Catch Me When I Fall

by Jackson, A. L.

  To let devotion consume her rather than her fear.

  Pushing out from under me, Emily whirled around on those strappy heels, taking two steps back to put space between us. “You really are an arrogant bastard, aren’t you? You think they’ll just drop me? That I’m just . . . replaceable?”

  She clutched her chest. “They would never do that to me. They are my family.” She pointed down the hall. “Those boys are loyalty and integrity, but you don’t have the first clue what that means, do you, Hollywood?”

  “Integrity was me leaving your room last night.”

  Disbelief rolled off her tongue, and she shoved her keycard into her lock and flung open her door. Halfway through, she stopped to look back at me from over her shoulder. “No, Royce. Integrity would have been you never stepping through it in the first place. Integrity would have been you telling me who you were. Luckily, I know who that is now.”

  “Yeah, and who is that?”

  “You’re a sick bastard who is willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want. You are just like every other asshole who thinks they can reach out and take what they want of me. Steal parts I’m not willing to give. I’m not about to let that happen. The rest of the band might be blinded, but I can see right through you.”

  Then she flung open her door the rest of the way and stormed inside. It slammed shut behind her. My eyes squeezed closed.

  Anger and regret tied me in knots.

  She was right on most accounts.

  I was manipulative.

  After one thing.

  And I was positive she could see right through me. Right into me. God knew, she’d gotten under my skin.

  But she was wrong on another.

  This was going to happen.

  Whatever the cost.

  Seven

  Emily

  I frantically tossed the few things I’d hung in the closet into my suitcase. Fighting tears of anger and shame and disgust.

  I couldn’t believe I’d let that asshole touch me.

  God. What was wrong with me?

  I wanted to scream.

  Worst part? The second I’d seen him stroll through that door, arrogance rolling from him like a drug, wearing that stupid perfect suit that showed off that stupid gorgeous body and that stupid perfect face, I’d gone stupid.

  Like an ignorant fool, wondering what it might be like for him to touch me again.

  That was all of two seconds before reality had come stampeding in, and I caught up to what he’d done. The game he’d been playing. Sure of it. Praying at the same time it’d only been a coincidence, that he hadn’t realized who I was last night.

  I shouldn’t have been such a fool to even have hoped.

  He didn’t even deny it.

  God, why did that piss me off, too?

  Dizziness swirled, and my heart raced faster. A crazed frenzy was taking me over. I was losing it, I was sure, lost to waves of dark, perilous waters that rose higher and higher.

  I’d been treading them for so long.

  I knew it was only a matter of time before they finally took me under and I drowned.

  Up front, the door banged open, and the telltale sounds of Mel letting herself in echoed through the room.

  “Knock much?” I mumbled, unable to keep the irritation out of my voice.

  She didn’t even notice. “Oh my god,” she squealed as she flew into my room and flung herself on top of my unmade bed.

  Clearly, she was in best friend mode.

  “It was him, wasn’t it?”

  In shock, my eyes darted to her, a flush flashing across my skin, hating that I’d been so transparent. Jerking my attention back to my suitcase, my movements became more frenzied as I stuffed all my things into my bag. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

  She hopped onto her knees, bouncing on them like a five-year-old and waving her hands in the air. “Oh, come on, Em. You think I wasn’t standing right there, watching it go down? You looked like you were gonna puke the second you saw him, and that man looked like he was about two seconds from taking you right there on the table, out in front of everyone. Two of you nearly set fire to the room.”

  I tried not to get all hot and bothered at the thought.

  That feeling there, so thick in the air that I’d been sure I was suffocating. I was content to fully blame it on my anger.

  Mel’s eyes were wide with the scandal. “I can’t even believe it. I mean, he’s so not your type. The last kind of guy I thought you’d go after.”

  “Nope, he’s not. Not at all,” I was all too quick to agree.

  “I mean, you said he was hot, but that man is ungodly. Did you see those hands?” She threw back her head with a dreamy groan. “Can you imagine the size of his dick?”

  I was halfway to stuffing a pair of shoes into my bag when she said it. With a gasp, I threw one at her. “What is wrong with you?”

  Deflecting it like a pro, she rolled her eyes. “Like you weren’t thinking about it. Or do you already know? Oh, I bet you do. Give me all the dirty deets.” She edged forward on her knees like an eager puppy dog.

  “There’s nothin’ to tell. I already told you it didn’t come close to getting that far.”

  She squealed. “So, it was him! I knew it. God, I’m good. I can sniff out a good romance like nobody’s business.”

  “It isn’t your business.”

  “Um, hello. Best friend.” She gestured to herself. “It is the very definition of my business.”

  This was going nowhere and fast. I needed to shut her down.

  “Fine. It was him. I was attracted to him, but that ended the second I figured out he’s only here to play me. Any romance between the two of us would be the very bad kind.”

  “Oh, yeah, he does look bad. So wrong he’s right.” She actually waggled her brows.

  God, she was infuriating. Was it wrong I wanted to toss her blabbering, smiling face out the window right then?

  “Goodness, did you feel the way he seemed to fill up the whole room? I thought I was gonna go off just lookin’ at him.”

  “Have at it,” I told her, storming into the bathroom and tossing my toiletries and makeup into my travel bag.

  I probably broke a mirror or two.

  At this rate, I was gonna have a hundred years of bad luck.

  I zipped it up with a flourish.

  “Um, no thank you. Not about to fight with my best friend over a boy. Sisters before misters. I’m in for the long haul.”

  I was sure I was wearing a scowl the size of Texas when I rounded back out into the room. “I don’t want him, so you can do whatever you want with him.”

  “Says the girl whose legs are shakin’.” She pointed at them. “Looks like you’re in need of a little . . . relief. Hold on, I just got his number.”

  “I hate you,” I spouted.

  She waved me off. “You love me, and you know it. Just like you’re gonna fall in love with him.”

  I huffed out in frustration. “Would you stop it?”

  “Um, no, I already ordered my bridesmaid dress.”

  “Well, I do hope they have a return policy.”

  Mel sobered, seeming to catch onto my expression. That this was a bigger deal than she was making it. “Seriously, Em . . . I’m shocked you went for a guy like that. How the hell did that happen?”

  I shrugged a helpless shoulder. “It was just one of those instant attraction things. That fuzzy feelin’ you get when you look at someone.” God, it’d been so long since I’d experienced it, I’d forgotten that it was real. “He came up to me when some jerk was gettin’ handsy, and that was that.”

  “Love at first sight.”

  “Hardly. That guy is an asshole. Singled me out. Tried to get close to me to get his way. I’m not okay with that.”

  “Really? So, what, you’re just . . . not attracted to him anymore? Poof. You’re immune?” It was all disbelief.

  “Maybe if he hadn’t lied to me about who he was.”
/>
  She flopped back on the bed and studied her nails. “Well, at least you know now why he walked out. Standing up for your honor and all.”

  “Honor? Hardly. He just figured I was easy prey and would fall all over him and do whatever he wanted. He should have thought twice about that.”

  I shoved my makeup case onto the top of my clothes with a little more force than necessary, flinging shut the lid and trying to zip it.

  “Maybe he’s a good guy,” she said with a shrug.

  I shot her a disbelieving look.

  She grinned. “Okay, fine. That boy is as wicked as they come. He looks like he crawled right out of hell, nothing but a sexy, tattooed, fallen angel in a fitted suit. Yummy.”

  “What’s gonna be hell is having him on that bus,” I muttered, fighting the flutter of wings that scattered through my belly and managed to flap all the way into my chest at the thought.

  Crap.

  This wasn’t good.

  “Might be fun. Who knows?”

  “And it might be a tragedy.”

  Didn’t she get it? We were talking about the fate of our band. I was tryin’ hard enough to figure this out. To come to grips. To be brave. Looking for a way to say yes, and not feel like I was selling my soul to the devil.

  Guessed I was, after all.

  “You’re so dramatic.”

  “It’s called realistic.”

  Unable to handle the force of it for a second longer, I flopped down on the edge of the bed and buried my face in my hands.

  Mel edged forward and rubbed my back. “Hey . . . I’m just teasing you. I get it. You even kissing a man is a big deal, and now he’s gonna be in your face nonstop for a while. But you did the right thing . . . giving this a chance. Maybe it’s time to give your heart a chance, too. Forget that bastard Nile. Only thing he’s ever done is cause you pain.”

  I wished it was that simple.

  “Think about it . . . the worst thing that can come of this is a really great record deal for the band,” she urged, prying my hands away so she could meet my eye. “From there? Who knows what else. It’s time, Em. It’s time to let go of what’s holding you back.”

  But she was all wrong.

  So wrong.

  Because the worst thing was that signing with Mylton Records meant I’d be tied to Cory Douglas. Forced into his space.

  And I couldn’t imagine a worse fate.

  * * *

  I was right.

  This was going to be hell.

  Sheer, utter hell.

  What had I gotten myself into?

  I climbed the steps to the bus, holding onto the railing because my legs already felt weak. That feeling only increased tenfold when I made it up to the front living area. I froze at the top.

  Everyone was there.

  Rhys and Leif.

  My brother, who looked at me with some kind of apology that I couldn’t quite interpret.

  And Royce.

  Royce was sitting on the couch with his long legs stretched out in front of him, furiously tapping away at his phone and still wearing that suit like he didn’t realize we were going to be on this grubby bus for the next six hours.

  In my spot, of course.

  Mel nudged me from behind. “Um, hello, Em . . . do you think you could keep moving a foot or two or ten? I do have two suitcases, and I’m teetering on a step. Help a girl out, would you?”

  “Oh, sorry,” I said, jolting forward a step to get out of her way. Last thing I wanted was to come across as self-absorbed. Not a pretty trait.

  But I didn’t get very far.

  Because that dark gaze lifted to meet mine, sealing me to the spot. I felt like my feet were glued right there on that floor, unable to move or breathe or do anything but get lost in the raw command of his eyes.

  Mel banged her way past me from behind.

  “Thanks.” There was no missing the mockery in her tone.

  Rhys hopped up like the cavalier champion that he was. “Ahh, Mells Bells, let me help you with that, sweetheart.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I made it all the way over here with these, I think I can make it ten more steps.”

  “But why would you want to do that when I’m right here?”

  “Because then I would owe you something.”

  He grinned one of his cocky grins. “Well, I could easily figure out a good solution for that. A three-easy-installment payment plan.”

  “In your dreams, cowboy.”

  “Cowboy? I’m the stallion, baby.”

  She sent me a look. “We are dumping him at the next stop.”

  Leif chuckled.

  And I just stared as the ramble of voices continued in a haze around me.

  I couldn’t process a thing going on.

  Not when I was completely caught up in the man who had taken possession of the entire bus, filling it with that energy I couldn’t escape.

  I tried to swallow around the feeling laying waste to my insides, and I lifted a defiant chin. “You’re in my spot.”

  He quirked a dark brow. “Am I?”

  “You are.”

  “Huh. Great minds?”

  I kinda wanted to slap him. Was he really gonna go after the whole playful bit after what he’d done? I wasn’t about to fall for that façade, either. I had his name.

  Snake. Scoundrel. Schemer.

  “I think you were just goin’ after the best spot,” I said.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was taken.”

  “Well, it is.”

  I would have been able to pull off the whole bitch thing a whole lot better if my voice hadn’t been quivering.

  But I was going with the whole “fake it until you make it” philosophy. Pretendin’ as if he didn’t affect me at all. That my heart wasn’t somewhere in my throat, and my belly wasn’t doing somersaults.

  With a slow, wicked smile, he eased up to standing. So maybe I should have let him remain sitting. Because the man rose to his full, towering height, standing over me with a smirk pulling at one corner of his sexy mouth.

  He dipped in lower, his voice only meant for me. “Pardon me, Precious.”

  If he called me that one more time, I was gonna snap.

  He stepped out of my way so I could get to my spot.

  It wasn’t like we had a whole lot of space to keep separated. We had the front sitting area where we usually hung out, a pocket-sized kitchen stocked with snacks and drinks at the ready. In the middle section were the rows of bunks that were stacked three high on each side, and there was a smaller sitting area at the very back that was usually reserved for writing music.

  It was a quiet, private place for when we needed to let our creativity bleed free, unhindered by the movies and conversations and mayhem that was usually going down up front.

  I should probably exile myself to my bunk. Hide out. It wasn’t like it was that long of a drive. But I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking that his presence was swaying me, either.

  He needed to know if I made the decision to sign, it was going to be of my own accord. Not because he’d twisted my arm or filled my head with pretty words that I knew full well he didn’t mean.

  I flopped down into the spot he’d vacated.

  The leather was warm.

  Crap.

  This was so not good. Because I was warring against the need that flooded my belly, pressing my thighs together when I was assailed with the scent of him.

  Cedar and whiskey and the barest hint of lingering cigarettes.

  I felt drugged by it, my mind going hazy, or maybe it was just the fuzzy feeling I was struck with when he sat down at the table across from where Richard was sitting.

  His legs so long he had one tucked under the table and the other stretched out into the aisle, his body slung back.

  Casual and fierce.

  How did he manage that?

  I fumbled in the messenger bag I’d dumped on the floor, grabbing a notebook and flipping it open to a scribbled-o
n page as the bus rumbled out of the parking lot.

  I tried to get lost.

  To stare out the window as we left the city behind, as the trees grew denser and the road narrowed into two-lanes.

  Seemed I couldn’t do anything but count the erratic beats of my heart as I felt those penetrating eyes continually flicker to me.

  Invading.

  Searching.

  Penetrating.

  Finally, I huffed out a breath and stood. “I’m going to go work on some music.”

  Wishful thinking.

  But sometimes the only thing a girl could do was pretend, and I’d become a pro at it.

  Thing was, lyrics had been flirting at the edges of my mind for weeks. The muted strains of a new song stalking me from the fringes of my consciousness.

  Wisps of beauty I could almost taste.

  Rhythmic.

  Magical in its dance.

  Evaporating into nothing the second I reached for it.

  If I could just grab it, hold it, I was sure things would be okay. That I’d be on my way to healing. If only I could figure out a way to get there.

  I guessed maybe because it felt like a secret. As if maybe I were cutting myself wide open and exposing something I wasn’t quite yet ready to reveal.

  “You want me to work with you?” Rich asked, glancing up from his phone.

  “No, I’m good.”

  Worry passed through his expression. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

  “I will.”

  Grabbing my things, I headed for the back, stepping over Leif’s legs where he was engrossed in a movie, headphones in his ears. Rhys and Mel were still shooting jabs at each other where they were sitting at the second table tucked behind the couch.

  I fumbled down the narrow aisle of empty bunks, feeling grateful that we had two buses for this tour. The rest of the sound and stage crew were on the other, that bus pulling out late last night so they could be at the next city to set up for tonight’s show.

  There’d been no rest on the tours back when we’d had to share.

  It was true—we’d come a long, long way. Our beginnings humble. Filled with hope and belief of who we might one day get to be.

  Our heads in the clouds and our hearts in the stars.