“And you’re an angel,” he whispered. “And from what I understand, Gods and angels go together like the moon and the stars.”
My heart broke as I smiled at him.
“Oh, Bullet, don’t you see? I don’t quite fit in here,” I continued. "My family, my friends — well, Julia — my job, the studio, my art. That’s me. I just grew to realize how different we are. I’m sorry I couldn’t communicate that to you sooner. It’s been really difficult these last few months.”
I looked away, but I know he saw the flash of pain in my eyes.
“I know, Libby. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. If I could go back and keep it all from happening, I would. Even if it meant we’d never meet each other. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you, I hope you know that.”
I sighed. I didn’t know what I deserved. I wasn’t sure who I was anymore, so how was I to know what I deserved?
Mona created me, and then she destroyed me.
And Bullet? Staring at me like his heart was about to burst if he didn’t kiss me soon? Did I deserve that?
He deserved someone whole. Someone who wasn’t broken. Someone who’s heart was open and ready for love, not the dysfunctional hot mess that I’d become.
“Libby,” he whispered, reaching down and placing a gentle finger under my chin to lift it up. Our eyes met, a collision that I didn’t have the strength for. He was so good, so beautiful, so real and solid and now that he was standing in front of me, instead of just a phone call I could decline, I had no idea how I was going to keep refusing him.
Every cell in my body wanted to rub up against his.
“Libby?”
“Yes?” I replied, the word ripping through my throat like a razor blade.
“I understand everything you’re saying, but you’re wrong about me. Someday, maybe you’ll give me a chance to show you that. But that has to happen in your own time. In your own way. All you have to do is give me the word, and I’ll be there.”
“Bullet, you’re so kind and gentle,” I said. “You always have been.”
“That’s the best way for me to get through life,” he replied. “And the best way to show you how much I care about you. I have another side, but nobody really wants to see that.”
I smiled up at him, my heart swelling with love for this patient man. Despite everything that had happened, he’d remained a calm, solid rock through it all. And here he was — steady and sure, offering me nothing and everything all at once.
And what had I given him in return?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
He was so good, so pure…he deserved so much more than that.
I raised up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips against his, the heat of his lips searing mine deliciously. He froze for half a second before his arms wrapped around me, pulling me close as his mouth searched mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
BULLET
Her lips brushed against mine, as soft as velvet.
All restraint melted away as I pulled her close, needing her body against mine. My hands trailed over her curves, my lips ravishing hers with an unleashed passion that threatened to overwhelm me.
Forcing myself to breathe, I slowed down, breathing into her.
She was everything.
For months, I’d spent every night going over every detail I could remember about her. The feel of her kiss, the taste of her mouth, the weight of her breast in my palm, the way she moaned when I sank inside of her; desperately afraid I’d forget some small detail with the passing of time, convinced any opportunity to refresh my memory was an impossibility, I was determined to remember every single detail.
And yet, here she was, in my arms again, every inch of her skin just as silky as I remembered, only silkier, softer.
It was all better, more intense.
Was it the intimacy the dark forest provided? Was it the time we’d spent apart, the yearning for her that had grown so strong inside of em?
Was it the simple fact that we were meant to be together?
I kissed her deeper, harder, the passion I’d suppressed for so long bubbling up and overwhelming me with its strength.
I wanted to tell her I loved her.
I wanted to beg her to never leave my side again.
But everything was way too tender for that right now.
This was just a kiss.
A deep, lingering, passionate kiss that I never wanted to end.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
LIBBY
I was on fire.
Desire ripped through me like a fast-moving storm, leaving me quivering and quaking in Bullet’s arms.
It was everything I remembered and all I could think was that I wanted more. So much more.
I wanted it all.
I wanted all of him, right here, right now — I longed for him to lay me down on the forest floor, take me right there by the creek, with only the moon to witness the passion flowing between us.
Everything I’d believed before, about how different we were, it all melted away. Because the moment our lips met, we became one.
There was no awkward nose bumping.
There were no accidental teeth crashes.
We melted into each other, completely in sync, like a dance that we made up together as we went.
I stepped back to tell him that, pulling away to stare into his eyes, to see if he felt the exact same thing, but as soon as our eyes crashed into each other, the breath left my lungs.
How could one man be so beautiful?
A thick lock of blonde hair hung over one eye, the moonlight throwing shadows over his face that danced around like a silent song.
I’d never wanted anything so badly as much as I wanted this man right now.
“Bullet,” I moaned, breaking through the silence of the darkness. A slow smile spread across my face as I licked my lips, tasting the lingering heat of his kiss. His hands were heavy on my hips, his thumbs caressing my hipbones seductively.
“I’d almost forgotten how good that felt,” he growled, his eyes ablaze with lust.
“Me, too,” I whispered. “But I need —.”
A sudden whoosh broke through the air overhead and we both looked up and ducked just in time to avoid getting hit by the sharp claws of Oliver, who landed on a nearby branch.
“Oh, my God!” I cried, stepping back from Bullet like two teenagers who’d been caught my a parent.
“Dammit,” Bullet said, shaking his head and laughing. “Hello, Oliver.”
A second set of wings whooshed down out of the darkness, landing next to Oliver on the branch.
“And there’s Olivia!” I said. I’d met the two owls the last time I’d visited the clubhouse and yet, somehow, never imagined they’d interrupt this moment.
“Hello, lovebirds,” Bullet said, waving at them.
They blinked at us, all innocent and wide-eyed, their big yellow eyes piercing through the darkness like they’d hadn’t just interrupted one of the best moments of my life.
“I missed them,” I said, walking over to them very slowly. They stood still, perched solidly on the low hanging branch. I reached out a hand to them one at a time, and they sniffed it approvingly.
“They want food,” Bullet said. “They always do.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t have anything,” I said to them. Bullet was watching me, and I looked over, shooting him an apologetic glance.
“We weren’t exactly expecting company, were we?”
“No,” I whispered, petting Olivia, and then Oliver’s head. My head was in a fog, my body still on fire from Bullet’s touch. I turned back to Bullet, ready to resume our conversation so we could get back to kissing.
I wanted him to know how I felt. I’d left so much unsaid. I didn’t want to do that again. I wanted him to know how much I cared about him, how much I wanted him. Maybe we could figure it out this time.
Maybe I was wrong all along. God, I wanted to be wrong.
“Bullet, I
—,” I began, only to be interrupted again by a crashing sound in the trees across the meadow.
We turned to see Julia burst out of the tree line, followed by Colt, holding a bottle of whiskey. They were laughing like a couple of hyenas and when they saw us, Julia screeched and began to run over to us.
“Libby!” she screamed, her voice piercing and loud.
Oliver and Olivia took one look at her and flew away into the darkness again. I glanced over at Bullet and shook my head. Whatever was going to happen between us would have to wait.
Julia made it half way through the meadow before falling flat on her face and giggling like a lunatic as Colt helped her up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
RYDER
“I fucking hate this,” I growled. Grace turned her eyes up to me and placed her hands on my hips.
“I know,” she whispered. “It’ll be over soon. I don’t know what else to do but do what she asked. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Stay here.”
I shook my head, speechless. I hated this feeling of helplessness more than any other feeling in the world.
I’m a goddamned man, for fuck’s sake.
I’ve lived my life barreling through any situation presented to me, succeeding on strength and perseverance alone.
Never quit. Never weaken.
I was doing neither of those now, but it sure felt like it.
Having to bow to Mona’s wishes was torture.
I needed to be there.
I needed to protect my family.
And staying back was not a natural reaction.
As a result, I was tense, jumpy. My anger simmered just below the surface, threatening to explode at any second. If Mona didn’t give us our baby back, she was going to be the recipient of that explosion.
So, I brushed my lips across Grace’s and watched her walk away, my gut wrenched and twisted so hard I felt like I was being ripped apart.
From the first moment I saw Grace all those years ago, lying on the dirt in my driveway, helpless and at the mercy of a violent pimp, she’d become everything to me. I’d brought her home, after extinguishing the asshole that hurt her, and nursed her back to health. I never expected her to wake up and not be able to tell me who she was, where she came from, or even how she arrived.
Doc and I kept her safe and healthy until her memory returned, which only dealt us another blow when we learned she was really an undercover cop.
God, it seemed like so much had happened since then, when I thought about it. Grace and I had been through so much together. We’d endured the kind of danger most people only read about. Yet we’d survived it all, together.
I remind myself of all of this so that I can remember how strong we are.
I need to concentrate on that strength, so that I can stay positive until we get Sadie back.
Because now that Sadie’s arrived, the game has changed.
Now they are everything, not just Grace.
To be honest, I don’t want to deal with the danger anymore. I just want to take my girls home and keep them safe and happy. I want to snuggle in bed with them, watch Sadie grow up and see what kind of person she’ll become.
Fuck, we haven’t even had a chance to take her home yet.
Not one night have we spent alone in our own home with our baby girl.
Part of me wanted to kill Mona, for that fact alone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
MONA
I watched from the park across the street from the café where I’d told Grace to meet me. She kissed Ryder goodbye and squared her shoulders before venturing off down the street. Alone. Without Libby. And look at her! Dressed in disguise, trying to fool me. Did she think I wouldn’t see right through her?
Did she really think I was that stupid?
I wandered through the park, watching her as she approached the café, her face twisted with worry. A little twinge of joyful vengeance ran through my veins.
I’d worried about my daughter all my life. It was only fitting Grace endure a few days of the same pain.
When she saw I wasn’t there, her shoulders slumped a little and I let out a gleeful laugh and pulled Sadie a little closer to my chest. She’d been an angel, honestly. She spent her days cooing and wiggling and pooping and eating and that was about it. As long as she was warm and fed, she was happy.
It was so simple.
I expected it to be a lot more complicated, honestly. The ‘new Mom’ experience had been ripped away from me, so I’d believed all the hype I’d read about how hard it was to take care of an infant. The fact that I couldn’t take care of a baby in jail was something I just believed without question.
Taking care of this little bundle had me questioning that rule.
Why did I have to give up Libby anyway?
Maybe I could have taken care of her for the short time I was behind bars and we’d have been together when I got out. It was a bittersweet thought to know that I possessed everything I needed to take care of her and yet the opportunity wasn’t available.
Everything could have been so different.
I kept watching Grace, looking around for Libby, or any other bikers or police she may have brought with her. But so far, I’d only spotted Ryder.
I’d imagine it would have been hard for her to not tell him where she was going. Who could blame her, really?
But still…
I’d told her to come with Libby.
Or else.
I looked down at her baby again, her precious, beautiful little face staring up at me so trustingly, so vulnerable, so fragile.
“Your mother is so stupid,” I whispered to her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
GRACE
I fought back tears as I sat at a table by the window, searching every face that passed by. My heart pounded like a drum in my chest, my palms were sweating and my fingers were trembling.
I’d never been so wrecked by fear in my life.
And Mona wasn’t here.
Was she coming?
Was this a trap?
I knew she wasn’t lying about having Sadie, I’d heard her crying on the phone.
How long should I wait?
I’d wait forever, if necessary.
I’d do anything she asked, surely she knew that.
I thought about Ryder, what he must be going through. I knew he felt like he couldn’t do anything to help, and I hated that it was true.
This was my battle.
It had always been my battle.
Mona and I had unfinished business, and now that she’d taken my daughter, that business just increased.
Before she’d taken Sadie, I’d felt sorry for her. She’d lost so much. Libby didn’t want to have anything to do with her and that must have made that loss so much more painful. But there was nothing I could do about that.
I couldn’t change Libby’s feelings, nobody could.
When she refused to come, what was I supposed to do?
So, here I sat, in an itchy wig and trying to impersonate Libby long enough to pull Mona in.
Fifteen minutes after our agreed upon meeting time, the bell over the door rang out and Mona walked in, holding my daughter.
I jumped up and ran towards them, but she held a hand out and shook her head.
“No, sit down,” Mona said.
I did as she said, my eyes desperately trying to look around the blanket covering Sadie’s face.
“She’s fine,” she said, after I sat down at a table. “She just fell asleep.”
“Mona, please give me my daughter back,” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“I told you to bring Libby.” Her lips were set in a thin, angry line.
“I know,” I said. “I tried. I called her. But she refused to come. There’s nothing I can do, Mona.”
“Figures,” she said, shaking her head. “So much damage done already.”
I nodded, my eyes glued to Sadie.
“I’m sorry, Mona,” I whispered.
She looked at me and wrinkled her brow. “How’s your head?”
“I’m fine,” I said, with a dismissive wave. “Can I please have the baby?”
“No,” she said. “I won’t apologize for hurting you.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
“You deserve it, you know.”
I looked up, meeting her gaze, seeing all the pain there. Maybe she was right. I didn’t care. I just wanted my daughter.
“You know, I could have taken care of her in there. In jail. Libby, I mean.”
“Jail is no place for kids, Mona.”
“It’s no place for anyone!” she barked.
I nodded in agreement.
“But still. Your baby is really sweet,” she said. “She’s easy. I bet Libby was easy, too. Don’t you think? She seems like she would have been an easy baby.”
“Probably,” I agreed.
“I wonder what she was like as a toddler?” she asked, her fingers lightly caressing Sadie’s back. My gut was in knots watching, not knowing what she might do. “Do you think she was precocious and sassy? Or one of those who doesn’t stop asking questions? You know, the curious ones?”
“Maybe,” I nodded. “Mona, please let me hold her. Please?”
I was begging now. I didn’t care.
“No,” she said, simply. “Do you think there’s anything I can do to make Libby forgive me? I should never have given her away. I only did it because you put me in jail.”
“I don’t know, Mona. Maybe give her a little more time.”
“We don’t have much time. None of us do. Civilization is crumbling, you know. You picked a horrible time to have a baby.”
“It wasn’t exactly planned.”
“Right,” she said. “Because you have your big career. Maybe you don’t have time to have a baby. I could take her…”
“No!” I sad, a little too loudly, turning heads of almost every other customer in the shop.
Gods of Chaos MC Box Set 4 Page 22