by M.G. Marquez
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
GUJI
I sat on a hospital bed, staring out to space. The bullet on my left arm was already removed, and the nurses gave me coffee to drink. I haven’t sipped even just a drop.
One of the nurses approached me and asked to sign the papers. I just stared at it. This is it. I’m having second thoughts.
“We need permission, sir. If no one will sign this, the donation will not be approved.” Half-heartedly, I picked up the pen and signed. “Thank you, sir.”
I sat here for the length of forever, watching people go by without giving me much attention. I want to be like air. To feel nothing, to be gone in their eyes. To be gone in this world.
I dragged myself to walk in the white hallway, passing so many doors, under so many lights. When I saw the “OPERATING ROOM” sign all lit up and saw two of my friends waiting outside, my knees crashed.
I never thought I could be so vulnerable like this. How could I fall into pieces when I started off strong?
“Boss!” Fred approached me. “Boss, let me help you.”
“Why… why is this all happening? All at once?”
“We’re not so sure of anything by now,” he helped me get up and led me to a chair. Klein, Fred, and I just sat in there in silence, waiting for a miracle to happen. If such a thing does exist.
It’s already past 11 when I decided to go at the chapel. I have never been in a sacred place like this ever since my mom died. I’ve always hated God for taking away such a wonderful person in my life.
But I forced myself to come back here.
To plead.
To ask for a miracle.
Or to blame once again.
“You’re just like me, an asshole.” I accused him. “You give me people you could take away so easily. You’re letting me borrow their time in such a short phase, loving them. You did not only do that once, or twice. You’re doing it again for the third time. And that’s just bullshit!” I removed my shoe and threw it directly at him. It bounced sideways.
“Whoa! Don’t throw off things like that!”
I caught my breath when I saw her flying toward me. I could see past her and that freaked me out. I rubbed my eyes and checked if she’s still there. She is.
I am not dreaming, or hallucinating. She is here.
“Sweetie, I’ve been waiting for you since forever. Where have you been?”
“I uh… don’t know what to say.” I looked down her feet. “You’re floating,”
“I’m flying.” She smiled at me, but I can’t smile back. Seeing her once again smiling with eyes full of life, made me knelt. I tried to breathe, in and out. I looked up to her and said, “Tell me you’re going to be okay. Tell me I’m going to see you again. Tell me you’re going to live with me.”
“Guji,” I could see her eyes telling me good bye. Why is she telling me good bye? Is she going to leave me? No. This isn’t the end of us yet.
“No, don’t. Don’t hurt me, Janella.”
“They told me to follow the light. It’s waiting for me outside. I just waited for you to come here and tell you good b –”
“NO DON’T. You’re not telling me that, no. You’re not leaving me.”
“Sweetie if it’s meant to be, it will be,” she touched my cheek. I chilled. “It’s good that I touched your skin yesterday. I know that I won’t be able to touch it again that way,”
“Don’t say that…” I held her hand and kissed it. Kissed it more and more and more, kissed it like I haven’t kissed it at all. “Please don’t go away, please… Janella, don’t hurt me. Don’t… hurt me…”
“Rest now, love. I am safe now.” I felt her planting a kiss on my forehead. No. “Don’t do this to me, Janella… Don’t hurt me, please. Don’t hurt… me.”
“I’ll be waiting,” she said as she left one last kiss on my lips.
One last kiss.
The next moment killed me. The silence killed me more than I thought it could. I checked my watch and it read 12:05. I laughed. SB and I always like the first seconds. Our best memories happened in the first seconds of the day. It’s always been like that.
But not right now.
Right on the first second of May 20th I lost her. And every single atom in my body ached like hell. But not for long.
I stood up and looked at him, challenging him. “You took her away? Then I shall follow her to steal her away from you. I’ll save her from you,”
Just a few more steps and I’ll be done. I could hear the buzzing of their horns; feel the swiftness of their motion. Their red lights might’ve been blinding but I didn’t blink. This could hurt, but nothing compares to the emotional pain I’m going through right now. I am losing my mind and I shall end this myself.
Right now.
“GUJI, WAIT!”
I spun around to see Nikki panting. She ran after me. “Guji, some one’s fighting to come back,”
At once, I ran back to the hospital.
Whoever it is, I need to come back too.