I stand back and stare up at her door, wishing for her to come back out. I don’t like the way we left things. My stomach hurts and there’s a pain in my chest. Why in the fuck would I say something like that to her? If I was her, I’d do anything I could to hurt me as much as I’ve hurt her.
Not only am I afraid that I’ll lose her to him, I’m worried that this strange guy that neither of us really know is going to be staying at her place. What if he’s a murderer or something? Is she even safe in there?
I climb back into my car and look up into her living room window. I wonder what they’re doing in there. I wonder if she’s breaking up with him now. Hell, if she is, I’ll personally drive the guy to the airport just to know that he’s nowhere near Jade. I know I should leave and give them their privacy, but I can’t force myself to do it. I recline my seat back slightly and cross my arms over my chest, watching the window as their shadows dance across it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so jealous in all my life. I wasn’t ever the insecure type of guy. I had many girlfriends in high school before I started dating Jade, but once she came into the picture, she was all I saw. I never should have left her. I was determined to find my way through this world, find my own path. But now I’ve seen it all, and I still ended up back here. I did nothing but waste nearly ten years of my life trying to avoid the only woman I’ve ever loved. A woman that I left hurt and broken. A woman I somehow managed to win back only to lose her again.
What if she decides that she wants to give this guy a real shot? I mean, she gave me a shot and I clearly blew it. What if she decides that I’m not worth another shot? What if all she needed to get over the hurt I caused her was to see me again, tell me off, and kiss me goodbye? What if me coming back here was just what she needed to get over me, and now this guy is here to rescue her?
I watch her window until I can no longer hold my eyes open. They drift closed, and before I know it, I’m fast asleep.
I roll to my side and pull her against my chest. She cuddles in close, and I breathe in her sweet scent. Her hand is around my bicep and she squeezes it, making me feel like the strongest man on earth.
“I love you, Jade,” I whisper into her hair.
“I love you too,” she replies, breathless from our love making.
“I’m going to marry you one of these days, you know that?”
She looks up at me with a hint of a smile playing on her lips. “Is that right?”
“Mm-hm. I can see it now. You’ll be in a long, white dress, and your dark hair will be pulled back into a loose braid. The sun will be shining down on you, making your skin glow. And when you step into my view, I’ll be breathless. Nervousness will take over as I watch you walk closer. But even though I’ll be nervous, I won’t change my mind because I know that we belong together.”
She smiles up at me with her sleepy eyes. “How do you know?”
“‘Cause I can feel it every time we touch. Every time you look at me, my breath is stolen from my lungs, my heart races, and I can’t see anything but you.”
I place my hand under her chin and direct her eyes to mine. “I promise, Jade. You will be all mine one day and I’ll never let you go.”
My eyes open, and I see her dark apartment in front of me. The living room light isn’t on anymore, which means that they went to bed. I wonder if he’s on the couch or if he’s in her bed, where I was last night. I check the time on my phone and see that it’s going on three in the morning. I shake my head and roll my neck around, hearing it crack. I listen real hard and don’t hear anything but my own breathing inside the car. Off in the distance, there’s a dog howling. I can hear the sounds of the tree limbs blowing and the wind whipping around buildings, but there’s no sign that there is anything going on in that apartment.
I begin to relax and think about that dream, the memory. At the time, I was only seventeen, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jade was it for me and that I’d make her mine one day. I told her I’d never let her go, and that’s exactly what I did. I hate myself for breaking that promise, and I have lived with that hate every single day for almost ten years. I couldn’t blame her for pushing me away now, not after everything we’ve been through. I deserve every bit of heartache she can inflict on me, and I’ll take it as long as it means we’ll end up together. If she decides that she needs to see where things lead with this guy, I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever because that’s what she deserves after the things I’ve done. One day, they’ll break up, and I’ll be there waiting to pick her back up again, to prove to her that I was right all along. We do belong together, and we will end up together.
I lay my head back against the headrest, and I close my eyes again. I push away all thoughts of him and her being in there alone together. I know if I sit and focus on it, I’ll never get back to sleep. A part of me knows that I should just go home and go to bed, but if I do that, I won’t get any sleep because I’ll be wondering if he’s here hurting her. I’ll stay right here, so I keep an eye on things.
I focus on my breathing, taking each breath deliberately and with purpose. I listen to the sound of my beating heart, and I work at lowering its speed. It’s racing with the thoughts of them in there alone. I listen to the wind blowing around my car and the soft rocking it causes. Before I know it, I’m back to sleep, and instead of dreaming of our past, I’m dreaming of our future, a future where we’re together and happy and in love with a growing family. I can’t wait to make her mine and start our lives together. Even if I have to wait twenty years, I’ll do it. She doesn’t know that, but I make a mental note to tell her tomorrow. She can push and pull away all she wants, but I’m not leaving. Ever. I’ll always be right here, waiting to pick her up and make her mine again.
Thirteen
Jade
I walk back inside and take my place next to Paul. He looks over at me with confusion in his dark eyes.
“I feel like I’m missing something here.”
I offer a smile and nod my head. “Yeah, we need to have a talk.”
He sits up and turns his body to face mine.
“Memphis is my ex-boyfriend from high school. The one I told you about. He was the love of my life, my first love. And after he graduated, he upped and left without a goodbye. He broke my heart, and I’ve been working every day for the last ten years at repairing it.”
“That must have been hard for you,” he says, reaching out and taking my hand between his.
I nod. “It was. But now he’s back and he’s asking for another chance.” I wet my lips as I work myself up to get to the hardest part. “And I thought about it and I think I want to give him another shot. There’s just something inside of me that can’t resist him. It’s like my body knows that he’s my other half. So,” I reach out and pick up my laptop, “when I decided that, I sent you these messages.” I open it and turn the screen to face him.
He looks from me, to the screen. His eyes moving quickly as he reads the words I typed out. I can tell when he’s done by the way his shoulders slump forward slightly.
“I’ve always struggled with the internet dating thing. A part of me really fell for you, but deep down, I always wondered if you were who you said you were. And it seemed like every time I would mention wanting to meet, you wouldn’t answer. I thought that was my answer. I thought since things seemed to be getting serious with us, that you were pulling away. So I never even second guessed it when I started this thing back up with Memphis. But then you showed up here tonight and…” I shake my head. “Do you hate me? Of course you hate me. You came all this way for the worst break-up in history.”
He laughs and takes my hand in his again. “I don’t hate you, Jade. I just hate that I’m too late.”
I look up and lock my eyes on his.
“I think I’m in love with you, and I know how crazy that sounds. This is the first time we’ve been able to meet, to touch, and I’m in love with you? But the thing is, my love isn’t based on your looks or
how well you can kiss. I’m in love with your mind, your words, your emotions, the way you can always seem to sense what I’m feeling even with thousands of miles between us. That’s the kind of love that lasts, Jade. And as much as I love that you’re getting your second chance with him, I also hate the thought that I have to go back home without you, knowing that we can’t even be friends. You’ve been a part of my life for so long now, I don’t know how I’ll live without our talks.”
I nod as I feel tears sting my eyes. “I know. I like our talks too. You always seem to get me, even when I don’t know what I’m even getting at. I think that if we could’ve met a lot sooner, that love I feel for him would’ve been replaced with the love I could’ve felt for you. But things never seem to work out the way I plan. I didn’t expect him to come back, not now, all these years later. I’m sorry things are such a mess with us.” I laugh as I wipe my tears away.
His hand comes up to cup my cheek, directing my eyes to his. “You are beautiful, Jade. And you are a good person. I know you didn’t mean for this to happen this way. I just hope that you find everything you’re looking for, that he treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”
I nod. “He will. I know there is a lot of mistakes between us, but he loves me. I can see it when he looks at me. I can feel it when we touch. I just wish I hadn’t gotten you caught up in the middle of it. It really wasn’t my intention. I’m sorry for making you come all this way.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Hey, at least I got to meet you.”
He reaches out and places a hand against my cheek.
I smile and take his hand on my cheek into mine. “You’re more than welcome to take a shower or eat anything in the kitchen. I’ll bring you out some clean sheets and blankets, and you can stay here tonight. Tomorrow morning, we’ll look into flights to get you home.”
He nods. “Okay, Jade.”
I stand up and go to the hallway closet, where I bring down a sheet and a blanket and take them back out to him. I lock the front door and head toward my room. Before I step through the doorway, I turn to face him. “And Paul?”
“Hmm?” he asks, looking up from the sheet he’s unfolding.
“We can be friends. We don’t have to stop talking.”
“Really? He won’t be jealous?”
I shrug. “It’ll be our little secret.”
He smiles wide and nods once. “Good night, Jade.”
“Good night, Paul,” I reply, stepping into my room and closing the door between us.
I change into my pajamas and settle into bed with Noodle already asleep at the foot of the bed. I check my phone, and to my surprise, Memphis hasn’t called or texted me once. I wonder if he’s mad that Paul is here. Either way, it couldn’t have been stopped. I had no idea. It’s not like I invited him here. He was as much of a surprise to me as he was him. I’m sure he’s driving himself crazy with worry though.
I’m not completely sure he trusts me to be alone with him all night. Or maybe he doesn’t trust Paul to be alone with me. I’m sure he’s afraid that we’re getting carried away, but Paul is a good guy. Even though I just met him in person, we’ve been talking online for months. He’s told me his innermost thoughts, dreams, and wishes. He has a good soul, and if Memphis wasn’t in the picture, I’d be more than happy with his surprise arrival. I know deep down that I’ll be kicking myself for breaking things off with him if Memphis decides to take off again.
I’m not entirely sure that I can trust Memphis to stick around again, but I know it’s worth a shot. If he leaves, I won’t exactly lose anything, but if he stays, I’ll have everything to gain. I’ll have him, his love, his time, and we’ll start a family of our own and grow old together. What more could I ask for?
It doesn’t take long before sleep is taking me, and I sleep soundly the rest of the night. When I wake, it’s going on seven, and I climb from bed. Noodle jumps awake when I get up, and he follows me into the living room. I expect to find Paul on the couch, but all I find is the blanket and the sheet he used neatly folded on the cushion. There’s a note on my laptop that’s been left open.
Jade,
Thank you for your hospitality even though I arrived unexpectedly. I’m sorry that we don’t get our shot, but I am happy to have finally met the gorgeous woman behind all those beautiful words. I hope he gives you everything you could ever dream of, but if he doesn’t, you know where to find me.
Until we meet again, and hope it will be soon,
Paul
I smile to myself as I read his words, but I close the computer and head to the door since Noodle is dancing around, ready to go outside. I unlock the door and push it open, surprised to find Memphis asleep in his car, which is still parked out front.
Did he not leave last night?
While Noodle runs off to do his business, I lean against the driver’s side door. I reach through the open window and poke his bicep. He jumps awake and I laugh.
“Did you sleep here all night?”
He sits up and rubs his eyes. “Sleep? No. It’s only been the last couple hours I was able to sleep. I didn’t want to leave. I know you say you know this guy, but truth is, we don’t know him. He could’ve murdered you or something.”
I smile and shake my head. “Want to come in for breakfast?”
He scoffs. “And join the two of you? No thanks.”
“He’s gone, Memphis. He woke up early and left a note. I think we have some things to talk about. Come on.” I nod toward the house, and he finally moves to get out of the car.
He follows me into my apartment with Noodle barking the whole way. I lead them to the kitchen, where Memphis sits at the table while Noodle waits patiently for his food and water. I fill his dishes and start a pot of coffee. The whole time, Memphis just sits waiting, cracking his neck, which I’m sure is sore from sleeping in his car all night. When the coffee is done brewing, I pour us both a cup and sit down next to him.
I take a sip and watch as he does the same. “I know you’re probably going crazy not knowing what was happening in here last night,” I start.
He lets out a laugh. “That’s putting it lightly.”
I smile at his jealously. “Nothing happened, Memphis. Well, one thing happened. He kissed me.”
He scoffs and shakes his head.
“But that was it. I told him how much I loved you. I told him that no matter how badly you’d hurt me in the past, that I couldn’t not give this a try because I deserve it. Not you, but me. I was left with a broken heart, no goodbye. You were just gone, and I was left alone to put together the pieces. Now that you’re back, I don’t think you deserve the chance I’m giving you, but I do. I deserve to be happy.”
He takes a long breath and reaches for my hand. “You know how sorry I am, right?”
I nod.
“And you know that I’m never going to do that again, right?”
I smile and nod as he pulls me into his lap.
“I have everything I could ever need right here. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see that before.” His lips slowly move toward mine, finally pressing against them. Tingles form in my belly. They swirl together like a tornado, going faster and faster until they break apart and scatter throughout my whole body. This right here, this is how I know we’re meant to be together.
With one hand on my cheek, his other splays across my back, pulling me closer. I somehow end up turning to face him, my legs on either side of him as our kiss becomes more rushed. His hands move up and down my back softly, stopping on my ass as he picks me up against him and carries me to bed.
We fall onto the bed, and I let out a yelp as we fall, but the moment we hit the surface, his mouth is right back on mine. He kisses me soft and slow, full of blinding passion. I feel him harden against me, and I can’t help but wiggle against him, needing to feel him inside me. He tugs at my shorts and panties, yanking them down my legs as he gets to his knees. With his eyes on mine, he licks his lips as he takes me in before him. His
hands work on freeing himself from his jeans as I sit up and remove my T-shirt. Now that I’m completely bare for him, he lets out a growl as he pulls my body back to his. With one roll of his hips, he’s sliding into me, filling me completely. We both let out a satisfied moan.
I push his shirt up his abs as he thrusts into me. Without pulling away, he rips it over his head and drops it onto the floor. His mouth is right back on mine, kissing his way down my jaw and neck, nipping my earlobe and the sensitive skin of my neck. Together, we fit perfectly. We’re like two pieces of a puzzle that you can’t just squeeze into any other spot. If I didn’t believe his words, I believe his actions. He’s missed me over the years. He may have found other things to take his mind off me, but nothing ever worked for very long. And I know this because it’s the same for me. No matter how many dates I went on, no matter who was in my bed, Memphis was always at the back of my mind, ruining me for any other man that dared to get close.
Fourteen
Memphis
I pump into her until I spill every last thing I have inside of me. When my hips come to a stop, I’m too weak to pull away from her. I can’t do anything but hug her tightly, holding her body against mine. She runs her hand through my hair, trailing the tips of her soft fingers along my spine. Goosebumps rise to the surface, and a cold chill races over me. Only her touch has been able to make me feel this way. If that doesn’t say meant to be, then I don’t know what does.
“I need to show you something. Let’s get dressed.” I remove myself from her and pull my jeans back up my hips.
She smiles but sits up and gathers her clothes before going to the bathroom. An hour later, we’re loading up in my car to make the short drive over to the house I’ve found for sale. It’s only two blocks from the shop I’m soon to take over and four blocks from the vet’s office.
I turn into the driveway and shut off the car. She pulls her brows together as she looks up at the house with confusion. “Where are we?”
Grand Lake Colorado Series: A Complete Small Town Contemporary Romance Collection Page 16