Otherwise Engaged

by Joanna Barker

  I turned to Mama. “Shall we stop by Mrs. Notley’s after seeing Juliana?”

  She had a look of careful contemplation. “I wonder if I might beg off the visit. I see Mrs. Patterson down the way, and I so wished to ask about her daughter’s new baby. But I do not want to keep you all. Why don’t you go on without me, and I will find you when I am finished?”

  There truly was nothing more maddening than a determined, matchmaking mother.

  She bid us a quick farewell, trying very hard to keep her knowing smile from taking charge. She failed, of course.

  “Shall we?” Nicholas asked as Mama crossed the road.

  I nodded, and we started off down the street. Juliana’s school was not far, as Millbury was rather small, but it was on the outskirts of the little town, which meant a ten-minute walk.

  Olivia hurried ahead of us. The girl was eager to prove she was independent, that she needed no one else. Did that come from losing both her parents at a young age? Or was it her natural inclination?

  Nicholas interrupted my thoughts. “Your mother seemed anxious to be rid of us.”

  I blew out a breath. “Can you not guess why?”

  “Rather easily,” he said with a shake of his head. “This is not the first time a mother has set her aim on me.”

  “Even with you at sea so much?”

  He winked. “Why do you think I was gone so often?”

  I laughed. “Mama is certain you would make me an excellent match, and I must warn you, she can be quite determined.”

  A strange look crossed his face, like a shadow from a passing cloud. But then he tipped his head, and the look was gone, replaced by a teasing glint in his eye. “Why does she think that? Is it my impressive naval career? My wit and charm? My dashing scar?”

  “Or perhaps your humility and unpretentious nature.”

  “Well, yes, that too.”

  I tried to stop my laugh and instead produced a rather strangled noise. He only grinned.

  We passed other patrons, messenger boys, men talking outside the gentleman’s club. Olivia glanced back every now and then but did not slow her pace.

  “Thank you for coming with us,” Nicholas said, lowering his voice. “You may not believe it, but you are the closest thing Olivia has to a friend.”

  It was not difficult to believe Olivia had no friends, but it was difficult to believe she thought of me as one.

  “I’m relieved to learn she is not simply using me for treats.” I tugged on my bonnet’s ribbons as I watched Olivia’s golden head moving through the crowd ahead of us.

  “That may be part of it,” he said. “But she has been talking of you a great deal.”

  “Me?” I squinted at him.

  “Unless you know another Rebecca Rowley who rides bareback, rescues young girls from drowning, and makes bribes in church.”

  “Quiet, now!” I sent him a stern look. “You are making me sound much more brash than I am.”

  “Here I thought I’d gotten the amount of brashness just right.”

  I shook my head as my lips fought to turn upward.

  “In any case,” he said, “brash is not the right word for you.”

  “All right, then,” I said with a challenge in my voice. “What word would you choose instead?”

  He considered that as we stepped onto the street to cross, Olivia now passing the haberdashery ahead. A carriage rattled toward us, moving too fast, and Nicholas quickly moved closer to me, rested his hand on the small of my back to usher me forward, and glared at the driver of the carriage as it passed by.

  I barely noticed, far too distracted by the warmth of his steady hand on my back, my shoulder brushing against his as he guided me to the opposite side of the road. I swallowed hard.

  Once we were across, he dropped his hand, though he stayed close to my side.

  “Brave,” he said.

  “Pardon?” My mind felt as foggy as the early mornings in Brighton.

  “To describe you. You are fearless and confident.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “Brave.”

  Even a few days ago, I might have agreed. But before a few days ago, I’d never doubted myself. I hadn’t doubted my family, my father. I hadn’t doubted that Edward would still want to marry me once I told him what I’d learned.

  “Rebecca?” Nicholas slowed our pace, taking my arm and slipping it through his. “What is wrong? What did I say?”

  My mouth opened to say that nothing was the matter, but I stopped. I had no difficulty flirting through a ball or guiding a conversation at a dinner party or racing my brother on horseback across the estate, but confiding in someone—that did not come naturally to me. Even when I’d told Nicholas about Edward at the ball, it had just been because he had found out my charade.

  Nicholas did not press me, and it was his patience that finally encouraged me to speak.

  “It is only that I do not feel brave about anything lately,” I said softly. “More like confused and discouraged.”

  “Do you . . . ?” He paused. “Do you wish to talk about whatever is troubling you?”

  I couldn’t talk to Mama or William. I couldn’t write Edward or Marjorie. Could I tell Nicholas? “I—I do not know.”

  “If it helps,” he said, “you should know I have a great deal of experience in both confusion and discouragement.”

  I gave a halfhearted smile. “Olivia?”

  “Among other things.”

  “What things?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me; he knew precisely what I was doing. But then he looked ahead and pulled me to a stop. Olivia had turned back and now waited a few steps ahead, peering at us curiously.

  “Is that your sister’s school?” She pointed down the road.

  I hadn’t realized we’d traveled so far so quickly. “Yes,” I said, taking my arm from Nicholas’s. Olivia was young, but if she was even half as perceptive as her brother, I did not want her forming any unwarranted conclusions about the two of us. “Yes, it’s that building just ahead.”

  I moved forward to walk with her, and Nicholas followed a pace behind. But I felt his eyes on me, and I rubbed my neck.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Juliana was indeed glad to see us, as I’d predicted. The maid who answered the door immediately showed us to Juliana’s office on the ground floor, and Juliana welcomed us graciously, shooting me a questioning glance.

  I shook my head. No, Olivia did not know she would be attending the school yet.

  She nodded.

  After introducing both Nicholas and Olivia, I eyed Juliana’s desk across the room, which looked remarkably similar to William’s that I had searched the other day: papers and books piled high.

  “We’re not interrupting, are we?” Nicholas asked. “We could come another day.”

  “No, no, not at all.” She waved him off as she set one hand on her belly. “I’ve finished my lessons for the day.” I knew lessons were but a fraction of the work Juliana did, so I did not quite believe her, but she gave me no chance for debate. “I am glad you visited, really,” she said. “I needed a respite. Would you all like to see the school?”

  I watched Olivia carefully as we followed Juliana about the building. Juliana showed us the main floor, where the parlor and drawing room had been converted to classrooms, furnished with desks and bookshelves and a chalkboard along one wall. Olivia was quiet, only once asking a question about the hand-painted globe on the windowsill in one of the classrooms. But she examined every room and paid attention as Juliana spoke.

  “Where are all the girls?” I could hear voices coming from somewhere nearby.

  “Outside. They have time in the garden every afternoon.” Juliana waved us forward as she stepped back into the corridor. Olivia was right behind her, and I sent Nicholas a hopeful glance as we followed behind them down the hallway to the
back of the house. He gave me a quick nod, his expression thoughtful. He too was watching Olivia.

  We stepped out into the garden, blinking in the sunlight as we were surrounded by laughter and voices. A few younger girls darted around the garden in some game that involved a great deal of giggling. The older girls, young ladies, really, had grouped themselves into twos and threes and walked arm in arm. The garden boasted a wide grassy lawn, a reaching apple tree in the far corner, and a winding path through rosebushes and shrubberies.

  Olivia clasped her hands behind her back, but her mouth parted as she watched the girls play. There it was, the spark of interest I’d been hoping for.

  “Charlotte!” Juliana waved to one of the older girls, a pretty young lady of thirteen or so with dark, curly hair and porcelain features. I recognized her—Charlotte Seymour. She and Juliana were rather close, Juliana having been her governess before marrying William. Charlotte brightened when she spotted Juliana and left her friends to join us.

  “Charlotte,” Juliana said, wrapping one arm around the girl as she turned her toward Olivia. “I’d like to introduce you to Miss Olivia Avery. She is new to Millbury, and I think the two of you will get along splendidly.”

  Charlotte bobbed a curtsy. “Pleased to meet you.”

  Olivia kept silent but managed a lopsided curtsy of her own.

  Juliana did not allow time for more awkwardness. “Charlotte dear, why don’t you take Olivia to meet the other girls while I talk with Rebecca and Lieutenant Avery?”

  Charlotte waved Olivia forward. “Do you want to play? We were about to join the game.”

  Olivia stared at her as if unsure that Charlotte was speaking to her. Then she looked at me, of all people.

  “Go on, Olivia,” I said with an encouraging smile. “We’ll wait here.”

  She gulped and followed Charlotte across the lawn. To her credit, she did not glance back but instead nodded at each girl as Charlotte introduced her.

  “Charlotte will take good care of her,” Juliana assured Nicholas and me. “She is likely the sweetest girl in all England.”

  “I have no doubt,” he said. “But as Olivia can be the most contrary girl in all England, you must forgive my unease.”

  Juliana nodded. “I’ve had several girls attend who had similar dispositions. Quiet, stubborn, slow to make friends.”

  “How did they do? At school?” There was more than curiosity behind Nicholas’s words. He sounded nervous.

  Juliana tipped her head to one side. “Most adapted quickly. Others took a while longer but, in the end, were able to settle into life here.” She paused. “I do not wish to make promises I cannot fulfill, but I can promise to do my best to make certain Olivia is comfortable here, that she is happy. I cannot abide anyone in my care being miserable.”

  “That reassures me a great deal, Mrs. Rowley.”

  I snorted at his use of “Mrs. Rowley.” She and William had been married two years now, but it still sounded strange to my ears.

  Juliana shot me an amused glance. “That is my name, Rebecca.”

  “You still seem too young to be ‘Mrs. Rowley,’” I said. “It is my mother’s name.”

  “Though not for much longer,” she said.

  She was right. If Mama married, she would be Mrs. Hambley. I wrinkled my nose.

  “It looks as though they may play awhile.” Juliana nodded at the girls. Sure enough, they had begun darting around the yard, laughing and shrieking. Olivia stayed close to Charlotte’s side as she followed her every move, but . . .

  She smiled. A very small but very real smile played on her lips.

  I glanced at Nicholas. He crossed his arms as he watched her.

  “You may stay as long as you like,” Juliana said gently. “I will be inside, and I would be happy to answer any questions for you, Lieutenant Avery.”

  “Thank you,” Nicholas said, his voice thick.

  She patted his arm as she went back inside. When the door closed behind her, I moved closer to Nicholas. He had not looked away from Olivia since she’d begun to play. I slipped my arm into his.

  “She will be all right.” I squeezed his arm.

  “I hope so. I hope I’ve done enough. She—” His voice caught for a moment. “She is all I have left. Of my family. Of my father.”

  I hadn’t thought of that. His parents, her mother—all gone. The two of them had only each other.

  “You love her a great deal.” It wasn’t as though I did not know this. All brothers loved their sisters. But theirs was such a complicated relationship that it was not always obvious.

  “I do,” he said ruefully. “Even though I make a great many jokes at her expense.”

  “Which she does deserve,” I pointed out. “She is not blameless.”

  “I still wish for her to be happy. Especially if I—” He stopped again.

  If he was called back to the navy. That was what he meant.

  I hadn’t thought about him leaving, about him wanting to leave since we’d spoken in the meadow. But now the idea of him leaving Millbury and returning to the navy felt strange. I couldn’t help but think that he belonged here. At Linwood Hall, with Olivia. In Millbury, with me and William and Mama and Juliana. Not that it should matter to me all that much, I realized with some unease. If everything went according to plan, I would be married and gone before winter set in.

  Still. Nicholas had begun to make a home for himself here. Would he truly give that all up? I knew how he felt about the navy. He’d made that perfectly clear before, and if that was the future he wanted, then I could hardly say anything against it.

  I simply couldn’t say anything for it either.

  We let Olivia play until the teachers called the girls in to resume their lessons on geography or Latin or whatever Juliana insisted they be taught. Olivia waved at Charlotte as she came to stand beside us, her eyes brighter than I’d ever seen them.

  “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” I teased her.

  She crossed her arms, but her expression remained clear and relaxed, so different from her usual pinched features. “Charlotte is nice,” she admitted grudgingly.

  “And the school?” Nicholas watched her with a close eye. “What did you think of the classrooms and Mrs. Rowley?”

  She considered the question. “I liked them.”

  Nicholas and I exchanged a glance. Her response was better than we might have hoped.

  “Olivia,” Nicholas began, “what would you think about attending the school?”

  “Attending?”

  “Yes, as a student. Spend your days here, learning with the other girls, and then come home to Linwood.”

  She squinted as if not comprehending his words. “I could do that?”

  “Yes, of course,” I said. “Juliana would be glad to have you, and certainly, so would the other girls.”

  She gnawed on her cheek, staring about the garden that had moments ago held a dozen giggling girls.

  “And,” Nicholas went on, “if I am ever called away, you could board here. Live with the girls. Wouldn’t you enjoy that?”

  Olivia stiffened, her crossed arms rigid against her stomach.

  “Olivia?” I spoke her name softly.

  “No,” she said, the word tearing from her.

  “No?” Nicholas stared at her, bewildered.

  “No, I do not want to come here.”

  Nicholas shot me a glance, but I shrugged helplessly. He focused again on his sister. “Why not?” he asked, and even though I knew he tried to hide it, his voice was laced with a new edge.

  She only shook her head and glared steadfastly across the garden. Nicholas set his jaw. “Olivia, I have searched for weeks to find a good situation for you, and now that I have one, I’ll not allow your ridiculous stubbornness to—”

  I stepped forward. “Perhaps
this is something Olivia might think about,” I said with false calmness. “Should we start back to town? I am sure we’ll find my mother along the way.”

  Nicholas made a sound, but I shook my head at him. Now was not the time to push Olivia. Although I did not know her well enough to understand why she had said no, I did know she never responded favorably to demands or pressure.

  Olivia stomped across the garden to the gate that led back to the road. I followed her, and Nicholas soon caught up to me.

  “I am not sure you helped her just now,” he said shortly. “Yes, some things need patience, but in this case, I think she may need a dose of reality.”

  I tried not to rise to his frustration. Why I was sympathetic to Olivia, I could not say, but there had been something in her eyes when she’d rejected the idea of the school that gave me pause.

  “She did not refuse simply to be belligerent,” I said as we followed Olivia from the garden, closing the gate behind us. “There is something more at play here.”

  “There is always something more with her.”

  “And have you ever bothered to discover what it is? Or do you expect her to simply obey you without question?”

  So much for not rising to his frustration.

  He glared at me. “I have tried. Endlessly. But you cannot see it because you do not live with her day in and day out as I do.”

  “Perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps you are too close and unable to see the issue clearly.”

  He shook his head and did not speak again as we retraced our steps, trailing behind Olivia’s too-swift strides. I did not break the silence either; I had no reason to apologize. But the tension between us intensified with every step, as did the tightness in my chest. I crossed my arms as we walked. I did not want to chance brushing his arm with mine.

  “There you are, Rebecca.” Mama crossed the street toward us, smiling rather too cheerfully, and I had never been so glad to see her. Olivia stopped ahead, her face unreadable.

  “Finished your visit already?” Mama came to stand beside Nicholas and me. “Was Juliana busy?”