by Ryan Michele
“Yeah, right. She’s been bawlin’ since we got in the damn car,” my dad commented behind Mom with a small grin on his lips. He was teasing. Something else new to experience as father and son. We didn’t have this ease between us until recently. This was something I craved as a boy, even though I couldn’t recognize it at the time. My dad and I were oil and water, fire and ice through my childhood. We never seemed to click, to bond. Now that we had, I couldn’t stop the small smile from forming on my face because this was everything. The small things that I learned could see me through any hard times.
“Women,” I responded, my lips tipped, and his chuckle could be heard throughout the airport. It took my mom a few beats to pull herself together, and when she pulled back, her hands came to the sides of my face as she lifted on her toes and kissed my cheek.
“Don’t start that shit,” she fired back. It was my turn to smile. My mom took no shit. Even from my father who was a force to be reckoned with, she held her ground. It used to eat at me. I didn’t see what they had. I didn’t understand it. What I saw was this strong woman who held her own against anyone and everyone … except him. I felt like my mom gave everything to my dad who just tossed her to the side. I saw it all so differently now. My mom, she’s the strongest woman I know. In the lifestyle they led, she was absolutely where she wanted to be. My dad, he knew his woman through and through. Which meant he never crossed lines because she wouldn’t take his shit, and he knew it. Only as a boy, I didn’t see the connection between them, so I twisted everything up. She also happens to be the only person I think strong enough to be a real partner to a man like my father. Forever and always.
I saw it all clearly now like never before.
Then it started.
Clapping.
I had no idea who started it, but once it got going, I had to pull away from Mom because the entire airport erupted in it. Loud and boisterous. Whistles started and grunts.
From the Ravage family and complete strangers in the airport alike, the cheering continued. It was a welcome home that nowhere in my mind did I expect. Nor did I deserve it from these people. I’d done them wrong, yet here they were, and not one scowl in place. I take that back, Jacks had one, but I had tried to get his woman, so it was expected.
My father pulled me in for a one-handed hug as nods from the brothers and their women started. It was surreal because never in a million years did I think this group of people would be here, happy I was home. I’d thought they’d want me six-feet under. Hell who knows, they probably still did. It would really suck ass to go through everything I have to come home and get killed so quickly, but we never knew when our end was coming. I would face it all, even death because now I simply knew.
Cruz stepped up. Even though he clapped, his expression was stern. The features in his face almost locked tight, but there was this glint to his eyes … contained fury. Honestly, he had every right in the world to be. I single-handedly turned his world upside down. I left town knowing I held everything in my hands, so to speak. Instead of facing Cruz man to man, I sent the information home to my father. I didn’t give the man the respect he deserved, and I allowed my father to drop the bomb to the entire club. The moment Cruz learned he had a grown son was the same moment the entire Ravage MC learned their Rebellion charter president, Crow, was more than family by the club. No, he was Cruz’s blood. For months I held the information close to my chest, and yet I didn’t share. Instead, I took off to build my life in the Marines and left my dad and the entire club to take care of the fallout.
No explanation.
No more discussion.
Nothing.
There was no doubt in my mind that there would be a day of reckoning. He had a lot of questions, and it was my job to answer them. Or at least try to.
It had been four years ago, and the things I thought were important back then frankly didn’t mean shit today. Would he understand? Could he understand? Time would tell.
He held out his hand, and I took it. His grip was hard, but so was mine. My body had changed over the years, and I didn’t get pushed around very easily. I wasn’t the little boy who left Sumner all those years ago. Not only had my mind grown, my body did as well, toning itself to a well-oiled fighting machine. I didn’t need a gun to kill. My hands did the job just fine. So much training went into me becoming the man I am. The United States Marine Corps made me into a weapon, and with that inside of me, I stood proud against all enemies, foreign and domestic. That was my new reality.
Cruz pulled me in and patted me on the back. Quietly, but firmly, he issued the command. “Tomorrow. Noon at the clubhouse. Don’t make me come find you.”
“Yes, sir.” The answer was automatic. It had become second nature. This was more than that, though. He deserved the respect that I’d never given him. He was the President. He earned that position, and for me not to give him that respect would go against everything I’d learned being a Marine. Not to mention he was a fellow Marine. He served in the Corps too.
Didn’t mean I’d like what happened tomorrow, but no use in sitting around wondering when the ball was going to drop. Get in, and get it done. Whatever the consequences would be. That was how we worked our missions. We planned, went in, did the job and got the fuck out, trying to come out unscathed. This meeting, though, I would be scathed in some way. I had to pay a penance, atone for the storm I’d brought down. That was a given. I’d be stupid to think they were going to allow me into the fold and forget everything my kid mouth ran off.
“Today we celebrate in your honor.” He shocked me once again as he pulled away, and his features relaxed.
“What?”
“Family. We’re eatin’ and welcoming you home the right way.” Cruz completely and utterly baffled me. Cruz, more than anyone else here, had to hate me. Why would he want to have a party for me? The fact that everyone was here, and dare I say happy to see me, was enough to make me wonder if I was dreaming, but a Ravage welcoming party… Never in my drunkest moment could I have seen this coming.
“You sure about that?”
“Yes.” His eyes turned dark, but he didn’t scare me. Not anymore. He’d been a Marine. He’d know exactly the training I’d had. It was one connection he and I had together now. But that stare told me he didn’t forget a damn thing. He was just putting it aside to welcome a brother’s kid home.
I understood that. They were all here because Tug was Ravage; therefore, Ravage would do anything for him—that included letting a shithead such as myself get the welcoming my father had earned with his cut.
“Yes, sir,” I answered as he stepped away.
Handshakes were given with several, ‘thank you for your service’ comments made.
There were also several threats about getting what was coming to me. These came from GT, Cooper, Breaker and Rhys. Had to admit, if anyone were to actually make me tremble, it would be Rhys, but I held my own. They were livid, and just because they were here seeing me home, didn’t mean they had forgotten a damn thing I did. Whatever they planned to dish out, I was prepared to take. My mind was as strong as my body. I would endure.
As Emery approached, I swore Jacks growled. I tried not to smirk at his jealousy, but it was there all the same. She slapped Jacks playfully on the arm. “Knock it off. He just got home.”
Emery’s arms opened wide to me, but one glance in Jacks’ direction told me he wasn’t happy. I grabbed Emery’s hands and clasped them in front of us. This was another way to show Jacks respect, and I wasn’t here to go after his woman. That boat had sailed. I knew my place, and I wasn’t about to cross those lines. “Thanks for comin’. Maybe in due time I’ll get that hug.”
A tear welled in her eye as she nodded. “Yeah. So glad to have you home.”
“Me too.”
Releasing her, she made her way over to Jacks who lifted his chin. While I didn’t expect it, I nodded back to him. It would be a hard one gaining his respect, but I hadn’t backed down from anything difficult in four yea
rs. Not about to stop now.
It would take more than a party to earn the trust and respect of the club. The road would be long and wide on that one.
The brothers and their women surrounded my parents’ SUV on the drive home. The respect, though, was for our country—the red, white, and blue. I got that. I accepted that. And seeing the flag on the back of a few bikes was a reminder of everything I’d been through. Everything that had changed. Everything that was worth anything.
This was family. Come hell or high water, I’d face it head-on to fix what I had fucked up.
2
Ensley
“Remy, get back here.” My little girl ran through the apartment, laughing so hard she had to gasp for breath every once in a while.
Arms in the air, her little naked bottom on display, she took off down the small hallway and turned the corner into the tiny galley kitchen which was her faulty move. There was no out this way, only a wall to block her escape. This was both one of my favorite times of the day with her and the most exhausting. She was only going to be little so long, and I wanted to be present for every second of it all. Working full time and raising a rambunctious little one meant sleep was never plentiful. Chasing her around our small place was fun even if I was more than ready for a quiet moment to myself.
The apartment was tiny, and with three people living here, space was tight. Two bedrooms and one bath set in the town of Sumner, Georgia. The middle of nowhere, yet the middle of somewhere; if that made any sense. It was exactly what we needed—a safe, secure place to live.
Remy squealed and squirmed as I picked her up, tossing her into the air. I blew raspberries on her belly as she tried to squirm out of my arms. “I’ll teach you to run away from me.”
She laughed the entire way down to our bedroom, which was about ten feet. Remy and I shared the postage-sized space. With a double bed for me, a small dresser and Remy’s crib, there was barely any room to walk around, but it was functional. I’d utilized the space by taking the doors off the closet and positioned the dresser inside. Considering there was an entire wall of closets, we were able to hang our clothes on the other side and still have room underneath. I added shelving inside the closet above the dresser for more storage.
It was mostly my baby girl’s toys that cluttered the room. We were still working on her cleaning up her messes. Considering she didn’t like that one bit, maybe I’d get her to do it by the time she was twenty. Maybe. I chose to pick my battles, and this one wasn’t something I would stress over.
I didn’t have many possessions, clothes for work and home, a single piece of jewelry from my mother, a box of the meager mementos from my past and a few pictures. That was it, but I didn’t need anything because I had Remy. She was my light in the dark and the reason I got up in the morning. ‘Stuff’ wasn’t my thing. People were important. When it was all at risk before, I clung to hope and fought to have this life with my daughter. These moments were what mattered, and I would forever be grateful for all of them.
I held my people close to me, never to let go no matter what I had to do to make it possible. It was a bit of a downfall for me, but the way I was raised it was reasonable. Walking away from everything I knew taught me what was important. The lesson had been a painful one, but it made me the woman, and more importantly the mother, I was today.
Remy bounced on the bed as I sat her on it. “I’m gonna eat you,” I teased, opening and closing my mouth like some crazy ass monster was in fact going to eat her. She turned over on her belly and started to make a dash to the top of the bed, kicking her feet, but I jumped on the bed and wrapped her in my arms.
Into her neck, I pretended to ‘eat,’ all the while kissing and making crazy sounds.
It was one thing I absolutely loved about being a mom, being silly and stupid all to make my baby girl laugh, which was in my opinion the best sound ever. Remy would never have a childhood like mine. She would never live that life. That, I’d live and die for.
“Mommy!” she cried out as I laid her back on the bed.
“You have to put your clothes on, bug.”
“Nakeee!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, causing me to burst out laughing.
That was Remy. She’d stay naked all the time if I let her. Hopefully, I could break this habit before she’d grow up and decide she’d want to be a streaker.
I was pretty sure how to prevent streakers wasn’t on Google. And if it was, color me stupid. Rather than fight her, I figured this was a phase that would pass in time … kind of like sucking her thumb. Another battle I hadn’t yet chose to fight.
“I know you, bug, but you can’t run around completely naked because you’ll pee on my floor.”
“No.” Her head shook back and forth rapidly, but I knew my girl. While there were times she wanted to ‘sit’ on the potty, she wasn’t there yet. She’d get sidetracked and pee all down her legs on to the carpet. Then we’d have to do bath time again and repeat the entire process with the addition of cleaning the carpet.
Grabbing a diaper, her head continued to shake. “Sorry, baby, but until you go potty on the big potty all the time; you need to wear this.”
“Ickee.”
“If you think so, then tell Mommy when you have to go, and I’ll take you to the potty.” I’d read online that children really didn’t start potty training until they were in their later twos to early threes. Was it bad I wasn’t ready for my little girl to grow up so fast? It felt like I just had her yesterday, and that step turned her officially into a kid. No thank you. She’d always be my baby no matter what.
As much as it would kill, I wouldn’t stop her either. Knowing that watching her grow was truly a gift, my soul simply appreciated each milestone.
“I go.”
Damn, I loved hearing her words. She was beginning to talk in short bursts of sentences, but it was mostly one word at a time. Every day it was something new with her. Like an adventure waiting to see what would be next.
“You tell Mommy, and we’ll go.”
Fastening her diaper, I pulled a shirt over her head. “See, that’s not so bad.”
She stood up, wrapped her chubby little arms around my neck, and squeezed me hard. I loved those hugs. It made everything, the good, bad, and ugly worth it. That one hug ruled my world.
“Hello!”
Remy’s head lifted at the sound of the female voice as she released me, rolled to her tummy, then inched off the bed. This was another new one, climbing off the bed by herself, and she landed on her feet every time. Not a single stumble. It made my heart stop each time, fearing she’d hurt herself.
Remy made some sounds while she moved, but the one I could make out was “KayKay!”
“There’s my girl!”
Entering the living room, my sister Katie stood there hugging my daughter tightly, a wide smile on her face. Katie loved Remy just as much as I did. She proved it every single day. No one better in this world to have at my side than Katie. She was my calm in every storm. She was my strength through so much, but especially with my journey to having Remy here today.
“How’s it going?” she asked me, rocking Remy back and forth like she did every evening when she came in.
“Good. I work from seven to seven. Are you sure you’re good with her?”
Katie laughed. “Please. I’ve been giving this little one stories before bed forever. We always have fun.” Katie shrugged. “And she sleeps most of the time while you’re gone. Win-win.”
“You’ll tell me if it becomes too much, right?”
Katie had been my rock since the moment I was born it seemed. She and I had been through so much together. I’d do anything in the world for her. And she would do the same for me. With her only a year older, we were thick as thieves.
“It won’t. Thick or thin, sis,” my sister replied, warming my heart because those words meant everything.
See what I mean? “Right.”
“Cyrus.”
My heart stopped, and my bod
y broke out in a cold sweat. The world tilted on its axis just from that one little name. A name that never needed to be said again.
I'd left Cyrus behind in order to be Remy’s mom. I was Ensley now and proud of it. Cyrus was cursed, stained, damaged, and the life I had now was full of blessings and a future so bright it was blinding, even though times were hard.
Taking a deep breath to try to calm myself, I pinned her with a stare that would melt ice. She shook her head. “Ensley, sorry. It’s hard sometimes,” she stammered before I could say a word. She knew she couldn’t make mistakes. Knew it down to her bones. Too much was on the line for her, for me, but mostly for Remy.
“It’s been a couple of years now. We aren’t those kids anymore, Katie. You have to remember. Sybil and Cyrus are strangers. They are ghosts. Don’t think about them. It only takes one wrong move. One slip up…” I paused and sucked in a deep breath. “He can’t find us, and if you slip up in public ...”
Katie’s eyes widened. “He won’t. I swear he won’t. I’ll do better. I’ve got this.”
Just the thought of him finding us made me panic inside. The room became hot like the fires of Hell, and my hands wouldn’t stop trembling. It took several deep breaths later before I was able to breathe. “No, he won’t.” That was something I’d die to prevent.
Remy popped her head up. “Eat,” she announced, touching all of her fingers to her lips. We’d taught her simple sign language. I’d read somewhere that kids could get frustrated not being able to communicate. We looked up simple signs and began using them with Remy. She learned quickly. I told Katie, Remy was gifted. Katie agreed, and we rolled with it. All moms think their kids are the smartest, most talented, and the list goes on. Remy, though, she was something extraordinary, even if only to Katie and me.