring out his anger. Briella and Layla both shrink back, but Sasha moves to him, her hands moving over his back and chest as she tries to soothe him as only she can.
“Sin did this?” Levi demands, his voice cracking.
Brie closes her eyes tightly before she nods. The movement is so slight it barely registers.
“Fuck!” he screams, his hands interlinking at the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry,” she immediately apologises and my anger flares. She shouldn’t have to say sorry for anything.
“You don’t apologise for that piece of shit.” Her brother tells her.
Her brows draw together, her shoulders sagging. “You… you believe me?”
Sasha moves to her and takes her hand. “We believe you.”
“I thought… I thought no one would believe me, that telling would get Levi into trouble—”
“You kept this quiet because you were fucking worried about me?” Levi interrupts. “If you’d told me I would have gutted that sick freak.”
Her eyes slide to Rav. “He’s a brother. He’s Ravage’s brother.”
“Was a brother,” I correct.
“Ain’t my fucking flesh and blood,” Rav growls out.
“I don’t understand,” Briella admits. Layla and Sasha are both crowding her, holding her hands. The three of them sink onto the sofa and I notice Brie’s hands are shaking.
Sasha stares down at her lap, her smile sad as she says, “We believe you because Sin did the same thing to me.”
Briella’s eyes go wide at her words before tears brim. “No.”
“He attacked me one night while Ty was on a run. I pleaded with him to stop, but he didn’t.”
I watch as Briella’s throat works. I can’t stop from clenching my fists at my side. We let that cunt off too easy. Rav should have tortured that fucker for what he became, for what he did. Two lives ruined because of his shit.
“It was after you came back,” she whispers. “I was at the clubhouse. I needed to see Levi. He… he…” she licks her lips as she struggles to get the words out. “He said I looked just like her. I didn’t know who he meant… until now.”
Sasha pales and Rav hits the wall again. He wipes the blood winding down his knuckles on his jeans.
“That motherfucking cunt.”
“He raped you because you look like me?” Sasha’s voice is barely audible, but the agony in her words is. “This is my fault.”
Rav shakes his head. “Ain’t no one to blame for this but Sin. Neither of you did a fucking thing wrong, you hear?”
Briella’s eyes raise and mee
t mine. I see pain in them. “I’m sorry.”
I force my anger down, force my feet to move and come to kneel in front of her. I take her hands in mine.
“Nothing to apologise for, baby,” I tell her, my voice choking.
“I’m… tainted.”
I snag her chin, her words goring me.
“Ain’t nothing about you that’s fucking tainted. You’re fucking perfect. Beautiful inside and out, you understand? What that cunt did to you doesn’t define you, it isn’t all you are. You’re more than just a victim. You’re a fucking survivor. You survived this shit. You came out stronger, and I’ll help to fix the parts of you that were broken by him.”
I shouldn’t do it, but I lean up and I brush my lips over hers, needing to show her with actions what I can’t say with words, needing to show her I don’t care that she was violated, that I still want her.
She stiffens slightly then softens under my touch. It’s not the kiss I want to give her, but I’m aware we have an audience—including her brother. I’m also not sure what the hell is going through her head, what damage Sin did to her, so I pull back after a moment.
She meets my eyes and I see the hope dancing in them.
“Don’t care what happened to you. You’re mine, you understand?”
Brie nods slowly, as if testing the weight of this thought.
“We’re going to get you help, baby. Find you someone to talk to who knows about this shit and how to get your head into a good place, okay?”
“Okay.”
I turn and glance over my shoulder. Layla has tears streaming down her face, as does Sasha, who is in Rav’s embrace.
“We’re your family. We’ll get you through this. I promise.”
And it’s a promise I intend to keep.
18
Briella
My heart is galloping in my chest, my mouth so dry I can hardly swallow. I feel exposed, naked, dirty. My secret is out, everyone knows now what happened to me and I feel like I’m crawling in the filth Sin left on my skin. I can feel all their eyes on me, feel the pity they’re directing at me and I hate it.